INTRODUCTION

Jung Ewon (Aeon Rhodes)

At the risk of making you thank I was a total stlker, I once took a picture of Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul from the street outside his bedroom window with my zoom lens. But it wasn't stalkery, honest. Okay, maybe a little.

Here's the deal: it was my sophomore year, his junior year and I was coming home late one night. I glanced up and saw Nichkhun opening his window. It was dark outside and he had his light on, so I could see him perfectly: every line of muscle on his chest, the way he filled out his white briefs, his trousled hair, like he hadn't combed it after his shower. I had a zoom lens on hand and I wasn't afraid to use it, so I quickly snapped the picture. The lighting wasn't great from that far away, and I wasn't holding the camera perfectly still in my mad rush to get the shot, so it turned out grainy. The picture quality wasn't even good enough for -off material.

Now I bet you're wondering why I'm including it in the album. Well, it's because Nichkhun opening his bedroom window at night was the backdrop for some of the most personal conversations of my life. We didn't need to see each other to talk. Hell, I think it actually made it easier to put it all out there when we didn't see a face reacting, judging.

Anyway, that's the next picture going into the scrapbook: a blurry Nichkhun seen through a window. Oddly enough, it was this fuzzy image more than any other that I went back to over the years when I craved human connection, when I wanted to feel like I mattered to someone. No matter where I was, when I looked at that image, I could hear Nichkhun's voice in my head, and every once in a while, I'd feel like I was falling in love for the first time all over again.

Jung Ewon (Aeon Rhodes)

Nichkhun and I shared a wall. His bedroom was at the end of his apartment and mine was at the end of my apartment. We both had our beds adjacent to that wall, with the windows right above our heads. So when the weather was decent , we'd open our windoews and lie in the bed at night, talking.

Our bedroom windows were so close together that we shared a fire escape and when there was no traffic noise, we could just about hear each other whispering. Even with ambient noise we coild talk quietly and still make out every word. Sometimes, I'd close my eyes and pretend the wall was gone and Nichkhun was right next to me, speaking intimately into my ear. I'd fantasize that any minute, he'd wrap a long arm around me and hold me close ho his broad chest.

"Ewon? Are you awake?"

Something settled in my chest when I heard him calling out to me.

"Yeah." I answered.

"Oh, good." he said, sounding relieved "Everyone went out after the game, and things ended up dragging longer than I expected. I was worried you'd be asleep."

"Nah."  I answered "I was up sketching until a little bit ago." The truthwas, the drawings were just a way to occupy my time while I waited up for him. I'd gotten used to hearing Nichkhun's voice every night before I went to sleep, and I didn't want to give that up.

"Cool. I'm gonna hit the head and brush my teeth and then I'll be ready for bed. Just wanted to make sure you were up."

I warmed inside at the knowledge that the first thing he thought to do when he got home was to check in with me. I heard two thumps that I'd come to recognize as Nichkhun's sneakers hitting the wall when he kicked them off, then the rustling of clothes being removed, and finally the scrape of Nichkhun's bedroom door opening, telling me he was heading toward the bathroom. Just the sound of his familiar nightly routine was enough to make me relax. My eyelids had just drooped shut when I heard the squeak of his mattress springs.

"Kay, I'm back." he said "How was your night? What'd you do after the game?"

The last football game of the season had been that evening. Our school won, which was great. Everyone was excited and worked up. One of the players was having a house party to celebrate, and though Nichkhun had encouraged me to go, I'd passed.

Being his friend meant I was no longer being cornered against my locker, but it didn't mean the jocks actually liked me or wanted me around. Sweet Nichkhun didn't realize that. In his mind, I was his friend and they were his friends so it made sense for us all to hang out together. But I knew things weren't that simple, so I'd begged off the house party.

"I went for pizza with Sandara and a couple other girls."

"That sounds fun." he said.

I shrugged even though he couldn't see me. "yeah, it was okay."

There was a long pause and then Nichkhun spoke again, his voice suddenly sounding strained. "You spend a lot of time with Sandara." he pointed out.

"Yeah. We've been friends forever. How was the football party?" I asked "I'm imagining that one scene from 'Sixteen Candles'."

Nichkhun chuckled "The one with the guy trapped in the glass table and the toilet paper in the trees?" he asked.

