Shower Confessions
Mother of Dragons, It's an Otter!
“Jaebum.” he whispered, his frown deepening. Reaching out, he gently shook the other, biting his bottom lip as he watched him. “Jaebum wake up.”
Jaebum let out a low groan, he scrunched up his face as he curled around himself more. “Five more minutes… it’s still too cold to move.” He mumbled quietly, coughing slightly as he hugged his own waist. He didn't want to move, his back was sore, knees ached from the cold and he really didn't know if he could face Youngjae without cracking.
“Bummie.” Youngjae tried again as he slipped out of the tent and sat next to the other. “Come on, you need to wake up before you catch a cold.” he said gently. Leaning over the other, he reached out and Jaebum’s head gently. He looked over the other’s features gently, smiling to himself as he admired how handsome the other was, once more reminding him of one of the reasons he fell in love with the other. “Come on, let me warm you up.”
Jaebum let out a little whine before sighing heavily as he dragged himself up slowly, a pained groan leaving him because of the stiffness in his joints. “Fine..” He mumbled softly and crawled past Youngjae and into the tent. “Might be a little late for the not catching a cold thing.” He grunted out, hoisting himself up onto his air mattress. “I feel like …” He groaned out quietly.
Youngjae watched him before crawling back into the tent with him. Taking a seat next to the air mattress, he reached out and Jaebum’s arm gently. “Why didn’t you come in to sleep last night?” he asked gently. Moving closer, he shifted and started massaging his neck gently, hoping to help with stiff joints in some way. “You’re ridiculous sometimes, you know that?” he asked.
Jaebum let out a little groan at the feeling of his muscles being worked, he closed his eyes and slowly relaxed into the mattress. “I didn't want to make things any worse, after what i said last night came out wrong I figured you wouldn't have wanted me around for a little while.” He said softly,letting his facial features relax. Youngjae’s hands were so warm and they felt great against his muscles. “Hey… Don't stop okay? It feels really good.” He whispered softly.
Youngjae listened to the other, letting out a soft sigh as last night was brought up. And yes, he was a real . Not that Jaebum hadn’t been slightly a , but Youngjae overreacted and he knew that. But he had just been so rattled about the kiss and then Jaebum going off to fix things with his girlfriend. He had been hurt. Though honestly, what right did he have to be hurt when Jaebum didn’t even know how he felt in the first place. He couldn’t fault the other for what he had done. After all, he was around gay people all the time, it was only right he was curious right? Hell Jackson tries to molest Mark whenever he’s drunk, and that’s probably the only time he feels comfortable to try something that he’s constantly questioning.
“I know I sounded like a . But I didn’t want you to sleep outside in the cold. I’m not that mean.” Youngjae chuckled, fingers pressing into his neck lightly. “Jaebum...about last night, things were just...difficult for me.” he said gently. “I understand what you said , you said in the heat of the moment of being upset. And I should have understood that.” he told him. “I mean if you really want to try your hand at men, I can only support you as you friend. In reality it’s not a choice for the majority of us, but I guess there isn’t a reason for it to not be a choice.” he rationalized. “I hear Jinyoung is still single.” he offered, thinking it would probably be best if Jaebum was with someone he was friends with and could trust. Then again, that would probably be a bad idea, since if it didn’t work out, then he could end up ruining that friendship and things would just be awkward for everyone involved.
Jaebum opened his eyes and gazed at Youngjae for a moment, biting his lip as he shook his head slowly. “What I said about hoping on the gay train wasn’t out of anger for my ex girlfriend Youngjae… I’ve been around all of you for so long and things have just been popping into my mind for years now.” He admitted softly and laughed a little. “If i were to accept being gay… Jinyoung isn't my type.” He said with a little smirk. “I do have a type, i like the cute ones.” He said gently as he sat up a little. “Now.. about warming me up?” He asked softly, rubbing at his arm slightly.
So it wasn’t just something he decided? It really was something he had been thinking about? Maybe something that was even there before they all met as friends. He hummed softly before laughing. “He’s not your type? No really? You guys are so similar in personality, I thought for sure you guys would get along just fine.” he teased and sat back slowly, watching him. “Sorry, I think Yugyeom is taken.” he snickered at the cute type reference. “Well!” he said and stood. “We could start a fire to warm you up. I would suggest getting you in warmer clothes, but you should probably shower first, but it’s a bit of a walk to the campsite wash house.” he said.
