This Week My Husband is Having An Affair
The House Play
You pulled your car into the parking lot of your son's pre-school, switching it off and taking in the atmosphere as you did every afternoon at pick-up time. The building was teaming with children dressed in colorful clothes, moms and dads smothering them in kisses and hugs and the occasional after school meeting with their teachers.
Though you were feeling the fatigue from the long work day and the fact that you and your husband were like ships passing in the night for the past few months, the idea that you would see your adorable and quite energetic son in a few minutes never ceased to put a smile on your face.
Retrieving your handbag and phone, you exited the car and making your way to your son's class (the Lions, he always smugly reminded you) you met a few of the parents you were acquainted with; making quick yet polite conversation. You remember being surprised at the fact that though you were one of the only working moms in the class, the stay-at-home moms never seemed to hold it against you and you were pleased to find that there were in fact, things you could speak about aside from your varying occupations.
"Hongbin's mom!" a cheery voice announced and a grin appeared on your face. You would know that voice anywhere.
"Teacher Hakyeon!" you exclaimed with equal enthusiasm. It was hilarious to note how sweet and innocent male seemed at his job and how it contrasted with his responsible and mature personality when he no longer sported that adorable red bear apron. You always wondered how him and your husband managed to be friends for so long.
Said male bowed in response. "Hongbin is inside collecting his things. How've you been? I haven't seen Wonshik here in a while." Hakyeon asked, already dropping his overly polite speech.
You sighed and shook your head. "Busy. I've barely seen Wonshik for months, some or other urgent deadlines, you know how it goes. Without him, I've been picking up the slack at home." just talking about your home situation made you feel the cloud of fatigue you seemed to almost constantly keep at bay descend upon you.
You saw a flash of confusion cross Hakyeon's face at your words but before you could even begin to decipher what it meant, it was promptly replaced by his downright angelic smile.
"Let me know if I need to beat up my junior. A woman as beautiful as you shouldn't be stressed." he teased and you both shared laughter before you found an excited four-year-old mass wrapped around your legs.
"Mama!" little Hongbin greeted as if he had not seen you in weeks and your heart melted at the action.
"Hongbinnie!" you removed him from your legs to crouch down to his height to give him a hug and a kiss on the forehead. "Did you enjoy school?" you practically cooed, noting his sparkling doe-eyed eyes that you had no doubt he got from Wonshik.
"Mm-hm!" he nodded his furiously, his grin showing off his dimples. "Teacher Hakyeon was teaching us how to write!" the little boy looked at his teacher affectionately.
"That's right." Hakyeon replied, ruffling his student's hair. "I know you have to go now, but you can see his paper tomorrow first thing if you'd like. He's very good." he complimented and everything about his demeanour told you he was in teacher mode.
"Of course! I'm sure it's impressive. Well done!" you offered your son your upturned palm for a high five which he quickly returned.
Noting the time on your watch in your peripheral, you realized that dinner would be late if you did not leave soon. Quickly gathering Hongbin's bag and the little boy in your arms, you said your farewells to your friend.
"Drive safe and tell that husband of yours if I don't see him here soon I'll summon him okay?!" Hakyeon shouted playfully as he waved you off.
The ten-minute drive home was the most peaceful before your daily routine picked up again. You stopped off at the grocery store to pick up the extra ingredients you needed for supper that evening before heading home.
At home, you rushed into your spacious apartment and unpacked your son's bag, ensuring that no homework had been sent home and that you were prepared for any upcoming events that were listed on the newsletter that got sent home every week. Next, you switched on the television onto one of his favorite channels for his daily TV-hour that allowed you to cook without (much) interruption. You sighed for the umpteenth time that day. When Wonshik used to actually come home at an acceptable hour, he would occupy your son while he helped in the kitchen. You ignored the tug in your chest. If he was busy, what could you do?
Back in the kitchen, you worked on preparing the rice, washing it thoroughly before putting it in the rice cooker to cook for the appropriate time. As you chopped up the carrots and potatoes for the Japanese curry you wished to make for supper that evening, you dialed your husband already prepared for rejection. It was even more disappointing when all you received was his voicemail. At this point, you were sure leaving a message would only annoy him and you promptly ended the call.
Honey (05:25 pm): Sorry I missed your call. Am busy at the moment. Won't make it for dinner. Love you.
No surprises there. Still, as you placed the bouillon cube in the delicious smelling mixture emanating from the pan, you wished that just once, even if it meant he brought work home, that he would be present for dinner. You missed how he would complement your cooking without fail and even the way he would encourage Hongbin to eat new things. No-one could quite get your son to eat his veggies as well as Papa could.
