Monochromatic Hearts

 

 

“A car accident?”

 

Jongin watches his manager still in between his pacing, his stress lines prominent on the skin of his forehead as he listens intently to the person on the phone. The idol on the other hand resumes back to watching a dance video on Youtube, resting on the one couch they placed in this practice room. They’re going to be late.

 

“But we need Minseok. It’s the red carpet.” Junmyeon says exasperatedly, a hand now on his hip as he hears from the other line. He releases a heavy sigh, glancing at the idol before saying something more mutedly and hanging up the phone.

 

“There’s been a car accident on the way to pick up Minseok. It’s causing a roadblock. They’re making a detour,” Junmyeon elaborates, pressing on his forehead. “We’ll have to drive there and catch up on the way. They won’t be able to make it here and arrive at the venue in time.”

 

Jongin puts his phone to sleep, sitting up. “What about Luhan?”

 

“We’ll meet him on the way.” Junmyeon gestures him to get up as he walks to the door. Jongin follows on his tail soon after. 

 

They’re in Junmyeon’s personal car now and Jongin sits back in his seat, staring at nothing. “Stop by my place. I need to grab something.”

 

Junmyeon looks at him in disbelief. “What could you possibly need at your place?”

 

“My phone charger. I left it.”

 

Junmyeon probably wanted to say ‘you can borrow mine’ before remembering they’re not even using the same phones. Jongin owns an iPhone while his manager is an Android user. The manager sighs, putting on his safety belt. “Can’t you wait until you meet the team and borrow from them?”

 

“My phone is dying.” He says as he unlocks his phone, the battery life reading 76% at the top, as he opens the navigation app.

 

-

 

“Be quick.” Junmyeon doesn’t bother going up the residence parking, only waiting at the pickup-dropoff point as he watches Jongin opening and closing the car door before rushing to the entrance doors, tapping his access card.

 

Junmyeon worries his lower lip as he checks the time on his watch, estimating the time taken to arrive there before the red carpet starts. They have less than 2 hours. It takes at least half an hour to reach there, at most 45 minutes for hair and makeup (if they can even find an immediate substitute). Junmyeon is in a mild distress. He hopes Jongin would not take too long. The idol has been fairly unpredictable these days it’s a little hard to manage him.

 

He has been texting and asking around for who might have some time in their hand to spare, even those already at the venue. Attending a red carpet event bare-faced and with disheveled hair is disrespecting the event. Losing count of how many times he has sighed that day, Junmyeon checks the time again. It’s only been 5 minutes but it feels like they’re losing precious time. 

 

Ringing Jongin up, he waits for the dial tone to end and for the idol to pick up, but after 5 rings he was hung up on. Junmyeon stares at his phone in disbelief, trying again. Pressing his phone to his ear, he looks out at the entrance doors for any signs of Jongin, and absently shifts his gaze ahead at the cars exiting the residence parking from the upper floors only for his jaw to go slack. “What in the hell…”

 

Because among the cars exiting there is a red SUV with a plate number Junmyeon so recognizes. He can already see himself in the meeting room having to answer to the higher management.

 

-

 

The shorter male looks up at Jongin with perplexity, so many questions written on his face. When Kyungsoo finally registers the muted crowd, he begins to look around and cower as he notes all eyes are on him. He doesn’t like this. He doesn’t like this one bit. 

 

In the corner of his eye he can see that Chanyeol is waiting for his say on this, to make sure Kyungsoo’s comfortable with this particular potential client arriving here out of nowhere and asking for his and his service only, but if Kyungsoo’s being honest he just doesn’t want to be here at this very moment. Jongin has him in a situation that is completely avoidable, but the idol’s selfish as much as he’s mean and now after all Kyungsoo’s effort of keeping himself on the low, he’s not sure if Jongin has thought this through to have come here. 

 

Kyungsoo looks at Chanyeol then, walking close to him and away from Jongin, speaking softly. “Chanyeol, I don’t want to take him.”

 

He suddenly feels a tug at his hand. “Kyungsoo please, we need to talk.”

 

“Can I go back to work, Chanyeol?” Kyungsoo ignores the grip on his hand as he asks for his boss’s permission. 

 

“Find us a private room, sir,” Jongin intervenes as soon as Kyungsoo finishes, this time yanking Kyungsoo closer to him, but Kyungsoo still refuses to look at him.

 

They both seem to be at a standstill, with Chanyeol in between and the crowd’s eyes on them, as the salon owner deliberates. “Shall we discuss this somewhere more private? I suppose we have gained enough attention as it is.” He urges Bora to come to him and names his instructions, including asking for her to find someone to stand in as a substitute for Kyungsoo’s previous client that has been unattended because of the situation at hand.

 

Kyungsoo sighs, yanking away from the grip to be let go as they are led into a room and Jongin does let him go. The door is closed behind them, and they both face Chanyeol.

 

“It seems that you both have an unresolved issue, and while that is none of my business, I would just like to know the level of urgency from you, Jongin-sshi, and how we can accommodate you. You’re still our potential client, after all.”

 

“I have a red carpet event in less than 2 hours,” Jongin swiftly speaks up, effectively cutting off whatever Kyungsoo decided to add. “Kyungsoo has experience and would understand what I am looking for.”

 

“Would you, Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol turns to him, expectant. Kyungsoo frowns, not looking up at either of them. He has no right to turn Jongin down if Chanyeol thinks Jongin urgently needs him, and he has no right to disobey his own boss.

