“These are your targets” I say, pointing at the trees where I put up wooden panes with circles drawn on them. “Hit five or more, and I’ll work with you. Hit less and you’ll have to train yourself. Hit one or none at all, and you’ll wish you never came here… Got that?” Pyo straightens up next to me, as if he was in the military. It’s almost like I can smell his fear. As he swallows heavily and takes his aim, I can see his adam’s apple move. It somewhat amuses me how he gets intimidated so easily. He pulls the trigger and shuts his eyes tightly for a moment as the recoil hits him. None of the targets has even been grazed by the bullet.

               “You closed your eyes?!” I shout. “What kind of whimp are you?!” He gives me a sorry look, obviously hurt by my harsh words. “Keep them open. And your posture is weak.” I pretend to be holding a gun and show him how to position his body. “Do it like this.” Following my command, he straightens up and tries again, this time keeping his eyes open, but still barely hitting anything. He tries again immediately and… fails. Who even put a gun in his hand…?

               “You do realize you only have two refills, right? That means nine bullets to go.” He nods. “Oh and” I add, “you should try not to show your emotions so much when you’re wielding a weapon, or nobody will take you seriously.” He slowly turns his head to look at me, having tears in his eyes. Yeah, he has a looong way to go. I point at the targets with my chin to make him go on. With the next two bullets he hits the outer circle of two of them, and the third one even hits a bullseye. I clap in amazement, less because of his skill, but more because I am actually amazed over how his results vary so much. He refills and aims again. The clapping seems to have distracted him though, as the next shot disappears right into the bushes. I sigh. Not that I’m surprised… I can see his fingertips trembling, signaling that he’s seriously stressed out. The next bullet misses and he lets his arms hang, releasing all tension in his body.

               “You’re not giving up, are you?” I provoke him. He turns back around.

               “I’m not.” Taking his aim, he hits the middle circle of the next target, and the outer one of the one after that. What motivation can do to a person… The next bullet misses though, meaning he is down to his last shot. He takes a deep breath.

               “You can do this, buddy…” he speaks to himself as he takes his aim, tension visibly spread throughout his whole body. His hand is shaking though, and he pulls the trigger without steadying himself, hitting the last pane outside of the circles. Disbelief in his eyes, he falls to his knees, staring ahead blankly, then turning his head to look up at me.

               “Pl-please don’t kill me” he breathes. I furrow my brows.

               “Why would I…?” Then it hits me and I burst out in laughter, though I also feel pity for the puppy kneeling in front of me. “You thought you had to score more than one bullseye?!” He nods, slowly and carefully. “You idiot! I didn’t even expect you to hit one. I just wanted you to hit the targets - no matter where.” He collapses to the ground further.

               “And I thought I was done for…” he sighs, covering his face with his hands.

               “You even hit five of them. Meaning… I shall train you” I state, then walking over to hold out my hand. He stares at it in confusion when he notices it. “Come on, take it and get up. We can’t waste the whole day.”

               As promised, I give him private gun-shooting lessons. Even though the poor guy always comes home completely exhausted, he’s improving quicker than I expected. I wonder what his motivation is, but when I look into his eyes I can see a passion burning, that wasn’t there when I first met him. Something within him must’ve flicked a switch that suddenly made him do his best and prove that he’s worth something. A week into the training, he sticks his head into my room to wake me up in the morning.

               “I got breakfast” he whispers as I sit up, the blanket covering the most important parts as apparently I got comfortable enough to sleep . Or maybe it was last night’s consumed alcohol that made me strip. When he realizes I’m not wearing anything, he quickly looks to the ground instead of just leaving and waiting for me to come out.

               “Are you gonna keep standing there and watch me get dressed or…?” I ask, to which his eyes meet mine, but then start hectically scanning the room, giving away just how nervous he is.

               “I… uh… I wasn’t planning…” he stutters, when I interrupt him.

               “Wait outside, Pyo” I say. “I’m coming in a minute.” He stares at me. I stare back.

               “You… you’ve never called me by my real name before…” he remarks, to which I suddenly turn into the embarrassed one.

               “Maybe I haven’t?! So what…?! Now get lost or I’m coming out.” I already start counting down from 3, when he quickly slams the door shut. I take a deep breath, looking out the smudged window to my left, then forcing myself out of bed. Not that it‘s so comfortable in there - but it‘s definitely better than the outside world.

