“Sunny, I need your advice on something.”

“Okay. Gimme a minute.”

Taeyeon waits patiently as Sunny pauses her game and puts the controller aside.

“Alright. What kind of advice do you need?”

“It’s about Tiffany.”

“Ah . . .”

“Why do you look like you know what this is about?”

“Well, firstly, because I’m Sunny. Secondly, because there have been signs.”

“Signs?”

“You’re quite oblivious, aren’t you?”

“I didn’t realize there’ve been signs.”

“Sign Number One. You’ve been talking about her all the time. And I mean all the time. It’s always ‘Tiffany likes this’, ‘Tiffany likes that’, or ‘Do you think Tiffany will like this’ or something about Tiffany in one way or another. Sign Number Two. You’re not interested in anybody else. You’re spending all your time with Tiffany after training and weekends and if you’re not out with her, you’re with her at your place or hers.

“I’ll bet you haven’t even noticed how long you haven’t had a night out with us. Just the other day, Hyoyeon was asking if you’re still alive. And Yoona thinks you’ve been training extra hard for the tournament so she hasn’t called you up. If it weren’t for the fact that we train at the same place and live next to each other, I don’t think I’d have gotten to see you much either.”

Taeyeon stares at Sunny for a while. “That . . . is a lot. And I sound like a terrible person who’s been neglecting her friends. Why haven’t you said anything about it to me?”

“You know me, I don’t poke my nose into business that doesn’t want me in there,” Sunny says with a shrug. “Besides, you’re an adult. And you’re not doing anything wrong.”

“Okay. I get it.”

“So, did Tiffany confess her feelings for you?”

Taeyeon nods.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

Taeyeon sighs. “It’s a long story.”

Sunny grabs her cushion from the couch and hugs it. “Let’s hear it.”

With a deep breath, Taeyeon begins. It all started after they watched a movie last night . . .

X

“That was one heck of a romantic confession,” Taeyeon says to Tiffany as they walk out of the cinema, arms linked.

“That I can agree with.”

“You really don’t think the guy is good-looking?”

Tiffany grimaces.

“What about the actress?”

“She’s alright. She was funny in the movie.”

“Well, I think she’s pretty and they look great together.”

“Do you think we look great together?”

“Huh? Us?”

“Yeah,” says Tiffany, pulling them closer with her arm. “You and I. Do you think we look great together?”

“Er . . .” Taeyeon isn’t sure if Tiffany is joking or being serious right now. “Not bad, I guess?”

“Oh come on, you’re pretty, I’m hot, together we make a damn good-looking pair.”

Taeyeon laughs. “I can’t disagree with that.”

They are laughing as they get into Tiffany’s car, and chatting merrily all the way until Tiffany pulls up at her apartment.

“Thanks for sending me home,” Taeyeon says with a smile and has her hand on the door when Tiffany stops her.

“Taeyeon, I have something to say.”

All at once, Taeyeon knows. It’s just like one of those things that you don’t really know but kind of know anyway. “Hm?”

“I wanna be honest with you.”

All the undercurrents are emerging now. Taeyeon keeps still and holds her breath, ready to be drowned.

“I have feelings for you.”

There it is. Tiffany had said it before but dismissed it as a joke and she had happily cast her uncertainty aside as well. But now, with Tiffany looking at her with eyes full of solemness, she knows that she cannot pretend it doesn’t exist anymore.

“My feelings . . . aren’t just friendly.”

Taeyeon doesn’t know what to say. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“What do you mean by ‘okay’?”

Biting her lip, Taeyeon remains silent. There is a cold thrill zipping up and down her body, from the top of her head, down to her back. It’s like she’s been hit by something she had seen coming all along but is still shocked by the impact.

“Taeyeon? Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I-I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.” Tiffany sighs. “Look, I’m not asking you to be my girlfriend. I’m just being honest because I think you should know about the way I feel. I’ll admit I’ve been harbouring hopes because you did have that middle school crush on a girl before but I’m not expecting anything from you at all. Really. I just . . . I just wanted to tell you how I feel.

“You don’t have to feel obliged to say or do anything. You don’t have to. Really. I’ll be fine. We can just be friends and hang out. I’m hoping this doesn’t ruin our friendship because that would really the worst thing ever. I mean, like if you don’t feel comfortable, just say the word and I’ll back up. We can be the most casual friends ever, you know?”

Taeyeon nods. “I need to think about it.”

“About our friendship?”

Taeyeon doesn’t like the way Tiffany’s eyes sadden. “Just things, between us, in general. I . . . I’m confused right now.”

“Perfectly understandable. I’m sorry for throwing it on you like that, but the movie had that great confession and I was so envious of the way he spoke his mind, I just had to say it. You go on up and sleep on it, alright?”

“Yeah, I’ll er . . . sleep on it.”

“Great.” Tiffany opens her arms with a smile. “Friendship hug?”

Taeyeon leans in for the hug. It feels good. What would it be like if this were more? She can’t imagine it happening. What would happen then? “Goodnight, Tiffany.” Tiffany releases her and she opens the door. “I’ll er . . . I’ll call you, sometime.”

Tiffany’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes like it usually does and their sparkle is dimmed. “Sure. I’ll be waiting. Get back safely and text me, okay?”

Taeyeon nods and exits the car. She heads to the elevator without looking back this time. Something stops her from doing so. Something stubborn. Her stubborn, stiff back. She doesn’t remember pressing the button in the elevator and she doesn’t remember pressing the code to unlock her door. But she’s standing in her apartment, taking her shoes off in the doorway.

She remembers to text Tiffany.

I’m home safe. Drive safe.

And for the next hour, she sits in her bathroom, staring at the tiles . . .

X

“She’s not asking for anything from you.”

“But it’s . . .”

“Weird?”

Taeyeon shrugs.

“Do you have feelings for her too?”

“I don’t know.”

“That means a little yes.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t.”

“What’s stopping you?”

Taeyeon bites her lip.

“Fear? Are you afraid?”

“Maybe?”

“What are you afraid of?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you afraid of what people might think?”

Taeyeon looks at Sunny. “Not really . . .”

“It sounds like you like her too but dare not take the step.”

“I’m not sure how I like her.”

“If it’s not a flat-out no, it means you’re considering. You wouldn’t be considering if you didn’t have the tiniest bit of feelings for her.”

“You’re right. You’re right.” Taeyeon sighs. “But I can’t imagine . . . Tiffany and I . . . what would it be like? I’ve never been with a woman before.”

Sunny shrugs. “I don’t know either so I can’t help you there. But Hyerim and Jihyun are pretty happy together. Maybe you can ask them.”

“Wouldn’t that be weird?”

“Ask them nicely. They’re nice people. They’ll help you.”

“Good point,” Taeyeon says, smiling at last. “Thanks, Sunny. You always know what to do.”

“Yeah, yeah. Too bad I’m not getting extra money for it,” Sunny says with a laugh. “Now, shoo. I’m gonna play my game now so let yourself out whenever.”

X

No phone call. No text message. No news. From morning to night. Nothing.

Tiffany sighs. She should have known. Yuri was right. She was setting herself up for suffering. Now, she doesn’t even know if she’d rather Taeyeon never speaks to her again or continue to be friends as before. Either way, it’s going to hurt.

X