Hyunwoo's POV

Chapter Text

“Mr Son,” Kihyun repeats, his eyes weary as he waits for his boss to acknowledge him.

Things have been getting strange around here. Hyunwoo comes and goes as he pleases. He has the flexibility to do so but he's never taken advantage of it, saying he needed to set an example for the staff. Kihyun knows very well that his boss has a lover, only a fool wouldn’t. Minhyuk, however, was not a fool and Kihyun knows he knows.

But that’s none of his business.

“Yes,” Hyunwoo looks up from his laptop,”Are those files for customs?”

“Yes,” Kihyun answers, “For msc.”

No more is said, the files are placed on his desk and he leaves the absurdly large office quickly. Kihyun wanted to put as much distance between himself and Hyunwoo. He was not proud of lying for his boss. If anything he felt such immense guilt watching Minhyuk ‘s smile weakens but never falling.

-

June 3 2019

Hyunwoo wakes up muzzy, his head heavy and tongue thick. The ceiling of his apartment staring back at him. He must have passed out on the couch.

He chokes on his saliva, a sharp pain running from his up through his spine. His muscles feel sore and heavy, like he’s endured an extreme workout. Eyes shut tightly in pain, his hands struggle to support his weight but he manages to sit up. The pain at the base of his spine intensifies and he clenches his teeth.

When he opens his eyes, he feels slightly calmer. It was indeed his apartment, the cool blue warm walls, framed pictures of his wedding day hanging on the walls.

“Minhyuk,” He mumbles,”Minhyuk!”

There’s no answer, not a sound aside from the buzz of their sound system.

Hyunwoo is at a lost in general. He doesn’t know what the hell happened, nor what time it was. The only comfort he has is that at least he's in his home but where was his husband?

It’s pain to walk but he bites back the burn and limps into his bedroom. The bed is made but still no traces of Minhyuk. He doesn’t think further into it, his body aching to shower. He’s quick to let hot water ease and caress his sore body.

His mind races but he’s too tired to panic but he’s worried. He doesn’t know what the hell happened to him and at who’s hands.

He hesitantly reaches to feel himself and as expected, his burns, a weird slippery sensation surrounding the area of his inner thigh. He brings his fingers up out of the stream of the shower and rubs them together, The substance is jelly like, almost like

“Vaseline?”

Had he been sodomised?

The scenarios made his head spin and he thinks he’s experiencing something akin to a panic attack. His fears rush at him and he can’t breathe. The air too dense, too hot and his knees buckle as he tries to escape the shower. His knees scrape against the tiled floor but the sensation is too overwhelming, Hyunwoo crawls onto the ice bathroom tiles. His body sprawling across the pristine white tiles, eyes wide as he pants harshly. The room is spinning and his lungs won’t cooperate.

His throat struggles but he manages to croak,”Minhyuk, Minhyuk!”

His screams resonate within the space, travelling vaguely throughout the house but there’s no one there, Minhyuk isn’t. Hyunwoo’s pleas floating into the air like dust particles, small and insignificant.

Later that day

“Woo,” 
Hyunwoo wakes up to the sound of his husband, warmth pressed against his cheeks.

“Baby, are you sick? You didn’t go to work?”

It’s a struggle but he manages to open his eyes, the light stinging as he Minhyuk comes into focus.

“Baby,” He mumbles worriedly, his eyes drooping as he bites is lip in concern.

“I’m fine,” Hyunwoo answers without hesitation, he doesn’t need Minhyuk to press further.

“You sure, you don’t sound fine. You were out this morning, I thought you were just hung over,”

What was Hyunwoo suppose to say, he woke on his couch with his slicked up with Vaseline. His masculinity had already been in tatters as he laid on the bathroom floor in terror. Minhyuk would insist he sees a doctor and that’s the last thing he wants to do.

“Just my throat,” he lies but he was sounding a bit gruff.

It seems to alleviate some of the concern, Minhyuk quick on his feet,”I’ll make you some stew, how does beef stew sound?”

Hyunwoo just nods, smiling in appreciation.