I smiled at his amused tone "Yup, that's the one."

"Uh, no. It wasn't like that. First off, Yunho doesn't live in a mansion. Plus, he has common sense. And even if he didn't, he has neighbors who know how to call the cops."

"Okay, fair enough." I pulled my sheet up and shifted on the bed, trying to get comfortable. "So what wa it like?"

"I dunno. It was a party. People sitting around talking and drinking beer, some token idiot crying about his girlfriend, a couple thinking they're being discreet when the sneak into a bedroom but everyone sees them. You know, a party."

I wasn't on the popular kids' party-invitation circruit, so I didn't actually know. But is seemd sort of pathetic to admit that, so instaid I said "Sounds fun."

"It was okay." he said and then gave one of his 'I'm relaxed now' sighs, which were different from his 'you're being ridiculous' sighs and his 'I'm so tired I can fall asleep standing up but I still have more homework' sighs. Yup, I could differentiate his sighs. Quit judging me. He had dark brown hair, warm brown eyes, and muscles ing everywhere. You'd have memorized his sighs too. Trust me.

"So," he said quietly and paused before adding "you went for pizza with Sandara?"

"Yeah, Sandara and these two other girls."

Another pause "So it wasn't, like, a date?"

Uh, one moment to be shocked at the idea of dating my best friend, who I thought of like a sister, and then I started laughing hysterically at the thought of what Sandara would say when I told her this story.

"I take it your uncontrolled laughter qualifies as a no?"

I gasped for air "Of course not!" I said.

"Okay, okay. It's not, like, a crazy question or anything. Geez, you two spend a bunch of time together."

"She's my friend." I said as I tried to catch my breath "And it's not that much time. I spend more time with you than I do with her."

"Yeah, but that's defferent. I'm a guy."

And that's when I lost the ability to breath for a whole other reason. He was right, of course, but not the way he meant. Actually, the difference he had pointed out was the exact reason I could never feel the way he was implying about Sandara and the reason I felt axactly that way about him.

There are moments when you're suddenly and unexpectedly faces with a life-altering choise. You go one way and things continue as they are. You go another and, well, they don't. I was smack dab in the middle of one of those moments.

I could have told Nichkhun right then. I could have said I was gay. I could have explained I didn't feel that way about girls. I could have admitted I felt that way about him. None of thoose confessions would have taken a lot of words, but they took more courage than I seemed able to muster. Because even though I like to go on and on about how hot he was or that I wanted to make out with him, the truth was I loved being Nichkhun's friend.

He was always a great listener. We joked around and laughed together. Even watching TV or some goofy movie was more fun when I was doing it with Nichkhun. So, yeah, my friend was hot and droolworthy and all that, but most of all, he was my friend. And I couldn't bring myself to risk losing any part of that.

"Ewon? Did you fall asleep?" Nichkhun asked, making me realize I'd gotten lost in my head. Again.

"No, I'm up." I didn't even smirk at the potential double entendre.

"Kay, good. Cause I'm not ready to crash yet and I didn't get to talk to you all day. hey, did you see me make that touchdown?" He sounded so damn proud. It was cute.

"Course I did. I even got a great picture of it."

"Yeah? Cool."

"I snapped one of you being pummeled too." I told him.

"Very nice, Ewon." he said sarcastically.

"Hey, you were flying through the air like Superman. It'll be a great picture." I said with a snicker. Then I my side and settled in for a night rehashing the last game of the season and listening to Nichkhun's voice and laughter.

"Are you excited for tonight?" I asked Nichkhun, trying to sound upbeat.

I was glad he was focusing on his shirt as he was buttoning it because if he had been looking at my face, he would have been able to read me well enough to know I wasn't at all happy about his plans for the 'that night'. It was senior prom and Nichkhun had a date.

I'd been lucky up to that point-Nichkhun wasn't much of a dater. It was funny, actually, how oblivious he was. I'd always when yet another girl would try to get his attention and he'd totally miss it. One time, and I swear this is true, he offered a cheerleader a tissue to help wipe whatever was in her eye. The girl had been twirling her hair and batting her eyelashes, and he implied she had some sort of medical condition. I'm damn proud of the fact that I managed to hold in my laughter until she was out of earshot.

