Summary/Warnings: Baekhyun regrets letting Chanyeol go, but regrets can’t bring back a person (Implied character death, angst)

Baekhyun remembers. He always remembers. He remembers carefree laughter and lighthearted banter, stolen kisses under the setting sun, and the clumsy confessions of ‘I love yous’. Baekhyun remembers the tears, the pain, and the ultimate self-destruction.

He always remembers.

Baekhyun also remembers the promises and soft platitudes, whispered urgently and reassuringly behind closed doors.

“I will be back. I promise you.”

Baekhyun often wonders what would have happened if he had held onto Chanyeol that day and begged him not to go. He wonders if he should have screamed and shouted and begged Chanyeol to stay by his side. And most of all, Baekhyun wonders if he would be feeling this deep-rooted regret if only he had put down his pride that day to say goodbye.

Baekhyun never bade him goodbye.

Chanyeol had lingered by the door, swallowing back unshed tears, waiting and hoping for Baekhyun to bid him farewell as he always does, with a soft kiss on the cheek and an endearing ‘have a good day ahead!’. Chanyeol waited and waited, but Baekhyun simply remained impassive and frozen, looking anywhere but at Chanyeol.

Baekhyun didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to tell Chanyeol to stay.

Baekhyun didn’t want to be selfish.

And Baekhyun regrets not being selfish. Baekhyun regrets letting Chanyeol leave without any closure. Baekhyun regrets it every waking moment of his life, all too aware of the gaping hole torn from his chest with Chanyeol’s departure.

“Save your tears, Baek. I’ll come back,” Chanyeol had whispered eventually, sending Baekhyun a sincere, longing smile before he walked through the door. With every step that took Chanyeol further and further away from Baekhyun, Baekhyun felt his whole world slowly crumble around him.

Baekhyun knew deep down that Chanyeol wasn’t returning. It was highly unlikely that he would return.

“Wait for me, I’ll write you letters,” Chanyeol told him the night before he left, his voice a soft stammer. Baekhyun had laughed bitterly and shoved the plates off their dining table in a clean sweep, eyes burning with barely concealed fury. Baekhyun didn’t speak, but both of them knew that the tears rolling down his cheeks were a silent protest.

Don’t go don’t go don’t go.

And Chanyeol had swept Baekhyun into a tight embrace, kissing the top of Baekhyun’s head tenderly while he allowed his own tears to stain Baekhyun’s collar.

“I’m so sorry Baekhyun,” Chanyeol cried, his voice broken and muffled. “I have to go. The country needs me.”