Bona allowed Cheng Xiao to enter the appointed meeting room first. The girl didn't look nearly as worried as herself, but it wasn't as if Bona was about to ask her if she thought they had somehow found out they'd made out in the dressing room while in a schedule, so she wouldn't know for sure. 

As she followed inside, in her best efforts to look calm and definitely not guilty, she was met with a crowd – about 10 to 15 people – which was an unusually large number for regular meetings. They'd naturally been the last to arrive, as only two chairs were vacant, waiting for them. Next to them sat some other representatives of Cheng Xiao's management team. At the head of the table sat both of Cheng Xiao's parents, accompanied by two other higher management members at each of their sides. And across the table sat... Jackson, of all people? And his own team. 

With Jackson being present, Bona was quick to put aside the idea that this meeting was about what happened during today's schedule. If she thought about it, it would have been impossible for them to have figured it out, but who has the time to think rationally when panicking is a top priority? 

"Now that Bona and Cheng Xiao are here, we're ready to start." Mrs. Cheng started, her usual warm smile plastered on. "Honey, would you like to start by communicating the great news that have just come our way?" 

"Of course." Cheng Xiao's father nodded lovingly at his wife, then turned his head to scan the people in the room. "We just received the news that both Cheng Xiao and Jackson were cast as leads for the cable channel drama they've recently auditioned for, The Language of Love". 

The entire room clapped, putting them both in the center of attention. Bona found it hard to smile along as she saw the looks Cheng Xiao and Jackson exchanged. 

"As you know," Her father continued after the clapping subsided. "These wonderfully talented actors usually participate in much larger scale productions than the one we have at hands. In order to maximize the profit potential and make the investment from the company and the talents worthwhile, we need to analyze the unique opportunities for promotion in our reach." 

Bona raised an eyebrow. When managers started speaking marketing and business language, they were more than likely trying to deflect from something... shady.  

"A few of you might have noticed that this is the first time Cheng Xiao and Jackson are cast as the main pair for a drama... This is not an accident. It has been carefully arranged with the team at the other side." Her mother took over. 

With that sentence, Bona immediately knew where it was going. Oh, no. Please, no. 

"Therefore, this is a golden opportunity to bring the strategy we've been paving for Cheng Xiao and Jackson to a new level." The woman touched her perfectly combed updo and then smiled with her teeth. "What I'm saying is that shortly after the drama begins broadcasting, we plan to announce a relationship between Jackson and Cheng Xiao." 

Bona brought her hand to her forehead, then ran it through her hair instead of burying her face in it, to keep it discrete. Ah, arranged dating. She knew it was sure to be in the roadmap, but nonetheless, it was a terrible idea – not only as far as Bona and her own interests were concerned. 

Nobody made a sound in the room, and everyone except the higher management looked either puzzled or disapproving.  

"Are you sure about this?" Mei Qi, the publicist in Cheng Xiao's team, was the first to speak. "Cheng Xiao already receives a considerable amount of hate from Jackson's suspecting female fanbase. If we confirm a relationship, it might backfire and earn Xiao more hate. Jackson will barely suffer, but we are well aware it's always the female who takes the hit." 

Cheng Xiao nodded at Mei Qi and lowered her head. 

"With all due respect, I have to agree. You know I care deeply for your daughter, and I don't feel at ease with her reputation suffering to boost our popularity." Jackson leaned forward, one eyebrow raised. 

Bona had to keep herself from rolling her eyes. Why did he have to be so disgustingly nice and... perfect?  

"Yes, that is inevitable." Mrs. Cheng said. "But, as we've observed in the industry trend, and with Cheng Xiao having such a flawless reputation with no previous scandals, we believe the hate will be of little volume and quickly subside." 

"Mrs. Cheng, isn't there also a risk that the media will find out it's a fabricated arrangement?" Bona spoke up, the only excuse she could figure out to object, that hadn't already been said. 