The minute Minhyuk is out the door, he slumps back into the bed. His chest is tight as he feels anger twisting into knots. Furious, he was furious but what options did he have. He can’t remember a thing about last night but he must have been with Hosek. Everything past that point evades him. How or when he got home escapes him. He couldn’t taste any alcohol when he woke up, plus he wouldn’t drink if he was driving.

It didn’t make sense and it wouldn’t for another four months.

-

October 2 2019

Hyunwoo doesn’t know just what position he was in. People would be quick to call his relationship with Hosek an affair and he can’t deny that it probably is. He just wonders what are the ground rules for this kind of things. As a male, he has a number of friends who indulged in extramarital affairs but none on par with what he's dealing with. Affairs revolved around when it came to men, the company, the ego . It was a far cry from the dynamics he shared with Hoseok.

He had told another infamous lie and booked a room in the Gangnam Hilton branch. Unlike their last stay, they hardly spend anytime in the hotel. Instead, Hoseok wakes him up early and they head to the aquarium. The other had been so giddy about the visit, Hyunwoo can’t bring himself to care about the thoughts of anybody seeing them. No, Hoseok laughter rings loud in his ears, his wide eyes staring at the large tanks in a childlike adoration. It’s cute and Hyunwoo takes the opportunity to hug him from behind, pressing a kiss to the back of his ears. Hoseok leans back instinctively into his embrace and they stand for a while, wrapped up in each other as they bathe in the blue glow of the jelly fish display.

There’s an information placard, discussing how Jelly fish don’t possess a brain nor heart.

While jellyfish don’t have a brain or central nervous system, they do however have a very basic set of nerves at the base of their tentacles. These nerves detect touch, temperature, salinity etc and the jellyfish reflexively respond to these stimuli. Since they don’t have a brain, they live passively, depending entirely on their automatic reflexes.

How fitting, Hyunwoo smiles foolishly. How was their love any different from a creature with no brain? Appropriate because the no one in their right mind would do what they were doing, what he was doing but they weren’t paying attention to the mind. No, they were on autopilot, his heart in control and he was just the puppet.

This was more, more than heart and romance, it was something set in stone, something subliminal.

They shared something that he couldn’t avoid, he couldn’t deny. It was magnetic, entrancing and Hyunwoo could never forget the taste. It was dreams and fantasies all muddled in one and Hyunwoo was never one to romanticise but every fibre in his body agreed that Hoseok and only Hoseok was his soulmate. There was no other way to explain it. He knows, in this life or the next, he would do whatever it takes for them to be together.

For the first time, he comes face to face with the decision he’s already made.

He’s destroying his marriage.

The evening is spent in the hotel, they eat at the Asian fusion restaurant and try some experimental sushi.

It was last minute affair, booking and visiting the aquarium but tomorrow was chuseok and Hyunwoo would have to spend it with his husband and family.

They flop onto the bed, bellies filled to the brim. Hoseok curls into his side, a smile pressing into the crook of his neck. It’s idyllic, Hyunwoo sighing as he feels warm lips pressing little kisses up the side of his jaw. Their lips mashed together moments later, it's lazily and messy but Hoseok's eyes are fine as he smiles into the kiss.

They remain like that, limbs entangled, curled into each and joint by the lips. Time comes creeping and Hyunwoo battles with himself. There had to be a limit to his selfishness. He couldn’t go back on his word now. Chuseok was a three day celebrations he would spend at his parent's villa. There were no excuses to be made, he had t be there as a son and a husband.
He decides to shower at home. His fingers dig into Hoseok’s side as he tries to get out of the hold but Hoseok persists, his legs wrapped around Hyunwoo like a sloth on a branch. Finally, he gives into the tickling, curling into a defensive ball as Hyunwoo continues the torture.

There’s shift in the atmosphere, Hyunwoo smiling slightly,”I have to go.”

“I know,” Hoseok rolls onto his back,”But I don’t want you.”

“I know, I don’t want to either but I have to,” He explains like he’s talking to a small child.

Hyunwoo’s hands reach out to his cheek but instead, Hoseok brings it up to his lips, little kisses placed upon his knuckle.