 

“…Yes,” Kyungsoo whispers, submitting and pliant. 

 

Chanyeol looks at them both and sigh. “Then I shall allow this special booking for you, Jongin-sshi. I hope Kyungsoo will serve you well.” The last part is also directed to the shorter male, as if a  reminder to do his job accordingly. Kyungsoo stays quiet and slightly bows as Chanyeol exits.

 

When the door closes, they’re both alone.

 

-

 

Junmyeon parks the car right behind the idol’s SUV, sighing deeply. “What does he understand about being more careful…” He kicks his door open and jogs into the salon, searching around before going to the receptionist lady.

 

“Have you seen a tall man wearing a striped tee and—”

 

“Are you a journalist?” The lady studies him from head to toe, her eyes looking plenty bored. “Because we don’t entertain your probing here.”

 

“No.” Junmyeon denies before he starts to narrow his eyes suspiciously. “Was a journalist here before?”

 

“Are you perhaps Kim Kai’s manager?” A hushed gruff voice is heard from behind him, so Junmyeon looks back at the taller male with silver hair and some fancy looking tattooes littering his forearm. 

 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Junmyeon answers in an equally hushed tone. “Is he here?”

 

“I’m Chanyeol, the owner of this place,” The guy holds a hand out for a handshake. “Jongin booked an urgent session with one of our staffs.”

 

“Let me guess, Kyungsoo?” Junmyeon tries, and is seemingly right as he watches the taller man look at him in surprise.

 

“I assume it’s because Kyungsoo used to work for Sehun. Apparently, a red carpet event is due?”

 

“In a bit, yeah. It’s for an award show,” Junmyeon replies, looking around the salon. 

 

“We provided them a private room in case you’re wondering.” Chanyeol clears for him. “We don’t always do this.”

 

Junmyeon grows flustered and proceeds to bow. “I’m really sorry for the inconvenience. We’ll make sure to pay you well for this.”

 

“I don’t think payment is what you should be worried right now,” Chanyeol waves him off. “We had quite a number of onlookers just now.”

 

Of course, there had to be witnesses. Junmyeon sighs again. “Is there a way to inform your customers to not speak a word about it?”

 

“I can work on that.” Chanyeol grins.

 

-

 

Jongin can see the unwillingness dissipating from the pregnant male. Kyungsoo doesn’t even bother to face him at the moment.

 

“Why did you turn me down just now?” He asks, trying to look at the shorter male. He was a little offended Kyungsoo said he didn’t want to take him as a client just now, but he supposes it doesn’t compare to what Kyungsoo has been feeling all this while. “Was that you ‘protecting’ me?”

 

It’s presumptuous of Jongin to think so, he knows it. It’s just that it’s the only thing he could think of right now because he’s aware of the attention they attracted, and if what Baekhyun said was true, Kyungsoo always tries his best to do things in Jongin’s favour. 

 

The hairstylist still refuses to turn his way. Growing impatient, Jongin tugs at his hand again and spins Kyungsoo around before he realizes he’s manhandling a pregnant person, carrying his kids. 

 

“Tell me, was that you protecting me?” Jongin insists anyway, forcing Kyungsoo to look up at him.

 

“Why do you always do this?” Kyungsoo whimpers, his voice shaky and only then that Jongin realizes Kyungsoo is shaking in his hold. “Why do you always ask me things that you know you wouldn’t like the answer to?”

 

Jongin is rendered still, the grip on Kyungsoo’s wrist is yet to be let go. 

 

“I was protecting myself, if that is really what you wanted to know,” Kyungsoo says. “I was protecting myself, because the moment you walked out that door that night, I thought that, you wouldn’t do it for me. You wouldn’t do it for anyone, and it made me think that maybe you wouldn’t do it for the kids too…” 

 

The glare that Kyungsoo offers him is hurtful, albeit a tearful one too, as if Kyungsoo is wounded to even say it. He has hurt Kyungsoo one too many times.

 

And Kyungsoo was right, about him being selfish. Jongin is being fickle for thinking he has learnt his lesson only to chicken out again at the smallest sign of trouble. But at the mention of their children, Jongin feels bad. He feels so ing bad.

 

“I’m sorry,” He blurts out, his grip tightening on Kyungsoo’s wrist as he pulls him closer. “God, I’m so sorry.”

 

“Let go of me,” Kyungsoo demands softly, and hesitantly Jongin does. He balls his fists at his sides as he watches the elder male before him rubbing at his taken wrist, as if it hurts.

 

“I… I understand if you want me to leave,” Jongin informs him, not knowing if coming here has hurt Kyungsoo more than he think it does. It was obvious how conflicted the hairstylist looked when Jongin showed up at the salon just now and even turned him down at first. If it wasn’t for that salon owner, they both wouldn’t be in here. 

 

“I don’t want you to leave,” Jongin hears Kyungsoo mutter so very softly. “I would never want you to leave.”

 

Jongin’s heart clenches, painfully, out of guilt. Kyungsoo must have been hurting in his absence. Subconsciously Jongin reaches out again to touch him but the smaller male flinches and draws back, surprising the idol. Is this how it feels like to lose someone’s trust?

 

“Just- Just go and sit. You’re still my client,” The elder male instructs, not looking at him. “And I know how much your job means to you.”

 

my job, Kyungsoo’s right in front of him and that’s more important than anything else. 

