KIRA;

I’ve always feared happiness because every time something good happens, something bad will follow. I know of this but I always can’t help getting into happiness and always forget the part that something bad will happen after. You can’t have too much happiness in your life. When you do, that’s when it tests you. That’s when God wants to see whether you can handle a petty test that He gives to you – to see if you’re strong enough to make it through. To see if you could pass it with flying colours. And when you do, you’ll get your happiness back. Therefore, every bad thing that happens, it’s a reminder. It reminds you to not be too happy with this world because you know it can’t give you full happiness. Sadness is bound to happen. It’s just the law of the universe and we can’t do anything about it.

In a way, sadness teaches me that I should appreciate happiness when it comes and vice versa. Everything that happens in life, they teach us lessons. And it took me awhile to come to this conclusion or theory. I have to go through life in order to come up with this. I have to gain experience of life. And without hardship and happiness, there can never be experience. They come together hand in hand. And it’s up to you on how you want to balance it out.

It’s the first time Mama, Papa and Aki came to campus for lunch. We meet at the hostel café and Kai joins us. He is practically family now. While we are having lunch, strange glances are thrown. I choose to ignore but it is Kai’s eyes that do the wandering. He looks at the people with angry looks. I know how he must be feeling because Aki is like his brother now. He must feel the same hate and anger that I feel when people throw strange glances at Aki.

“Kai,” I call him softly, but loud enough for him to hear.

He looks at me with this rage and I just shook my head, indicating that it’s not worth it. He calms down with a sigh and his face becomes less rigid. Kai isn’t used to these glances yet but he’ll adapt. Mama, Papa and I are used to this. It took us a long time to not yell at people for throwing glances as if Aki isn’t human. But we figured that these people had nothing better to do. So we just choose to dismiss them.

“Kira?” A voice that I have not heard for a long time calls my name. A voice that I have learned to loathe.

“Mr Han,” I say with such a fake tone that masks my hate. He is dressed preppy, just like he always does. Pity for a handsome face lies within a monstrous soul.

“Your family?” He says while he looks at everyone and he frowns when his eyes landed on Kai. “Your brother?” He points (rudely) at Kai.

“My fiancé. This is my brother.” I point at Aki. “My mother and father.” I point at Mama and Papa.

“Oh, delightful to meet you!” He shakes Papa’s hand. I am already feeling uncomfortable.

“Well, this is a surprise. I didn’t know you were engaged,” he says.

“Really? With all the rumour going around, I reckoned you would’ve known, sir.”

“Well, I’m not really a fan of listening to students’ rumours. But wow! Congratulations!”

“Thank you, sir.”

Things start to get awkward. Aki looks at Mr Han with a frown – both confused and annoyed. Mama and Papa are exchanging glances between one another and Kai is focusing on his food, trying not to get up and just punch Mr Han in the face.

“Well, it was lovely to meet you. Have a good day.” And he leaves.

“Was that the debate trainer?” Mama asks.

I nod.

“Should’ve asked him why he kicked you out over such a petty and ridiculous reason,” she mutters with such rage in her voice.

“It doesn’t matter anymore, Ma. It’s not worth it, especially when the trainer is someone like him.”

“A good thing you are out of the team, too,” Papa says. “I don’t really fancy you travelling out of the country with the likes of him.”

I laugh. “It’s alright, Pa. There’s nothing else to worry about debate. That phase is over.”

“Don’t like him,” Aki says.

“Me neither,” I mumble back.

I glance at Kai who is utterly silent. I ask if he is okay and he just gives me a smile. I know he is having his own problems. He has been quiet for the past few days. I know he is partially mad at people glancing at Aki and Mr Han’s sudden appearance but there is something else. It is time for some digging – at the right time.

I’ve been calling and texting Kai, trying to find out where he is but I can’t seem to reach him at all. This only made my prediction true about him being stressed about something. But he isn’t telling me anything. When he’s mad, he pushes everyone away, including me. He doesn’t see me as a source of reliever or problem solver. I help others solve their problems but unfortunately, one of them is not Kai. To say that I’m not disappointed is a lie. Although, I’m quite glad he doesn’t find someone else to let out his problems. But he’s stubborn and wouldn’t take anyone’s help because he thinks he can handle it. Well, he doesn’t know that he’s fragile and he needs someone to talk to as well – just like everyone else.

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