He watches her complete her 10th lap that morning, as he silently timed her laps from the bleachers that lined around the lap pool. It was 7.30am. Too early for some people but since he couldn’t sleep the night before, he decided to take a walk. He hadn’t been sleeping well lately. He’d spent most of his nights writing; poems, short stories, random verses, which he thought, would sound perfect with some smooth melodic tunes. With some encouragement from Mark, he had submitted some of his writings to a friend of his who worked at a music studio, in hopes of scoring some side income while he was actively looking for something more permanent.

Jaebeom was a Journalism graduate. Writing was his thing. His last year in university was a breeze. Since most of his assignment submissions required some form of creative writing, he aced it easily since he had a constant muse around him, making it easy for him to focus and allow the creative juices to get going. But ever since she had been spending less and less time around him, he felt derelict. Neglect might be a harsh description, but that’s somewhat how he felt. He had grown to depend on her presence, her undiscerning child-like charm and her positivity. He was addicted to her.

Now that they’ve graduated from University and that she’s found herself a distraction (in the form of a guy named Daniel), he kicks himself everyday, replaying the saying ‘you won’t know what you’ve lost, ‘till it’s gone’. He could never muster enough courage to talk to her one-on-one since they spent most of their time in a group setting or at the park bench outside the cafeteria. It has been many months now since he’s felt like this and like the coward he had been in the past, he kept it all in. He knew that one day, some guy would seize the opportunity and swoop in and take her away from him. Not that she was his to begin with but she was always accommodating him.  

She was not the kind of girl with guys trailing after her. She spent most of her free time swimming or running or with her Lahlings. When it came to dating, it was almost non-existent for her. Her male companions were either Jinyoung or Sierra’s brother, Joong Ki. Then came along Daniel, who spotted the gem in her and claimed it for his own. Since then, everything about her changed; she was no longer the simple looking, clueless (although this part of her didn’t change a lot) and shy girl he once knew. She had bloomed so much, more cheerful and confident with herself. He was grateful to Daniel for that.

Jaebeom watched Gwen lean on the side of the pool wall after her lap, presumably resting and warming down. He had two tickets in his pocket for a show, which would be the first time his writings (turned into songs) would be showcased by an unknown singer. The tickets read: ‘TICKETMASTER – Dean: Acoustic Live ’18 @ July Bar and Grill’ with a date and time below it. Jaebeom had never heard of this singer before but (he was told by Mark) it seemed that Dean was an up and coming R&B artist who made fame with his self-composed music. To have Jaebeom’s verses be featured in one of Dean’s music, seemed like a huge honor. The music studio had gifted him a free tickets for his friends to attend Dean’s mini acoustic showcase that weekend and he’d wanted to talk to Gwen about it for 2 weeks now.

He had so many things running through his mind as he watched Gwen stop to rest at the side, with her back facing him.

As Gwen did a mental heart rate count in her head while controlling her breathing, she found that the early morning swim these past few weeks had helped with the build up stress she’d been feeling in her shoulders and neck. With Amanda disappearing from the apartment, only to come back for laundry and fresh clothes, she felt a little lonely. Her dinner dates with Daniel had been full of distraction too, as she had to watch strange girls join their table (without asking) and stopping to chat with Daniel as if she wasn’t there. The Lahling group chat was also quiet with no updates from Sierra and Tasha.

Gwen found that she too needed some time off on her own to figure things out. She wasn’t very successful in job-hunting either, having signed up with a recruiter and attending walk-in interviews whenever she could. The only income she had right now was a part-time tutoring assistant she had at college where she would supervise 1st year students in lab work. She avoided all and any human contact if possible as she tried to make sense of how she could pull herself out of this rut.

She knew Jaebeom was watching her. She found it creepy at first but realized that he was not stalking her but looking out for her well-being. Like today, she knew he was sitting quietly at the bleachers. When she walked in this morning, he was already there lying down on the bench, with his arms up supporting his phone, presumably browsing through social media. She pretended not to notice him and went straight into the water to start her morning laps. For some reason, he knew her morning routine and made it a point to wait for her.

