16. Hug

"No matter how much you hide it
You know you can't hide it forever
So we can smile together
Don't be sorry, don't worry
Don't be scared, now don't cry

To me you are very precious
You can tell me today was tough
I am here, you suffered a lot
I love you
I will hug you

Whenever it's hard [for you]
You can get a hug from me
I am the same"
('Hug' from 'You Made My Dawn', By SEVENTEEN)

Taeyong shifted his weight awkwardly between his two legs as he waited behind Seulgi, who was doing the usual administrative process over the hospital reception. Growing up as a Lee meant all these procedures were always taken care of and doctors and specialists visit the family at the comfort of their home. Taeyong was not used to the concept of hospital visit and the public nature of it.

There was a part of him that wished he didn’t agree to this visit because of the odd and unfamiliar state it put him in. Seulgi peeked over from the counter and was amused by his posture and his wandering, blank face.

“Why do you look like a fish out of water? You were here the previous time when I fainted.” Seulgi asked after she stood beside him. She continued to look at his blank face as he replied her, “Nevertheless, I’m not well-acquainted with the concept of hospital visits.” Seulgi tugged his arm into the direction of their location and said, “This isn’t a concept. It is just a visit to the gynaecologist.”

This was one of the rare times that Seulgi found Taeyong not knowing what to do, as uncertainty distinctly glazed his face. He didn’t know where or where not to look or where to go, what to do, how he should conduct himself.

“You’re flexing and tensing your tricep and bicep, Taeyong. Calm down.” Seulgi said as her hand remained on his arm. They came to a stop and Seulgi knocked on the door and entered first, behind her, Taeyong slapped his face and shook his face before he stepped into the room and was introduced by Seulgi.

All these anxieties and uncertainties vanished in a blink of an eye when it was time for the ultrasound and he saw the fetus he’d been talking to occasionally for the first time. Seulgi smiled when she saw his smile, and noticed how awkwardness wearing away. Fascination registered on his face and turning to look at his wife, there was a gush of emotions he couldn’t describe and it was almost too overwhelming for him at that moment.

“It’s a boy”

Taeyong recollected the words of the gynae as he continued to look at the photo of the ultrascan, while they walked out of the hospital room. Seulgi had a serene look as she left Taeyong alone to his thoughts. All of a sudden, Taeyong hugged her tightly, almost tipping Seulgi off-balance and she hugged him and stabilised herself. 

She waited for him to say something but he said nothing and in this silence and prolonged embrace, she began to understand his actions. This eloquent, prim and proper businessman before her, was unable to describe and explain what he felt because it was beyond his daily vocabulary of worbs and experience.

“Thank you.” Taeyong said finally as he let go of the embrace and found her eyes. She felt the magnitude and the depth of his gratitude and it was her turn to be overwhelmed. Seulgi breathed in and out before retreating into the car and bawled her eyes out. “Thank you too.” She said in between her sobs and tears after he got into the car. He handed the photo back to her and wiped her tears before he started the engine of the car.

“Shall we keep the gender a secret from the family?” Seulgi prompted after she regained her composure. “I think we should, lest Donghae and Jessica try something funny.” Taeyong replied. Seulgi nodded solemnly, “I have the same thoughts.”

As they were on their way, Seulgi couldn’t miss the frequent smiles that graced his handsome face and only felt herself growing fonder and fonder of him. ‘What a softie he is becoming and embracing....’

—————

Taeyong slammed his fist on the table and the glass of water by his side trembled. He stood up and took a step back from the work and presentation he’d been preparing for a few weeks to come. Every time, he only found more and more things Donghae had never told him.

Seulgi, who was asleep by the couch woke up, slightly startled and she turned her face to him. He paced back and forth, deep in thought as the realization hit him. ‘All these preparations and statistics we're done up by me in the past, I had no idea he had been preparing all of this for so long.’

‘He made me easy to read for him but I could never read him and figure him out...I’ve been brainwashed and made numb all these years, merely a pawn soldier to the king and queen pieces...why am I suddenly realizing all this?’

Just then Taeyong turned to Seulgi, who propped herself up and was rubbing her eyes. His eyes remained fixated on her as most of his thoughts were processed.

‘Her attention to detail, to me, even though I didn’t said much to her then...I thought I too had that eye for detail but I was made impervious to look out for other details that my parents didn’t want me to.’

‘I could never stand up to my parents, let alone talk back. That’s why I never bothered to question his judgement and think for myself, although I appear to be. Like as she said before, I too was given the illusion of choice. I’d expected that no one would stand up to me too, until her but yet...she’s never back down but she never picked a fight with me until she had to stand her ground. I have to learn from her.'

‘She taught me to feel and embrace my emotions. She is the sun to the cold, icy terrains I’ve been living in...’

Seulgi blinked in confusion and raised her eyebrows as his eyes poured into hers. He walked to her and Seulgi’s head was tilted up to him by the time he reached her. He sat by her side and carressed her face and her groggy self shut her eyes and relished in the comfort of his hand.

He reached forward and kissed her and she followed along and kissed back with equal passion. As she felt something wet trickling down between their faces, she knew what was going on and intensified their kiss and cradled his face. Pulling away, just as she thought, she saw tear tracks running down from his eyes.

Her first instinct wasn’t to ask him about it but instead she pulled his face to her bosom and his hair. This too stunned Taeyong. ‘It is okay to cry more, Taeyong, just