Whether or not that was the case, the night carried on anyway as it always had. Yourself and Hongbin had dinner and mochi you made the previous evening for dessert. The scrumptious meal allowed you to refuel for the next hurdle: bath time. As nice as it was to sit in a hot bath after the stresses of the day, you also had to deal with splashing and being an active participant in the many imaginary and lively games your son came up with.
Thankfully it was after this that Hongbin generally tended to slow down, now tuckered out from his active day at school and home. Dressing him for bed in his cute character pajamas was more akin to dressing a doll than anything else. In bed, all he required was a story before being whisked off into Dreamland. Tonight, was not so.
"Mama, where's Papa?" he asked innocently as he laid next to you on his side.
"At work sweetie. He's working very hard so he can buy you all these nice things." you replied with a smile that you did not feel. Though it was true that he indeed ensured that neither of you wanted for anything, sometimes all both of you wanted was just Wonshik.
"I miss him." the little boy admitted, playing idly with the teddy bear he slept with.
You were thankful for the lack of lighting present in the room at that moment for your eyes stung with tears. The last thing you wanted to do was worry Hongbin.
"I know, I miss him too." you replied, feeling the strain on your vocal chords. Before anything further could be said, you placed a comforting hand on his back and hushed him until you heard his soft, even breathing.
By the time you reached the kitchen your very bones felt as though they were lead and every movement was highlighted by fatigue, whether it was because of the events from earlier or the load of the past few months finally taking its toll on you, you were unsure.
Still, the kitchen needed to be cleaned from your previous escapades and knowing that it might be time for a cry or a screaming match, you successfully repressed the urge and got back to work putting the leftovers in the fridge and washing the dishes - never mind the dishwasher standing faithfully for use nearby.
"Hey." you suddenly heard Wonshik's voice from nearby and you looked up to see your husband walk into the kitchen, ing his shirt. Tired as you were, you were willing to bet it was not the one he left in this morning.
"Hi." you replied automatically. You stopped trying to hug or kiss him after you realized he seemed more annoyed when you tried. Though he always apologized and returned the action afterwards, it seemed more out of consideration for your feelings than out of any genuine affection. You did not want to go down that road of thinking. Not tonight. "Your shirt is different." you commented instead, going back to washing the pan in front of you.
"Huh...ah! Yeah, Jaehwan messed some sauce on my shirt. You know what he's like." Wonshik's deep laughter rumbled nervously as he took out a beer from the fridge.
"You should've brought it home for me to wash. It'll stain." you replied, hating the fact that you sounded more like his mother than his wife. Part of you idly wondered if that was what he even wanted anymore. You shook your head. He was busy; stressed. That was what it was.
"I threw it away. I can just buy another one, I don't want to make any more work for you." he replied, giving you what you felt was a half-hearted peck on your cheek.
You wanted to laugh. As if one more shirt would render you totally helpless.
"Dinner's in the fridge." you stated, removing the rubber gloves you used to wash the dishes.
"I ate already. I'll have it tomorrow." he replied, his attention focused on the screen on his phone, barely attuned to the world around him or you for that matter.
Maybe you were the one not attentive enough. When you thought about it, you could barely remember the last time the two of you had had a date night. Though you were both busy, you supposed it was up to you to take the first step to remedying the situation.
"Hongbin's in bed. Do you want to watch something together? It's been a while." you asked, biting your lip. Your heart was racing, you do remember being this nervous since you were dating.
Wonshik stood up, his hand messing up his neat dark hair. "That sounds nice but I'm ah, tired. I think I'll pop in Hongbin's room and go to bed." your husband smiled apologetically at you and with nothing more than a pat on the shoulder, he discarded his beer bottle before you heard the shuffle of his slippers move away from you.
His answer was perfectly rational and acceptable you told yourself while you attempted to ignore the throbbing in your chest. You wanted to be the supportive wife, who never nagged and could always show her husband a winning smile that he took solace and pride in. The problem seemed to be that you were quickly losing the battle and Wonshik did not seem to come up for air long enough to even look at you anymore.
You shook your head and brewed yourself a cup of tea before seating yourself at your dining room table to complete work that would only need to be seen to the next day. By the time you finished you were unsurprised to find that it was after one in the morning. What did surprise you was that you received no goodnight from Wonshik when he went to bed earlier. Then again...
