A New Paradise
King’s Amazing Residence of Love
Paradise. It’s the first word that flashes through Baekhyun’s mind as he steps out of his car. Large white arches and columns dominate the mansion in front of him, and Baekhyun suddenly considers quitting his new job.
“I could have sworn that kid said he was younger than me…” he murmurs to himself, looking down at his phone.
From: [email protected]
Message: Hello, Mr. Byun. My name is Im Changkyun, and I saw your Craigslist ad about looking for a job. My friends and I live in a house together, and while many of us are of age, we nonetheless require a guardian who can take responsibility for the house and my younger friends. I am greatly impressed by your skill set and would like to arrange an in-person meeting. Please let me know if you will be available to chat this Saturday at 2 pm at the Starbucks in XX Shopping Center. Thank you so much.
From: [email protected]
Message: I’m honored, Mr. Im! I am definitely available to talk, and I look forward to meeting you!
From: [email protected]
Message: Mr. Byun, I’m very glad we talked yesterday. I feel comfortable introducing you to my friends. Can you please come to 1427 Forsythia Drive for an orientation? It’s on the outer edges of Los Angeles, so I’m sorry if you have to drive a while. If you are satisfied with my friends and our house, we would like to hire you as our full-time housekeeper. I will send you details after you tell me your decision.
Baekhyun sighs, looking up at the house again. The Changkyun kid said he was born in 1996, which makes him a full four years younger than Baekhyun. If his friends trusted him to be in charge of finding the housekeeper, it’s very likely that said friends would be even younger.
He shakes his head and starts across the spacious, tiled driveway. He can already tell it’s going to be a doozy of a job.
***
“Mr. Byun!” Changkyun opens the door, eyes alight with excitement. He turns his head and hollers, “Guys, he’s here! Hurry up!” Whipping back around to face Baekhyun, he says, cheerfully, “Please, come in! We’re looking forward to showing you around!”
Baekhyun toes off his shoes and carefully steps inside. Immediately, he wishes he could run back out, because holy is this house big. Immediately facing him are two spiraling staircases leading up to the second floor, and behind them, he can see a fountain, spouting water.
A fountain. Baekhyun feels his face heating up. These kids are likely all younger than him, and they have a fountain in their house. He’s twenty-six, posting ads on Craigslist for a job, any job.
“Mr. Byun,” Changkyun says, leading him to the left. Baekhyun follows mindlessly, awestruck by the beautiful interior modelling of the house. Parts of it are sleek and modern, while other parts are classic architecture. He follows Changkyun to a large table beside a large window, sitting down with Changkyun.
“What do you think so far?” the kid asks, smiling slightly. Baekhyun doesn’t even know what to say. He can only shake his head in wonder.
“It’s amazing,” he confesses. “I’ve never seen such a marvelous house.”
Changkyun lets out a small laugh, but if he was going to say anything else, a clamor of different voices interrupts him.
“I want to meet him first!”
“Stop ing pushing in the hallway oh my god!”
“Guys, calm the down, it’s just a dude.”
Taken aback, Baekhyun can only stare at the large group of kids who plop down at the table, grinning. Changkyun sighs, briefly lowering his head. “My friends,” he introduces to Baekhyun. “Can we introduce ourselves one by one to this poor man?”
“You start,” a girl with dyed orange hair retorts. Changkyun shrugs and turns to Baekhyun.
“My name is Im Changkyun,” he says monotonously. “I am twenty-two years old. I was born in Korea, but my family moved here when I was three. I work as a Dillard’s salesman.”
He gestures to a quiet girl with long blond hair. “Hi,” she says with a smile. “I am Minatozaki Sana. I’m also twenty-two, and I am ethnically Japanese.”
“Hey there.” Baekhyun is startled when the next voice comes from the girl with orange hair. “I’m Lalisa Manoban, Thai, twenty-one. Call me Lisa.”
She jerks her head towards the boy sitting across from her. He smiles charmingly and holds up a hand. “I’m Jeon Jungkook,” he says brightly. “I’m turning twenty-one soon, and I’m a street dancer!”
The girl next to him rolls her eyes. “Choi Yoojung,” she says. “I’m turning nineteen this year.” She nudges the girl next to her.
“I’m Fang Wenqian,” the girl says with a smile, pushing up her glasses. “I’m Chinese, turning eighteen this year, and feel free to call me Celia.”
The last boy, sitting next to Baekhyun, laughs into his hand. “I’m Daehwi,” he says, still laughing. “Lee Daehwi. I’m seventeen.”
The last girl looks uncomfortable and offers an awkward smile. “I’m Yerim Choi,” she says, “And I’m turning seventeen this year.”