Jaebum bit his lp as he shook his head a little. “Let the guys sleep for a while, starting up a fire now will only wake them up okay?” He said and looked over at the sleeping otter and smiled slightly. “Yugyeom is cute on the outside, we all know he's a little devil on the inside.” He said and reached over to grab his bag. “A hot shower sounds amazing right now… Come with me?”He asked softly, running a hand back through his messy hair. “I might need another massage afterwards.” He teased and held his hand out to Youngjae for him to take, giving him a soft smile. “I need supervision, i'm hungover and i honestly feel like i'm about to puke my guts out so… Please?”
Yeah, Yugyeom was a devil. Youngjae could only agree to that and laughed softly. “Ah, a shower.” he said and nodded. “Sounds like a plan. Besides, I obviously can’t leave you alone if you’re feeling sick. What kind of friend would I be?” he asked. Reaching over, he grabbed his bag before taking Jaebum’s outstretched hand. “Let’s go warm up then. And when we come back we can fix something to eat. You’ll need it to help with the hangover.” he told him.
Jaebum nodded and smiled, shouldering his bag as he pulled Youngjae out of the tent. He glanced around to make sure they were the only ones awake, he let out a sigh of relief when he confirmed it and started leading Youngjae out towards the bath house. “When we get to the bath house i want to talk about something, alright? And just hear me out before you go off getting mad at anyone for it.” He looked over at Youngjae with a pleading look, hoping the he would agree. “Please?”
Stepping out with Jaebum, Youngjae closed up the tent before following after the other. “Hmm?” he asked and cocked his head. “Am I finally going to learn who ate the last of my chocolate? Because I’m still mad about that. I had been saving that. IT was special chocolate from home.” he whined slightly before laughing softly. “Don’t worry. I won’t get mad...I promise.” he assured the other with a smile.
Jaebum let out a soft laugh and shook his head, keeping his hold on Youngjae’s hand as he gave the boy a guilty look. “I'm sorry about your chocolate, but… in my defense, it was delicious and I have a huge sweet tooth.” He explained, pouting a little. “Thank you.” He said softly, swinging their hands a little bit. He pulled Youngjae into the bath house and smiled gently before letting go of Youngjae’s hand, he chose a stall and hung a towel up, leaving his bag out on the bench after grabbing his shampoo, body wash and loofa. He pulled his hoodie and shirt off as he headed into the stall so he could turn on the water and strip out of his pants and boxers. “You should shower too, get warmed up and more awake.”
“You ate my chocolate?!” Youngjae asked in shock. “Jaebum!” he whined. “I wanted that chocolate!” he pouted and pushed the other, but continued to walk with him into the bath house. Shaking his head, he dropped his bag onto one of the benches and chose a stall to turn the water on before stripping. “Yes mom.” he snickered. “So what is it you wanted to talk about?” he asked.
Jaebum stepped under the water and laughed loudly, shaking his head at the comment. “I wanted to talk about the kiss.” He said firmly, biting his lip as the hot water slowly relaxed his muscles even more. “I wasn't drunk enough to forget what happened,” He glanced at the wall in the direction he heard the water coming from. “When i said I had wanted to kiss you it wasn't out of boredom. I wanted to kiss you Jae. But this is the part I didn't want you to get mad at.” Taking breath as he scrunched up his nose, grabbing his shampoo so he could lather up his hair, massaging the shampoo into his scalp.
“I know you like me, they let it slip when you went to get your things set up in the tent when we got to the campsite yesterday.”
Youngjae sighed softly and closed his eyes as he let the water wash over his body. He wasn’t ready for this, but it didn’t surprise him that Jaebum wanted to talk about this. They should probably talk about it, because it happened. So he listened silently, body freezing as the other spoke about knowing his secret. He closed his eyes tightly and took a few breaths. He promised he wouldn’t get mad. But how could they possibly know? And who was they? Did everyone know? Jinyoung promised he wouldn’t tell and he did. Youngjae felt so...betrayed. But in that case….Jaebum kissed him knowing that he liked him? But...why?
