Peephole
Deceptive Beauty
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Two Years Ago
“Do you believe in God?” I asked Myungsoo. The question was so out of the blue. It occured to me when I accidentally stumbled upon a Christian Mingle advertisement earlier today.
Myungsoo looked weirdly at me, wondering whether I was going to go all preachy on him. We were at the library, doing research for a group project. Of course, Myungsoo was the only one kind enough to volunteer as my partner. Better for me. I could care less for the others.
“This is a difficult question. It may spark some controversies,” he said unsurely.
“Don’t worry. It’s not like I became a crusader overnight. I just wanted to know your opinion,” I assured him, flashing a smile which I hoped he would occasionally think about in his mind.
“Well,” he began humming, tapping the side of his chin. “It is quite difficult for me to believe in what can’t be seen.”
“This is why it’s called faith, to believe in the unseen,” I quoted something my brain had picked up on when my family used to take me to church every Sunday.
“Wouldn’t it be much easier to believe in the things we can see? If God showed Himself, I’d be able to believe,” he argued. Good point.
“So, as long as there is proof, you would always believe in the things you can see?” I asked, once again confirming. I wasn’t looking for a debate, I really wanted to know his stance.
“Yes.”
I chuckled lightly and hit him by his arm. “You have no faith whatsoever, Myungsoo.”
“Perhaps I don’t, but I’m a realist,” he said proudly.
“Or incredibly naive.”
“What?” He seemed slightly offended, but the growing smile gave away his pretenses. “Why would it make me naive?”
“Because I feel the truth doesn’t always lie in what is seen. It’s like we are looking through a small peephole, which limits our vision. We are forced to believe in what is shown to us without seeing the entire picture,” I spoke, getting riled up with this topic. It started out as mere curiosity, but the more I started to relate to my own words, the more I believed in it.
“Well, they’ll have to show me the bigger picture before I can believe in it,” Myungsoo spoke, closing his heart on other possibilities. He was either naive or stubborn.
In this way, people could easily manipulate us by showing the small portion of the truth, something that could mislead one’s opinion. Whenever I watch the news on TV, I wonder how much of it was real. Just because it was on a legit broadcasting channel doesn’t mean it was entirely true. Just because nearly the entire school claimed I was a e doesn’t mean I was one. I did not allow their words to shape my world.
Call it faith or whatever, but I know not everything was what it seemed.
***
Present
How does it feel to leave a helpless drunk girl alone with a older man in a cheap motel room? If I thought I would’ve felt the slightest bit of guilt or remorse, I had been completely wrong. I felt great!
Maybe Jongin was right, and I had gone insane. Lee Minho could easily her, and strangely, I felt no sympathy for Suzy. If it were indeed the situation, I was sure Myungsoo wouldn’t want her anymore. That was how human wired, they’d throw away what was old and defective in search for a new and better one. As Suzy had become defective, I’ll walk in as the new and improved me.
Had I become a psychopath? Or maybe a sociopath? I could no longer feel any emotion. All I wanted was to win Myungsoo’s affection. To destroy everything that was in between the two of us. And right now, it meant to destroy Suzy.
As soon as Lee Minho came to the address I texted last night, I noticed that hungry look in his eyes when he looked at Suzy. There may even be an eager lip . Beautiful drunk girl helplessly lying on the bed, wasn’t that every man’s fantasy? I might have even given him a fake rate to convince him Suzy was a e. It was hilarious.
In the end, I told him he could do whatever he wanted as long as he did me one tiny favor. I asked of him what I had asked from Jongin too; to pose next to Suzy in an intimate position in bed. Jongin blatantly rejected, showing I could no longer count on him. But Lee Minho, despite his confusion, seemed enlightened by the idea. Posing for a photo instead of paying for a full night’s rate? The bastard didn’t object.
So here it was, the legendary photo. He had taken the extra mile and stripped himself off his shirt. Suzy’s prom dress was a strapless one. So when angled correctly, it bore the effect that she appeared within Minho’s muscular arms. It was perfect. It was the exact type of photo that could stir up more chaos.
I woke up early that Sunday morning to get things done. Ironic how people went to church on Sundays to repent from their sins while I gladfully added on to mine.
I stopped by a shop to purchasing a new phone number. I did not want to leave a trail that would link me back to Lee Minho. I was ready to pretend I hadn’t seen him my entire life.
Then I went to a PC room, attracting the attention of those pubescent nerdy gamer boys. It wasn’t an everyday occurance a beauty like me walked into this somber place of forever alone single people. I took the far seat towards the corner where no one could sight me and got to work.
The scandalous photo was now online.
***
Monday came, and I walked to school with such pride. Everywhere I looked, everyone were talking about the photo. They called Suzy a e, but never expected her to truly be one. This was the power of words; it breathed life into your world. Perhaps not the entirety of our world, but the portion with which we allow others to take a peek at.
“Soojung, have you seen it?” Jinri and Sunyoung ran to me as soon as I entered the classroom. I took note of Jinri’s slyness, how her cutesy and cheerful persona was all fake. She was the one who publicly shamed Suzy through the speakers at prom anyway.
“What?” I played dumb again.
“Suzy’s photo is leaked online. She was sleeping with an older man!” Jinri told me like a little child was telling on a friend, waiting for me to take her side and push the other to blame. Lucky for her, that was exactly what I was planning to do.
“No way! She seems so innocent. Then again, she d
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