They lock gazes and Hyunwoo speaks confidently,”You know I love you but there’s so much more I feel when I’m with you.”

Hoseok’s eyes soften as he nods,”I know and I love you.”

“And I adore you,”Hyunwoo adds as he gets up and begins to dress,”but sometimes you make feel confused.”

Hoseok’s eyes sparkle, he knows what Hyunwoo is talking about,”Sometimes you make feel foolish,”

“That should be my line, don’t you think?”There’s no bite behind Hyunwoo’s words but Hoseok feels the sting.

He pulls on his coat, the rustling of digging in his bag is accompanied with the moving of the sheets as Hoseok gets off the bed but even so, the little hindrance isn’t enough for Hoseok’s words to go unnoticed.

No matter how small his voice is, Hyunwoo hears it,”Sometimes there’s just regret.”

Regret?

They were unapologetic with their feeling but Hyunwoo always felt like Hoseok held back. Even now, he only gave so much of himself to Hyunwoo and Hyunwoo would never argue because it was enough.

“Say that again?” Hyunwoo requests calmly as Hoseok enters the bathroom.

“Nothing,” He mumbles but Hyunwoo isn’t having it.

“Hoseok,” he calls out, waiting for the other to return from the bathroom.

“It’s nothing,”Hoseok stresses as he shuffles out the room but he’s avoiding Hyunwoo’s gaze.

Hyunwoo knows there's much more to this.

“Don’t lie to me,” Hyunwoo’s cold tone alarms the other.

“It’s nothing,” he repeats, his eyes desperate to ease Hyunwoo but when their gaze meet, he feels himself crumbling.

He scurries backwards, crawling till he’s situated in the centre of the bed. All he can see is the white of the sheets but he can feel Hyunwoo’s gaze, tearing into him like a vulture.

“Hoseok, what did you say,” Hyunwoo asks firmly, ”Hoseok talk to me.”

They were always talking but never about the right things.

Hyunwoo needs to know, ”Hoseok please.”

When it becomes obviousHoseok has no intention on budging, Hyunwoo abandons his spots and slides onto the bed. Hoseok folds into himself, eyes watery and Hyunwoo can’t hold himself back.

“Regret, what do you regret?” He pushes,”Hurting me?”

Hoseok apologised for that multiple times before. After making love, he’s become a blubbering mess of apologies and tears.

The closer he gets, the further Hoseok slides back til Hyunwoo’s hands grab him by the waist and drags him near. Hyunwoo hovers above him, hands planted on either side of Hoseok’s head.

“You know what I regret, you know it every moment I'm with you,”He struggles, choking on his sobs.

Hyunwoo knows what he's talking about, he has known but they haven’t really acknowledged it. He didn’t want to guilt trip Hoseok, the last thing he wanted to do was push him away. None the less, Hyunwoo craved some verbal confirmation that he had been missed, that had he was the reason that Hoseok had been hurting.

“I regret leaving, I regret missing all these years with you. I regret being without you,” the words grow smaller and smaller till they’re inaudible and Hoseok’s shuddering breath is all that fill the air.

He isn’t looking at Hyunwoo but rather at the curve of his lower lip.

“Baby,” Hyunwoo coaxes him and Hoseok makes the mistake of looking into his eyes.

Tears come pouring down like summer showers, warm and refreshing. Hoseok hates himself for it.

“No, no,” he mutters through the hot liquid, his hands coming to cover his eyes but Hyunwoo pries them away.

He isn’t having any of that,”Look at me.”

Hoseok obeys, he’s cornered, nowhere to run but Hyunwoo is the last person he wants to run from.

He can barely breath when they lock gazes. Hyunwoo’s dark orbs looking right through him and he feels himself fall a part further, eyes sealing shut.

“Seokie baby,” Hyunwoo tries to coax him gently,”Don’t cry.”

Hoseok doesn’t trust his voice nor does he have anything to say but the tears keep slipping through his tightly sealed lids.

“Hoseok,” Hyunwoo’s voice no longer gentle or rough but demanding and firm,”Look at me.”

There's a moment of stillness, Hoseok mustering the courage to oblige.