“What are you talking about?” he asked gently. “Why?” He just couldn’t accept the ‘because I wanted to’ excuse from Jaebum.
Jaebum turned around and tipped his head back to rinse his hair of the shampoo. “It isn't the first time i thought about kissing you actually, its happened a few times but I always brushed it off as influence from you guys.” He sighed out and shook his head. “But after what we talked about in the tent before hand it made me think alot, about me, her… the now obvious lie of my relationship and… You.” He grabbed his loofa and lathered it up with body soap. “This is just the first time i acted on it, but i was drunk and you had also been drinking. So it was wrong that i took advantage like that.”
Youngjae stood there for a moment before reaching out and turning off his shower. Grabbing his towel, he wrapped it around his waist and held it tight as he exited the stall. “You’re right. It was wrong of you. But that’s not what you took advantage of. You took advantage of my feelings.” he said as he stared at the stall Jaebum was in. “You knew how I felt about you and you used it to...to experiment. And what happens if you had kissed me and realized you hated it? That you were just curious about it because you hang out with gay people all the time? Did you ever stop to think about how I would feel about that Jaebum? Do you even understand how used I felt afterwards? How used I still feel?” Youngjae asked. “You’re my friend and I put so much trust in you. God damn it, make up your mind and stop making me feel things!” he huffed.
Jaebum rested his forehead against the wall under the showerhead and shook his head a little. “I'm sorry for that, but it wasn't an experiment. I know how you felt, how you feel. I’d feel the same thing too if i were in your shoes. No i didn't stop to think because i was drunk, because my deepest desires were being pulled out by the careless drunk me that I can be.” he explained as he started to scrub at his body, cleaning himself off of the sweat and dirt that was covering him, he thought for a moment before speaking again. “I want to do it again, i liked it. So there, my mind is made up… I kissed you out of drunken need and sober me wants more.”
Youngjae sighed as he moved to the benches and sat on one of them. “Why?” Youngjae asked again. He felt like he was becoming a broken record but he couldn’t help it. There were so many things going in his head that it was just so confusing. Yet a part of him wanted it all to be true with the hopes that maybe...just maybe… “Why me? You have never shown any signs of ever liking me more than a friend. Of ever wanting to be with a guy. Hell, you bragged about one of your ual escapades involving handcuffs and ropes….against all of our wills.” he said and snorted softly. “I have spent years pinning after you and wishing I could-” he stopped himself as he lowered his head. “Please don’t do this to me. I don’t want to be hurt.”
Jaebum rinsed off, shutting the water off before wrapping the towel around his waist. He stepped out of the stall and turned his gaze to Youngjae, his eyes soft. “I know… I guess i was just in denial, wanting to be that one straight guy in the group. Excluding Jackson because even he knows he's gay.” He shook his head and cleared his throat. “Just because I bragged about them doesn't mean I hadn't thought about trying things differently.” He said as he took a few steps towards Youngjae, lifting his head up. He stared at the younger for a moment and took in a deep breath. “I kept teasing you because i was confused about my thoughts, every time she took the teasing too far I stopped her didn't I?... Youngjae… just because I never showed you any signs doesn't mean there haven't been any at all.” Hr mumbled as he rubbed his thumb slowly over the shorter male’s bottom lip, biting his own as he nodded a little. “I know, that's why I'm being honest with you right now.”
Lifting his head, Youngjae stared at Jaebum, sighing. ‘She’s a real you know?” he asked and laughed softly. “I wanted to tell you for so long, but I absolutely hated her. She had like no conscious. She was a literal bully.” he snorted and shook his head slightly before adverting his eyes. “Jaebum, how do you know you want me?” he asked gently. “I still think Jinyoung would be better fitted for you. I’m not anything special. I’m really boring. Besides hanging out with you guys, I work everyday, and then I come home to Coco and spend the rest of the evening watching TV. It’s a boring life. I mean Mark and Jackson go to the club every weekend. Jinyoung does that….thing that I can’t remember because I really can’t be bothered to remember half the stuff he does. He’s Mr. Perfect you know.” he snickered softly.
