“Long story short, the house ended up more expensive than we thought it’d be…” Changkyun sighs. “Everything you see here is from our own houses or came with this one. We don’t have enough money to pay you above minimum wage, and we’re very sorry about that.”

Baekhyun blinks, still in a daze from hearing the story. “Uh, no,” he says, waving a hand. “It’s fine. I’ll do it.”

Sana lets out a little scream of surprise. “Really?” she asks, almost disbelievingly. “I’m so glad! The kids love you already, you know.”

Baekhyun chuckles a little bashfully. “When can I move in?”

Changkyn raises his eyebrows. “Immediately, please. Or as soon as you can.”

Baekhyun’s a bit taken aback, but he lives with a roommate and doesn’t have much stuff anyway, so he agrees to move in the next day.

“Oh, and one more thing.” Sana smiles, embarrassed. “Our limousine is unfortunately broken, and you didn’t mention to be a proficient mechanic, so if you have a car, we’d be much obliged if you could haul us around in that.”

And this is how Baekhyun became a single father of eight…

***

“That’s the last of it!” Daehwi exclaims, putting the last box down on the rug. “Man, you don’t have a lot, do you?”

“No.” Baekhyun starts ping his suitcase. “My roommate owned all our furniture, so I only needed my clothes and whatever else I own.”

Boy, was Jongdae ready to get rid of him. Baekhyun thinks that was the happiest he’d ever seen his roommate, but to be fair, Baekhyun used to be really annoying.

“What will you start doing?” Daehwi asks, and to be honest, Baekhyun doesn’t know either. “You have a Roomba, right?” he asks in vain hope, but Daehwi nods excitedly.

“His name’s Ben!” Baekhyun nearly spits. What a normal name. Hey, at least he won’t have to worry about vacuuming.

“I think I’ll start by…” He glances at his watch. Five past twelve. “Making lunch.”

“Oh my god!” Daehwi gasps, rushing out of the room. Baekhyun’s confused until he hears the boy screaming that ‘Baekhyun’s gonna cook!’.
Baekhyun chuckles. This kid.

***

“Have you been living off fast food and takeout every day?”

Baekhyun cannot believe this. Such a huge fridge, and the only things in it are two bottles of champagne and a carton of eggs.

And milk. Three jugs of milk.

Baekhyun wants to cry. Instead, he pulls himself up to his full (admittedly-not-too-tall) height and declares, “I’m going shopping. Who else wants to go?”

“Me!” Celia’s hand shoots up, and she drags Yoojung along too. “We’ll go!”

“Jungkook, you too,” Changkyun says from his place on the counter. “I’m counting on you to keep them in check.”

“Aye aye, sir!” Jungkook winks and throws a salute. Baekhyun mentally facepalms.

“You do have a car, right?” Yoojung asks skeptically. Daehwi takes that moment to yell, “Yeah, he has a minivan!”

“A minivan!” Celia breathes reverently.

“Seatbelts on,” Baekhyun orders, turning the key. “I don’t care if you’ve never worn them before, you will start now.”

***

As they pull up to the large concrete building, the kids stare out with wide eyes.

“HE’S TAKING US TO PRISON!” Yoojung moans, grabbing her hair.

“Have you never seen a ing Costco?” Baekhyun mutters under his breath. Yoojung promptly shuts up to glare at him.

After he parks the minivan, the kids burst out and charge into the store, with Baekhyun trailing behind, showing ship card to the greeter apologetically.

“Who needs this much mayonnaise? Is this legal?” someone asks loudly.

“Who cares? I want it!”

“Ooh! Look at this box of chips! It’s the perfect size!”

“Are you kidding? We’ll get fat!”

“We can always exercise.”

“Either way, why is all this stuff so ing huge?”

“Haha, that’s what she said.”

Baekhyun sighs. They really should have made a list, but as far as he knows, he just… needs to get every single variety of produce he can find.

Maybe some earplugs too.

“Hey, guys…” he calls, uncertain. “If you want something, you’re paying for it yourself. I’m paying for the food.”

