Family & Love

There I am sitting with my eyes widen, just like I was left at Starbucks. “Oh my gosh, this is not happening.”

“Oh it definitely is,” TOP says from behind me and I actually jump from the surprise.

“Jesus!” I exclaim, clutching my and trying to calm down my racing heart. I can even feel the adrenaline that was vigorously pumped into my veins because my body was legitimately ready for an emergency like fight or flight.

“It’s TOP,” TOP teases and I roll my eyes at his jokes. “Anyway, so it was him, huh?”

“Oh, whoa, what, no, uh, no way, I don’t know what you are talking about,” I ramble, hoping that to hide this information away, but of course I do the opposite.

“Aw, my baby Riri is finally developing his first crush!” TOP coos and I sigh, knowing that this is the dead end and all I can do is just submit to the TOP’s fanboying. “If you guys were to date, he would be your first boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah, but I doubt that would happen,” I pout and divert my gaze to the ground. My insecurities bloom anew and I can’t help but to bemoan how my demigod would never look at me that way.

“What? Why?” TOP frowns and he honestly looks puzzled. 

“Well, he is just so. Out. Of. My. League,” I accentuate to add dramatic effects. “He is so perfect and has his life together. Meanwhile, I…” I drift off and try to describe myself in the most clear way. “… I am just an orphaned high school student with average looks and with a dream of becoming a doctor, but my financial situation may not even allow me to do so. I don’t have much to offer, unlike him,” I spit the bitter truth and I feel slightly uncomfortable how this conversation turned so honest.

“Riri,” TOP suddenly says seriously and goes to the sofa and pats a place next to him. I obediently follow him and plop where he pointed. With a soft smile on his face and those lovely fatherly eyes, he cups my own hands and continues. “Listen, you are not just that. I am sure with your ridiculously high grades, you will not have problems with getting into a med school with a full scholarship. Look at you now — you are the only student in YG Private High School with a 100% scholarship. Only top 5% of the nation apply for that scholarship and since you won it, that makes you 1% actually. You have the brains, but you also have the wit.”

I gulp, feeling my throat tightening into a nod. 

“You can see the proof in Daesung. That boy hangs with only those who have a great sense of humor and also insane, just like him. Moreover, you are definitely not average looking,” TOP’s voice is smooth like honey and his orbs are so raw that I feel melt. His care stirs something old in me that nobody ever managed to do before — a sense of safety and comfort. “Honey, you were scouted multiple times by entertainment companies because they saw an idol in you. Please have more faith in yourself. I strongly believe that you will achieve so much in your life and it is just a matter of time.”

TOP squeezes my hands and I burst into tears. My hands search out for his waist as I bury my face into his neck’s crook. I hide myself there as if this was the safest place on Earth where nobody can neither find me nor harm me. 

It is moments like this that I learn to truly appreciate and love TOP — he really is the father figure that I was deprived of at a very young age. Perhaps he decided to take on this role when I first told him about my late parents. I remember clearly how shocked and distraught he was. Since then, our meetings turned more intimate and open. He is like… a real family to me. 

I bathe in this warmth and allow him to see my most vulnerable side as I cry to his chest. I often prefer to keep my posture and remain rational, but I am still just a teenager who has a lot to learn about emotions and how to handle them. I may be confident majority of times but it is because I make sure that I am knowledgeable enough to state my arguments with high certainty. However, emotional things are a novelty to me and I need human guidance no matter how many books I read.

Once my breathing slightly stabilizes I whisper. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” TOP replies as quietly as I did and I tighten my grip, pulling him closer as relief washes through me.

Maybe I really am going to be fine. This time, I am going to trust TOP’s words.

The next days rolls sm