June 4th, 2018

When I see you again.

When I flip the hourglass again.

& we have our new start.

We'll be together then.

"Ong Seongwoo-ssi, please pay attention."

I looked up from the hourglass sitting on the desk. The clock read 3:17pm. Where am I? 

"Seongwoo-ah," Jisung took my hand, "Did you hear Dr. Kim?"

I blinked. Once. Twice. Stop.

"What do you mean?" I looked at him, confused. Where am I? Who's Seongwoo.. 

"Wh-who are... you? Who's Seongwoo.." I panicked. My heartbeat sped, my mind was racing, and I started shaking in fear. My eyes flooded with tears, and I became scared. What do I do? I wanted to run. I started to get out of my seat. 

Daniel. Kang Euigeon. 

"I'm Jisung. Yoon Jisung. You know me!" he yelled. 

"Hyung, please calm down. He's having an episode." Dr. Kim scrambled from his seat, grabbing a syringe. He stopped me from getting up out of my seat and pulled me back down with a stern grasp. 

"No. STOP!" I screamed. 

I only heard screaming, but where was it coming from? Where am I? I want this all to stop. All the thoughts, all the screaming, all the pain. Where is this pain coming from? Why is my heart aching. I started to breathe, like I never have before. The air filled my lungs and I could breathe. Then I smiled at the thought of you. Where are you, Kang Daniel? My eyes fluttered and I kept seeing you. I was smiling, and I kept smiling because I kept seeing you. But where are you?

"When will he wake back up?" Jisung asked Dr. Kim. 

"Within the next hour. Jisung, I don't know how else to explain this. His medications aren't working, and he isn't progressing. Seongwoo is worsening and I can't prescribe anything stronger for him. His psychosis is getting to the worst point. We might need to transfer him." 

"I know.. I know. I just can't understand it all. Seongwoo was never like this before, I nearly raised him from when he lost his parents. After his parents passed, h-he said he met someone. But, I've never met him. I've never met Kang Daniel. There is no one there when he speaks, no one there when he calls out for Daniel. He does things that I can't understand, and I just love the kid so much." Jisung cried.

"Hyung," Jaehwan tried to calm him down, "stop worrying. We know it's all in his mind.. it was just his way of coping with everything."

"He comes home with new things. Stores have called us saying that he stole those things. He says he's going out with Daniel, tells us to say hi to Daniel.. but this Daniel is completely nonexistent. We saw him at the graveyard alone a couple years back, and he said that he met Daniel's parents, but he was at his parent's grave. It just didn't make sense. And now, he's caused this whole issue with the police when he claimed that he murdered this Kang Daniel who doesn't even exist." 

"I know. None of it makes sense. But you have to understand, hyung, that none of this is your fault. We can only try to help him." Jaehwan explained.

I felt your hand in mine, and I was happy. You made me the happiest I'd ever been in years, and you continually did that unconditionally. But I knew, Kang Daniel, that you were lying. You told me you loved me, but you lied. I felt your hand in mine, and I knew. I wasn't enough for you. I never was. You'd hold me at night and make me feel loved, but you didn't love me. Your heart wasn't the same that it'd been when we first met, when I first saw your pink hair and teased you. Your heart was beating differently from the first time we said I love you. Daniel, you didn't feel the same anymore, so please. Daniel, stop. 

"Stop! Seongwoo, what are you talking about?" Daniel yelled.

"You. You don't love me anymore. Am I not enough for you anymore?" I clenched my fists. My breathing became rushed.

"No, no. You've always been enough! There's never been a day where I stopped loving you." Daniel exclaimed. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Stop lying. Stop. STOP! LYING!" I threw the hourglass at him. 

"I WOULD NEVER LIE TO YOU! STOP! Seongwoo, please!" Daniel stayed patient. 

I continued to scream, and I continued to throw every object that I could grasp at him. The candle, the picture frame, the books, everything. 

"Seongwoo! I've loved you before, I love you now, and I will continue to love you. I'll keep coming back to you again and again."

But if I were you, I wouldn't believe it.

"STOP! STOP IT ALL! STOP!!! GO AWAY!" I threw more: the vase, the pillows, everything. The more I thought, the more words ran through my mind, and the more time was rushing me. I felt overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do.

"Our memories we've made together, I'll carry them with me forever. I love you."

So baby, don't let yourself cry.

"No." I said.

I started to leave. I didn't want this anymore, I didn't want a sympathetic relationship. I didn't want his love. Why didn't I? I walked away from everything. I wanted to leave. Daniel kept talking, but his words became a blur to me. I walked up the stairs, and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I'm confused. I'm confused.

"Don't leave. I'll do whatever. I'll be better. I love you." he said. You were more than enough. 

"STOP!" I screamed.

I was standing at the top of the staircase, looking down into his hollow eyes. His lips were slightly parted, as if he could continue tellling me all the words a person would want to hear. His lips were frowning in a way that I never wanted to see, because he was always happy, and I wanted that for him. I wanted that for him. His eyes were full of confusion. His cheeks were flushed. And I pushed him, and I watched him fall down every step. Everything slowed down: my breathing, my movements, him. I listened to every sound that his body made when hitting the steps of the home we made.  I watched him with eyes wide open, and I couldn't move. Not anymore.

"Daniel.. Kang Daniel." I whispered.

He didn't move. It felt like a million years running down those stairs. It felt like a storm watching his blood flood the floor. 

"Kang Euigeon." I cried. 

I held his head, his head that was painted red, in my lap. I held his hand, his hand that was scarred from me throwing objects, in my hand. I stared at his lifeless face. The features were still the same from when we first met; sharp, I could almost paint him. His eyes became tired throughout the years, and his smile drew wrinkles on his face. They traced out perfectly from his cheeks. I kept counting all the things that haven't changed. And I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like the air around me stayed still, torturing me. I couldn't do anything, but cry. 

"Kang Euigeon.. Daniel-ah." I whimpered. 

My eyes started to open. My breath was paced slowly. I wanted to see him, I wanted to feel him in my arms one more time. I couldn't bear another second without him. Let me see you again. 

"Seongwoo-ah..." Jisung worried. 

"Hyung," I looked at him, "why did I do that?"

"What do you mean," Jisung asked, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"But I did.. I killed the only man who loved me. I did it." I cried.

"N-no, S