The next few days were a pain for Chae Hyungwon. Everyone in the dorm can only stare worriedly at the tallest member as he walked past the living room and out of the door every morning. After what had happened, their manager had learned from the previous years that the group should not have anything scheduled for the whole week following what was called as ‘Shin Hoseok’s Death Anniversary.’ It multiplied their work for the next week, of course, but it was better than having an almost lifeless looking Hyungwon not paying any attention to anything that was going on around him. Last year was bad enough.

    “Talk to him,” Minhyuk says, looking at Kihyun with pleading eyes as Hyungwon disappeared from their view. Considering how his own attempt had been a failure, he was hoping that the other member will gain better results than he did. It sent a pang to his heart every single time he saw Hyungwon act like that.

    A small frown appears on Yoo Kihyun’s face before he sighs, dropping the rug he had been holding onto a table. “He won’t listen to me while he’s in that state, you know,” was what he says in response.

    “He never listens to anyone,” Minhyuk points out. “But we have to try. He can’t keep going on like this. It will destroy him.”

    But Kihyun understood what the other was feeling. Hyungwon loved Hoseok very much. There was no doubts about that. And to lose someone you love with all your heart can be powerful enough to destroy a person.

    “I think it’s a bit too late for that,” he mumbles, his gaze shifting to the door. However, knowing how Minhyuk will never leave him alone until he did, Kihyun knew he still had to try. “But alright. I will.”

*

    Kihyun finds him on the rooftop.

    The weather was chilly that day despite the sun’s glares. Hyungwon was standing a few feet away from the ledge, his back facing away from where Kihyun was; overlooking the cityscape before him. The shorter pauses to look at the modelesque member’s form, noting how tired Hyungwon appeared from the way his shoulders were slouched. Kihyun hated seeing him like that. None of them deserved to feel like that.

    “If you’re done staring then you can go back inside.”

    Kihyun was startled when he heard the voice, surprised that the other had talked. Normally, Hyungwon would not even respond to any of their attempts to talk to him. He would only stare at something else, his gaze dead, as he waited for the one who attempted to talk to him to become exhausted and leave him alone again. Today was different and Kihyun hoped that was a good sign.

    Taking a tentative step forward, Kihyun waits for a while before he finally decides to walk over to Hyungwon’s side. When he does, Hyungwon does not even bother to glance at him. Kihyun did not expect him to.

    “I’m not going to forget about him,” Hyungwon says after a few minutes of silence. “If you’re here to talk about that, then forget it.”

    Kihyun immediately shakes his head at that, momentarily forgetting that the other was not looking. “I’m not,” he says. “Telling you to forget him, that is. No one is asking you to forget about him, Hyungwon.”

    “It seems like it.”

    Kihyun turns his head to gaze at the other, noting the blank expression on the other’s face. “I don’t think anyone can forget about him, Hyungwon. Especially not you. I know how much you loved each other.”

    “Love,” Hyungwon corrects, his voice barely heard. Kihyun, who was still staring, watched as Hyungwon’s gaze shifted to the floor. “Not loved. I still love him and I will never stop.”

    Kihyun can only nod, feeling pity for the other. He can only hope that the other will learn to accept what had happened. But knowing the taller, he knew it will take time.

    “Love,” he repeats, correcting himself. “I know, Hyungwon. And none of us will ever tell you to stop.”

    “He’s not dead,” he hears the taller say after a short while. “Hoseok… he’s not dead. I-I know he isn’t.” Kihyun can hear the cracking of the other man’s voice. A soft sigh escapes the older’s lips.

    “Hyungwon-ah…”

    The aforementioned rapidly shakes his head.

    “Don’t. Please. I… I know what you want to say. It’s been three years. If Hoseok was alive, he would have showed up by now.” A dry chuckle escapes the younger’s lips. “It’s what everyone says. But… he’s not dead, Kihyun. I can’t explain it, but… but I can feel it. He’s not dead. I refuse to believe he is.”

    Hyungwon turns to him then, and Kihyun can now clearly see the raw anguish on the other’s tired face. Kihyun pursed his lips at that, unable to look away from the heartbreaking sight.

    “He… he promised me, hyung,” Hyungwon continues, his words barely heard. “He promised me that he won’t ever leave me. Hoseok doesn’t break his promises. He doesn’t.”

    Kihyun watches as Hyungwon’s hand made its way to his chest, the taller clutching the fabric of his shirt, or well, perhaps what was under it. A tear escapes the younger’s eye and trailed down his cheek. Kihyun fought the urge to wipe it away and embrace the other for comfort. With his hands shaking, Hyungwon pulls out something, a silver chain that had been around his neck. And it was only when Hyungwon opened his palm that Kihyun saw the silver ring that was attached to it.

    “He… he wanted us to get married. I… we knew it was illegal in Korea, of course. But then he even suggested we go to another country that legalizes same marriages and do it in secret.”

    The tears were flowing freely down Hyungwon’s face now.  If Kihyun’s heart hadn’t already shattered, it surely did now. Why must it come to this? Kihyun did not think his friend deserved any of this. He had not realized until now how deep Hyungwon and Hoseok’s bond had been. He had never even knew they considered marriage, knowing how difficult it would be in their situation. Kihyun hated how it all ended up.

    “Oh, Hyungwon-ah,” Against his better judgment, Kihyun took a few steps forward and finally embraced the other man. Hyungwon did not resist the action, nor did he hug back. The taller only stood there, his shoulders shaking as large, ugly sobs broke free from its confinement; his friend enveloping him in his arms.

I kind of want to move to AO3? Uh... should I?