Baekhyun nods, trying to process all this information. The boy in the suit - was it Jeonkook? - coughs. “It’s your turn now, mister,” he prompts. Baekhyun panics a bit because crap he didn’t practice-
“I’m Byun Baekhyun,” he starts hesitantly, “but feel free to just call me Baekhyun. I’m twenty-six, and I guess I’ll be your housekeeper from now on.”
“Hold.” Changkyun puts his hand on the table. “You haven’t even seen the rest of the house yet. Decide afterwards, and if you still want to take the offer, we’ll discuss terms.”
“Sure.” Baekhyun isn’t in a position to refuse, and some of the kids cheer - he remembers the Daehwi kid, the Celia girl, and the girl with orange hair (Lisa, right?).
“ALRIGHT!” Changkyun bellows, and the group falls quiet immediately. He puts his hands up in a gesture of thanks. “I’m going to show Baekhyun around, and I need two more people.” All seven hands shoot into the air, and Changkyun sighs. “Sana and…” He hesitates, considering his options. “Daehwi. The rest of you go to your rooms.”
Unwillingly and with a lot of complaints, the five others comply. Sana flashes Baekhyun a smile, and Daehwi starts talking like a machine gun, blasting out words.
“Our house is literally the coolest!” he tells Baekhyun cheerfully as they follow Changkyun into the kitchen. “Look at that! Marble countertops, dude! State-of-the-art equipment, rosewood cabinets! Pity most of us can’t cook, though.”
Changkyun nods, opening a door that Baekhyun had thought was a walk-in pantry. It turns out to be the garage. “We only have one car, but if you accept our offer, you’ll park here too.”
He closes the door, and Sana leads them out past the dining room. The room beside it seems like a children’s paradise, with an entire playset. “Friday nights are family nights,” Sana explains with a smile. “Sometimes we have sleepovers in here.”
Right across from the family room is the living room. Baekhyun raises his eyebrows at its simplicity. Daehwi implores him to ‘look at the fireplace’, but all Baekhyun can focus on is the giant wall-mounted TV.
“Our gallery!” Daehwi forcibly drags Baekhyun over to a set of three separately-standing walls filled with pictures. “Sana really likes photography, and Changkyun has this weird habit of collecting pictures, so we have this beauty!”
Changkyun steps in and silently points out one of the pictures. Baekhyun raises his eyebrows.
“Ah,” he says carefully. “It’s beautiful. The faint blue in the background is very nice. I like the reality of it.”
Changkyun nods, satisfied, and leads on. The next room is a half bathroom, but the door beside it captures Baekhyun’s eye.
“Clever idea!” he exclaims, lightly touching the spines of the books. “Where does this door lead?”
Daehwi lets out a shrieking laugh, shaking Baekhyun’s arm. “Try it, try it!” he cackles gleefully. Confused, Baekhyun looks to Changkyun and Sana, who suppress smiles. With no choice, Baekhyun takes the doorknob in his hand and turns it.
The door is locked. Baekhyun jerks back, however, in shock.
“It’s not a real door?” he asks. “There’s no lock on it.”
Sana chuckles, moving forward. “Do you read, Baekhyun?” she asks, touching each book as she names it. “Gone With the Wind, To Kill a Mockingbird, Catcher in the Rye, As You Like It.” Her hand stops. “The Great Gatsby.” In a swift motion, she removes the book, and Baekhyun hears an audible click.
“Welcome to the library, Baekhyun.” Changkyun looks smug, and Daehwi’s almost rolling on the floor laughing. Baekhyun shakes his head, utterly at a loss for words.
“Gatsby for the lavish lifestyle we lead,” Sana chuckles. “Come on in.”
As soon as Baekhyun steps into the library, he’s struck with a sense of nostalgia and deja vu. This room, all honey-colored maple, is definitely worth the secrecy.
“The books on the door are fake,” Daehwi tells him excitedly. “Gatsby is the only one you can remove, but oh my god, we have literally every single book here! We preorder them, and our parents send them to us too!”
“We have books in all different languages,” Changkyun says, picking up a book with Korean lettering on the cover. “Pieces of home.”
Before Baekhyun can really look around, Changkyun is pushing him out, and Daehwi is dragging him to the next room. “Dude, it’s the coolest room in the house,” he promises, throwing open the door.
At first, it doesn’t look like much, just a white screen, a bunch of pillows, and -- oh.
A projector.
It’s a home movie theater.
“The speakers are built into the ceiling,” Changkyun says proudly. “I installed them myself.”
“And Jungkook just helped, I assume?” Sana mutters. Changkyun rolls his eyes but doesn’t say anything.
“Next room!” Daehwi yells, and Baekhyun’s pulled along before he can even say a word.
“We wash our clothes once a week,” Sana says. “You’d think we wouldn’t know how to use a washing machine, being rich and all, but we do.”