Jaebum hung his head a little and felt heat rising to his cheeks. “I’ve always been dense with feelings, but there's always this pull towards you. Its why I tease you so much, because i don't know how to cope with it.” He admitted softly, chewing on his bottom lip. “I don't feel that sort of thing around any of our other friends, and Jayjay? As soon as I saw him and really got a close look my first thought where how it reminded me of you and how god damn cute it was even though it's literally the most impossible thing in the world.” He lifted his head and pulled his hand away from Youngjae’s face so he could slick his hair back.
“I've never wanted perfect in my life, I like simple, quaint and lazy life. Long naps after work, steamy with ropes and handcuffs.” He winked at Youngjae at his words before continuing. “You could be the most boring person alive and I’d still probably look at you like you were a star that fell from the sky.”
“Oh my god.” Youngjae said and covered his face quickly, his cheeks heating up at the comment about . Because up until that, Jaebum was pretty much describing a life with him. Youngjae wasn’t adventurous during , or at least, he didn’t know if he was. He’s had a few times, but it’s been a while and even back then it was plain and boring. Lowering his hands slowly, he dared to look back up at the other, his heart pounding in chest once more as he stared at Jaebum’s handsome features. “Jaebum…” he whispered softly. “Now you’re sweet talking me.” he said and smiled. “And it’s working.”
Jaebum smiled softly and nodded a little as he let out a little chuckle. “I know… I’m glad it is because I really don’t want you to be mad at me, or be afraid of hiding your feelings from me.” He mumbled gently, reaching over to take Youngjae’s hand in his, lacing their fingers together. He gave the younger’s hand a squeeze and took another step closer. “I know I was an before and I’m sorry. I want to try it, with you. I don't know how well It’s going to go but I’m willing to try.”
Youngjae stared at their hands for a moment, squeezing Jaebum’s hand back before looking back at him. “Try is such a scary word.” he said gently. “Because I don’t have to try to love you.” he whispered. “I already do.” Biting his lip lightly, he took in a breath and nodded. “I want you to try. Really badly I do. Just...if for any second you don’t think this is the right choice, tell me. Please.” he practically begged. “I may already be so deep in my feelings, but I can still protect my heart. I’m trusting you Jaebum, so much with this. Please, don’t lead me on or let me make a fool of myself. I won’t survive it.” he told him gently as he clung to the other’s hand tightly.
“My trying is trying something completely new to me, i-i know i'm attracted you you, that's something i can't deny anymore. The kiss proved that to me, it felt good and i didn't want to stop at all.” Jaebum said softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of Youngjae’s hand. He reached up with his other hand and cupped Youngjae’s cheek gently and bit his lip. “Can i?..”
Youngjae stared at him for a moment. Looking down at their hands, he smiled softly and nodded. Looking back up, he reached out with his free hand and rested it on Jaebum’s shoulder gently. “I suppose you should. The more practice you get, the less you have to try and the more it’ll come naturally to you.” he teased.
Jaebum smiled softly as he nodded as he slid his arm around Youngjae’s bare waist and pulled him close, he leaned down and pressed their lips together, his fingers slipping into Youngjae’s hair with a low hum. Youngjae’s lips were so soft and supple, he liked how they felt against his own.
Youngjae leaned up slightly, meeting Jaebum halfway, a soft leaving him as their lips met in a soft kiss. It was just like he remembered from the night before, only somehow much better. He truly enjoyed this and he didn’t want it to end. Pressing closer to Jaebum, he returned the kiss happily, his lips moving against Jaebum’s.
Jaebum let out a little groan against Youngjae’s lips as he moved them over his, his arms wrapped around Youngjae’s waist and pulled him flush against him, their bare chests pressing together. He let his tongue poke out against Youngjae’s wanting to taste him on his tongue. He knew he liked this, maybe a little too much. He could feel his heart racing in his chest as they kissed more and more, his lungs burning slightly from the low supply of oxygen he was taking in.
Releasing Jaebum’s hand, he wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s shoulders, fingers clutching tightly to him. His lips parted as he felt the tongue pressing against his, a moan slipping out of him. His tongue slipped out and ran it over Jaebum’s lightly, tasting and teasing him. Whimpering softly, he slid his hands down over Jaebum’s back, feeling over his muscles and. Heart was thudding in his chest and he felt like he couldn’t breathe, but he didn’t want to end the kiss. He never wanted to end, too afraid that if it did he would realize that this was just all in his head.
