DAY FIFTY-TWO

“Hey! Are you ready?”

Jiwoo poured the contents of her cauldron into a tiny glass vial she had prepared for just this occasion. She shook the shimmering pink contents of the vial and looked upon it with admiration. Her professors had always told her she had an affinity with potions. She was only proving them correct.

A love potion. Nobody knew she had this, or that she was even capable of brewing it. Poor, naive Jiwoo. So adorable, she couldn’t possibly be a threat, or a real witch. But she’d proved them all wrong.

Jiwoo bit her lip. This wasn’t the first time she’d done this, but it was still scary. All mind magic was. But she needed this. More than anyone could ever know.

She remembered the first time she met Sooyoung, the first time she had felt that way. It was a feeling beyond words, a bond that transcended mortality. Jiwoo was sure Sooyoung didn’t feel the same way about her. It hurt.

Well, nowadays, everything hurt. Before she had met Sooyoung, she had been sleepwalking through life, unable to enjoy anything. Sooyoung was the first thing to light up her life, to make her feel like she was actually worth something. She wanted more of that feeling.

So she doped herself up on love potions. It made her happy at the cost of her own mental health. But that was just fine, as long as she got to spend more time with Sooyoung, more time feeling this way.

She tipped the edge of the vial and sent the sweet-smelling liquid into . The familiar fog settled into her mind as she was consumed with thoughts of her love. Of Sooyoung. Of her long black tresses and her smile that shined brighter than the sun.

Sooyoung called again.

“Hey? Are you gonna come down here any time this morning?”

Jiwoo rubbed the redness out of her eyes.

“Yeah, just a second!”

She wiped the ingredients off the counter and into the garbage can. She had to get downstairs. She was waiting for her.

Jiwoo knew it wasn’t healthy to drink so many of the things, especially not in such close proximity to the target, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted more. She needed more.

Jiwoo let a shiver run through her body, sweet and total. Sooyoung was downstairs. Her mom was out for the week on some trip as part of a story. It was just Sooyoung and her. It felt a little edgy, a little dangerous.

She hopped off of her desk chair and over to her closet. What should she wear? All of the stuff she had in her closet was shabby and worn. Her mother didn’t make that much on a reporter’s salary...not enough to dress the way Jiwoo wanted to dress. It was selfish, she knew that, but nice clothes made her feel better. Made her feel human.

And Jiwoo was all about how she felt.

She thumbed through  to a tacky black and white dress she had worn to a birthday party almost nine months ago. There was a thin number in a peach color...but that wouldn’t do. Maybe she could borrow something from Sooyoung. She always looked elegant. And beautiful. Jiwoo could see her face turning tomato red in her desk mirror.

“Okay, that’s it. I’m coming up there to get you!”

Jiwoo yelped. She could hear Sooyoung clomping up the stairs. She wasn’t dressed! She couldn’t let her see her this way! There wasn’t time for anything fancy, so she just yanked the peach dress off of the hanger and pulled it on.

She was frantically trying to smooth out the creases in the dress when Sooyoung knocked on the door. Shortly afterwards, the older girl stepped through.

Jiwoo felt her heart thrill in her chest. Her perfect face was framed by dark black locks. She wasn’t smiling, quite the opposite, but it didn’t matter. Her presence was a tonic beyond compare.

“Hiya Sooyoung! I was just...getting ready for breakfast? Heh heh.”

She gave Sooyoung another one of her winning smiles. Sooyoung’s frown didn’t vanish. Jiwoo shrugged.

Sooyoung spoke. “I’m worried about you, Jiwoo. You’ve been acting really strangely lately. It’s like...why are your eyes red?”

Jiwoo’s smile widened. A defense mechanism. An instinct.

“I was just up late. Thinking about you. It happens sometimes.” Jiwoo’s smile faltered, ever so slightly. She hoped Sooyoung would buy it.

No cigar, as it turned out.

“I don’t think so...wait a second, what’s that?” Sooyoung pointed to Jiwoo’s open garbage bin and the big black cauldron that was sticking halfway out of the top. .

“Have you been making potions? And trying to hide it from me? What...Why?’

Jiwoo shrugged and looked at her feet. She didn’t have any good excuses. None that wouldn’t give away her secret. She tried to hide the empty vial behind her back. Unfortunately, Sooyoung noticed.

“What are you trying to hide, Jiwoo? Let me see that.”

She got right up in Jiwoo’s face and grabbed her hand. The two of them struggled, but Sooyoung was ultimately able to pull the glass right out of her hand. Jiwoo grimaced, the smile wiped off her face. She’d never wanted Sooyoung to see this. It was embarrassing.

Sooyoung looked shocked. “Is this a love potion? Were you planning to…”

Jiwoo shook her head furiously. “No, it wasn’t for you. It was for me. It’s always been for me.”

Sooyoung raised a puzzled eyebrow. “Always? You’ve done this before...but why?”

Jiwoo sat down on her mattress and clutched her head in her hands. “You wouldn’t understand.”

Sooyoung sat down next to her. “I’m your best friend. Try me.”

Jiwoo took a deep breath, in and out. Her fingers were trembling again. What would Sooyoung think?

“The first time I saw you, I think...I fell in love. That’s what it felt like. You made me happy. You made me feel valued, for the first time in a long time. I was depressed. I had friends, I had family, I had a whole life and none of it mattered. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t find motivation to move beyond pure obligation. And then I met you in potions class. You didn’t just take my breath away...you gave it back to me. I wanted to feel that way all the time. So I dosed myself with love potions. It was just a little bit of relief at first...and then I guess it turned into an addiction. I didn’t want to be without you, but I was too afraid to move forward. I thought you might reject me.”

Jiwoo took another deep breath, made ragged by the tears streaming down her face. She hadn’t expected to cry, but it felt good. Good and terrible. It was out there now. All that was left was...Sooyoung.

She expected her to be angry, or embarassed, but she looked horrified. Her eyes were wet with as-yet unshed tears. “You did this to yourself...for me?” She shook her head, and the tears spilled forth. “Jiwoo, you didn’t have to...Jiwoo, I love you. You know that, right? No matter what. You’re the most important person in the world to me. You can trust me with anything.” She squeezed her hand. “Anything. I don’t want you to hurt yourself just to feel good. There’s other things we can do. If you want me to spend more time with you, I’ll do it. Just…no more of this. I’ll get you the antidote and then we can work on...” That was when words failed her.

Jiwoo fell into Sooyoung’s arms. They stayed that way for a long time, taking comfort in each others warmth. The truth was, they were more than friends. They always had been. If Jiwoo was feeling cheesy, she might have called them soulmates. And Sooyoung would have agreed.