 

Not wanting to offend the elder male further, he heeds to his instruction and heads for the chair, looking in the mirror at how the hairstylist rests his hand on his waist while another reaches to palm at his forehead. Jongin wonders if he’s not feeling all that good. After a couple seconds, Kyungsoo is seen sighing before he makes his way to a now seated Jongin who cannot seem to take his eyes off the round belly. It’s bigger than he last saw him.

 

“How do you want it?” Kyungsoo says, gently carding his fingers through Jongin’s hair. It feels nice.

 

“I… Frankly, I don’t know how my suit looks like.” Admits Jongin. He doesn’t know what Minseok would have in mind for his red carpet concept. Regardless, it’s red carpet and he’s bound to show up in a suit anyways, and he knows Kyungsoo would know what to do better than anyone else after years of working in the same field for Sehun. 

 

Kyungsoo seems to hesitate upon noticing Jongin’s stare through the mirror. “O-Okay. How much time do we have?”

 

“Not much. Give or take, 30 minutes? But I think I can convince Junmyeon to wait for me.” Jongin notes the way Kyungsoo seems at loss with himself, his hands just hovering in the air, shaking. “I- I didn’t mean to make you panic. Please just take your time, Kyungsoo.”

 

“I’ve only ever dreamt of this,” The shorter male confesses, balling his hands to seemingly stop the trembling. “A lot. I- I don’t want to screw this up.”

 

There he goes again putting Jongin on the pedestal. For a second, Jongin wonders if that was what prompted him to be a beautician; so that one day he could do it for Jongin, despite knowing that his chances were slim. In spite of that, the former makeup artist still worked his way into the industry and, well, actually made it. 

 

Jongin wishes he could hold those trembling hands in his. It doesn’t sit well with him to have the elder male this nervous in front of him. “Just think of me as another client.”

 

“I can’t.” Kyungsoo says, resting his hands on the back of the seat instead, his soft gaze meeting Jongin’s through the mirror. “You’ve always been my muse.”

 

-

 

“Kim Kai really came here,” A woman mutters to herself as she swipes through her photos on her phone with the freshly manicured nails. She makes her way to the reception counter, searching her handbag for her purse as she whips her hair back. She flicks a card out and places it on the countertop. Looking up, she blinks because instead of a woman there, it’s a man.

 

The man has a wide, rather wicked smile as he picks up the card, holding it in between his pointer and middle finger and looking at her pointedly. 

 

“Cyber defamation through the disclosure of a disparaging information to the public may result you in fine not exceeding 20 million won, or, imprisonment for not more than 3 years,” Chanyeol words slowly but surely, seeing his attempt in getting through her head succeeding as she gulps, cowering. He grins and points her card towards the phone in her hand. “So it would be in your best favour to delete any form of evidence containing Kim Kai's whereabouts and activities today, kind ma’am.”

 

Chanyeol smiles victoriously as he watches the woman hastily putting things back into her bag and flees the salon. He turns to Junmyeon who is waiting by the counter looking anxious. Junmyeon glances at him for one second before returning to worrying himself away.

 

“I hope you know I might have potentially lost that client and she might not want to come back after this.”

 

Junmyeon rolls his eyes. “I get it. You’re working hard at this. We’ll be sure to repay you.”

 

“You look so worried. Are you really going to get into trouble for this?”

 

“Uh, yes? I’m already trying to come up with answers to possible questions without risking losing my job- I will be the one questioned first.”

 

Chanyeol makes a humming noise. “Is he always that reckless?”

 

Junmyeon is about to answer but he shuts his mouth back, rethinking his decision. “I’ll leave you to wonder by yourself.”

 

“Well, I’d say he’s plenty careless, and demanding on top of that.” Chanyeol spares the manager a look. “You don’t look like you disagree.”

 

“He’s a hardworking kid. I’d give him credit for that.” Junmyeon says, leaning against the reception desk and crossing his arms. 

 

“Where are you headed?”

 

“Q Arena. The show is being held there.”

 

“Oh! Well, good for you. You’re in a one way route heading there. Can’t tell much about traffic but I think it shouldn’t be too bad.”

 

“Really? Then, this place should be on the same street the team will pass by to get to the venue…” Junmyeon slowly draws a conclusion. “If it’s a coincidence, it sure is a convenient one.”

 

“I don’t follow,” Chanyeol looks up with a confused face.

 

“It’s either coincidental or Jongin looked it up,” Junmyeon immediately unlocks his phone and looks through his contacts. The person picks up almost instantaneously. “Hey Luhan, I’m gonna need you to stop by LOEY. Won’t take you a detour.”

 

-

 

By the time Kyungsoo finishes his hair, the jitters still have not ceased. Jongin worries, but doesn’t utter a word. His auburn hair is now styled up, side part combed over and leaving a couple of strands loose above his forehead. He looks sleek.

 

He watches Kyungsoo exit the room for a bit and comes back with a presumably makeup bag, and unloads some of the pockets a little scatteringly on the desk. He picks up a few bottles of foundation and studies the shades before selecting the one closest to Jongin’s. The makeup doesn’t seem to belong to the pregnant male himself, for he seems to scan the products a little too long. They must have been lent to him. 

 

The idol watches him squeeze out a blob of the liquid foundation on top of his hand and when Kyungsoo moves and has to directly face Jongin to apply it, he seems to have stilled.

 

“Kyungsoo, it’s just me,” Jongin reassures. Kyungsoo appears mostly nervous as he faces the sitting male, and with him so close Jongin has to restrain himself from touching him. He wonders if the elder male missed him as much as Jongin missed Kyungsoo.

