14. Home

"Baby, I want to cherish our warmth
So no one can come between us

Tell me, you’re mine, tell me, I’m yours
Tell me, you’re in me
I’m in you squirming inside
I’m suddenly afraid

What do I do? Without you
My heart has no home
I’ve kept my insides empty for you
Things might seem hard
But I’ll always be here
So don’t think too difficultly
.
.
Cause I’m your home home home home
A place you can come to, a place you can come to"
("Home" from 'You Make My Dawn', by SEVENTEEN)

As soon as they reached the garage of their estate, Taeyong reached out for Seulgi’s hand and guided her to the passenger seat of his car before getting on and driving off without saying a word to the younger couple. Seulgi was evidently confused and shuffled her eyes back and forth. She hadn’t realise she completely let her guard down before him.

“Calm down, Seulgi.” Taeyong said gently as he drove. He couldn’t help but remember how antsy she was when she saw him, even on the way back in Mark’s car and that phone call that ended abruptly. He was slightly relieved at the sight and sound of her slow, steady deep breaths. Taeyong motioned her to drink some water.

“Where are you taking us?” She asked her, turning her gaze at Taeyong. “Somewhere comfortable for both of us. Somewhere far away from the stilfing Lee estate, at least I hope.” Taeyong glanced at her and it made her less jittery. She sat deep in thought as if she was trying to consolidate her thoughts. When he parked the car and pulled the handbrake, Seulgi looked around. ‘We’re at a pier...’

She almost jumped when Taeyong pulled the car door open for her to step out. Taeyong even offered his hand and Seulgi took it readily. The wind was breezy and he immediately took a blazer out for her. They stood in silence for a good while, hearing the water gently tossing and turning, becoming one with the night blue sky.

“Something is bothering you tremendously. I would have left you alone but, I don’t want to do that anymore. And I think you have a reason why you called me just now. If you’re comfortable...” Taeyong stopped as Seulgi let go of his hand. Instead she reached into her bag and handed him a photo and he almost gasped looking at it.

“I’m comfortable and I was composing myself, if not I wouldn’t have called you just now. At the same time, I didn’t know why you were the first person I decided to call.” She continued as her voice trailed off. “Sorry to interrupt, but I just need to get this clear first. Are you angry at me?” Taeyong asked and she shook her head.

“I’m certain it isn’t anger. It’s just very hard to articulate because this whole revelation is so bizarre to me. But did you know about this?” Seulgi asked and pointed to the photo. Taeyong nodded. “Wait, you didn’t know, all this time?” his face registered his shock as she shook her head as she reached for his hand and huddled closer to him before recounting in detail to her.

“You were born Kang, one of the most reputable and wealthy family like the Lees. It’s not surprising you met and knew each other young. People of that class only often mixed around people of the same class unless it is for business and corporate related matters.”

“You were considered to have royal blood. Everyone had their eyes on your family and you in particular, even more so than the Lees in the past. Within your class, everyone wanted you as a bride for their sons. But your mother and father was firm and careful to pick the correct child for you too. They snapped this picture of you and Taeyong having fun and this was the most you’ve ever interacted with another kid.” Luna looked at the picture fondly, remembering being present as well.

“You were a happy baby and child. You showed love to people around you genuinely without reservation, even to me, as I worked for the Kang household as your personal caretaker. However things changed when your biological parents got assassinated and you were abducted.” Luna paused to check on Seulgi who gulped. Suddenly the nightmare she recently had made more sense to her. “It seemed back then you were too young to process or understand that as an abduction because they didn’t mistreat you.”

“You were wanted not for ransom, but to be another rival families’ arranged wife in the future. There were plans to bid for you to be their son’s wife. It’s hard to believe but it was as such at that time. It was sick and cruel. Daughters becoming commodities for another life.”

“Even as your mother and father laid dying, they refused to let you be betrothed to another other than Lee Taeyong. They knew this might happened and sent your father and I, to chase after you. The Lees had been contacted and sent their men down to stop the car as well.”

“You were shaking when I carried you and you refused to open your eyes. But because I’ve been taking care of you since you were born we had a bond so assimilating you into our life wasn’t difficult. We brought you back to your parents who couldn’t be saved. As they took their last look of you, an official representative of theirs told us what we needed to do. We were to raise you as our own, change your name until you were to be married, live far away from where you stay and I was to be around you all the time. If you were to remain in the Kang family, they might just rearrange you against your parents wishes and that's why you grew up with us.”

“You have always been Kang Seulgi your whole life. You only became our daughter ever since that day you stepped into our house with us, your name changed officially althought your birth cert remained intact. The Lees kept surveillance around our estate to prevent nothing of that sort from happening again.”