"Hardly." The woman responded with a toothless smile.  "We have been creating speculation in the media and the public to make sure there's no such risk. All they both have to do is refrain from seeing other people while this arrangement lasts, as that's the only thing the media could pick up on. Of course, the agency completely trusts both Cheng Xiao and Jackson with this." 

Bona gulped, feeling herself able to materialize a hole on the ground to hide in. If she didn't know it was impossible, she'd say it was a direct hit on her. 

"Well, but what if--" 

"Sounds good." Cheng Xiao interrupted Bona, lightly touching her arm to keep her from speaking. "If Jackson is okay with it, then so am I. I trust Mom and Dad's decisions for the agency and the artists' careers."  

"What do you think, Jackson?" His manager, Jaebum, asked. 

Jackson leaned back, tapped his fingers on the table, and ran the other hand through his hair before flashing a confident smile. 

"If Xiao agrees even with all that's at stake, I'm good." 

"Great!" Mr. Cheng said, standing up. "We'll inform you as soon as possible of the exact timing we'll be making the announcement through your management teams. Thank you." 

Bona's instinct was to survey Cheng Xiao's face, but the girl avoided looking at her as she stood up and went on ahead to the car. 

"Bona... you're still sleeping with me, right?" Cheng Xiao asked, as the girls took slow steps towards the bedroom doors.  

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" 

"I know you're upset about something. You barely said more than two words since we left the agency."  

"I'm not upset." Bona said, scratching her neck. 

"Then why are you acting like that? You promised you wouldn't ice me out for no reason again." Cheng Xiao demanded, stopping on the way and turning to her, forcing Bona's eyes to meet hers. 

Bona took a few seconds to answer, taken aback by her stance. 

"You're right. I'm sorry. I guess I'm just tired and spacing out. It was a long day." Bona deflected her gaze. 

Cheng Xiao sighed. 

"Is it because I interrupted you at the meeting?" 

Yes, yes it was. Because she so easily interrupted her to accept a dating arrangement everyone was trying to argue against, and even though it would have consequences on her reputation, she lowered her head and took her parents' instructions without any resistance.  

Because she was way too willing about at least pretending to date Jackson, and that didn't make sense to Bona after what had happened in the afternoon, after what she was sure Cheng Xiao had felt too when they kissed. 

"No, nothing like that." 

"Okay." Cheng Xiao nodded and continued walking with her head hanging low. 

Bona felt the slightest bit guilty about hiding what she felt, but how would she explain it without saying out loud what really concerned her about the dating arrangement? 

As they were stepping inside the room, Cheng Xiao flipped her body to face Bona, with her back against the door, her gaze fierce and determined.  

With her halting so suddenly, Bona stopped mere inches away from her body, taking a step back in recoil. Bona couldn't take her eyes off of hers, even though she felt like they'd rip words she'd rather keep to herself out of her mouth. 

"Bona... You know the arrangement is totally fake, right? We're only pretending to date."  

"Yeah." Bona swallowed. "But why, though? You've wanted to date Jackson for the longest time. Now you have a chance to do it without having to hide it." 

"No, not really. Believe me, I know what my parents are all about, and that wasn't permission to actually date. They want us to show that to the cameras, kind of what we've already been doing. Not much is going to change except for the official stories we give out to the media." 

"Are you really okay with that?" Bona gave her a sympathetic look. What she said did make some sense.  

"Like I said, not much is going to change. That's why I just said yes, and talked over you. It's not like they were going to change their mind, anyway, and I didn't want you to get into unnecessary trouble. Really, you don't need to worry about it. It's bogus." 

"W-why would I worry?" Bona's eyes twitched in every direction except Cheng Xiao's face. 

"Uh... about... my reputation. And stuff. Like you said at the meeting." Cheng Xiao stiffened against the door and bobbed her head at the rhythm of her words. 

"Oh. No, I'm not worried anymore. It's all good. Even if it wasn't fake, it would still be none of my business, right?" 

"Well, it always concerns you because you're my manager. But it's completely fake, okay?" 