 

“It’s because it's you.” Kyungsoo starts to apply the liquid foundation in big dabs across Jongin’s cheeks, nose, his forehead and chin. His actions, albeit jittery, are still swift and carry years of profession into them, and also thorough. Kyungsoo knows what he’s doing. This is why Jongin wanted him, but putting it in that way makes it seem vain of him, when all he wanted was to see Kyungsoo and the timing, where people outside would deem it unfit, seems just right to Jongin. 

 

“You seem to think so highly of me.” Jongin says. 

 

“Not always.” Taking the foundation brush, he brushes it evenly onto the idol’s facial skin. Jongin sits quietly with his neck craned up as he feels Kyungsoo gently doing his face. He knows he’s openly staring at Kyungsoo whenever he can, and he knows it probably makes the other male a little if not uncomfortable. 

 

“Would you feel better if I closed my eyes?” He stares into Kyungsoo’s eyes as he says this and it makes the pregnant male pause. 

 

“Do what you please,” Kyungsoo blurts out and continues, his cheeks gaining colour. 

 

“Can I touch you?” 

 

That seems to catch the elder male off guard, halting in the middle of putting concealer, as he offers a puzzled look at him.

 

“I want to touch you, and our kids,” Jongin says, shameless, his hand already reaching around Kyungsoo’s back to untie the work apron and set it loose to make space for his hand to slip underneath and touch the roundness of his belly. He rubs his thumb soothingly over the curve, feeling. The pregnant male may have startled, or he may have not, but whichever the case, he doesn’t recoil. 

 

-

 

“When you first found out you were pregnant,” Jongin begins, his voice hushed and private. “What did you feel?”

 

Kyungsoo eyes him for a while before checking for a suitable shadow palette. The touch has left him and while it flustered him at first, it actually helped him calm down afterwards. He then approaches Jongin and with one hand cradling the back of the idol’s head, another starts with the eye base and contour, Jongin automatically closing his own eyes. Kyungsoo’s hands are no longer trembling. “I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know who to tell…” 

 

Jongin doesn’t cut in, keeping still while Kyungsoo proceeds to line and fill in his eyebrows. He has a high brow arch, and expressive yet cold looking almond eyes. The charm of a cold prince that has thousands of fans swept over their feet. But Kyungsoo didn’t fall for that. He fell for the introverted trainee who shyly asked for his favor in the men’s washroom of a certain high school - a favor that is only being done now.

 

“Did you ever think of not telling me?” Jongin asks. 

 

Kyungsoo hesitates. “Many times…”

 

“To save me the hassle?” Kyungsoo nods, embarrassed. He doesn’t see any signs of Jongin snapping at him, or retaliating with something hurtful, to which he’s relieved. 

 

“Whoever convinced you to tell me, I’m glad they did.” Jongin says and Kyungsoo can only pretend there isn’t an underlying I’m glad you looked for me, otherwise we wouldn’t have met again.

 

Moments after, there seems to be rushed footsteps heading their room’s way, and soon enough there’s a knock. Junmyeon peeks in. He politely smiles at the sight of Kyungsoo and the latter smiles back albeit bashfully. “Luhan’s here with your suit. You’re done?” He directs it to Jongin.

 

“It’s done, right? My makeup,” Kyungsoo breaks out of his trance as Jongin studies himself in the mirror. 

 

“Just your lips,” Kyungsoo scurries, looking for a tub of lip balm in Taeyeon’s makeup bag only to find numerous lip swatches and glosses of bright colours, none of which befitting a clean look he has in mind for Jongin. He then remembers he always carries around his lip balm in the back pocket of his pants.

 

He fishes it out and hands it to Jongin who takes it and promptly uncaps it, applying it all over his lips and smacking them once before returning it to Kyungsoo.

 

“Keep it.” Kyungsoo tells him. “You might need it later.”

 

Jongin is dressed in that very room itself with Kyungsoo at the side. The hairstylist has to look away when the idol went topless for a moment before wearing the black dress shirt followed by a blazer. Luhan fusses with the bow tie as Kyungsoo touches up his hair. It’s weird doing hair and makeup for an idol other than Sehun. The strange air makes Kyungsoo nervous again.

 

In spite of it all, Jongin looks amazing in his blue black suit that resembles a starry night sky with loosely scattered glitters on it, but then again Jongin always looks amazing in whatever fits they put on him owing to his perfect proportions. With him so well groomed now, Kyungsoo somehow feels distance between them. 

 

He’s an idol, loved by many.

 

Junmyeon calls for Jongin to hurry out and into their van since they seem to be running out of time. As soon as his clothing stylist exits the room, Jongin turns to him and wordlessly reaches for Kyungsoo’s hand.

 

“I know you’re still upset with me, and I don’t think you like it too much that I’m here,” Jongin brings up the hand to his lips, earning a stuttered breath from Kyungsoo. “I don’t regret coming to see you. I just regret not doing it earlier.”

 

Kyungsoo’s heart is beating dangerously fast when those same lips ghost over his knuckles before landing a light kiss, so light it almost feels like just a brush of the lips.

 

“God knows how much you’ve been hurting because of me. I’m sorry.”

 

Jongin makes it hard for him not to cry then and there. Kyungsoo feels too much, a little choked up. He’s glad Jongin pushed his way into this session with him and he even forgot how mad he was just now. Kyungsoo has missed him too damn much. 