You made your way to your shared bedroom, considerate enough not to switch the light on the sleeping man. Sluggishly you found your sleeping clothes and changed before laying down next to your husband, who seemed blissfully unaware of your presence. Tired though you were, physically, mentally and emotionally, it seemed as though sleep refused to find you. You tossed and turned, frustrated that the more you tried to fall asleep the more awake you seemed to be.
Climbing out of bed, you shuffled with bleary, swollen eyes to the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of milk with the motions more appropriate of a robot more than anything else. Back in your bedroom, you managed to place your glass on your bedside table when you were alerted to the distinct sound of a phone vibrating coupled with the light shining in the darkness. Who on earth would be messaging your husband after two in the morning? With the natural curiosity of a wife, you padded to the other side of your shared bed and picked up the phone to peruse the messages. Your heart sank.
Sohee (02:45 am): Sounds like a plan!
Sohee (02:45 am): Can't you just tell your wife you're at a meeting? She believed you last time~ ^.~
Sohee (02:46 am): I miss you already. I love you Wonshikkie~~ <3
You continued to stare at the messages long after you memorized every word and punctuation mark. It felt surreal; surreal to be reading messages from your husband's mistress in the dark of night of your shared bedroom. You felt dizzy from the emotions that constantly washed over you. Anger at the fact that she used a nickname you had only used teasingly when you dated and in your first years of marriage? Disgust at the fact that Wonshik not only betrayed you but your family in the worst way possible? Relief that you finally knew what was making him distant? Inferiority when you thought of what type of woman she was? Was she younger than you, unperturbed by the stresses of life and the responsibility of almost single handedly raising a child on her own?
Whether or not you found the answers to your questions, you had a feeling that no amount of knowledge or information would quite relieve the pain of discovering that your husband - the same man you knew for more than seven years - was cheating on you. Putting the phone back on its place, you moved to lay back down, only this time you knew that sleep would not come.
In the end you waited for your alarm to go off before getting yourself and Hongbin ready for the day. Your mind seemed blank as you went through the motions of the day until you saw Wonshik emerge from your bedroom, adjusting his clothes. You carried on drinking your coffee even as father and son played together.
"You seem tired. Did you sleep last night?" Wonshik looked at you pointedly as he settled Hongbin back into his chair in front of his cereal.
"No." no thanks to you, you thought. "I worked late." you added a moment later.
Wonshik chuckled. "I keep telling you, you don't need to work so hard. I've got it covered." he walked to wear you were seated and smoothed your hair before planting a kiss on your head much to Hongbin's disgust.
The laughter that you gave in response rang false in your own ears and you focused on swallowing the lump in your throat at his words. If only you did not know what you knew, your heart would have raced at his consideration.
"Can you be home for dinner tonight?" you asked and as much as you tried to keep it light hearted, your words sounded monotonous.
"Uh...sure...aren't you feeling well?" in a rare show of affection he pressed his hand to your forehead. You half expected him to flat out refuse considering his 'meeting'.
"I'm fine." you swallowed. This was just making it harder on you. "Come, let's go Hongbin. We'll be late. Bye." you urged your son with a smile before shrugging off your husband's touch.
The day past by in a blur. You supposed the only highlight of your day was seeing Hongbin's writing book, scribbled in shaky blue crayon. Still, you felt the familiar burst of maternal pride at everything your child did. Work, on the other hand was a different story. Your concentration lacked as you longed to talk to one of your friends about the crisis you were currently facing but you simply could not bring yourself to.
Even at home as you chopped, fried, sautéed and cooked, you were only vaguely aware of following the recipe that you had in front of you. All you could focus on was what you were going to say.
You wavered for a moment as you watched Hongbin and Wonshik - who really had come home on time for the first time in months - scoff down their food, laughter filling your previously quiet apartment. It was the sobering thought that allowing his indiscretion to go unpunished would condone his treatment of you and the life you had once built together. You managed to keep any malice or hurt at bay as you both put your son to bed - the little boy could not be happier even if you had brought him that one toy he was nagging you about the previous day.
Wordlessly you both made your way back to the dining room, this time you armed yourself with a glass of wine, more for the distraction than actual refreshment. Sensing you had something to say, Wonshik sat across from you.
"You're cheating on me." you said, hearing your words waver. In the many dramas you watched, you always assumed confrontations such as these were filled with righteous anger but all you felt was heartbreak at verbalizing the breakdown of your marriage.
Instantly Wonshik objected; his words flustered. "I would never-"
You interrupted him with a dispassionate reply. "Sounds like a plan. Can't you just tell your wife you're at a meeting? She believed you last time. I already miss you. I love you Wonshikkie." the words you uttered soured in your mouth. Were those tears you felt?
