Jung Ewon (Aeon Rhodes)

It's funny how when you're a kid you think you have it figured out. You think you know who you're going to be when you grow-up. I mean, grown-ups are old. And they're constantly saying we think we'll never say and doing we think we'll never do.

When I think back to how many times I said I'd never do this and I'd never say that, I want to cringe. Because you know what? I do all of it now.

Just this morning, when I was getting the kids off to school and they were fighting with each other over who got to hold a spatula-yeah, I know-I told them to stop talking to each other. No, really, I did. This was me: "Jimin, Jisoo! You put down that spatula right now and go wait for me in the car. And I don't want to hear you say a word to each other! Do you understand me?" Um, yeah, excellent life lesson: Don't talk to your sibling.

It was only a step above my useful "Because I said so" conversations. "Why do I have to eat the peas? I hate peas." And I'm thinking, 'I ing hated peas when I was your age too, kid. Still don't love them. I'm just waiting for you to go to bed so I can eat ice-cream straight from the carton.' But what I say is "Because I said so Jimin. Now eat you peas."

So yeah, I'm doing all the things I never thought I'd do, saying all the things I never thought I'd say. But you know the really crazy part about it? I'm happy. I mean. like deliriously ing happy. And I figure happiness like this needs to be documented.

Thankfully, the PTA was selling these scrapbooks as a fundraiser last fall. Because when I decided to become a suburban housewife, I was told there were two requirements: learning to scrapbook and having a . I was ed on the second one, obviously. I mean, I can rock a pink sweater and low-slung white jeans better than some trophy wives with the most expensive racks money can buy, but a ? Thanks but no thanks. I'm pretty attached to my . But I've always been creative, hell, I was a dancer and choreographer for years, so I was sure I could zigzag scissor and star-stamp just about anybody under the table.

So here I am. Eight thirty on a friday morning-a time when, in my old life, I would have been sleeping off the bender from the postshow party the night before-and instead, I'm sitting in my bright-yellow kitchen, at the round wooden table I got at this amazing antique store that opens only one weekend a month and I'm always there when the doors open, like clockwork. Anyway, I'm sitting at my table, drinking my nonfat, sugar-free, extra-caffeine (okay, I'm making up the last one, but don't you wish it was an option) latte, and I'm putting together an album of the life I never saw coming. The life I never knew I always wanted.

Confused? Well, hopefully I can help clear it up for you. Oh, and don't freak out about the flashbacks, okay? Think of it more like you're hearing a story from the beginning to end, with a little bit of narration in the middle. It'll be okay, I promise. Just follow along.