Today marks the last day of training-week one, and I have a little test prepared for him. Though he so far has only trained with stationary targets, today we’ll go after moving ones. So here we are, back in the woods, stomachs full with breakfast and pockets full with bullets.

               “There are no targets…?” he remarks upon arriving at our usual place.

               “Damn right” I say. “Because today, your mission is to get me something living - or, well, dead when you bring it to me.”

               “I have to shoot a woodchopper?!” he shouts and I let out a chuckle.

               “Nice interpretation, but no. I was more thinking a bunny or a deer” I clarify. “But I mean, extra points if you get me a human.” I wink at him and he looks away nervously.

               “Then… let’s get going” he murmurs.

               “Let’s…?” I repeat. “Oh no. You’re going on your own. I will chill out over here and wait for your return. You have until dawn. Now off with you!” Giving me a shocked expression and wasting precious seconds, he finally takes off, leaving me by myself, wondering if I’m demanding too much.

               “Y/N! Y/N…!” a deep voice wakes me up. I blink against the sunlight a few times, getting up from my napping position leaned against an old tree.

               “What is it…?” I ask, before realizing he isn’t holding a dead animal, nor a dead human. “Why are you back without-” He cuts me off and grabs both my shoulders, shaking them back and forth violently.

               “The others are in trouble. We have to save them…!”

               “How are you gonna save anyone…?”

               “Not me…” he says. “You! Please help them!”

               Running back to the shop, I ask what’s happening. Pyo tells me that the others are being attacked by a group of gangsters that clearly outnumber them, and the missile informed him over his phone. How far outside the woods must he have searched for his prey that he had reception…? Either way, we hurry back and I pull out my gun while entering through the kicked-in door. It’s bright daylight, for ’s sake, who would plan an ambush now…?!

               As we enter the back room, the answer is quite simple and not very surprising. There in the corner stands the missile, surrounded by a bunch of ripped guys, one of them holding a less than conscious Yukwon by his hair. He’s badly bleeding out of his mouth and obviously too weak to get up, but somehow he still has that stupid grin on his lips.

               “Don’t move!” I shout, aiming my gun at the bunch of intruders. I look into six familiar faces, one by one, and stop at Kwangseok, one of their leaders.

               “Didn’t even bring your brother?” I hiss at him.

               “Who do we have here…?” Kwangseok approaches me, letting his guard down, fully aware that I can’t shoot him. If there is one single person in this world I am not capable to kill, it is him. The two-meter man towers over me like a hunter over his prey. Ironic, that I’m getting myself in such a situation today. His huge hand draws near my face, and he caresses my cheek with his long fingers. I withstand the urge to back away, when I hear a shot being fired next to me. I turn to look at the culprit and lock eyes with Pyo for but a second, who then stares at Kwangseok.

               “Leave her alone!” he shouts. “That was a warning.” He aims straight at his head. Looking at his calm posture, despite the hell that must be working him up on the inside, I realize that if he fired right now, he would most likely hit his target. … what do I do?! I have to make a decision. Do I side with Pyo, Yukwon and the missile? Or do I betray them and protect those who treated me like family when nobody else was there…? Those, who saved me during the worst days of my life so far…

        Pouring another energy drink down my throat, I groaned. I set down the can with a metallic clack, then slammed my head onto the open book in front of me. “Why am I doing this to myself…?” I voiced my thoughts that had been stuck in my brain for the last few days. I had approximately two weeks until the entrance exams, and the amount of chapters I still had to study was overwhelming. My parents wanted me to become their successor and enter medical academy to become a world-wide known doctor. That was the year 2012. I was afraid of their disappointed faces when I’d have to break to them that I failed to keep living the dream they’ve built for me, but I was even more afraid of the humiliation. Ever since I was a child it had been impregnated into my brain that I would become a doctor – that that was the only right way for me to live and grow up. I had carried that pride my parents took in me ever since, and made sure everyone around me knew about my prosperous future – my friends, my classmates, my teachers, my sunbae and my hoobae. Everyone should be aware that they would someday have the tale to tell, of that person they were close to, who was now a highly demanded physician. If one were to confront me about whether I thought highly about myself or not, I’d have to admit that I did, in fact, I thought I was better than others in a way. After all, I had this path of success laid out right before my feet, while other people my age struggled with 2-5 part-time jobs while somehow trying to keep up with their studies. Meanwhile, I could just lean back and have my parents pay for my living, while I put my energy into paying them back by making them happy. By living how they wanted to see me live…

