I press forth, kicking aside Kwangseok and tending to the other men first, as I know he is unable to kill me just as I am unable to kill him. I rely on my sudden motivation appearing out of the blue to reawaken the strength this body once had, and land a high kick into one of their necks, seeing the connected person go down. Pyo and the missile too get moving and immobilize one of the opponents each. When the latter points his gun at one of their foreheads, I interfere.

               “Don’t kill them!” I scream, staring intently into his eyes. He responds with an equally strong look, then puts down his gun and goes for fist-fighting instead. With them each taking on one opponent, I want to attack the next of the men as well, but feel someone strongly wrapping their arm around my throat, placing their mouth right next to my ear.

               “So these are your new friends, hm?” I hear Kwangseok’s lowered voice speak to me. I struggle with trying to free myself, but he is stronger than me.

               “They’re not my friends…!” I hiss.

               “Then how come you came running to save them?” If there is one thing Jongsik is lacking that Kwangseok has… it’s brains. Maybe that’s why they never got along.

               “It’s none of your damn business!” I shout, attempting to slip through his grip, but again, he is too strong for me. I start kicking him, to which he holds up his gun and puts it up against my temple. “Don’t even act like you could pull the trigger!”

               “You’re right… I can’t when it comes to you…” he says, then grins and aims at Yukwon, who is still crouching, staring down at the ground. “But as for these little boys… Since they’re only strangers to you I’m sure you wouldn’t mind seeing one or two of them dead.” He grunts, obviously very amused. “Only question is…” he adds, “who do I kill?”

               At the thought of seeing just one of the three idiots die before my eyes… because I couldn’t protect them... I feel like throwing up and my chest becomes tight. How did I get so attached to them…? I too lift my gun and put it against his jaw from below.

               “What? Playing the tough one now?” he laughs.

               “Let me go and get lost, or I’m doing it” I threaten. This time I mean it. If I had to choose between protecting this psycho, and Pyo and Yukwon… I would definitely pick the latter two. I push the gun up a little, lifting his chin.

               “Tch… this has always been your greatest weakness…” he states.

               “I know…” Yes, I do know that I take to people far too easily. “However - considering it a weakness is a little rash, don’t you think? Now put the damn gun down!” He side-eyes me, as he slowly lets his arm sink.

               “Next time… next time we’ll get you!” he screams into the room and disappears along with his companions. As soon as they’re out of sight, I run over to Yukwon and check his injuries. Looks like he went down from a few heavy punches or kicks, but I discover no open wounds on him.

               “Can you stand?” I ask as I reach out my hand for him to pull himself up. Nodding, he gets on his feet, following me with unstable staggering while I lead him to a chair to sit down. Pyo too comes running with a worried expression drawn all over his face. I give him a pat on the back.

               “You fought well” I whisper, then turn around to meet the pair of eyes that has been staring me down for quite a while now. “What do you want?” The missile walks over with fast steps and grabs my arm, pulling me to the corridor in the back and into the room I am using. There, his hands take a hold of my collar and he slams me into the wall behind me.

               “Explain yourself” he demands, his face so near to mine, I can feel his breathing on my skin.

               “You do it first” I counter. “Why did they attack you? What kind of relationship do you have with them?!” He looks at me, seemingly thinking about what to answer.

               “They’re our enemies” he then simply states. “But it doesn’t seem that way for you…”

               “Hmpf. How so? Does it seem like a sign of friendship to you when somebody points their gun at your ing head?” He stays silent. “Thought so” I say.

               “Why did you want us to put our guns down?”

               “...because…” Now it’s me who isn’t sure what to say.

               “Because? They’re your friends?”

               “They were. But not anymore!”

               “So you’re affiliated with them in some way…” He lets go of me and takes a step back, putting his index finger up against his forehead. “I should’ve known better than to just blindly trust you…” he whispers more to himself than to me.