It’s like a spell, the gentleness in Hyunwoo’s eyes ceasing the tears and Hoseok understands everything he’s ever needed rests in those eyes. He needs it now more than ever.

“Woo,” he manages as he tries to curl into the dominating warmth.

Hyunwoo, however, makes no move to accept him, he maintains his position, staring into the depth of Hoseok’s soul,”What do you want?”

It catches Hoseok by surprise, his flat palms curls into a fist against Hyunwoo’s chest.

“What do you want Hoseok? "Hyunwoo asks again, “What do you want from me?”

He doesn’t miss the mix of anguish and panic that flashes in Hoseok’s eyes, he had always been easy to read. Too transparent, Hyunwoo liked that about him.

But it wasn’t enough, he needed Hoseok to say it.

“Hoseok, what do you want,” He emphasises each word as the lavender head turns to hide his face but Hyunwoo is quick to catch him by the jaw.

Gently, he brings them eye to eye again,”You want me to leave him?”

Puffy eyes turn round like saucers and Hyunwoo knows he’s been right all along. He too had considered their little fiasco a game but he was just protecting himself, in case Hoseok up left again. It wasn’t a game, never was and never could be. Their bond is as strong as it was years ago, the distance only letting unwelcome doubts flourish between them.

“I never said that,”He replies shakily.

“But you wanted,”Hyunwoo knows.

“No,” he denies, his voice breaking, eyes frantically trying to look anywhere but at Hyunwoo,”I didn’t say that.”

“Be honest,” Hyunwoo pushes, his hand relinquishing Hyunwoo’s jaw and sliding down to his neck,”Do-“

“Why?” Hoseok bursts, his eyes full blown as his hoarse voice yells,”What does it matter?”

“Why?” Hyunwoo repeats, his head bumping against Hoseok's, their noses side by side.

When Hyunwoo speaks, Hoseok can feel each word pressing into the side of his mouth, the warm air that Hyunwoo breathes,”For you, I would do it. If you asked me Hoseok, I would leave him for you.”

There, he had said it, admitted to his darkest fears. He was incapable of loving Minhyuk, his being too tainted by the poison he shared with Hoseok.

“Don’t,” Hoseok chokes, his arms reaching to circle around Hyunwoo’s neck,”Don’t go, stay here with me.”

It’s all the motivation he needs, his body slipping onto Hoseok body. His face is buried in the lavender tresses, hoseok’s arms and legs tight wrapped around him as he cries into Hyunwoo’s shoulder. He feels the warm liquid seep into his coat and shirt and finally traces linger on his skin. How long had Hoseok kept this hurt inside, he would never know.

After some time, Hyunwoo works his way out of the grasp. Hoseok looks at him in silent confusion as Hyunwoo gets off the bed and digs in his bag. He offers no explanation. Hoseok watches as he sits on the edge of the bed, his phone pressed to his ear.

“Hey,” he sounds tired,”Listen there was a problem with the flight. I don’t think I can get back tonight. I know, I know I said I'd be back for chuseok, I just might be a day late. You go ahead with my parents, I'll meet you there. I’m tired and the airport is choked, I'm going to retire for the night,” Hoseok lips curl up into a feline smile as he listens to Hyunwoo lie.

It was thrilling in it’s own right. It was like them against the world. They were the villains, hiding and plotting in secret, hurting and lying to others at a whim. They were terrible, he was terrible but Hoseok can't bring himself to care. As long as he has Hyunwoo, he’s down for whatever.

The call is cut and before Hyunwoo puts the phone down, Hoseok hands curve around his abdomen to where his buttons meet. In hushed silence, Hoseok undresses him one item at a time. They find themselves skin to skin, hip to hip as they exchange chaste kisses, Hoseok tongue peeks out, Hyunwoo’s plump lips playful. Between the soft of their lips, they exchange information. Confidential information neither wants to acknowledge once they leave this hotel. It's sappy depressing stuff like how Hyunwoo stopped going to Starbucks because it had reminded him too much of Hoseok or how he only dated Minhyuk at first because the junior was the very opposite of Hoseok. He was hesitant to share that last bit but Hoseok seemed to understand.

