Two Years Ago   For nearly one and a half year, I have endured this bullying and suffering ever since transferring to South Korea. My family asked me why I suddenly decided to cut my hair short, why I wanted to wear long sleeves and socks, or why I fell down so much when I wasn’t clumsy. Well, I couldn’t tell them the truth. Couldn’t say the girls grabbed me by my hair and cut it by force. Couldn’t say they dug their nails around my wrist to the point it left red bruises. Couldn’t say those purple bruises were because they tripped me and smashed my body around the toilet stalls. The truth would only hurt them.   But I never had the victim mentality. I never showed them a single tear, never showed fear, and never backed down. I stupidly challenged them through my tough attitude, and I supposed that triggered them to break me even more. But the harder they tried, the more stupid they seemed. Those pathetic losers.   I was like a pet snake waiting to eat its master. I played the role of the victim, but when the moment was appropriate, I’d ambush them and ridicule them. I didn’t wanna stoop down to their level, and reminded myself to never go for physical violence. People got physical to make up for their lack of intelligence. Luckily, I was intelligent.   With these type of people, status and fame were more important than oxygen. To defeat them was to shame them. To shame them was to be better. Either in looks, wealth, popularity, and status, I had to be better.   So I had to start over.   “I’m gonna transfer to a new school,” I said, looking at Myungsoo.   He didn’t look surprised. A warm smile grazed his lips. The only person who could hold me back from my decision would be him, but even he appeared supportive.   “It’s about time. I hate seeing what you have to go through everyday.”   What an angel. Of course he was thinking of my wellbeing. I smiled at him and held up my hand.   “Thank you for always helping me. I would not have survived if it weren’t for you,” I said earnestly.   He grabbed my hand, and an electric jolt shivered through my system, wishing I didn’t have to let go. “I only did what everyone should’ve done. Promise me we’ll still stay in touch.”   “Of course,” I said confidently. My eyes fell to our hands, and the more I wished we could stay like this, the more I realized he hadn’t let go even as seconds ticked by. A part of me became delusional again.   “Myungsoo, would you still protect me if I changed?” I suddenly asked.   I was planning on making the biggest transformation that would surprise him. I wondered whether he would still accept me when I wasn’t weak anymore.   “Krystal, we both know you are capable of protecting yourself. Sometimes I even think others need to be protected from you,” he joked and laughed.   “It’s Soojung,” I corrected, and laughed along.   In reality, I knew he was right. I’ve only been holding back. If I had poured everything into getting revenge, others would probably be miserable by now. But that wasn’t the point. Myungsoo would still accept me. He would still protect me. I was sure of it.   “Let’s promise to meet up at the same school next year,” he said.   “Promise.”   And thus, I began my transformation into the most popular girl at school. I was being fake, pretending to be someone I was not. But sacrifices had to be made in order to be liked by people.   Because really, would people still like each other if they saw their true flaws and imperfections?   I don’t think so.   Therefore, I had to be better. I will be better.   ***   Present   Myungsoo didn’t return to class that day. He probably headed home to introspect his stupidity and why he fell for Suzy in the first place. As for me, I did my best to avoid Jongin at all cost. He would question and judge me. Considering we were no longer playing for the same team, I did not owe him any explanation. So I busied myself with other chores, and chatted with Jinri and Sunyoung. There was no chance for Jongin to come through.   Myungsoo appeared the next day, and he looked miserable. For a guy with a visual as handsome as his, I was surprised he could lose the attractiveness when he was so depressed. I guess it was true what people said; you appear more beautiful when you’re happy.   How was a normal person supposed to feel in this situation? Would they feel sorry for their crush? Would they try to mend it? Would they give empty words of comfort? Would their heart ache to see their loved one in pain? Because strangely, I didn’t feel any of that.   It was quite the opposite, really. I wanted him to hurt. The deeper the scar, the better. I wanted him to know that loving the wrong person would constrict his heart with excruciating pain, leaving no room for healing. That because he chose to be with Suzy instead of me, his perfect world would crumble down like a falling fort. He’d be surrounded by darkness, and only the devil’s whisper would accompany his lonely nights. Let it deteriorate his thoughts the same way larvas would feed on the decomposed body of a dead animal.   Because once he reached the point of no going back, I’ll be there to mend his brokenness.   He needed his space alone, and I respected that. Whatever would get him to hurdle longer over his pain and depression would work to my advantage. Instead, I noticed Jongin getting up from his chair, his eyes fixed on me.   “Hey girls, I need to go… water the plants,” I told Jinri and Sunyoung. The lame excuse popped into my head only because Suzy had mentioned it before. It seemed legit enough.   I wondered how she was doing. I hadn’t seen her since, and I didn’t bother looking her up in class. One time I passed by and noticed an odd gap among the table arrangement layout. Then I realized, they had taken Suzy’s desk and placed it elsewhere. This was an upgrade from the way I was bullied. Mine had always been physical assault, but they chose to harrass Suzy using her surroundings. At this point, I wondered whether they’ll hurt Myungsoo since he was stupid enough to date Suzy. Then again, wasn’t that punishment in itself?   Suzy’s mentality was weak, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she stopped coming to school. What if she ended up taking her own life? Well, that wouldn’t be my fault. I was not the one bullying her. I only placed her in several situations that may be interpreted in a certain way if one had a corrupted mind, but others did