“Mama!” you heard Hongbin’s voice call for you as soon as your figure appeared in his line of sight.

You paced with anticipation toward your son, his teacher standing protectively by his side and when you were close enough, you gathered your little bundle of joy in your arms and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“How was your day?” you beamed at Hongbin, crouching in front of him. It only took you a moment to realize Hongbin’s deflated demeanour.

“Sanghyuk is sick.” your son pouted sadly; his brown eyes even larger if that were at all possible.

“Oh…he is?” you asked, taken by surprise and you looked to Hakyeon for confirmation.

The new morsel of information only served to remind you of that particular evening a few weeks’ ago. The almost kiss you shared with Taekwoon seemed to all but shatter the delicate progress the two of you made. Having become accustomed to his calls, texts, smiles and gifts of flowers and food; it hurt when he distanced himself from you.

Hongbin still had sleepovers with Sanghyuk and vice versa but as far as you as their parents went, it all returned to uncomfortable, and unwanted, formalities. You would find yourself sitting at your desk, lost in thoughts of how you missed the way in which he used to look at you, the way he made you laugh and even his strange little idiosyncrasies you were not aware you knew of until you barely saw him.

You ignored the ever increasingly familiar pang in your chest. You were being silly.

“Hm-mm.” Hongbin nodded solemnly and you ruffled his hair to comfort him.

“Hongbinnie, why don’t you collect your bags inside?” Hakyeon suggested and when you looked at your friend, you saw a seriousness in his face that concerned you.

Obediently, Hongbin padded inside and once your son was out of earshot, Hakyeon turned to you; his eyebrows furrowed.

“Did something happen?” he asked with unusual bluntness. Something seemed to be bothering him.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” you laughed with a false air.

You felt self-conscious. It had been months since you and Wonshik divorced but for the first time you wondered if your new found fondness for Taekwoon would be seen as moving too fast. Moreover; you were embarrassed that you had feelings for someone who clearly still loved and mourned his late wife. You hated that you continuously felt as though you had taken advantage of the kind helping hand he extended toward you.

“You and Jung Taekwoon.” the older man replied firmly; he could look surprisingly stern dressed in a bear apron. “You seemed close lately.” he added slyly.

You swallowed. “We’ve just been busy, that’s all.” you shrugged.

Before Hakeyon could reply, and you had a feeling it had to do with your ex-husband, Hongbin raced out, his arms wrapped around your waist. Relieved, you quickly dismissed yourself.

To: Jung Taekwoon (2:45 pm): Heard Sanghyuk was sick. I hope he gets well soon. Hongbin missed him today.

‘I miss you too’, your mind added reluctantly. You sent the text with a knot in your stomach and loaded yourself and your son in your car.

The longer the reply took, the further your heart sank and when your phone vibrated with the message tone you set for Taekwoon’s number, you were unreasonably overjoyed. Until you read it that is.

Jung Taekwoon (3:01 pm): Thank you. Sanghyuk missed him too.

You sighed. Was this all you were to be reduced to?

With a shake of your head, you continued your afternoon routine; eventually landing up in the kitchen to begin dinner after you gave Hongbin his multi-vitamins to avoid him catching Sanghyuk’s cold.

A while later, the food deliciously simmered in the pot and the rice had just been placed in the rice cooker ten minutes before when your phone rang.

Jung Taekwoon calling

Your heart raced as you answered with shaky hands.

“Hello?” you answered nervously, seating yourself at the table in your kitchen.

“Hello…” you heard Taekwoon reply. He sounded pensive. “it’s sudden but could I ask a favour?”

You smoothed down your hair subconsciously. “Sure.” you breathed.

“I’ve stayed with Sanghyuk the whole day. I have a shareholder’s meeting to go to. Could I ask you to watch him for me? His babysitter has an exam tomorrow so I can’t ask her.” he asked. This was the most you had spoken in weeks.

“I just finished dinner, I could leave in five minutes.” you replied without hesitation. You knew what it was like to need an extra pair of hands.

“I’ll send you the address.” Taekwoon responded, sounding wordlessly grateful and it just occurred to you that you had never visited his home. Where possible, he always did the driving to and fro and the realization only made you feel worse about what happened.

