“New concept” I say as I walk out of the dressing room. “Ouu I like” My makeup unnie says clapping. I roll my eyes and walk to the big mirror. My outfit felt a bit provactive today. “ I look y but I don't feel it” I say smiling. I turn to my manager and she smiles nodding. I look at my stylist unnie and once again she’s holding her evil smirk. “ ah chincha unnie hajima” I say. She smiles widely and walks over to me to fix my necklace.

“Gwenchana?” unnie asks as we get into the car. I put on my seatbelt and nod. “ you sure the schedule is not to much you’re not tired?” she asks looking a bit concerned. “ gwenchana unni I have you so I’ll be fine” I say smiling widely. She rolls her eyes and smiles. We pull out of the parking lot as the radio fills the car. I know why she’s checking up on me. Today January 8th is the day in 2012 that my former group disbanded only after not even a full year of debut. I look out the window. I hope the other members are doing good. My phone vibrates and I check it. Kim Seokjin sunbaenim. I freeze up as I look at the screen of my phone. I slowly open my phone and click on the message. This is Kim Seokjin Jaehwanie gave me your number Ah please take care of me:) As I look at the message I just seem to get more nervous. Ah Nae he gave me your number too please take care of me. I sent the message still feeling a bit nervous. “Aeri” I hear my manager breaking me out of my thoughts. “ Nae “ I answer. She looks at me questionably. “ nothing we’re here” she says getting out the car. I let out a sigh of relief and get out the car. I could already hear the cheers of the crowd. As manager unni grabs the stuff I make my way closer to the venue.

I get my mic and walk onto the stage greeting the crowd. My song starts to play and all my worries go away once again.

“Kamsahibina everyone” I say as I make my way off the stage. I bow to the next proformer as he passes me to go on stage. I wait backstage to enjoy his performance.

As we start to pack up in our tent I check my phone again. From:Kim Seokjin sunbae what are we going to do about him? I smile at the message and the thought of Jaehwan goes to my head. I don’t know I think we’ll have to live with his crazy ways for while. I help unni grab a few of our things and we leave to make our way to the car.

The ride is full of silence. I open the door to my apartment and step in. I turn on the lights as I walk deeper inside. My loneliness hits me as I walk into the empty apartment. I walk to my room and put everything on the floor. I walk to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

I sit on the couch as the tv plays and I pull my bowl of rice and stew closer to me as I eat. My phone vibrates and his name pops up again. I can’t help but smile. Will we survive?. I smile at the message. Dionagi you’re pretty strong and I’m patient can’t find a better combination. As I send the message my sense of loneliness goes away somehow. I finish my food and walk to the kitchen to wash my dishes. I turn off the tv and walk to my room ready for bed. I turn off the lights and go into my warm covers.

****Next Day***

The silence of the studio makes me feel at ease. It’s my only free day and being in this dark silent room makes me somehow feel better. I’m currently sitting on the floor of the booth. I stare out at the darkness.

After a few hours I hear the door of the studio open. “Ah I thought she was in here” I hear a female voice say. “ maybe she left to take a quick break” another voice says. “I just hope she’s okay” the first voice says. “ ah why?” the other asks. “ this whole week was a bad week for her in 2012” she answer with a sad tone “ her group disbanded two of the members moved without notice another was a part of a serious scandal and she was left all alone. If I’m being honest it was like JYP just threw her to the side” “ ahh chincha poor girl” the room was filled with silence again. “ we should go and wait for her to comeback” as the door closes, I am alone again.

If only they knew the full story. Jen unni was being assaulted by a staff and JYP didn’t know and to this day still doesn’t and sshe made us all swore to never talk about it. Ahin was suffering from severe depression and felt it was best to leave. And everyone interepretted  Hyebin unnies past how they wanted too because of her fathers crimes she was shunned. 

I sigh and sit up. The past huh? Something you can’t change. I hear my phone vibrate and I feel around for it. I smile as I recognize the name. Ah chincha I don’t think I’m that strong I sit up and lean against the wall. Maybe I should focus on my future.

------Seokjin------

Come on you have to be strong to put up with oppa’s slapping when he laughs I chuckle at the message. She is right. I zone out the other boys running around set. Ah chincha I thought I was the only one that had to deal with that I smile as I tap send. “ hyung..... hyung” I look up from my phone to find Jungkook staring at me. “Huh?” I ask putting my phone to the side. “PD says you’re next” he says walking over to get his make up fixed. I nod and get up making my way over to the cameras. Taehyung and I pass each other as I go to begin my shoot. The entire time I’m just kind of wondering what her reply is. The fact that we connect over Jaehwan’s craziness.

I finish up and automatically go to my phone. Ani I have to deal with it too he almost dislocated my shoulder blades one time. I laugh knowing that is something he would do. I seriously couldn’t sleep on my left side for a week. I again can’t control my laughing. “ hyung gwenchana?” Yoongi asks besides me. I turn to him trying to control my voice and I nod. He shrugs and goes back to his phone. Ah chincha mianhae on his behalf. I can totally see her being annoyed with him.

Kamsahamnida. A bright smile forms on my face at the emoticon. You have a kakao? I feel eyes on me so I turn. Yoongi, Hoseok and Namjoon are all staring at me. “Boya?” I ask confused.  They are all still staring at me and I’m kind of creeped out “ having fun hyung?” Namjoon asks raising an eyebrow. “ Nae?” I answer him still full of confusion. “ ah well, you’ve been smiling at your phone for a while now” Yoongi says looking back at his. “ ah chincha I just found this thread of funny videos on sns” I say trying to divert their attention away from me. “ ahhh see it was nothing guys” Hoseok says tapping Yoongi and Joon. Yoongi and Namjoon wait awhile and then go back to doing their own things. Nae but I only have it for Ryan he’s just to cute. Ryan? Who’s Ryan. I feel a bit of irritation coming over me but I don’t know why. Ryan? I dont take my eyes away from the phone as the typing bubble appears. am I anticipating her answer too much?

Yeah Ryan the cute bear. Ah he’s an emoticon. I feel a sense of relief move over me. “ okay all together now” the PD calls. I put my phone down and follow the boys on the set again for the groups shots.

“ ah good work everyone, Kamsahibnida” the boys and I say to the staff. We help our manager get our stuff and make our way to the cars. As we wait I check my phone. I’m a bit tired....sleep well sunbaenim.

I smile at the cute emoticon. A sense of sadness takes over me as the thought of her not replying clouds my mind. I guess I really like talking to you.