I woke up thirsty, I searched for my water, I always let one next to the bed for nights like this... My eyes were closed so my hand was just searching where the bottle should have been. Nothing. Did I already drink it ? Was it in the bed, I searched around me and realized the bed was unusually big. I opened an eye, I did not knew that in front of me, I opened both eyes, nor did I knew these sheets. I sat straight to look around and realized as big as the bed was it wasn’t empty.

Had I slept with Namjoon ? It was likely, I didn’t remembered talking to any other guy so... His face was hidden by the blanket. It was probably Namjoon. Where was my phone ?

I got out of the bed and realized I was completely . Ok, first clothes, then phone. I put on the first thing I found, a white male shirt, so cliché. Wasn’t Namjoon wearing a black t-shirt ?

I looked around but just couldn’t find my clothes or my phone.

 

"It fits you."

 

I jumped out of surprise. I was pretty sure it wasn’t Namjoon’s voice, but I didn’t wanted to know who I had obviously slept with.

 

"What ?"

"The shirt, it looks better on you."

 

I turned around, he was sitting now, his chest , his s hidden by the sheets. He had a huge tattoo on the chest, and the arm, and the neck. I felt like I couldn’t get any more air, I made a step back, starring at his dark, black eyes.

My leg hit the chair behind me but I kept going back.

 

"Hey, you’re ok ?"

 

He got on his feets, he was wearing a boxer, maybe I was by mistake and I hadn’t slept with him ?

 

"Did we... Did we... ?"

"Yeah and it was great, girl you’re a savage !"

"Oh my god..."

"What... ? Don’t tell me it was your first time ?"

 

He looked worried, but I knew it was fake, all of him, all my body was hurting now for having slept with him.

 

"Was it ? I’m so sorry, I thought you were looking for the same thing as me, why didn’t you told me it was your first time ?"

"It wasn’t ! I yelled, and I was drunk !"

"Well yeah you were, he laughed, but you were quite confident about what you wanted."

"You’re disgusting."

"What ? What’s wrong ? I thought we had fun."

"Maybe you had. I’m not having fun ! Where are my clothes ?!"

"In the living room but... wait !"

 

I wasn’t in the mood to wait, I wanted to get out of here, I opened the door to what I guess would be the living room and stopped myself, wrapping myself more tightly in the shirt. Taecyeon was sitting on the couch, his eyes raised to my face and a smirk appeared on his face.

Could it get any worse ?

Jay was behind me and he put his hands on my shoulders to get me back inside the room, I let him, unable to speak, extremely angry at myself.

 

"I meant : wait I will get them for you, this is my roomate."

 

Jay got back in the living room, he said a few things to Taecyeon and then came back with my clothes. He gave me a little smile.

 

"Sorry, he said, it’s a little late so he is awake."

"What time is it ?"

"2pm, why ? Did you had to be somewhere ? Here is your phone."

 

I didn’t answered his questions and took my phone, I had four missed calls and a hundred of text from Eunae.

I send her a text to tell her I was fine and if we could meet in an hour.

 

"Yes I have to get to my house."

"Oh... Ok."

 

He put on a shirt and followed me through the living room to the door that led outside, far from this place.

 

"Wait, he said."

 

Just his voice was making my hands shaking, I closed my eyes for a second and turn towards him.

 

"What ? What can you possibly want that I haven’t already gave you ?"

"Your phone number."

 

I couldn’t believe he had the balls to ask me that.

 

"Not even in your dreams."

"Your name then ?"

"WHAT ?!"

 

Did he not even remember my name after all this time ? I just couldn’t believe it, Taecyeon obviously knew who I was because he started to laugh and went inside his room.

 

"What ? Jay asked, why not ? Am I that ugly ?"

"It’s.. You... Just don’t talk to me."

 

I went out of their appartment a ran to the closest subway station, I needed a shower, or two, maybe more. I wore sunglasses out to not show how red my eyes were, from the hangover and tears I had shed in the shower. How could I have accept to go with him ? How could my friend had let me go with him ? How pathetic was I now to cry about it ?

 

Eunae was waiting for me at ou favorite spot. A coffee place that made the most delicious cinammon rolls. She had already ordered two.

 

"Myunhee ! I was so worried last night ! Are you ok ? Jisoo told me you were with a guy so I guessed you left with him but... why didn’t you send a text ?"

"I was drunk."

"Me too."

"No, Eunae, I was extremely unsafely drunk, the kind of drunk when you don’t act like you usually do."