“See you soon.” and hung up promptly a moment later.

A thought occurred to you and after hollering to Hongbin to ready himself, you promptly packed up your dinner to go – ensuring to pack Taekwoon’s into a pretty three layered bento box and afterward wrapped it in one of the nicest cloths you owned.

As you drove to the address sent to you by text, you kept telling yourself that there was no special meaning behind the packed dinner you were anticipating to give to Taekwoon. You reasoned that he must not have eaten what with having a sick child to deal with. You were only doing what any friend would have done.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sight that met you. You always assumed Taekwoon and his son lived in an apartment, as was common for your country. A house…was not on the cards. Yet there you were, in a posh neighbourhood, sitting in the driveway of a beautiful house surrounded by trees. The large, glass windows betrayed the bright lights burning inside.

Gathering your handbag and extra luggage that came in the shape of dinner, you helped Hongbin out of his car seat.

“Are you ready to see Sanghyukie?” you asked sweetly, not betraying the anxiety you felt.

“Uh-huh!” Hongbin jumped up and down in his place; a grin as large as you had ever seen it on his lips.

Walking beside you with the manner of a cloud, you both stood at the door as you rang the bell.

“You’re on time.” Taekwoon said as he opened the door, his shirt already halfway buttoned up.

Neither of you could look at each other and found yourself changing into the house slippers in a mousey manner. The presence of Hongbin quelled the awkward air.

“And how are you Hongbinnie?” Taekwoon crouched down in front of the little boy; helping him change his shoes. “Are you sick too?” he asked and tickled your son’s stomach appropriately.

“No!” Hongbin screeched in laughter and wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck as Taekwoon hoisted him onto his hip.

“I’m glad.” he smiled sincerely and mussed his hair affectionately.

You watched the scene with a hammering heart as you were led to an extravagantly designed kitchen. Placing the dinner on the marble counters, you observed the fridge filled with Sanghyuk’s drawings and colourful magnets arranged in what seemed to be the word of the day.

“Where is he?” you asked, turning to the scene between Hongbin and Taekwoon.

“In his room upstairs.” Taekwoon replied and gestured for you to follow.

The room you entered reminded you of Hongbin’s own room and you finally understood why your son was never uncomfortable staying over at his friend’s. Once you were acquainted with your surroundings, you moved toward the bundle wrapped up in blankets on the bed.

“Sanghyuk?” you gently called and seated yourself on the edge of his bed.

The boy peeked out of his blankets to look at you as though you were some reverend figure and sat up to stare at his father and his best friend standing in the doorway. Sanghyuk began to clamber toward the pair but he was stopped by coughs that wracked his young body.

You carefully gathered him onto your lap. “You need to rest, you’re still sick.” you cooed, pressing a hand to his burning forehead.

Taekwoon watched you with meticulous eyes and he regretted pulling away from you. Even with the beautiful sight of you caring for his son, he was unable to quell the anger he felt toward himself. He was angry that he was beginning to forget his wife. He loved her but if he was not looking at her picture, all he could recall was cradling your face on that dreaded evening weeks’ ago. He was angry that he thought he could be so close to an incredible woman such as you without falling but even more so, he was angry that he allowed himself to care for a woman who was still reeling from a divorce and having to care for a child.

As you quietly tended to Sanghyuk, the tense atmosphere eased between yourself and Taekwoon – a feat that extended to both children. It became clear that neither of you were angry at the other, though there was still much unsaid between you.

“I have to get going.” Taekwoon jabbed his thumb toward the door twenty minutes’ later, staring at his watch as though it would allow him more time.

You tucked the now sleeping Sanghyuk into his bed and ushered Hongbin into the kitchen to wait for you.

“Of course.” you replied with a smile you hoped was reassuring.

A look passed between both of you before breaking eye contact. You headed to the kitchen and he, to his bedroom.

As you waited for Taekwoon to get ready, you fed Hongbin in the meantime and readied the dinner package you packed.

When he emerged, the casual and fatherly appearance he wore transformed into the cool Lawyer Jung you met that first day outside the pre-school; his leather messenger bag in tow. The situation in itself was so domestic that it only served to unnerve you as to how much you liked it. You took a drink from your glass before heading toward him.