Jaebum let out another groan, slowly guiding Youngjae’s back against the concrete wall as his hands moved to grip Youngjae’s hips. He tilted his head as he pressed his tongue into Youngjae’s mouth, pressing it around and over the younger’s tongue lightly. He could feel himself slowly losing himself in the kiss, in the feeling of Youngjae. He didn't want to stop and he certainly didn't mind that he was freezing cold yet again since the heat of the water had gone away a little while ago. He didn't care that the others would be waking up soon, right now the only thing that mattered was kissing Youngjae.
Outside of the bath house Mark had dragged a very hungover Jackson out of the campsite to get him cleaned up, neither of them knew what they were going to walk in on so as soon as they stepped into the bath house Mark’s jaw dropped. “I think I’m still drunk. My mind is playing tricks on me.”
Jackson came to a halt and rubbed his eyes a few times before looking to Mark. “If you’re drunk, I’m drunk because I think I see the same thing.” he muttered and cocked his head. “Since when is Jaebum gay?” he asked and snorted. “Oh...he is not going to live this down.” he commented as he watched the way Youngjae clung to the other.
Soft whimpers left Youngjae as he pulled at Jaebum, trying to get the other closer to him, even though he was as close as he was going to get. He happily let the other invade his mouth, a feeling he hadn’t felt in some time, and even then, it didn’t compare to how he felt. Jaebum’s tongue filled his mouth in ways he never thought to imagine and it was nice. It felt so...right. He slid his tongue against the other’s, wanting to taste him, yet the lack of oxygen was starting to make it hard. He still hadn’t mastered the breathing through the nose trick.
Eventually, Youngjae pulled back slightly, panting heavily as he stared up at Jaebum. His cheeks were a bright pink and shivers wracked his body from how cold, yet heated he felt.
Jaebum panted softly as he rested his forehead against Youngjae’s, he stared deep into Youngjae’s eyes as his tongue ran over his lips. “We should get dressed… I packed a thick blanket so if you wanna huddle up under it till the others are all awake we can-”
“Oh no we are awake but by all means cuddle away~”
Youngjae jumped at the voice and turned to look at the two standing not that far from them. “Oh...oh my god. How much did you see?” He asked embarrassed.
“We came in as he devoured your your face. But you were just clinging to him.” Jackson snickered as he looked them over. “I never knew the shower was a good place to make out in.” he mused.
Jaebum felt heat rising to his cheeks as he looked over at Mark and Jackson. “Guys come on… you have no room to tease us, we know you and Mark have little drunken makeout sessions and that you claim you're still not gay.” he said as he took Youngjae’s hand and squeezed it.
Mark's cheeks turned red as he looked away shyly, biting his lip as he grabbed Jackson’s wrist and pulled him past the two and into a larger shower stall. “lets not tease them too much…” He whispered softly.
Jackson blinked as he was dragged to a stall and stared at Mark with his brows furrowed. “Why not? We can tease them.” he said and cocked his head. “What, their words getting to you? Look just because we make out doesn’t mean-” he paused in his train of thought and stared at Mark, flushing slightly. “I mean….it could...but….and I…..damn it.” he huffed and crossed his arms. “If I admit I like guys, can we tease them?” he asked.
“You know you’d never admit it Jackson, you're too proud of all the girls that you’ve slept with.” Mark mumbled as he stared at Jackson with sad eyes. He knew he was in love with the man but he knew that because of Jackson’s ego he would never get that chance, as much as he wanted Jackson he had been settling with drunk makeouts and his own pining.
“What do you mean I would never admit it?” Jackson asked and sighed. “My ego isn’t that big and besides...what if I’m just scared?” he asked and shrugged. “What if being drunk was just a cover?” he asked. Though it made absolutely no sense as to how it could be a cover, it was to Jackson. He wasn’t comfortable admitting to himself what he was, not because of his ego, but he was worried about letting down his parents. They wanted him to marry. To settle down with a nice girl and have children. And he probably would have...at least before. But there was someone that was constantly on his mind and he just couldn’t stop thinking about him. But if he were to admit it and come out...he would let his parents down. But seeing those sad eyes, he felt so much of his resolve crumble.