Daniel had slowly stopped taking nightcaps at her place too, citing dance practices and early morning classes. They’d been having mini arguments too lately, igniting Gwen’s insecurities over the girls who would throw themselves at him even while Gwen was right next to him. Though Daniel would deny giving those girls any attention but she could see that he low key loved the attention. She found it difficult to keep his attention when the girls were around him as she tried not to hide herself under the table. She couldn’t help compare her appearance with these fan girls, all dressy, pretty and made up.

Instead of voicing out her issues with the Lahlings, she decided that she would de-stress on her own.

It’s me. She nods to herself. 43, 44, 45, 46….

I shouldn’t feel this insecure about myself. She blinks hard. 55, 56, 57, 58…

Shouldn’t he make me feel like I’m the only one in his life instead of just denying everything?

I have issues. She nods again, this time leaning her chin on the poolside. 67, 68,69… A tear trickled down her cheek.

Annoyed at herself for not managing her emotions better, she turned around and plunges back into the water to make another lap.

SPLASH SPLASH SPLASH. Breathe.

Left arm, right arm, left arm, right arm. Breathe.

He loves me, he doesn’t, he loves me, he doesn’t. Breathe.

I love him, I don’t, I love him, I love him. Breathe.

He’s the one, he’s not the one. Breathe.

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel. Breathe.

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, JB. Breathe.

She reaches the end of her lap and pushes herself off the poolside wall, startled by a pair of legs standing before her. She looked up and saw Jaebeom kneeling at the edge of the pool, taking his jacket off.

“I think you’ve exceeded your usual laps. That was your 15th lap. You ok?” He looked genuinely concerned and offered a hand to pull her up.

Floating casually in the water, Gwen looked up. “Geez JB, what are you doing here? You scared me!” She mini-swims to the side of the pool.

“Need help coming up?” He came closer to the edge of the pool, with one hand outstretched still offering to help Gwen out of the water.

“I’m not done with my laps. Why do you look like you’re prepared for a swim too? You’ve got board shorts on.” Gwen raised an eyebrow, with one arm leaning on the side of the pool and the other pointing at his shorts.

“I’m not swimming… I—“

Next few moments happened so fast, Gwen couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Jaebum leaned down to take one of his slippers off but instead fell into the water headfirst. The whole thing was so funny; the pool hall echoed with Gwen’s enormous laughter that she felt herself cough non-stop fighting laughter. Jaebeom was a great swimmer so she wasn’t worried about trying to save him. She was sure he could handle himself. When she saw him emerge from under the water, swimming towards the pool stairs, the sight of his broad shoulders and clinging wet t-shirt made her choke.

When did his shoulders get so wide? She bit her lip, floating casually at the side of the pool.

He sat at the edge of the pool and shook the water off his hair. “Damnit. I did not plan on that.” He wiped the trickling water off his face and stood up.

Oh my God, JB. When did you get so hot? Why have I not noticed this earlier? She couldn’t help but gawk at the sight of his chiseled abs and toned arms. She shook her head in repulse and pulled herself up.

Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, Daniel, breathe.

Jaebeom had gone into the locker room to grab two towels and passed one to Gwen who just got out of the pool, sitting at the side with her legs dipped in the water. She wiped her face and covered her shoulders with the towel. Jaebeom seeing her looking conflicted, joined her to sit by the pool.

“Is there a reason why you’ve been coming here almost every day?” He asked curiously.

Instead of answering, she retorted. “I see you lurk there sometimes y’know. Why’re YOU here? You don’t do laps like I do.” Gwen smirked while pointing to the bleachers.

“I… Don’t change the subject. I asked about YOU.” He rolled his eyes. He had taken his t-shirt off and tried very hard not to look at Gwen in her swimsuit.