The kids stop to look at him weirdly. “What?” Jungkook asks, bewildered. “No, we’re paying for our own food. I mean, you just cook and it’ll be fine. It’s not your job to pay for stuff we need.”

“Exactly.” Yoojung picks up a fleece jacket. “I guess we forgot to mention that.”

Baekhyun’s still confused, but Celia presses a golden card into his hand. “It’s our joint account,” she says with a wink. Baekhyun shudders at both the wink and the substantial amount of power he hold in his hand.

With just this single card alone, he can pay off all his student loans, all his other debts, get himself a fineass house, ensure his parents’ retirement…

“ it.” Baekhyun pinches himself. “Stop dreaming with money that’s not yours.”

He shakes his head angrily, glancing at his charges. Jungkook is flipping through a picture book, Yoojung is searching through the racks of jackets, and Celia is…
Staring at him?

He raises his eyebrows and slowly turns away. They’ll be fine. He quickly walks towards the produce section. That kale is looking mighty good right now… oh, and maybe he’ll get some meat too.

***
“Hey, where’d he go?”

It’s Jungkook who first poses the question. Startled, Yoojung looks up. It’s true; Baekhyun is nowhere in sight.

“He abandoned us!” she fumes. “It is a prison!”

Celia giggles, pointing to a section filled with racks of fruits and vegetables. “He went there,” she says dreamily. Yoojung and Jungkook exchange a glance, and then Yoojung takes her friend by the shoulders.

“Are, you,” she enunciates slowly and clearly, “ing, okay?”

Celia slaps her away. “Of course,” she says casually, but Yoojung can tell she’s not.

“Nuh uh.” She stands right in front of Celia, blocking her view. “You will tell me what the is wrong with you right now.”

Behind her, Jungkook bursts out laughing. “Isn’t it obvious?” he asks, hiding his face behind Rainbow Fish. “She’s in love with him!”

Yoojung and Celia gasp at the same time.

“What the ?”

“You can tell?”

The girls stare at each other in shocked silence, and Jungkook lets out a soft, theatrical gasp. “They’ve done it now,” he whispers, grabbing another copy of Rainbow Fish. “They’re in love with the same ma- ow!”

Jungkook rubs his head where Goodnight Moon had hit him. He can literally see the steam pouring out of Yoojung’s ears.

“I am NOT in love with him!” she screams, picking up more books to throw. Jungkook ducks as a Magic Tree House book flies past his ear. “SAUCE is the one who’s making heart eyes! You ASSCOCK!”

This goes on for a few more moments until the security guards come in. Jungkook immediately straightens up, dusts off his t-shirt, and puts down The Very Hungry Caterpillar. “You see, sir,” he starts explaining without preamble, “it’s our first time here, at this wonderful place called… ah, yes, Tesco.” He nods a thanks to Celia, who facepalms. “My friends and I were simply excited, but no worries, we are willing to pay back your damage.”

“We can take the books too,” Yoojung offers magnanimously. “Ooh, Corduroy. Sounds very interesting.” She flashes her brightest smile at the guard, who blinks twice.

“I’m afraid that’s not…” He trails off as Celia appears before him, blinking tears out of her eyes.

“Please, sir,” she whimpers in a small voice. “We didn’t mean to cause such a mess… we’ll help fix it up, we promise!”

As if they’d previously agreed on it, Jungkook hurries forward to drag Celia out of the way, and Yoojung’s forehead creases. “You made my sister cry!” she accuses, an angry note creeping into her voice. “We already offered to pay for the damage! What more could you want from us?”

The security guard seems to be caught… ah, off-guard, and he looks to the shoppers gathered around him. Someone’s recording the scene with her phone, but no one offers any help.

“Excuse me, sorry, please let me through.” A harried, exasperated voice reaches through the crowd. “Sorry, sorry, I need to get through.”

“There’s our brother!” Jungkook says, pointing to Baekhyun, who’s just emerged into the ring of chaos. “Baek- uh, Robert! They made Selena cry! Tell them that we’ll pay them back and let’s go home already!”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows shoot up into his forehead behind his bangs. Robert? Celia crying? Books strewn across the concrete floor? What the had happened here?