               “Then don’t. I will leave if that’s what you want!” I shout. He looks up at me. I look back. Then he slowly takes out his gun, never looking away. He points it at me.

               “So you’re gonna shoot me now?” I mock him, not expecting him to actually pull the trigger on me. He comes closer again, until I feel the cold metal of his weapon against my head. “Do it” I say. “Kill me already, if that’s what you want. I’m not afraid of you - and certainly not of death.”

               He hesitates. His eyes slowly wander down my face, to my lips behind which gritted teeth are hidden, and even lower over my chest and to my trembling fist. “I can’t” he states. “I can’t kill you, no matter how much I wanted.”

               “...why not? Are you too much of a-”

               “I can’t because of him! It would destroy him…”

               “...him?” What is he talking about?

               “Jihoon.”

               “...you mean Pyo?”

               “Yeah. He couldn’t take it.”

               “...why?” Against what the missile just said, he uses his gun to push me further into the wall.

               “Are you that blind? Because that guy has feelings for you!”

               Of course.

               Of course I knew that. I knew that he liked me, I was aware of his little crush, but… I never thought much of it. Not only because I see him as more of a younger brother. But maybe it’s also because of how broken my heart was ever since then… how my inability to properly love someone back is still affecting me, even now after all those years. I remember the lavender I threw onto the ground that day. As I let my eyes scan the room, they stop at another vase placed on top of the small table where the flowers were when I first came here, and where I now find a new set of lavender stems. The fragile violet blossoms have just begun blooming, the sight so calming and quiet. After those feelings have fully spread throughout my chest, the memories too come back.

               “But you know… I could of course tell him about your betrayal” the missile proceeds to speak. “I will tell both of them, that you were with our worst enemies - and that you still seem to be attached to them. And they will abandon you faster than you think.”

               “Don’t do that” I plead without thinking. “Please don’t tell them.”

               “Why wouldn’t I? You were the one who betrayed us first.” I swallow heavily, unsure of what to say. Because I know that technically he is right. While I would rather protect Pyo and Yukwon than the members of Echo, I also couldn’t bear seeing either of them seriously hurt or even dead. Whose side am I on again…?

               “We have the same objectives” I try to explain. “We both want to punish those who do bad. But Echo aren’t bad guys. Sure, they’re troublemakers, but-” He interrupts me.

               “Are you trying to justify their behaviour?”

               “I… Look! We both can’t focus on past grudges we hold, we have to work with a neutral mindset. Are they the worst ones out there? No.”

               “Aside from the fact that we have a personal problem with them, they have committed major crimes in the past, and continue to do so in the present” he says strongly. I feel his free hand take a hold of my arm, squeezing it so it hurts. “It should be both our goal to keep them from causing anymore trouble in the future. I’m giving you one more chance to prove your loyalty. Or… do you want to go back?”

               “Go back? Hey, don’t make it sound like I need you guys to complete my mission.”

               “I mean further back” he mumbles, then he lets go. As he walks out of the room, he shoots me another strict look over the shoulder. “Choose wisely, Y/N.”

               His back disappears. I run over to the vase and pull out the flowers, smashing them on the ground. Why does he like them so much?! I step down onto them, destroying their soft structure under my shoe.

               “I hate them” I curse under my breath, feeling my chest become tight once again. After properly mincing the flowers, I leave the shop. I walk wherever my feet take me, not really paying attention to where I’m going. At some point I end up coming to the special place Pyo took me to on the second day, where I stay, staring down into the water of the roaring river. The tide seems especially powerful today, and I scream at it, while the water drowns out most of my voice. I think back to the happenings of today, the attack, and back when I was still with them all - with Echo and Moth, once one big gang. In the water I find the distorted reflection of the clouds above me, their colour changing to orange, and also myself. I try to look into my reflection’s eyes, but the water moves around so strongly, I do not find them. I don’t… see myself clearly. I lift up my hand and stare at my palm. Why is it trembling so much…?