“You wouldn’t have told me, if I didn’t find this picture, right.” Seulgi asked and Luna hesitated before nodding. “It just seemed unnecessary and not beneficial to you at all. But I’ve decided to tell you now, because maybe it will help you, as a mother to know what you should do for your child in the future. Whether or not you decide to continue being part of that tradition.”

Taeyong firmly gripped the photo and her hand as she finished recounting what Luna said to her. “At that moment, I was shocked at how I never come across this all my life. I would have never known of the truth if I never stumbled upon this almost unconceivable picture. I never knew we crossed paths this early. Suddenly I just felt...my life had never been mine, an existential dread almost. Worse, I feel like I have been deceived into a double life.” Seulgi started to ramble and her being started shaking. “All along I thought I had a choice or an option, into this marriage. But all I had was the illusion of choice...that was what my middle-class upbringing lead me to think...“

“Seulgi-yah...”

“My fate was sealed even before I could think for myself.” Seulgi said as she looked straight, her tears b her eyes. “You understand that don’t you, Taeyong?” Seulgi said and she turned to Taeyong who had been silently listening the entire while. “Maybe, that why I reached out to you first...” Taeyong nodded.

It broke him seeing his wife like this. “I never felt this life was mine either. I lived to serve a purpose not for myself but for my parents, for the Lee name and I relaised that early on. It was easy to trick me as a child to think that was it was my destiny and to slog at it for decades and years. I’ve grown numb to it, almost, but I can’t conceive how unbearable that weight is for you at this moment.” Seulgi leaned her face on his shoulder as her tears trickled down his blazer. 

“How you’re feeling is valid and not an exaggeration. I never had a choice, decisions were always made for me. This greatly affected my perceptions of life, how I interacted with people. I could never question or mess around in this messed up, reputation-focused strata. People thought I grew up too quickly but the thing was I never grew up properly.” Taeyong started baring his soul and she placed her other hand on his cheek. He glided his arm over her back, supporting her steadily.

“That’s why I envied Mark and his carefree spirit. He exercised a muscle I didn’t and that is standing up, be it for himself or others. Mark got to experience the carefree life you had while knowing his position in our world. Best of both worlds you could say. Deep down, I was always thankful he never got to experience a life like mine.” He said and looked in her eyes. “And so did you. Although now you know the truth, it doesn’t changed how you lived your life then.” He said as he let go of Seulgi to wipe away her tears rolling down her cheek.

“Please don’t cry anymore, because it doesn’t affect your present, and future. You have a choice just like what I’ve decided to do with us.” He looked firmly into her eyes once again with reassurance. “I’ll guarantee that. And if you’re wondering why I never told you all of this...was because I never thought you’d understand me. I assumed you knew about the nature and background of this marriage and your identity as a Kang, but you lived so differently from how I did, it blew my mind and I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never exercised my empathy for others all these years because I never needed to and I mistook your actions for sympathy. But I guess...we’re not so different after all.” Taeyong said and Seulgi nodded.

“And to be precise, you were not chosen for me first. Your parents chose me for you first. My parents wanted to stick to that agreement and bond. In a sense, we’re even. I was the chosen one in fact. However, for better or worse, I know we can make the best out of this.” Taeyong tried to lighten the atmosphere and Seulgi gave him a small hit.

“Do you want to know something precious?” He started again and she had a quizzical look on her face. He raised the photograph in his hand. “This, was actually the fondest memory of my childhood. This was before I was fully thrown into the rigourous training, the pain and misery, my parents put me through. Truth be told, I was sad that you didn’t recognise me at all, but now it makes sense to me.” Seulgi nodded in agreement before heaving a huge breath she instantly threw her arms over his waist and hugged him tight.

“How are you feeling now?” Taeyong asked her as she released him and walked to the edge of the pier. “More composed, feeling less y and less alone. Thanks to you, Taeyong-ie.” She turned to face him with a small smile. That smile was replaced with a look of shock. Her husband’s face followed suit.

“It’s a kick from the baby.” Seulgi said and caressed her abdomen gently and smiled slowly. Her expression of surprise was back again as Taeyong knelt down with his face close to her abdomen. He reached out and caress the firm surface. “It might be too early to say, but little one,” Taeyong changed his tone to address his fetus child for the first time, “you will never ever to experience, what we’ve experienced. Your mother and I do whatever we can to stop it. Keep fighting in there.” His grin alone was enough to melt her.

Seulgi had another quizzical look on as Taeyong remained on one knee. He placed his hand to his chin as if thinking about his next course of action. He took out a small box from the pocket of his jacket and opened it before her. “I don’t know if this is too sudden or the right time, but I guess both of us never had a proper proposal and so...this is mine to you.”

Seulgi almost took a step back as her hand went to her heart. “Plea