"Are you alright ? What’s with the sunglasses ?"

"Nothing."

 

She took the sunglasses of my face and bite her lips.

 

"Myunhee... Did you cry ? What happened... ?"

 

I saw her looking at my neck and wrist.

 

"I wasn’t rapped, I said, or not that I remember."

"You don’t remember anything ?"

"Not much, I admited, maybe it will come back if you tell me what you remember."

 

So Eunae told me what happened in the club, I mostly danced with Namjoon who kept giving me drinks until he got sick and left, then I danced with Jisoo and Eunae danced with some guy she met there, then, Jisoo came for her to tell her she couldn’t find me.

 

"I had no idea you were that drunk, I’m sorry Eunae said with a sad look, did something happened ?"

"It’s ok, you had fun I don’t blame you, I couldn’t bring myself to just tell her, it’s.."

"Tell me, I won’t judge you. Did you slept with a guy ?"

"Yes."

"Do you have his number ? Name ?"

"Not his number no, I didn’t wanted it... It’s just.. I regret it, really."

"Are you sure you slept with him ?"

"Pretty sure, I woke up in his bed."

"I see. So, how was he ? Cute ?"

 

I couldn’t answer, I had never seen Jay as cute, I had seen him as awful, annoying, loud, evil... Never as cute. Not even once.

 

"He... Eunae, I sighed, it was him."

"Who ?"

"Jay. Jay Park."

 

I saw in her eyes both surprise and comprehension.

 

"Well now I understand why you look like this, I never thought you and Jay would be attracted to each other.. Taecyeon would have been less surprising."

"What ? I asked, what are you talking about ?"

"Nothing... So.. Jay.... Do you think about... doing it again ?"

"No ! Are you insane ?! I don’t even want to think about it... But I can’t just forget like I forget most of the night..."

"Don’t react like this, maybe it was a good thing, now you will be careful with what you drink and..."

"EUNAE ! I slept with Jay Park ! I slept with the most hateful guy I know, the one that made my life miserable for three years and guess what ? He doesn’t even know my name."

 

She didn’t said anything and drink a sip of her drink.

 

"I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say to you, she said, I mean you could have done worse, he is cute."

"What ? You really think that ?"

"Well I’m honest he is not my type and we both know his personnality but... I mean look at his body next time you see him, he is all muscles and tattoos."

"You think he is hot ?!"

"Well you probably think so too because you slept with him."

 

I didn’t knew what to say, she was right, I slept with him for a reason.

 

I thought after that it would be over, but obviously I had to tell Jisoo, she was shoked, she promised to watch me better next time, but since that day she kept looking at me in a weird way all week. Until we saw him again. Like always he was with his friends, looking all happy and superior, but unlike the rest of the time he stopped when he saw us. At least he looked unsure but finally decided to come to us.

 

"What does he want ? I said."

"What do you think ? Jisoo answered, now you’re his new toy so enjoy."

"What... ?"

 

I found her words harsh but I didn’t had time to reply, Jay was here with a little smile.

 

"Hey, you remember me ?"

 

We weren’t sure to who he was speaking by saying that since we all knew him, but his eyes were on me. So I had to answer according to my friend’s looks.

 

"Yes, why ?"

"Still angry ? I see.... he looked around before looking at me again, please, let me make it up to you, let’s have dinner."

"Ho... Wh..."

"Tonight is ok ? Let’s just meet in front of the gates around 7pm. Ladies !"

 

And he left with a smirk of satisfaction.

 

"Are you going to do it ? Jisoo asked, really ? With him ?"

"No ! I didn’t said anything !"

"Because you weren’t sure were you ? Is he that important that you can’t refuse him anything ?"

"Jisoo..."

"Do what you want, I don’t care !"

 

Jisoo left the place and I looked at Eunae for answers, she gave me a shrug, not sure either of what was going on in Jisoo’s head.

 

"Myunhee ?"

"Yes ?"

"Don’t let the past control you, if you want to go you should go."

"I don’t want to go, I don’t even remember what happened last night so... I guess he isn’t as good as he is trying to make everyone believe."

 

I winked at her and she laughed, then, I went to class.

I still couldn’t get his smirk out of my mind. Why was he like this ? Didn’t he remembered what he had done to us all this time ? Or was it just a cruel joke ?

 

That night I went back home, confused, without showing up to his "date". But I was proud of myself, I was strong enough to say no.