Three Years Ago   You know what is so wonderful about humankind? The limit to which their selfishness extends. I had hoped this degrading moral value was ephemeral, but with every passing day, I see more of their facade peeling off, revealing the rotten monsters inside.   You thought I would’ve learned by now, but perhaps I was naive. No, that wasn’t the right word. Hopeful. I was hopeful that people could change, hopeful to see selflessness in humanity restored. Then again, it was no different from my five year old self who used to believe in Santa Claus, or thought I’d get a dollar from the toothfairy if I put my tooth under a pillow. These three things had one thing in common. They. Don’t. Exist. They exist to give a false imagery of hope—a hope that ceased to prevail.   By this time, I had some friends, or people whom I considered my friends. For months they came over to my place, and we chatted about the latest gossips, read magazines together, and tried on branded clothes my mother had especially shipped from the US.   “So I saw my boyfriend with another girl last week, but I don’t wanna break up with him cause he’s so hot,” Yeri began to tell.   “But he’s cheating on you. That’s not something good to hold on to,” I said.   “He is hot. Just keep going,” a girl nicknamed Joy encouraged. “I don’t know if I should let my boyfriend get to second base. I have a feeling he’ll break up with me if I don’t.”   “That shows he wants you for your body! Doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship,” I warned her, feeling agitated at once.   “Just give in. Being a is lame nowadays,” Yeri said with a mocking tone.   “You’re right.”   I kept my mouth pressed, my fingers anxiously fidgeting. Since we were on the topic of love and relationships, maybe I could make a confession of my own. So I dared myself, gathering up my courage to say it.   “I am planning to confess to a guy I like,” I said, expecting a big reaction. But they were flipping through magazines, though I was certain the silence did not drown my confession.   It was as if they were there physically, but detached emotionally. They knew I was there, yet disregarded my presence.   “Krys, when did you say the latest Hermes bags will be shipped over? Can I have one of them?” Joy suddenly asked, turning to me as if I was the sun orbiting her planet.   “I want the red one,” Yeri added, grabbing my arms enthusiastically.   “Uhm, if it arrives I’ll let you know,” I said, smiling a little at their recognition. Perhaps it was in my head and they hadn’t heard me. Let’s try again. “I was also planning to confess to a guy I like.”   “Do let us know when the bags are here!” Joy immediately yelled.   “They would look good with the red dress you gave me last week,” Yeri added, squealing to herself.   Nope. Definitely not imagining it. The ignorance was so tangible one could almost see it.   When I decided not to tell them about the new Hermes bag the following week, they stopped coming and talking to me altogether. I realized then that the value of our friendship depended on the things I could award them with. Once I bore no value, they abandoned me like a piece of trash, awaiting to decompose into nothingness.   Humans only wanted what could benefit themselves, everything else became of no importance.   ***   Present   With the scholarship trials around the corner, Myungsoo and Jongin were occupied with additional baseball practices. Today our physical education class took place in the swimming pool, and they could join.   I was tidying my stuff from the desk when someone sat down next to me. I flicked a glance, wondering what Jongin had forgotten from his desk. But it wasn’t Jongin.   “I have something for you,” Suzy spoke, a meek attempt to meet my eyes.   There was something about her that made me boil with frustration. Everytime she appeared, I had the biggest urge to burn down the school, which would be frowned upon by the law.   But I had to play my role.   “What is it?” I asked carefully, faking the start of a boo-freaking-hoo cryfest. As far as I remembered, I was supposed to be sad at her for betraying our non-existent friendship.   Suzy said nothing, simple reaching her hand out to drop something on my desk. I heard a familiar clink of beads against wood. It was my bracelet, mended into one piece. Every bead was attached through the small black rope, as good as new.   “Sorry it took me so long to fix it. I watched a lot of tutorials to get it right. I hope it's good enough,” Suzy said, her tone trembling a little. I could feel her guilt seething through.   How stupid could she be? I deliberately made her destroy the bracelet, and here she was fixing and apologizing for it. She must have some ulterior motive.   “What’s the catch?” I couldn’t stop my mouth from asking a question that was a little out of character.   “What?” She blinked those beautiful brown eyes of hers, every flutter irking me more.   “First you broke my bracelet because of your jealousy, and now you’re fixing it?” I prevented myself from producing a scoff. “Is this a reminder to stay away from Myungsoo?”   “What? No.”   Again, that stupid, pretentious blink of her eye. A person, no matter how dumb, should be able to comprehend the meaning of my words.   “I felt really bad for breaking it by accident. I know how much it means to you because you are close to Myungsoo.”   I hardened my gaze, refusing to soften at her lie. They sounded so genuine I was almost convinced. But a girl whose heart was filled with wounds and scars like me would not easily fall prey to pretentious kindness.   “Thanks,” I muttered, offering her a half hearted smile. In fact, a part of me was slightly relieved she had actually managed to fix it—it was indeed an important item to me because it was from Myungsoo. But holding on to his presence was much more important than holding on to his presents.   Suzy’s eyes brightened up at my slightest hint of reconciliation, like a cloudy storm clearing up into a sunny day.   “Let’s get ready for swimming class!” She said excitedly, grabbing my wrist as if we were the bestest friends again.   I learned that the term ‘friends’ was reserved for people who take advantage of each other. Perhaps this was why they coined the term: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. An enemy’s sword doesn’t stab as deep as a friend’s knife.   ***   Swimming classes were something I used to dread. Considering I had many wounds and scars on my body, I did my best to hide them. I was a victim, but got treated like a murderer. When people see scars, they’d think I had inflicted those on myself. So