Three Years Ago   I sat on those dirty bench on the side of the baseball field. Ever since Myungsoo announced he had been accepted into our school’s baseball club, I made sure to watch every single one of his practices. Sure, I didn’t know a thing about baseball, and I had no idea what these people were supposed to do, but nothing gave me more joy than watching Myungsoo being passionate in his field. People glowed more when they liked someone or something. I wonder if he ever noticed the way I radiated in front of him, on top of my well established beauty.   Myungsoo squatted down behind the guy holding the baseball stick. From my angle, I could barely make out his movements. But the ball thrower, or pitcher as I had been taught, nodded once at Myungsoo. Some sort of secret exchange must’ve happened. Perhaps Myungsoo’s role was to relay secret codes instead of being direct with the things he wanted to say.   Once again, I was a lost cause when the guys started roaring a yell so loud I could’ve gotten a heart attack. Myungsoo got up from his place, running to his team members who all wore a black shirt draped in sweat. They disgustingly embraced each other like little school girls playing ring around the rosy, their damp clothes sticking to each other.   As I frowned in disgust, I caught Myungsoo turning to the audience seat. His eyes scanned the place before resting on me, seemingly widening with a brilliant glow as he waved at me. I could only wish and assume those radiant smiles were meant for me alone, but the group of fangirls behind me proved otherwise. They fawned, shouting their shrill voices like a mouse choking on helium. I openly placed my hand against my ears, signaling them to be quiet. They were too stupid to understand, of course.   “Why don’t you ever cheer for me?” Myungsoo asked when we walked home that day. He smelled like sweat, and even my fondness for him could not mask the horrific odor away. Thank God he was handsome.   “Like those choking mice behind me?” I asked, keeping my face straight.   “Choking mice?” He repeated, staring at me flabbergasted. It took him several seconds before understand whom it referred to. “Not like them, cause they were honestly distracting our concentration.”   “I will never stoop to their level,” I said coolly. A person like me maintained dignity and possessed the poise of a rich spoiled heiress. I will not fawn over a sweaty boy, even if he happened to be Kim Myungsoo.   “I really want you to cheer for me too. It could really boost my moral, you know?” He said, smiling so adorably in anticipation I’d say yes. If I parted my lips right now, I would probably have agreed, so I deliberately delayed a few seconds to cool my yearning heart.   “I shall cheer for you in silence,” I said, keeping my eyes straight on the road. I felt him stare at me, and I loved the attention.   “What do you mean?”   I stopped walking and my heel to face him. Had I been a second later, he would’ve bumped into me. As he stared at me with the innocence of a lost sheep, I pressed my right fist against my lips, faintly kissing my thumb before shaping it like a gun, shooting midair.   “When I do that, it’s as if I’m cheering out loud for you,” I said.   Myungsoo’s beautiful eyes widened and he tried to copy my movements. I had to repeat it several times, until he got the hang of it. Honestly, I had no idea where it came from, but he looked incredibly good doing it.   “I love it!” Myungsoo exclaimed, setting a spark into my heart. He kept doing the movement again and again, as if he was addicted to it. “This shall be our secret sign.”   I looked away immediately, trying to hide the bashful smile growing on my face. It was our secret sign indeed.   “Hey, you know what,” he suddenly began, looking hesitant. He pressed his lips together to the point its red color faded into white.   “What?” His gaze was suddenly so serious, and I couldn’t help my clamoring heart from thinking he wanted to tell me something important.   He avoided my eyes, tucking his hands into his pockets, and proceeded taking stiff steps forward. His lips trembled with the message he had second thoughts about relaying, but eventually he gave in to his will.   “If something or someone is bothering you, you can always come to me,” he said.   My heart flinched, and my face muscles turned stoic. This was not what I had expected at all. I tried my best to hide it from him, wearing long socks and long sleeved cardigans to conceal the bruises, but he knew. He paid attention.   “If you can’t tell me out loud, you could give me a signal, and I would always come running to you,” he said, motioning the newly learned move, putting more depth into the meaning of our sign.   ***   Present   Myungsoo was a man of his word. In between his club practices, he had told his coach about Jongin’s interest in their baseball club. He told all about Jongin’s achievement, which I suspected he made up on the spot. I never saw those guys interact before. Then again, I wasn’t 24/7 near Myungsoo as I used to.   The coach called Jongin for a practice session, which was a friendlier term for his audition. He could either make it or break it through his performance in this one game. Jongin invited both me and Suzy to watch along.   I kept quiet as Suzy was pretty much in awe and squealing to herself about everything. A sweatdrop may have rolled down one of the baseball dude’s neck, and she would still consider it the wonder of the world. I tried to channel out her voice, focusing on the pack of strawberry milk I got myself from the cafeteria.   “Alright, let’s get started!” Coach Ryu shouted, clapping his massive hands like he was practicing on a punching bag.   My eyes trailed after Myungsoo, watching as he headed to his usual position as the catcher. He looked up to our direction—I would like to believe he looked at me, but I wasn’t foolish enough to mask his undeniable attraction toward Suzy. But suddenly, he set his fist to his lips, and fired upwards with his hand shaped like a gun.   I smiled. It was our sign! I reciprocated and mimicked his movement. It got him to flash that beautiful dimpled smile at me before he repositioned his baseball cap and squatted down on the floor.   “What was that?” Suzy asked, staring at me with big eyes of amazement. To my horror, she tried imitating our secret signal.   “A special thing between me and Myungsoo,” I told her, emphasizing I had no interest in sharing it with an outsider.   “