He looks up at the buff security guard, swallowing a bit. “Um, you see, sir,” he stammers, clutching his basket of vegetables to his stomach. “They’re a bit excited. They come from, um, Switzerland, you see, where there aren’t any Costcos, so they, um… please forgive them for anything they might have…” He dares to sneak a glance at the kids. “Done.” He tries his best to offer a smile at the guard. “We’ll pay you back, don’t worry.”

The security guard stares at him for a moment, then sighs and beckons for them to follow. Baekhyun turns, glares at the kids and jerks his head, and sets off after the guard.

“I’ll need your names, please.” The security guard sits them down in a gray office. “It’s just for security reasons, in case you’re a terrorist, which I now know you’re not.”

Baekhyun panics inside, looking to Jungkook for their alibi. Thankfully, the boy doesn’t disappoint.

“My brother’s Robert,” he says confidently. “I’m Juan, my youngest sister is Selena, and my other sister is” - he pauses for just a brief moment - “Shakira.”

Baekhyun nearly coughs blood. Shakira his . Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Celia shaking, face still buried in her hands, but he’s ninety percent sure that she’s laughing instead of crying.

“Oh, please.” Yoojung’s face is completely red, and her voice is strained from trying not to laugh. “You know I go by-”

“Shakira.” The security guard interrupts her sentence. His face is completely blank, and Baekhyun almost curses out loud. “Your parents named you Shakira.”

“Our parents adored Latin music,” Jungkook says loftily, waving a hand. “Of course, they adore my sister too, so they really killed two birds with one stone there.”

Oh, my, ing, god. Baekhyun doesn’t dare breathe, wondering how the the guard’s going to take this preposterous story. Thankfully, the guard seems to give up and just shakes his head, jotting the names down.

“Okay.” He stands up, paper in hand. “I need to talk this over with the manager real quick. Y’all just stay seated for a second, okay?”

As soon as he’s gone, Baekhyun collapses in his seat, holding a hand to his heart. Jungkook deflates too, letting out a low whistle. Yoojung and Celia, however, burst out laughing.

“Sh- Sh- Shakira!” Yoojung cackles, kicking her feet against the floor, holding her stomach. “I can’t believe he fell for that!”

Baekhyun clears his throat, finding the situation completely not funny at all. “Will someone please explain what happened there?” he asks, trying to be polite and failing. Jungkook opens and closes his mouth like a fish, and Yoojung’s still wheezing, so in the end, it’s Celia who - while staring unblinking at him - tells the story.

“Jungkook insulted Yoojung, and she got mad and started throwing books at him.” She refuses to elaborate on the specific situation, and Baekhyun gives up trying to find out.

“This is a public store,” he hisses, taking out a leek from his basket and shaking it. “You have to behave! It’s not home where we can do whatever we want and no one will judge. This is the public! We could get arrested for this!”

“It’s fine.” Jungkook waves a hand, reaching over to tap Baekhyun’s pocket. “We have this, remember?”

Baekhyun feels like his head is going to explode. “You can’t just pay your way out of everything!” he explodes, crushing the poor leek (juice flies everywhere). “I know you’re rich and everything, but it makes it so damn hard on, first off, me! And all those other people who just came to shop!”

“Actually, one of them was recording us,” Yoojung points out, smoothing her hair. “But we understand. We’ll keep ourselves behaved if it bothers you.”

Something about the casualness of her voice pisses Baekhyun off. “You don’t do it for my sake,” he grits out between his teeth. “Do it because it’s- what, right?”

The gaze Yoojung turns upon him is cold, something he’d never expected from such a bright girl. “Then quit,” she says mercilessly. “You don’t have to work for us.”

“Yoojung,” Celia whispers, gaze darting between her and Baekhyun. “Yoojung, don’t do this.”

“I’m only telling the truth.” Yoojung shrugs, turning away from him. “If he quits, we can just find someone else.”