"(F/n) I..." Wonshik trailed off, swallowing hard. He was so careful. How did you manage to find out? He made sure to change his clothes when he saw Sohee to avoid any perfume or lipstick rubbing off on his shirts. He had an alibi every time he was late. How did you-? Wonshik found the answer did not matter as he stared at you, nausea washing over him. He had never seen you so broken before.
"How long? At least give me the courtesy of being honest." you said, staring at the glass in front of you. After avoiding the tears for so long, you could no longer find it within you to stop them.
"Two months." his gruff voice answered. "I'm sorry...I don't know why I did it."
"I'm sure you are." you laughed humorlessly. "You're sorry you got caught. I couldn't care why you did it, the point is you carried on. Happy to treat me like a fool."
"I never saw you that way." Wonshik pleaded, wishing there was some way for you to not have the conversation you were having. "I have no excuses for what I did. Please forgive me."
"You know..." you began, trying to steady your voice, "I thought I was the problem. I wanted to be the wife who supported you in everything you did. The wife who created a home with our son, a place you could come back to. I didn't mind doing everything from taking care of Hongbin to the housework. I didn't mind waiting every night only for you to come home only to go straight to bed without so much as a 'how was your day?'. I didn't mind because I loved you, so when you were annoyed with the affection I tried to show, I thought I was the problem. That there must've been something I missed but this whole time it was you." the more you spoke, the more you felt betrayed. How many nights did you spend tossing and turning, thinking on how to remedy a problem that was not even yours?
Wonshik moved to take the seat next to yours, trying to take your hands in his but you refused. "I know, it's my fault. I didn't know you felt like this, I'm so sorry. You're the perfect wife and mother I just...give me a chance to make this right. I promise I'll do better."
"For someone so perfect, you sure don't treat me like it. I think it would be better...if we got a divorce. You can see Hongbin whenever you like but as far as I'm concerned if it doesn't concern our son I want nothing to do with you." at first you felt shocked at the words that left your mouth but the more you spoke, the more you realized that it was the only option you had left. Living with someone you could not trust was too much, even for you.
"Don't say things like that lightly." Wonshik responded, his deep voice dropping an octave as he stared at the wedding ring decorating his left hand.
"Don't say things like that lightly?" you mocked in voice loud enough for you to realize that you did not wish to wake Hongbin up. "How dare you say something like that to me when you're the one who put our marriage in jeopardy in the first place? I'm done Wonshik. You win." you admitted, feeling fatigued all over again.
"I love you. I'll do anything to make this right. I'll stop, I won't see her, I'll be home on time, just please." he begged, wondering how it was he managed to gamble and lose everything important to him.
"It's funny that the first time you tell me you love me in months is after I discover your affair. Tonight, you can take the guest room but I want you gone in the morning." you coldly stated and promptly stopped when you heard the pitter-patter of little feet coming your way.
"Mama, are you crying?" Hongbin asked as he hopped into your lap and tried to use his little sleeves to remove the track marks.
"Not anymore." you tried to give your child a reassuring smile but regrettably felt the tears fill your vision. "Hongbinnie...Papa is going to be living somewhere else for a while okay?" you decided breaking the news at once would be best.
"Papa why?" Hongbin asked pouting, moving from you to his father.
Wonshik looked at you as if trying to convince you otherwise. "Papa has to work but I'll be back before you know it!"
"We don't know that for sure." you almost chastised him for giving Hongbin false hope. "But you and Mama are going to have fun, right?" you cheerfully exclaimed to your son's delight after the confusion had lifted.
"Now off to bed. Papa still wants to talk to Mama okay? I'll come say goodnight later." Wonshik spoke sweetly to his son, watching him with careful eyes as he skipped back to his room. You could fault him on much but not his parenting skills.
You immediately got up, knowing there was nothing you had left to discuss. You walked past him only to find yourself pulled back by his firm yet gentle grip on your wrist.
"(F/n) please."
You turned around looking into your husband's pleading eyes and felt your limit being reached.
"Please Wonshik." you replied, exasperated. "Do you not understand how hard this is for me? I'm tired. I want to sleep. You weren't the one lying awake all night knowing your spouse was cheating on you. And besides, now your mistress won't have to miss you like I did. You're free. Just let me go." your strong speech ended as nothing more than a puff of air, obstructed by the lump in your throat returning.
You were unsure if the brief stab in your heart was out of relief or hurt when you felt your wrist freed. Without another look, you walked to your bedroom that felt lonelier than before, shut the door behind you and leaned your head against it, feeling the tears cascade down your face once more.
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