 

The manager came back to urgently call Jongin, and just like that Jongin lets go of him, but not without a reassuring squeeze that leaves Kyungsoo feeling empty when it’s gone. 

 

-

 

Chanyeol notes that the idol is finally walking out of the private room, groomed and looking about ready to steal the show. He hears gasps of awe in the background, most probably from their other customers, but they are already well informed that they should not in any way document Jongin’s visit at the salon, thanks to Chanyeol’s going around to have a little amicable chat with them. 

 

The manager stops by the counter first, saying his utmost thanks for accommodating them in such short notice, and will contact him for billing. Chanyeol smiles politely, eyeing the idol behind him. Just like some tabloids said, Kim Kai is cold and aloof in person, and it’s not because he hates people or anything, it’s because he mostly keeps things to himself, although he begs to differ with how the idol handled his situation today at the salon. 

 

So, this is the father, huh.

 

It kind of makes sense, because Kyungsoo has made it clear that Sehun isn’t, and Jongdae told him that ‘it’s gotten too complicated’ for the pregnant male to work for Sehun in the industry, and with how they’re from the same agency, it’s almost impossible to avoid speculations. Chanyeol isn’t ignorant; he made a background study of Kyungsoo since he was going to have to hire him under ‘special circumstances’. He usually has no problems hiring already professionals into his salon, so frankly he isn’t much worried of having Kyungsoo and his skills around - in fact, that is pretty much welcomed. 

 

His background study consisted of him going through Oh Sehun’s idol life in relations to being Kyungsoo’s subject for almost 5 years, and that was how he chanced upon the blind items of an idol having knocked up a non-celeb working in the same agency. Lots of names popped up, and the suspicious timing of Kyungsoo opting out of working under SM because of his pregnancy just pretty much confirmed it. 

 

At first, he was so sure it was Sehun. Because Sehun’s manager himself, Jongdae, who is an old friend of his, was the one who approached him first about taking in Kyungsoo. Today, he realizes Kyungsoo has been speaking the truth all this time instead of denying for the sake of privacy protection. It’s not Sehun.

 

Jongin doesn’t smile at him, but he does thank him albeit curtly. They are immediately on their way, the idol’s aura apparently still affecting the atmosphere of the salon even when he has stepped out. 

 

“Well now, that’s a first.” Bora remarks. “Not everyday we get an artist from SM walking in without any appointment whatsoever demanding for a session with a specific staff. Kim Kai, wasn’t it? No offense but, he looks pretty crude.”

 

Chanyeol clears his throat and leaves the reception area. “Bora, I’m going back to my office. Take care of the rest.” He announces. He isn’t headed for the office straight away, though. Kyungsoo has not left the room until now.

 

When Chanyeol knocks on the door and walks in, it is to the sight of his pregnant staff crying quietly in the chair. 

 

-

 

Jongin sits back in the van, but he tries to avoid leaning his head down lest he wants his hair messed up. He hears Junmyeon step inside and close the door. Their driver immediately steps on the gas pedal and backs up. 

 

A sigh is heard from beside him. “Do you realize what you’ve done back there?”

 

“Maybe,” Jongin says, looking out the window and at the salon.

 

“If the higher management found out about this, you can bet they’re not going to like it.”

 

“Well they already don’t like the fact that I got someone pregnant and is punishing me for it by not giving me an album and a tour this year. What’s there left to lose?” He doesn’t care how Junmyeon is looking at him right now. He just wants to get to the venue and do his job, maybe snatch an award or two before going home. 

 

To Kyungsoo.

 

He hopes the elder male isn’t crying right now, but Jongin knows he probably is.

 

-

 

Minseok is said to arrive there a little late, so Jongin will have to maintain Kyungsoo’s work on him for a while until his makeup artist shows up. Minseok has to be there regardless because when it comes to Jongin’s turn for his performance, the audience will expect a different look from him, and Luhan has prepared a different outfit for it too.

 

Jongin isn’t sure if he wants Kyungsoo to watch his red carpet, but it will probably air when Kyungsoo is still working so he doesn’t really have any expectation. 

 

When the van stops, a staff opens the door for him and he steps out, unfazed by the sudden increase in amount of flashes and the ceaseless camera shutter noises. Jongin smiles, only because he is expected to smile, as he stands still for a while and lets them take a couple of shots before strutting his way along the red carpet. He waves at some of his fansites, knows some of them have been around since his debut and some are new. 

 

The MCs have been talking non-stop introducing him and reciting his achievements when Jongin finally arrives at their backdrop with sponsoring brands printed all over it. He’s made to pose in front of it, and if it’s even possible the shutter noises keep increasing, flashes almost blinding his eyes, but he needs to be the Kim Kai that the public knows, a manufactured persona he has lived with for 6 years. 

 

Screw his own agency for not giving him projects; this show is still his to steal. 

 

-

 

“Wahh, he looks so good.” Sana gushes over a certain idol in the midst of her live streaming the red carpet on her phone. Momo keeps on pushing at her arm to get a closer look, pouting.

 

“I can’t believe the moment I went to the toilet was the one moment Kim Kai was here.”

 

“Well,” Sana whispers. “I heard him coming here was rather impromptu.”

 

“No kidding.” 

 

“Did you know Kyungsoo initially rejected to take him as a client?”

 

“He did?” Momo gasps before Sana urges her to quiet down, gesturing at the male who is untying his working apron and disposing it into their hamper, oblivious to the two girls gossiping about him. “So they knew each other too?”