"Okay." 

"Good." 

"Good." 

After awkward seconds of silence, Xiao turned around to finally open the door and Bona's shoulders dropped, making her realize she had stopped breathing for a long while. That was... tense. 

As the girls had settled in bed and prepared to sleep, Bona plugged her lit up phone to the wall so it would keep itself on throughout out the night. Then, she rolled over to find Cheng Xiao's body right by hers. She had clearly been staring her down for a bit, too.  

"Crap, Xiao, you scared me. I didn’t hear you come closer." Bona gasped.  

"Sorry, I didn’t mean to." Xiao said with beady, unblinking eyes.  

They kept their eyes glued, not sharing a word. 

"What?" Bona asked, after the quiet had become uncomfortably long.  

"Nothing." Xiao frowned and turned around. "Good night, Bona." 

"Good night." 

What was that all about? 

Bona closed her eyes and pondered if she should snuggle with Cheng Xiao, but as she was about to act on her decision, she heard a whisper.  

"Bona, are you still awake?" 

Something in her tone made her think twice about giving away that she was awake. But then, she wouldn't have been able to sleep thinking about what could have been. 

"Yes." 

"I’ve been meaning to ask you a really weird question." 

"Uh... Sure, go ahead." 

"You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to." 

"Okay, Xiao, just ask." Bona was both dying to know and dying with fear of knowing. 

"How... I mean, when? How and when... Did you know that you..." 

"That I what?" Bona felt bad about pressing her when it was obviously not easy for her either, but she just had to hear it. 

"That you... Liked other women." A gulp came from Cheng Xiao, and after that, not even the sound of the girls' breathing. 

"I, uh..." Bona stuttered, her eyebrows drawing up. "Wow." 

"L-like I said, you don’t have to answer if you think I’m invading your privacy or something." 

"No, that’s not it, I just wasn't expecting it. I can answer." 

However, time passed and Bona's vocal chords were not cooperating. 

"Well?" Cheng Xiao anticipated. 

"I've never really told this to anyone before, and it's kind of embarrassing. Please promise me you will never mention this." 

"Of course, Bona. You can trust me." Cheng Xiao snuggled closer to her, resting her face on her shoulder.  

Bona felt the blood stream to her face with having her even closer, but at least she could tell that she wouldn't be looking directly at her. And well, at least it was somewhat dark, something Bona wasn't often happy about. 

How could she keep secrets from her when Cheng Xiao had a way of getting and knowing everything she wanted? When she melted her to a point where she could offer no resistance? 

"You know how I never had many friends in school because they were just interested in meeting my parents, right?" Cheng Xiao nodded at what she said. "Luda is the daughter of Kim Taeyeon, who also moved back to the countryside when her singing career slowed down. She was my junior, but she was the only person in school who truly understood me and what having to doubt people's intentions all the time felt like. So, she became my only real friend." 

"Although I only had her to consider a friend... We were both quite popular in school. Everyone wanted to be in our good side. And as you can imagine..." Bona sighed. "We were frequently swarmed with confessions and dating candidates." 

"So... Did girls confess to you too?" Cheng Xiao asked. 

"No, not really. Only boys. Though I never had the slightest interest in anyone that happened to confess to me. I thought there was either something wrong with me, or I was just too picky and hadn't found the right one yet." 

"Luda was also picky herself. But one day, she decided she was tired of being in ignorance and she wanted to know what it was like to date, even if she wasn't exactly fond of him. So, she said yes to the next guy who asked her out on a date. Someone in her class."  

"Did you ever want to do that too?"  

"I thought of it, but I never followed through. I thought it was wrong to lead someone on when I knew it wasn't going to work out, but Luda on the other hand thought that if she gave someone a chance, she might actually fall for him." Bona frowned. 

"Did she end up falling for him then?"  

"I was getting to that part." Bona took a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to hear it?" 

"I sort of see where this is going, but yes, I really want to." Cheng Xiao looked up, with widened, inquiring eyes, though barely visible in the dark. 