        Obviously that can only work out for so long, and when I did actually make it into Seoul National University to pursue my studies, I hit the point where carrying on with this grey-in-grey live was just no longer desirable. I made sure to call my parents at least once every month, and I forced myself to keep studying, jugging down one energy drink after the other. The result were many sleepless nights, where I would just sit in front of the TV with my books and notes scattered everywhere around me, not really paying attention to the programme that was on, but not having the energy to switch channels either. I guess you could say I fell into a depression of sorts. That’s when I got a letter one night. Yep, a letter - not a mail, not a call, just an old-fashioned letter with scribbly hand-writing, inviting me to come to a certain address I’ve never been to. I’m still not sure what force controlled me that night, since I would’ve usually just thrown that thing away, but somehow I ended up going there. The place was something like an old mill, the walls pretty rusty and dirty as far as I could tell in the darkness, and a hole in the ceiling that let in just enough moon- and starlight for me to somehow make out my surroundings. I jolt, when I suddenly hear a male voice talking to me.

               “Didn’t think you’d come” was the first thing he said to me. I searched for him where the voice came from, and eventually found a pitch-black silhouette of a person.

               “Who… are you?” I directed my question at the darkness in front of me, slightly anxious.

               “You don’t need to know” he said.

               “That’s… not very reassuring…” I replied, feeling like maybe I should leave. He took a few steps forward, holding out his hands for me to take them. I hesitated, staring at them.

               “I don’t bite” he said. “Come on. Let’s dance.”

               “Dance?” I repeated, slowly putting my hands into his. I felt his fingers wrap around mine, and how he took control of me. One step, two steps, three steps,... I let him guide me, as we danced in the night.

               “We don’t have music” I remarked, gaining a tender smile from him.

               “The music is in our heads” he answered. “We just imagine a song playing, or maybe an orchestra or a live band… and then we dance.”

               “Okay, but… we still won’t hear the same song…”

               “We don’t need to. It works like this just fine, doesn’t it?”

               He did have a point. We were dancing just fine, with him setting the pace and me following his steps. I wanted to do a spin and somehow he read that without me having to say anything. As I spun around, I imagined wearing a white dress, full of radiantly shining gems, reflecting the faint moonlight. We came to a halt, then proceeded dancing, going the other way, back and forth, with him holding me closer and closer, his hands landing on my hips eventually. I rested my arms on his shoulders, eyes bashfully looking down onto his chest. He wore a white shirt, sleeves rolled up over his elbows, and the first two buttons ed. A classic - it was what usually made all the young women’s hearts race. But for me… there was something else that made this moment so magical. Dancing under the moonlight, with a complete stranger… that wasn’t something I ever thought I’d do. Still now I was here…

               I peeked up at him and saw him staring at my lips. Unconsciously I them while I was peering into his dark brown eyes. I wasn’t sure what overcame me in that moment as I lifted myself up on tiptoes and let our lips meet, sharing a long, deep kiss with that mysterious stranger. In that night, my life took a turn. It shouldn’t be the same after this. Was I free now? Maybe not… but I also wasn’t so caged anymore. Before we parted, he took a flower out of his pocket. It was a small stem of lavender. He put it into the pocket of my jacket, then looked at me, and said nothing more, before slowly and gracefully walking away, disappearing into the shadows.

               The next night, I returned to the mill to meet the mysterious stranger again. When I entered the old building by midnight though, I saw noone. He wasn’t here… Maybe if I waited a bit he would show up?... But even after minutes and minutes of just standing there, watching the time tick away, he didn’t come. Maybe something had happened to him…? I decided to call it a day for now and return home, but I would go back to the old factory the next nights as well - each time without seeing him, and each time a little more disappointed. The last time I went there, I already had to force myself out of the house. I didn’t want to not meet him again. I didn’t want to believe that we were just a one-time-thing, that I would never see this man who managed to open up a bit of my heart ever again. So I stepped into the mill with a lowered head, eyes fixated on the ground. I didn’t want to look up. In that moment, I did not want to know if he was actually there or not. Because if I didn’t look, I could still pretend he came, couldn’t I? I wanted to go home and pretend. However, in the end I did look up and found…

               ...nothing. Nobody.