 

“I guess it’s hard not to since he used to work for his best friend.” Sana assumes before tilting her head questioningly. “But they seemed weird.”

 

“How weird?”

 

“I don’t know. Like, ‘witnessing a lovers’ quarrel’ weird.”

 

“That’s impossible. Kim Kai isn’t dating anyone, as far as the journalists report.”

 

“Well, Kyungsoo also never told us who the father is.”

 

Momo narrows her eyes at her. “Are you… saying that he’s that non-celeb in that blind item?”

 

Shrugging, Sana shares a look with her friend and they both direct it to the one male who is seen drinking water out of his bottle. He looks a little sad.

 

“Have you finished cleaning up or are you looking to gain more demerits?” The sound of a gruff voice startles the two girls and they look behind them to find their boss grinning down at them quite frighteningly. “Pretty sure you can watch that at home, yeah?”

 

He gestures at the video streaming on Sana’s phone and she hastily closes it, shooting him a nervous smile before untucking the feather duster underneath her armpit and goes back to cleaning.

 

Chanyeol crosses his arms, watching his staffs wrap up from work and stuffs. In the corner of his eye, he sees Kyungsoo approaching him. He turns and smiles. “Hey.”

 

“Chanyeol, um,” Kyungsoo seems to be avoiding his gaze, hugging his winter coat to his chest. “I’m sorry. I- I shouldn’t be rejecting a client like that.”

 

The salon owner scrutinizes him, with no actual ill intentions. “Can’t see why you’re apologizing. You’re not supposed to take two clients at the same time, so you had all the rights to be rejecting him since you were already working on one. It’s protocol that we assign him to someone else, but obviously he didn’t want that.”

 

His staff looks up, a little relieved, but somewhat doubtful still. “Then- Then, I’m sorry if he inconvenienced you and the rest of the staffs…”

 

Oh, now Kyungsoo’s apologizing on Jongin’s behalf. “No need to be sorry. In the end, you’re getting paid and he got his service anyway.”

 

“I- I still feel bad…”

 

Chanyeol raises an eyebrow at him. “If you still feel bad, go get his autograph for us to hang at our reception backdrop. We could definitely use an SM artist there.”

 

“Um, okay—”

 

“It was a joke. Ease up. Go home and stream the award show or something,” Chanyeol chuckles before going serious again. “Don’t feel bad. A favour for a favour, remember?”

 

When Kyungsoo slowly quirks his lips, Chanyeol thinks he finally got to him. “That just means I’m more indebted to you.”

 

“It’s business. As long as you’re getting paid and the one paying received their service, then no one’s indebted to anyone,” The silver-haired male says with a reassuring grin. “How do you get home, by the way?”

 

“I take the bus.”

 

“Do you want a lif—” Chanyeol cuts himself, faintly reminded of their conversation some days ago about Kyungsoo not liking people going out of their way to help him. He shakes his head then before smiling again, not sure if it’s the pregnancy that makes him feel a tad bit attentive with Kyungsoo or if there’s something else about him that just brings about the urge to take care of him. “Never mind. Have a good rest at home.”

 

-

 

Jongin is quiet.

 

Sehun has been observing him for some time because they apparently share the same waiting room again. In fact, the organizer put them on the same table for the event, and Sehun noted how Jongin was nearly stoic the entire first half, not that he’s an animated guy in the first place. 

 

It’s intermission, a 15 minute break before the second half commences, in which their performance slots take place, like usual. Currently they are busy getting changed to a different outfit and getting touched up. 

 

Jongin, expectedly, has already snatched the Best Male Dance while Sehun has been informed that he will be getting his in the second half. He doesn’t care much for the awards as much as he cares more for preparation of his new comeback. 

 

Baekhyun gave him a black leather bomber jacket, studded across the shoulder line, with nothing underneath. It’s coupled with a pair of skinny jeans and coffee coloured combat boots. He no longer keeps his blonde and Sunny made him copper-haired for his upcoming comeback.

 

Jongin is changed to a different jacket, but his black dress shirt remains underneath. Baekhyun is arranging the chains around his neck and Sehun has to slide his jacket down a bit to assist his stylist, and it has his bare torso exposed to the cool air. When he looks back at Jongin, the tanned idol does a brief sweep over Sehun’s form and mouths a ‘show off’ at him. Sehun only snorts back.

 

After getting his chains fixed and being handed a designer cap, Sehun waltzes over to where Jongin, who is finally done with his outfit, slips a hand inside his pants to tuck in his dress shirt. Upon noticing his presence, the tanned idol gives him a curt nod.

 

“Sunny told me Minseok only arrived just now.” Sehun says, spinning the cap in his hand with his index finger. “Got into trouble?”

 

Jongin eyes him a little too warily, it feels almost foreign. Maybe he thinks Sehun is being nosey. Sehun doesn’t care that he is. “His ride was stuck in traffic coz’ of an accident.” Jongin says, fishing out something from the back of his pocket and uncaps it. It looks familiar.

 

“We use the same brand and flavour,” Sehun points at the lip balm. Jongin, after applying it on his lips, caps it back and gives it a brief look before pocketing it.

 

“It’s not mine.”

 

And just like that he walks away, leaving Sehun musing to himself.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo bites at his fingernails as he scrolls down the fan uploaded photos in his Instagram search results, most of them tagging the user with the handle @zkdlin. He made some oatmeal for himself, which has probably cooled after being abandoned for some time on the coffee table. Winter is snuggled near his socked feet, doesn’t even stir when Kyungsoo accidentally grazes her furred tummy when he brings his legs up so he can curl on the couch. He whispers a small sorry anyway.