“I know you’ve been busy with Sanghyuk all day and you probably won’t have time to get something later…I hope you don’t mind.” you said, holding out your package as though it were chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Your eyes were focused on the ground, more to hide your blush than anything.

“Thank you.” he accepted it with the air of a bashful college boy. “This will be a treat. As usual when you’re cooking.” he teased and he watched, completely pleased at the grin that graced your lips. He would never be able to fathom how Wonshik had the ability to cheat on you. You standing there so radiantly before him with your sweet smile, considerate ways and delicious cooking. It almost felt as though all he was missing was a goodbye kiss from you. 

He stopped his train of thought. He refused to take advantage of you, even if he was damn sure he would be a far better husband to you and father to Hongbin than Wonshik was.

“Eat it well.” you replied jovially, until you noticed his skew tie and the undone buttons on either side. “Oh, your tie!” you exclaimed, all pensive thoughts vanished.

With skilled and gentle fingers, you pulled his tie further toward his top button and corrected its position before reattaching his tie pin at the appropriate place. It was difficult to keep the grin off of your face and you promptly bit on your lip to keep yourself in check. It had been months since you had done this exact thing for Wonshik, longer since he allowed you to, and you could not deny how much you enjoyed it when you fastened Taekwoon’s buttons.

Reluctantly about to remove your hands you were startled when you felt Taekwoon’s warm hand cover both of yours, pressing your smaller hands against his chest.

Unable to stop the warmth flooding his system at your gesture, he clasped your hands with one of his; ignoring the cool feel of your wedding ring.

Connecting your eyes with his for the umpteenth time that evening, you could not bring yourself to move away even as your mind screamed at you not to ruin the moment again. The slight reddening of Taekwoon’s cheeks reminded you of the blush that enflamed your own.

By some magnetic force that tethered you to him, your body slowly inched into his; steadied by your hands on his chest. The tightening of his grasp only encouraged you. When you felt his warmth breath fan against your equally hot cheeks, the world around you seemed to fade out into nothing more than background noise.

“Mama! I finished my dinner~ Can I have dessert now?” you heard Hongbin’s voice proudly yell.

Instead of abruptly breaking away, you and Taekwoon stayed were you were; sharing a laugh.

“Duty calls.” he smiled and his sparkling dark eyes made it that much harder to draw breath.

This time, you did move away, if only to allow Taekwoon to reach the front door.

“It does.” you girlishly tucked your hair behind your ear. “Let me know when you get to work safely.” you reminded.

Taekwoon silently regarded you for a moment and not for the first time, you rendered him unable to find words appropriate enough to voice his thoughts.

He replied with a noise and when you finally turned away to tend to your son, he left his home with buzzing thoughts.

He learned over the short period of that evening that distancing himself from you was one of the worst decisions he ever made. He could not stay away from you, nor did he wish to and selfish as that made him, he argued that if he took it slow and ensured not to push you; surely it would not hurt if he stayed close?

He stared at the glaring red light of the stop street; he could keep his feelings for you in check, could he not?

The hours passed by in a flurry. Not too long after dessert Hongbin fell asleep in your lap while you were seated on the couch. And just as you caught your breath, you were alerted to Sanghyuk’s wracking coughs.

Working quickly, you served him a small snack of crackers and a small juice box for dinner as an alternative to heavier foods the young boy was unable to keep down. After you ensured that Sanghyuk finished a substantial amount of the food you brought him, you administered the medicines that sat next to his bedside.

As you dealt with the groggy boy, Hongbin’s rest was interrupted and your son blearily offered to help you fetch clean pyjamas for his friend. After the little display of camaraderie, neither boy wanted to separate from each other and not wanting either of you to dwell in the room no doubt filled to the brim with germs, you moved them to back to the couch.

That was how you ended up with Hongbin wrapped around you, his head laying on your shoulder while Sanghyuk slept peacefully on your lap, Pororo re-runs playing quietly on the television in front of you.

“Mama?” Hongbin sleepily asked. It was unusual for him to be up so late. He seemed to be deep in thought.

“Hmm.” you answered, rubbing his back in a placating way.