They speak till they run out and start making plans for the first day of Chuseok, both of them knowing damn well that Hyunwoo wasn’t going home tomorrow.

Hyunwoo pulls him in closer and Hoseok clings onto him. The tan skin emanating so much warmth, Hoseok struggles to stay awake. In between sleep and a daze, he knows that besides Hyunwoo is where he belongs. It was always him and it was him that deserved Hyunwoo’s last name, him that deserved to go to bed with Hyunwoo, wake up to Hyunwoo, him that would build a family with Hyunwoo, a home, him and him alone.

-

3 October 2019

Hyunwoo returns exhausted, his phone filled with messages from his disapproving family but nothing from Minhyuk. It only occurred to him as he was approaching his apartment. Maybe his husband has had enough of him, Hyunwoo wouldn’t blame him.

He opens the door to find Louis Armstrong's what a wonderful world playing loudly. He’s so taken with the odd music, he’s delayed to notice the centricity of the house decor. He enters in awe, his eyes flickering to their extravagant decoration strung up. There's white ribbons draping from the middle of their ceiling, little dream catches strung up, the table set with Victorian candle holders, large ornamental plates, tonnes and tonnes of balloons and the one thing Hyunwoo can’t miss, the celebratory sign hanging in bold letters across the Lounge wall.

“What the hell...’ He breathes out as he walks in further.

“Babe,” Mihyuk shrieks from the stairs,”You’re right on time.”

Hyunwoo watches in stunned silence as his husband rushes over to, his newly coloured lavender hair bouncing with each step,”For what?"

“For your surprise, silly,” Minhyuk hugs him, pressing a kiss to the side of his cheek but Hyunwoo is slightly off centred about the way Minhyuk's abdomen felt against his.

not to mention he ver specific hair colour. Hyunwoo isn't surprised that he knows. He really hasn't done much to hide his affair but he didn't expect his husband to be this bold.

His husband flutters away, the brightest smile on his face,”Wait right there,”

Hyunwoo doesn't think he has the ability to move, he's so bewildered.

Moments later, Minhyuk comes back, quick on his feet, the pink cardigan tailing behind him. There’s a white medical envelope in his hand, Hyunwoo would know. His father medical conditions had required multiple examining and tests, each one carried out in the Hospital Minhyuk works at. Minhyuk doesn’t offer any explanation but simply slips it into Hyunwoo hesitant grasp.

“Minhyuk, what is this?” He tries to remain calm but the song is unnerving.

“A surprise,”He beams, eyes sparking as he waits.

Hyunwoo messily opens the envelope, paper filled with writing tucked inside. Hyunwoo is quick to notice Minhyuk’s name as the patient and he starts to worry but then something small slides out. Hyunwoo doesn’t see it but he hears it drop to the floor.

He quickly squats down and retrieves it, his head bowed as he looks that the glossy image of a mix of black and grey.

He looks up at Minhyuk, who’s literally bursting with excitement,”What is this?”

Minhyuk looks taken back, stepping closer when Hyunwoo straightens up,"What do you think?"

Hyunwoo takes a look closer to the picture, it's a small perfect square with no actual image on display, just shades of grey and white against black. Hyunwoo didn’t know better, he would think this is ..

“Our baby,”Minhyuk finally speaks, noticing the realisation in Hyunwoo’s eyes.

Hyunwoo thinks he must have heard wrong,”What?”

“Our baby,”Minhyuk smiles happily,”I’m 11 weeks pregnant.”

If only for a second, Hyunwoo thinks this must be a joke but he looks at Minhyuks’ belly and he knows there had to be some truth in this. Minhyuk was underweight most of the time, for him to have slightest of a belly pouch is suspicious.

Minhyuk notices where his looking. He reaches for Hyunwoo hand and brings it near the round of his stomach but Hyunwoo wakes from his shellshock daze and jerks his hand away. Round eyes glossy look up at him in alarm. Minhyuk quick to move closer and Hyunwoo steps back.

“Minhyuk is that-“

“It’s our child, your child Woo,” Minhyuk says it so calmly, so confidently like this was dream come true, their dream.