 

During the red carpet, Jongin looks good. Actually no, he looks amazing. And no, this is not him praising his own work. It’s just that, even when he has often seen him in person, seeing him in photos like these makes it seem like he’s ethereal. Untouchable.

 

If Kyungsoo was anxious of how the idol would turn up at the red carpet and if his hair and makeup was still okay, now he just feels that familiar distance again. Like an indescribable gap, because these photos are not just witnessed by him. He notes the thousands of likes and comments under every photo of the idol. It’s just still so surreal to him that he ends up in an unexpected ballgame with this very man, and how it is still covert from the knowledge of many. 

 

Somehow, the mysterious man who came as his client just now came to mind. Mr. Yoo, he was called. Kyungsoo still frets over how he gives away his residence name. He tries not to think too much about it as he continues to scroll through Kim Kai’s pictures in the tag. 

 

There’s a video of the MC interviewing him during the red carpet, and Kyungsoo absently clicks on it. 

 

“You look gorgeous. Fans at the back there have been crying about how you look like a prince. Is there a concept for your appearance today?”

 

Jongin is seen waving at where he assumed his fans are, and the audience screamed. “Prince? I’m flattered.” He laughs his handsome laugh, earning more squeals from his fans. “And my concept today… my concept today… is to be one’s muse.”

 

The MC looks confused. “A muse?”

 

“Yes. To be someone’s muse, someone’s inspiration… that is what birthed my look today. I think my clean look today allows people who look at me now to explore their creative endeavours more freely. A good style and concept doesn’t have to be complex.”

 

Kyungsoo blushes. The idol didn’t need to quote him like that. It’s a little embarrassing, especially with how puzzled the MC looked. He could’ve just answered clean or sleek. 

 

After telling the audience to look forward to his performance tonight, he bowed and made his way out.

 

Still warm in his cheeks, Kyungsoo puts his phone on sleep and returns his attention on the TV. He hasn’t missed much. After having arrived home and washing up, they were still in their first half. Now that Kyungsoo has eaten his dinner (he made himself some bean soup, but it wasn’t as satiating as he expected) he is now sitting back with his bowl of oatmeal in his lap. It doesn’t taste as good now that it has cooled.

 

He makes it through half of the bowl before finding himself full, then places it back on the coffee table before grabbing Winter up and onto his lap. She makes a slight fuss before finding her comfortable position and resumes her napping, feeling relaxed with her owner’s ministrations on her head. It’s a little hard now to accommodate the feline on his lap with the bump in the way. 

 

-

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The voice startles the idol a little as he looks to his side. It’s Sehun. “I’m fine.”

 

“You look distracted. Or bored.” Sehun leans back. As of that moment, a girl group is seen performing on stage. “Show a little interest.” Following his words, Sehun begins to clap his hands in time to the upbeat music, sending a raised eyebrow at his friend who looks almost annoyed at him. “Or not.”

 

Jongin rolls his eyes, glancing at the girls in mini skirts and elaborate makeup, dancing and hyping up the audience. He wonders how long it is until his turn. 

 

In the corner of his eye, a female staff comes up behind them and he hears her whisper to Sehun. “Sehun-sshi, it’s time to go backstage.”

 

“Got it,” Sehun gives him a little wave before getting up and following the staff, bowing at the rest of the artists along the way and them bowing back. 

 

Jongin watches him go before leaning back in his seat lazily. He fingers at the small cylindrical tub in his pants pocket before taking it out. He hardly uses lip balms, mostly because he just doesn’t care. 

 

Kyungsoo’s… is this what they call an indirect kiss? He mildly scoffs at the innocent notion.

 

Right now, Jongin wants this show over.

 

-

 

Everything after that passes by like a blur; Sehun’s performance and his award acceptance, the rest of the lineup’s stages. Jongin’s heart wasn’t there when he performed; it was all pure muscle memory. He’s been going on autopilot. 

 

Now as the host is naming their candidates for a particular award category, he isn’t listening. He isn’t even mindful of what award it is. All he knows is that when his name is announced and the audience roars, the rest of the artists around him are all in standing ovation, Sehun’s words “Congrats, Jongin. You deserve it” are the ones that pull him out of his trance. 

 

Maybe he looks confused, or surprised, at least to the eyes of them all, regardless he still stands up anyway and bows to all of them as he makes his way to the stage. It’s muted - everything is dead silence to him for some reason, and he almost loses sight of where he’s supposed to go if not for some weird TV mascot girl leading the way for him. 

 

It is when the weight of the trophy is finally nestled in his hands does he start to regain his senses. Like resurfacing from the deep waters, Jongin can finally hear everything to the point that his ears are ringing. The screen reads ‘Artist of the Year’, and the whole arena is booming with the sounds of crying fans overpowering his music being played. He is led to the mic stand, and dropping his gaze to the golden-coloured trophy in his hold, he starts with exhaling and the sound is taken up by the mic, muffled. He didn’t even rehearse any award acceptance speech. 