It’s like a sword through his heart. To them, Baekhyun is simply a chess piece, an expendable pawn, while to him, they’re his--

They’re his life now, whether or not he wants it. They’re his only source of income, his only shelter, food, warmth, everything. It’s not as if he couldn’t go back to Jongdae, but that man hated him.

He can’t just casually find another job. It was hard enough graduating as a concert pianist, but Baekhyun made stupid choices when he was young.

Taking in a deep breath, Baekhyun tamps down his anger (bitter cold) and nods slightly. “Sure, we’ll pay them,” he says in a monotone. Jungkook’s eyes widen in relief, and Celia visibly relaxes. Yoojung only shrugs, but he can see her shoulders untense as well.

They sit in cold silence until the security guard comes back. “Alright, sir,” he says, handing Baekhyun a piece of paper. “I just need you to sign your name here.”

Baekhyun almost signs his real name, but he remembers in the nick of time. He doesn’t know whose card he has, but he signs his name as ‘Robert Lee’ and almost adds a letter E in the middle.

The guard holds out an electronic card reader, and Baekhyun takes out the card, swiping it once. The guard frowns after taking a look at the screen.

“This card belongs to a Hyunwook Jeon,” he points out.

“Yes, that’s my uncle,” Jungkook cuts in smoothly. “He gave us his card to use while we’re visiting. My father is, unfortunately, no longer…”

The security guard immediately looks like he regrets every single life choice, and he nods quickly, pressing a few buttons to confirm the transaction. “You’re all free to go,” he says apologetically. “I’m very sorry to have kept you so long.”

“What about the receipt?” Baekhyun asks, voice rusty. “My vegetables.”

The guard’s eyes widen, and he scribbles something down on a notepad, tearing it off and handing it to Baekhyun. “Just show them this,” he says. “Y’all have a good day.”

The car ride home is silent, but finally, as Baekhyun pulls into the garage, Yoojung says, “What a bull story. Your father is completely fine.”

Jungkook smiles, albeit a bit humorlessly. “Well, I couldn’t just expose us, could I?”

Yoojung shakes her head once and slides out of the car. Jungkook follows her, but not before touching Baekhyun once on the shoulder. Celia leaves the car last, and she says, “Please don’t leave. She didn’t mean it.”

Baekhyun turns around after opening the trunk and manages a smile. “Thanks,” he says. “It’s not like I can leave anyway. Go ahead and head inside. I’ll take the stuff in.” 
After a brief hesitation, she complies, and Baekhyun locks the car, heaving a heavy sigh. He only bought necessities, barely enough for tonight’s dinner, and it’s well past two o’clock by now. He can only hope that the kids will have eaten something by now.

As soon as he enters the kitchen, Daehwi and Yerim attack him, pulling the groceries from his hands.

“Jungkook told us what happened!” Daehwi wails, tears streaking down his face. “Don’t leave us! Yoojung’s just mean but she’s really nice!”

“WE NEED YOU!” Yerim screams, taking his arm and shaking it. “WE PROMISE TO BEHAVE!”

Oh, god. These kids. Suddenly, Baekhyun sees Changkyun coming to his rescue and heaves a--

--very large sigh as the kid kneels in front of him, tears welling in his eyes. “Baekhyun,” he pleads, biting his lip. “Please. The kids need you. We need you.”

Beyond Changkyun’s melodrama, Baekhyun can see Lisa, clinging onto Sana, eyes uncertain. He feels like he somewhat understands.

These kids are rich, but they’re still just kids. They’re lonely, rich, and dysfunctional. He just needs to be patient with them, mold them into great people.

He needs to be Maria von Trapp

(Baekhyun has a fleeting vision of leading a herd of young sheep into a meadow and singing Do Re Mi happily under the sunshine.)

“Okay, it’s okay.” He awkwardly pats heads and shoulders. “I forgive all of you, including Yoojung, wherever she is. I didn’t get it before, but I’ll try to be patient with you. Did you all eat?”

Nods all around. “We got takeout,” Sana explains. “The dogs are the dishes.”

Baekhyun starts, then becomes increasingly aware of the slurping noises coming from near the fountain area.

“Oh no,” he groans.