Baekhyun feels his face heating up because yes, he had been thinking that.
The room next to it has a wide door, but Changkyun makes no move to open it, instead walking across the hall.
“Wait,” Baekhyun calls. “What about that one?”
Daehwi giggles, blurting out, “That’s for the girls! They do their makeup and stuff in there.”
Sana turns the doorknob. “We have a communal closet in here as well, so we can borrow each other’s clothes without having to raid personal closets.”
Baekhyun nods quickly, realizing that he will most definitely never need to come into this room. Across the hall, Changkyun throws open the door with a flourish.
“If you do decide to work for us,” he says, “this will be your room. It has a bathroom too, but I trust you know how bathrooms look.” Quickly, before Baekhyun’s eyes can even widen, Changkyun steers him away.
“NOW FOR THE BEST ROOM IN THE WORLD!” Daehwi screams, jumping up and down. “Come on, Baekhyun, hurry!”
“Forgive him,” Sana sighs affectionately. “He loves that room.”
Baekhyun can’t help himself.
He gasps.
“You like it?” Changkyun asks quietly, watching Daehwi pick up a guitar and strum it. “We all do music here. This room’s a must-have.”
“Like it?” For not-the-first time that day, Baekhyun is completely speechless. “I’d die for this room.”
Sana laughs. “I guess that means you’re working for us.”
“Definitely,” Baekhyun breathes. “Is that a Bosendorfer? Holy--”
He stops himself before he can curse, and Changkyun chuckles. “Yes,” he confirms. “Let’s go upstairs now.”
“Wait,” Daehwi yells, “did you show him the fountain?”
“It’s okay, I saw it coming in.” Maybe it’s greed, maybe it’s jealousy, but Baekhyun wants badly to see the upstairs, to see whether or not it compares to the first floor.
“It’s all bedrooms upstairs,” Changkyun tells him, leading the way up one of the staircases. “We’ll be starting with my room.”
Changkyun takes a sharp left, and they enter a room in the corner, beside a large balcony.
“It’s not much.” Changkyun shrugs. “I’m a simplistic person.”
“Yerim next!” Daehwi shouts, pushing open the door straight across. Yerim jumps up from a large pink stool, and a tiny ball of curly fur rushes at Baekhyun, barking.
Baekhyun panics, yelling, but Sana scoops the fur into her arms. “Bad Simba!” she chastises. “Yerim, you should know better.”
Yerim pouts. “Sorry, Baekhyun,” she says. “Are you afraid of dogs? It would be really bad if you were.”
“N-no.” Baekhyun takes a breath and looks around the room. “I was just surprised.”
“Come along, Yerim!” Daehwi implores, restless in the doorway. “Let’s go bother Jungkook!”
Jungkook, the boy in the suit, turns out to be next door.
“Oh, boy.” The words are out of Baekhyun’s mouth before he even realizes. Jungkook smiles proudly.
“It’s cool, isn’t it?” He points to another object, in the smack-dab center of the room. “Did you see this? It’s my one true love.”
“I did.” Baekhyun holds back a smile. “I like Superman better, though.”
“Ew, DC.” Jungkook actually looks disgusted. “Come on, man, Marvel’s definitely the winner here.”
“Jungkook has bunnies,” Yerim pipes up, and Baekhyun turns his gaze to the cage near the window.
“His name is Tony,” Jungkook explains smugly. “After Tony Stark.”
“We know,” Changkyun interrupts, steering Baekhyun out of the room. “Yerim, keep him occupied or something.”
Unfortunately, both Jungkook and Yerim decide to tag along.
They pass the next door and instead walk out onto the balcony.
“The balcony’s connected to Yoojung’s room,” Sana says, knocking on the second door. “It annoys her to no end when we play pranks.”
Sure enough, Yoojung’s scowling face is enough to tell Baekhyun that the girl does not welcome such an entrance.
“Welcome to my room,” she says, spreading her arms out. “I keep it clean, so I don’t think you’d have to clean it much.”
“Oh, you have a dog too?” Baekhyun notices, seeing the small puppy curled up on the (messy) bedspread. Yoojung smiles, picking it up.
“His name’s Paco,” she declares proudly. “I saved him from a car on the street just last month.”
“She got him at the shelter,” Changkyun interjects, holding the door open. “Shall we?”
Next door, Lisa greets them with enthusiasm that contrasts with her room.
“My favorite colors are black and pink,” she says, hugging a pineapple to her chest. “I couldn’t decide which one I wanted for my room, so I decided to have both!”
Baekhyun nods, unsure of the pineapple, but Daehwi drags him out of the room again. “My turn!” he shouts. “You’ll love my room, Baekhyun!”