“I needed time to think. Swimming helps me think.” Gwen had that faraway look on her face. She was avoiding eye contact, but mostly fighting the urge not to stare at his chest.

“Talk to me then.” Jaebeom offered.

“Nah.. that’s ok. It’s one of those things I need to figure out by myself.”

Even in silence, just sitting next to him felt comfortable. Something about Jaebeom made Gwen feel warm and right. Their relationship was such that they just needed to be there for each other and not having to talk about things to feel right. Unlike the Lahlings, Jaebeom was not there for her to talk to. Gwen’s Lahlings pillar provided support and home, whereas Jaebeom’s presence made her breathe better. Knowing that he didn’t pressure her to ‘settle’ her feelings or thoughts, made her feel relaxed.

Eventhough they have not spent as much as time together like before, like when they were students, Gwen was always happy to see Jaebeom around. He was reliable, responsible and most of all, always willing to make her feel comfortable. She wasn’t sure if it was his chivalrous nature or big-brother-like instincts, but whenever he was around, she was always taken care of.

“How’s Daniel? Is he treating you well?” Jaebeom broke the silence as he adjusts his board shorts. “I haven’t seen Mandy lately—“

“Let’s not talk about Daniel, please.” Gwen cut him off gently and stares off into space.

Jaebeom’s ears perked when he heard her voice sounding sad at the mention of Daniel. He decided that he’d take that hint and use it to his advantage. “C’mon…” He got up and pulled her up too. “Let’s clean up and have breakfast. It’s on me.” He smiled at her, again trying very hard not to stare at her bare toned stomach.

“Oh…” She said dreamily and wrapped the towel over her body, suddenly self-conscious. “Yeah, sure.”

They walked back to the apartment, happily chatting and laughing while catching up on lost times. As soon as they got to the front of the apartment door, they were greeted by Daniel clad in a long red-black flannel shirt over a white tank top and black jeans, holding two cups of coffee and a bag of pastries.

“I tried calling you… You didn’t answer your phone.” Daniel said, shooting death bullets with his eyes towards Jaebeom.

“I left my phone upstairs.” Gwen said slowly, looking at Jaebeom apologetically. “We’ll catch up later?” She nudges Jaebeom, conveniently forgets that they just made breakfast plans.

Jaebeom plastered on a fake smile, shakes Daniel’s hand and greeted him. “Mornin’ bro. I went to pick her up from the pool.” He felt the need to clear it up incase Daniel misunderstood the reason why he was there in his wet board shorts and wet t-shirt hanging over his shoulder.

Gwen heard a silent hiss under Daniel’s breath but he politely shook Jaebeom’s hand and greeted him back. But before Gwen invited Daniel up, Jaebeom stopped them.

“Before I forget, I have two tickets to an acoustic live show at the July Bar downtown. Some guy named Dean is performing my songs.” Jaebeom pulled out two tickets from his jacket pocket (which was dry) and gave them to Gwen.

“Dean?” Gwen couldn’t believe her ears. “What does he look like… this… Dean?”

Jaebeom shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure. Never met the dude. The studio gave me a few free tickets for the showcase, just coz he’s singing the songs I wrote.”

“I hope it’s not the same guy, I think it is.” Daniel narrowed his eyes at Gwen.

“What?” Gwen smiled sweetly, hoping Daniel would be forget Dean’s advances on her. “Thanks JB for the tickets. If it’s your songs, we’ll be there, right D?” She nudges Daniel. Truth be told, Gwen was excited. She recalled Dean’s performance that night at the concert. His voice sounded so smooth and y, it was his performance that got her hooked. She made sure not to mention that out loud.

“Erm yeah, we’ll be there.” Daniel said reluctantly trying extremely hard not to sound slightly irritated. “I need to check my schedule. When is it again?” He glanced at the tickets to check the date. “Oh… We should be able to make it, babe. Thanks for the tickets, bro.”

They got back to their respective apartments and