 

“Um, first of all, this isn’t possible without my fans, Kairoses. I see you, all of you,” He smiles, raising the trophy at the audience as they cry out in happiness. “Last year has been an amazing, and weird year. I… There were many things that I regretted and felt sorry for, but more importantly, there were more things that I felt lucky for them to have happened. I’ve worked with a lot of people, so this goes out to everyone that has helped me through my journey. As much as this award is worth, I’ll work even harder for my fans who always anticipate and support me and my works.” He pulls away from the mic, watching a large part of the crowd wave their electric blue coloured lightsticks frenziedly. If someone asked him if he is ready to leave all of this behind then the answer would be a flat no. He still loves the hype. He still loves the stage.

 

“Thank you!” Jongin doesn’t intend to drag his speech out. He makes a ninety-degree bow and stays for a few seconds before getting back up, raising his trophy to the audience as he follows the guide to backstage. 

 

Down the stairs, he sees Junmyeon clapping for him with a warm smile. “That was short and nice. Congrats, by the way.”

 

“Thanks. I’m going home.”

 

Junmyeon stops clapping. “You’re not staying for the last award?”

 

“I’m not the one receiving it.” Jongin says, his fingers still wrapped around the trophy determinedly. Junmyeon would probably go off about how rude it would be to leave the award show while it is still running, both to the audience as well as to the guest celebrities. But instead of doing that, he just sighs and catches up with the idol’s walk. 

 

“Okay. We’re doing that and I’m not gonna tell on you but make sure you go and apologize to your team members because some of them would have preferred staying for a bit, you know.” Junmyeon talks away, watching Jongin opening the door to their waiting room and nearly running into him as the idol promptly bows.

 

“I’m sorry, but I have to leave now.” 

 

-

 

“You’ve dropped too many bombs on us today.” Junmyeon says beside him. “You know that, right?”

 

They are now in their van, headed back to LOEY as per requested by the manager, since both of their cars are still parked there when the team van picked them up. 

 

“I still get my job done. That’s all that matters.” Jongin shrugs half-heartedly. 

 

“The higher management will probably want to see you about this.”

 

Jongin frowns. “But you told me you wouldn’t tell on me.”

 

“Not about leaving the show early, no. This is about you going to LOEY, and attracting unnecessary public attention. I don’t doubt they already caught wind of this through social media. They are probably working on taking them down as we speak.”

 

Leaning back in his seat and taking a deep inhale, Jongin closes his eyes. He knows the higher-ups will make a fuss about this, but he can’t bring himself to worry much over it. He does feel bad for Junmyeon though, for having to deal with the follow ups later. “If they wanna see me, then just text me when and where.”

 

“…Strange.” Junmyeon remarks.

 

“What is?”

 

“You sound like a different man.”

 

Jongin rests his head against the window, looking at the streetlights blurring as they pass. “Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing?”

 

“I don’t know. For one, you’re not being irritable about facing the consequences of your actions, but this might also mean you’re not afraid of doing the same thing again in the nearest future. You’re being reckless, Jongin, and you don’t seem to care that you are.”

 

“Is that how you see me?” Jongin sighs. “Reckless?”

 

“Maybe impulsive.” Junmyeon shrugs.

 

Jongin snorts. 

 

“Look, if you keep this up and the higher ups found out about it, they might want you to break things off with Kyungsoo.”

 

Clenching his jaw, Jongin whips his head to face his manager. “Why would they even bring Kyungsoo into this?”

 

“You’re the one who got him into this.”

 

“Then they should only leave me with the repercussions. They shouldn’t need to touch him.”

 

“Did you think he wouldn’t be affected too, Jongin? Journalists are out there sniffing around, netizens are throwing names and possibilities into the open. You already saw that fan post about him and Sehun, next time maybe it would be him and you.”

 

“Junmyeon,” Jongin interrupts, looking resigned. “It’s bound to happen. The company made me decide and I chose a date.”

 

At the response, Junmyeon spares him a look that almost equates shock at how composed the idol looks at the idea of him being outed, and also betrayal at the oblivion of this particular information. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”

 

“Because otherwise you would take my carelessness for acceptance, like how you’re looking at me right now now that you knew. I still need someone to hold me down.”

 

“Not just because you’ve truly accepted it? Because the way I see it, your carelessness is actually the resulting fruit of your acceptance.”

 

Jongin can’t argue with him on that one.

 

-

 

Kyungsoo is roused from his tiny nap on the couch by the doorbell.

 

He blinks several times, wondering why the TV is still on. Grabbing the remote control on the coffee table, he turns it off. He doesn’t know when he fell asleep, and checking the time on his phone it’s already nearing 11.45 p.m.. The half-eaten oatmeal is still there on the table, probably gross tasting now after having been left there for some time. Winter has left him to nap someplace closer to the heater.

 

He’s startled when the doorbell rings again and it’s only then that he realizes the sound didn’t come from his dream. Hastily, he gets up and almost passes out at the blood rushing to his head. The weight of the twins also almost pulls him down again.

 

Pressing on the intercom, he waits. “Who is it?”

 

“It’s me, Jongin.”

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen and he promptly pats his cheeks to get rid of all his sleepiness and any evidence of him having slept minutes earlier. After sort of ineffectively fixing his bangs and hoping his hair isn’t too wild, he approaches the door. Are his eyes puffy…

 

He opens the door to the sight of the man dressed like how he was during his visit to the salon - blue jeans that hug his long legs, a striped tee over his large build - but his hair is still up, and makeup most probably still intact underneath the face mask he’s wearing. Kyungsoo only feels warmth, and a fuzzy little feeling that spreads through his chest like a blooming flower. He feels happy, but also overwhelmed. 

 

Jongin lowers the mouth mask, finally pulling a small, hesitant smile.