To be honest, Baekhyun hates the room. It’s too minimalistic, but to Daehwi’s grinning face, he musters a huge smile.
“I love it!” he tells him happily. “It’s a great room!”
Sana coughs into her hand. “I hate it,” she admits, and Daehwi puts a hand to his chest. He’s about to speak when Sana whirls out of the room.
“My room is so much better,” she says, and Baekhyun screams again when a giant husky pounces at him.
“Oh my gosh!” For the first time since meeting her, Sana sounds angry. “Bad Kimmy! Bad girl! You should be ashamed of yourself!”
Once Baekhyun gets over his second heart attack of the day, the room’s actually not bad. He decides that he won’t have to clean this one much either.
“The last room is Sauce’s,” Yerim says. “Oops, Celia’s.”
Despite himself, Baekhyun snorts. “Sauce?” he asks without thinking, and then shuts up.
“I called myself DJ Worcestershire as a joke once,” Celia explains, getting off her bed. "Yerim and Lisa decided to call me Sauce, and the name stuck.”
“Oh, Baekhyun!” Daehwi suddenly remembers, patting his arm. “Celia has a cat, not a dog!”
“Her name is Sparrow,” Celia explains, almost bursting. “For-”
“Captain Jack Sparrow.” Baekhyun chuckles, and Changkyun rolls his eyes.
“That’s it for the rooms,” he says, leading the group downstairs again. “We’ll go down now. And none of you can come,” he warns the other five, who whine.
“The basement’s actually not too big,” Sana warns, as they return - once again - to the dining room. Beside the window, Changkyun flips a switch, and a whole section of the floor rises up.
“There aren’t any railings,” Daehwi says, “so you have to be really careful.”
“Actually, Sana, Lisa, and I are the only ones who can legally drink,” Changkyun says, leaning against a glass door, “but no one cares about the law here.”
“I do!” Daehwi insists. “And so does Yerim!”
Sana chuckles and turns to the other room. “These are the only computers in the house,” she says. “I’d like it better if the light wasn’t blue, but the guys insist it helps them focus on gaming.”
“Overwatch!” Changkyun seems, for the first time, excited. “Do you play, Baek?”
Baekhyun hadn’t known they were on nickname terms. “I play League,” he says. “I , though, but one of my friends is a national champion. Korea, of course.”
“Wow!” Daehwi’s eyes are as round as saucers. “Can you introduce us sometime?”
“Someday,” Baekhyun promises, as they head back up. “Are we done?”
“Not yet.” Sana unlocks the back door. “Welcome to our expansive gardens.”
“Sh-- crap,” Baekhyun whispers, reaching out reverently. “How much do you pay your gardener?”
He doesn’t get an answer, and his hosts move down the path. “There’s way more,” Changkyun says, pointing to a pond. “Beyond that is the Eastern garden.”
He makes a sharp heel-faced turn. “Shall we go back in to discuss your options?”
***
“Here’s the thing, Baekhyun.” Changkyun sighs, dropping his face into his hands. “I’m sure you’ve noticed, but we have exactly zero staff.”
Baekhyun’s noticed. It makes him nervous, then, to hear the next words that come out of Changkyun’s mouth.
“We need you to do everything,” he says heavily, “from being the gardener to the cook to the maid.”
“We’re really sorry about this,” Sana interjects sincerely. “I swear it’s not actually that bad because we can take care of the inside pretty well.”
Changkyun taps her hand. “We also spent all of our money on the house,” he continues quietly, “so we can only pay you minimum wage*.”
“In our defense, you’ll be here all day, every day,” Sana says quickly. “You’ll have basically free reign to use anything you want, and we’ll accept you as part of our family. If you need the money to support your own family or something, we’ll help you as much as we can-”
“It’s fine.” Baekhyun doesn’t mean to interrupt, but the terms have very clear pros and cons, and he’s a little worried. “Can I… have some time to think about it?”
“Definitely.” Changkyun rises to leave, but Baekhyun panics. He meant to make his decision here.
“Can you tell me how you came into possession of this house?” he asks in desperation. “And how you’re living here together without, uh, parental supervision?”
Changkyun and Sana glance at each other. Changkyun sits back down.
“Well,” he says, “it started like this.”
*Minimum wage in CA is $10.50.
Finally_Home: hi there! My name is Maggie, and I'm one of the authors of this beautiful crack. Firstly, we're really really sorry if the pictures and spacing s up on mobile devices (because it took us a long time to get them aligned, and not even properly). Also, this chapter is likely going to be the longest because it's just introductions. The rest of the chapters will be shorter but pack more content. We really hope you like this story (even though it's pure crack)!
**"Shakira" goes by "Beyonce"
***Changkyun is an actual manchild
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