“I’m not gay. I’m...am I even biual?” he asked himself with a chuckle. “I don’t even know because I mean I’ve been with girls, but there has only been one guy on my mind for so long and I honestly...I really just want to be with him. I don’t know if he’ll accept me though. I’ve kinda...made out with him one too many times when I’m drunk. I think he might think I don’t like him.”
Mark stared at Jackson for a moment before tears started forming in his eyes, he shook his head slowly as he looked away from Jackson and tipped his head back slightly. He knew what Jackson was referring to but he didn't know wether to believe it or not. “Jackson I…” He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Every time someone makes a comment about you with gay in the same sentence you get so defensive. It hurts, because If you and I were ever a thing… I would be scared that you would deny our relationship in front of someone because you care so much about how people see you.” He whispered softly, shaking his head. “I love you, but i can't be with you i-if you don't man up.”
Jackson stared at Mark as he spoke before looking away. “It’s not that simple Mark. It’s not people in general.” he said and waved his hand before he reached up and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s my family. I don’t want to disappoint them. They’re so….so….you know they mean everything to me, even supported me when I came here to study abroad.” he said and looked back at the other. “They’re so adamant that I marry and have children. And I wanted so much to fulfill that wish for them but then I met you and I’ve spent so much time with you that…” he trailed off and turned away from them, resting his head against the shower stall. “That I’m 100% sure I’ve fallen in love with you. And I want you, I’m just scared...of what my family will think. If they will still love me and consider me their son.”
Mark sighed heavily as he bit his lip harshly, rubbing at his eyes as he shook his head a little. “I know Jackson… Okay? I know that struggle but if being with me is what you want then you have got to take control of your life, or this.” He stopped to motion between the two of them. “The making out when you get drunk.. it has to stop. I don't want to have to hide it from your parents... “ He whispered weakly as he turned to look at Jackson with the same sad, teary eyes. “I want to be with you so badly that it hurts, family is supposed to support you no matter what.”
Jackson lifted his head and looked back at Mark, looking over his face. “Mark.” he whispered. Turning, he moved to Mark and cupped his cheeks gently, holding his face gently in his hands. “I don’t want to have to hide either.” he whispered and chewed his bottom lip. “I want you so much. You make my heart race and make my brain...go stupid.” he said and smiled softly. “Mark, I will...I don’t want to hide anything about you from the world, but my parents...getting the courage to tell them will take time.” he said gently. “Please, I don’t want to lose you and I will go scream at the top of my lungs how much I love you. But please just understand it may take...time for me to tell my parents. Will that be okay?”
Mark sniffled a little and nodded slowly as he moved closer to Jackson. “Okay.. I-I can deal with that, as long as it takes but please… if they ever ask just don't outright deny it.” He mumbled softly, leaning closer to Jackson as he rested his head against the shorter male’s shoulder, more sniffles leaving him. “We should shower… everyone is probably awake by now and headed up here to shower.”
Jackson wrapped his arms around Mark’s waist and held him close. “We’ll shower soon.” he said. He pressed his lips against Mark’s head and kissed it gently. Reaching up, he his head gently and nuzzled against him softly. “I’m so sorry Mark. For hurting you so much.” he said gently. Pulling back, he lifted Mark’s head and kissed him deeply, his first real kiss with Mark when he was sober. “I’ll make it all up to you. I promise.” he whispered as he pulled back slightly, their lips still brushing together.
Mark let himself fall into the kiss, he slowly reached up and cupped the back of Jackson’s neck and pulled him closer. He had never once thought that jackson would have ever kissed him while sober… “Wait.. Y-You’re sober right? Completely?” He mumbled against Jackson's lips, never breaking the kiss..
Jackson smiled against Mark’s lips and kissed him again. “Completely sober.” he whispered and nipped at Mark’s bottom lip gently. “I mean it Mark. I want you. All of you. And I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you.” he said and his cheek gently before pulling back. “Let’s shower and head back okay? We got a long day ahead of us filled with more kisses.” he grinned.
Mark whined softly and nodded gently as he backed away a little, pulling his shirt over his head as he looked at Jackson. “Want to save water?” He asked softly, worrying on his bottom lip as he poked his tongue out slightly.
Jackson grinned and stripped off his shirt. “Oh you bet y.” he cooed.
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