"Okay... You've probably already heard stories like this a thousand times, but... On the day before her date, she was in a nervous wreck because she'd never been in such a situation before. She was worried that he would kiss her and she'd act weird about it and creep him out. And from then, you can probably guess what followed." Bona pursed her lips. 

"She asked to practice with you?" Cheng Xiao chuckled. 

"Yes." Bona let out, as her cheeks reddened. She played with Cheng Xiao's hair to distract herself from the awkwardness. "And when it happened, I felt... something. Which had never happened before." 

"You knew when you kissed another woman and you felt... feelings." Cheng Xiao furrowed her eyebrows. 

"Uh... yeah. That was when it clicked. I had always looked at other girls differently, but I thought it was normal to find other girls pretty and admire them the way I did. When growing up, you're only ever taught how you're supposed to feel with boys, so you don't normally think you might be different and you shrug off the signs that could be telling you so. I didn't really need to have kissed Luda to know, actually, if I had listened to my own mind a bit more." 

"But what exactly are you supposed to feel when you kiss a woman if you do like women in that way?" Cheng Xiao's speech seemed to accelerate. 

"I don't know, you just... know? Your brain tells you that the moment feels right, even though just about everyone else thinks it's wrong. Something like that." Bona shrugged. 

"What if someone feels like that with both boys and girls?"  

"That's not my case, but sure, I do t-think someone could feel the same way about boys and girls." 

Cheng Xiao had gone quiet. 

"What happened with you and Luda after that?" She broke her own silence. 

"Nothing. She ended up hating her date the day after and told me kissing him had felt nothing like kissing me. We opened up to each other and once again, we were on the same page. But after talking, we realized it had been something purely physical. We weren't interesting in ruining our friendship for something so uncertain and new, and we did the right thing. After all these years, even going separate ways after high school, we're housemates and still great friends."  

"So you don't think it's okay to be with someone you used to see only as a friend? You don't think that can happen? You think that's ruining a friendship?" Xiao's questions seemed more like accusations, but Bona might be imagining it. 

"No, no, no." Bona shook her head vigorously. "I think that's a great thing if it were to happen. In my opinion, friends end up making the best lovers. That's just not how Luda and I felt about each other. B-but you know, if I hypothetically felt that way about a friend, I'd love for that friend to feel the same way about me. If that was the case, o-of course." 

The room once again went dead silent. She wanted to crawl into the nearest corner with the thought that Cheng Xiao, rested on her shoulder, could feel her shaking. Why did this conversation seem to have suddenly become about Cheng Xiao... About them? No, Bona was lost in wishful thinking, as per usual. 

"Thank you for trusting me, Bona. I know this is really personal." Cheng Xiao rubbed her face against her shoulder, in a caring gesture. "Should we go to sleep now?" 

"Sure." 

"Alright. Good night, Bona." Cheng Xiao reached up to kiss the corner of her lip, as had become the norm, then turned around. 

"Good night."  

Bona took care not to release the breath stuck in all of a sudden, not to reveal how unsettling this conversation had been for her. She wanted to take that off her mind and go to sleep, but the more she tried to, the more thought she gave it.  

The more she thought of possible reasons she could have asked that question in the first place, reasons that were more realistic than Cheng Xiao realizing she feels something for her. The more she thought of how passionately she'd kissed her back earlier that day. The more her words lingered. 

"…What exactly are you supposed to feel when you kiss a woman?" 

"What if someone feels like that with both boys and girls?"  

"So you don't think it's okay to be with someone you used to see only as a friend?" 

Could it be? It couldn't, could it? It could, but it shouldn't. Oh no, it really shouldn't.

---

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope you like this chapter even after the long wait. I've been trying my best to keep up with writing, but it has been hard for a lot of reasons. I promise I'll never leave unfinished something I started, though, so be sure I won't be abandoning this! Thank you for your patience and support and please keep looking forward to the updates <3!