Hyunwoo knows he’s not lying but was probably being selective with the truth. It’s been a while since he really looked at his husband and Hyunwoo can barely recognise him, not the smile on his face nor the insanity that rages in his eyes.

“Minhyuk, what have you done?” Hyunwoo asks, voice stone cold.

The atmosphere darkens and not even the song can save Hyunwoo from choking on the tension.

“What did do?” Minhyuk starts off calm but it’s only the calm before the storm,”I saved our marriage! I was here in our home, trying to save us while you were out with that harlot! That’s what I was doing.”

Minhyuk’s face stays frozen in anger and disgust, his eyes never leaving Hyunwoo.

Hyunwoo feels a chill run down his spine, he didn’t know the man in front of him, this wasn’t his husband.

Minhyuk simmers down but the crazy never leaves his eyes and Hyunwoo is genuinely worried. Luckily the door bell rings and it has Minhyuk switching personas completely. He walks past Hyunwoo, like nothing happened.

Hyunwoo stays rooted to the spot, his mouth dry as he swallows hard. He can hear his mouther’s voice along with his niece but he doesn’t have time to react.

"Minhyuk, that's a peculiar hair colour," His mother points out.

"Actually Hyunwoo like this colour," Hyunwoo refuses to listen to him any further.

His family fill up the space, most expressing their disappointment of him missing Chuseok.

Minhyuk grips his arm painfully, skinny fingers digging into flesh through his clothes.

“We have an announcement,”Minhyuk beams, giggling as he smiles shyly at Hyunwoo,”We’re pregnant.”

He immediately sees everyone dissolving in cheer, even his mother who beyond upset with him.

She comes to pinch his cheek,”You’re lucky, this is so good news. I was going give you a good scolding for not coming for chuseok. No amount of wealth can compete with family but I guess you'll see soon enough.”

“You hear that baby doll, uncle is going to give you a cousin,”His sister gushes and Hyunwoo plays along.

He endures the night, a tight smile on his lips. He makes up a believable excuse everytime someone notices. Ever since Hoseok’s got back, this lying game has become a piece of cake. Still, he can't ignore the way the hair on his arms stand up whenever Minhyuk touches him. It keeps Hyunwoo on guard and he knows he won’t be able to sleep there.

Instead, he waits for his parents to leave and slips out afterwards. The city lights serving as his only company as he drives around. He's tired but too shaken to sleep. His phone buzzes, missed call after missed call from Minhyuk. Hyunwoo ignores it.

He’s tank is almost empty when finally decides to pull up to Hoseok’s apartment. He has his own keys and has to admit that he’s actually relieved that his lover wasn’t at home.

Home, Hyunwoo had shared multiple nights in this space. It was two bedroom, simple open plan apartment with the most breathtaking view. He flops onto the bed, his back aching from the strain of the day.

Everything feels so unreal but Hyunwoo isn’t one to entertain denial. Minhyuk, whatever Minhyuk has done is very real. It’s too much to process and Hyunwoo is slipping into a still daze, his mind chasing its own tail until there’s just silence.

Exhausted, stunned, shellshocked, he blanks out.

When he wakes, he’s shirtless under the blankets. The room is aglow with the night lights bleeding as Hoseok never closes the window. He can see the pale lavender hair buried into the pillow next to him. His limbs feel dead but he needs to hold him, lazily he brings Hoseok’s body closer. The other moans as he squirms, he was always a light sleeper. Hyunwoo nuzzles the base of his neck, a little giggle slipping through Hoseok’s lips.

Hoseok doesn’t ask, probably because he doesn’t want to know but he needs to.

There’s no words spoken, Hyunwoo hugs his waist, body pressed against each other and they sleep. Hyunwoo feels the calm washing over him, ease and guilt all mixed into one coating his body and he can finally sleep.

Not before making some last minute decisions. Firstly he needs Hoseok to recolour his hair and secondly, he needs to make sure the child Minhyuk is holding is indeed his.It wasn’t going to be easy, it wasn’t going to be pretty but it was going to be all him and rightfully his.