Anyway, I was no longer laughing, because my Nichkhun was going to be getting all touchy-feely with Tiffany. Not that there was anything wrong with Tiffany. And not that Nichkhun knew I thought of him as mine. Mostly because I still hadn't gathered the courage to tell him. But regardless, I hated the idea of him going on a date.

"I don't understand these stupid tuxedos." Nichkhun grumbled into the mirror. He had gottten his shirt buttoned up and tucked in and now he was fiddling with his cummerbund. "What is this thing? Is it like a belt? Why do I need a belt?"

I was sprawled across his bed, lying on my back and propped up on my elbows as I watched him "What on earth are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm trying the belt thing." he grumbled as he wrapped the cummerband around his waist anf tied it on the side like a sash.

"What are you, a pirate?" I said with a laugh. I got up and walked over to him. "Why are you doing it like that?"

He shot his hands up in the air in defeat, the black fabric dangling from his fingers.

"How am I supposed to tie it?"

"Here." I swiped the cummerband from his hand "Let me do it." I shook it out and then held it up straight in front of him. "See, this part goes in the front and the clasps go in the back." I pressed it against his belly  and wrapped my arms around him to close it.

Nichkhun was much bigger than me, so for my arms to reach around his I had to stand really close. I had been so amused by his helplessness with the tuxedo it took me way longer than it normally would have to realize I was pressinng my body against his and I could feel his rapid breath on my head, my face so close to his body that his scent surrounded me. I moved my lower torso back, not wanting him to feel my reaction to being so close to him. My hands started shaking and I was having trouble fiddling with the clasp.

"You got it?" Nichkhun asked, his voice sounding huskier than usual this close up.

"Uh, yeah, almost." I answered breathlessly "I think this would be easier if I was behind you." I took his big hand in mine and pressed it against his belly "Hold this in plase." I stepped behind him and took in a deep, calming breath, then lifted the fabric and connected the clasps "There you go." I said as I stepped a bit to the side and flattened the pleats while we both looked at him in the mirror. "You look amazing."

I had my right hand on his lower back and my right hand on his belly, flattening the cummebund. He covered my hand with his larger one, stopping my movement. I raised my gaze, and our eyes met in the mirror. "Blue." he said so softly 

"Hm?" I asked

"Uh, yeah?" he asked "You think I look good?"

I wanted to tell him he always looked good, I wanted to say 'good' was an understatement. To me, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul was gorgeous, wether in wrinkled pajama pants or cutoff jeans or a fancy tuxedo. His sparkling brown eyes, his dark brown hair, his pale skin, his broad frame, all of these things did for me in a big way. So big, in fact, it was a wonder he hadn't yet picked up on my feelings for him.

Nichkhun could read me so well, it was only a matter of time before he realized my reaction to him wasn't exactly buddy-buddy. It would be better if I told him, I realized, but not then, not right before he was leaving for prom, not until I had a little more time to figure out the right words.

So instaid, I took in a deep breath and smiled broadly "Yup." I said " You look like James Bond."

He arched one eyebrow "James Bond, huh?"

I grinned and bobbed my head "Horvejkul. Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul."

"You're a goofball." He smiled fondly at me and then let out a loud breath "I have to go pick up Tiffany." He looked around the room "Where'd I put the corsage?" 

I saw a clear plastic box next to his bed "Is this it?" I picked it up and looked at the flower inside "It's pretty." I ran my finger over the box "What's it called?" 

"What? The flower?" Nichkhun shrugged "I don't know. Hydrangea or something." He took the box from me and said "Grab your camera. My mom's gonna want pictures before she lets me leave the apartment. She promised my dad she'd send enough that he'd feel like he was here in person. You know how much he hates missing this stuff."

He picked his jacket up from the back of his chair, I snagged my camera from where I'd left it on the bed, and we walked toward his bedroom door. Suddenly, he paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked at me.

"Ewon?" he whispered.

"Yeah?"

His gaze locked on mine, but he didn't say anything for several long seconds, he just his lips ad furriwed his brow. "Thank you." he said eventually.

I wasn't sure what he was thanking me for, but it didn't make a difference. my response would have been the same no matter what.

"Anytime." I said.