“Can’t you be Sanghyuk’s Mama too? He likes you.” your son asked innocently and you wondered about the stories you heard of children asking uncomfortable questions when they got to a certain age. You supposed it started at age four in your case.

If only things were that simple! You knew Sanghyuk held an affinity for you that you readily reciprocated but asking any more of you, would push you into territory that was already difficult to broach.

“And I like him too.” you agreed readily and waded your fingers through the sleeping boys hair. “I want to but it’s complicated.” you huffed lamely. There really was no way you could begin to explain a situation you did not fully understand yourself.

“Okay.” Hongbin nodded with furrowed eyebrows. Most parents were not lucky to have such an understanding child such as you but at times you worried about his amiable nature. Even when it came to the divorce of you and his father, he quietly went along with what you both told him and though he showed no signs of holding some secret grief, it concerned you from time to time.

Settling into comfortable silence, your phone vibrated with a text message. It had been doing that all evening.

Jung Taekwoon (9:45 pm): Should be home in the next 30-40 minutes. Dinner was delicious as always. Have the Terrible Two given you trouble?

If you were alone, you would have scoffed. Could he not just have some consideration for your heart that refused to stop skipping multiple beats whenever he texted you such shamelessly sweet things? You begged yourself to not read too much into his messages like some besotted teenager but your eyes lingered on the word ‘home’.

To: Jung Taekwoon (9:47 pm): Glad to hear it. The ‘Terrible Two’ were sweet as honey tonight. Have coffee before you leave, you must be tired. Drive safely.

You pressed ‘send’ and settled into the couch.

Taekwoon stifled a loud yawn as he shuffled himself into his home; his slipper-clad feet dragging behind him. His tired mental ramblings came to an abrupt pause when he stumbled into the sitting room to find Hongbin and Sanghyuk curled around you like a human heater; all three of you slumbering.

As he quietly approached, he looked at your sleeping face in wonder. Not only did you seem peaceful, your face seemed even more vulnerable and open than when you were awake. It was endearing to witness and it was only when he realized your tired (e/c) eyes were looking back at him, that he noted that a significant amount of time had passed.

“You look tired.” you greeted tiredly, carefully removing the many limbs obstructing you. “Was it successful?”

Taekwoon swallowed, any intelligent thought momentarily halted. “Uh…yes. Just long.” he shrugged. “Your bento saved me.” he held up the empty packaging.

You laughed. “Don’t flatter me.” you teased and you watched as his face grew serious.

“I’m sorry.” he apologized, his eyes looking off into the distance.

“…what for?” you asked and feeling nervous about the impending conversation, you jumped the gun. “Neither of us meant for it to happen. No hard feelings right?” you offered shyly. You would have said whatever he wanted if only to regain his companionship – though what you really wanted to tell him was that you wished he kissed you that night. A discovery that scared you.

“Right…” he agreed reluctantly. He knew it was too soon for you to be interested in someone else and the feeling that he was preying on your kindness overwhelmed him. He had to remember the boundaries that he should never have attempted to cross. “You should stay over tonight. It’s too late to drive.” he insisted. Arguing and winning over a lawyer? Unheard of.

“Should I be buying you flowers now?” you joked as you both walked over to your sleeping sons.

“Roses are my favourite.” he swooned playfully and you muffled the laughter that promised to echo in the large home.

You followed the father and son pair up the stairs with your own child nuzzled warmly into your side.

“The guest room is down the hall to your left. There’s another one across from it but I’m sure he’ll want to sleep with you tonight.” Taekwoon spoke once you reached the top of the staircase and gestured meaningfully at Hongbin. You were amazed at how intuitive he was.

“He would.” you confirmed. “Thank you.” you inclined your head, unable to bow at the waist.

“I should be thanking you.” a lopsided smile graced his features. If he were a betting man, he would have bet that you made him smile more than he had in five years combined. “Sleep well.” he wanted to be selfish and keep you longer, but the bags under your eyes rendered him helpless to any other thought.

“You too!” you responded a little too loudly and made the journey to your room for the evening.

Your phone vibrated.

Kim Wonshik calling

You stared at the caller I.D. In the situation you were, it felt surreal to see his name lighting up your phone screen. Without a thought, you placed your phone back into your pocket.

You could always talk to him tomorrow.