I’m crying again when I told myself not to
Please listen to my words, bursting tears
Weak heart, scarred heart
I really don’t want to cry
But I’m crying again when I told myselfnot to

Davihi:  Cry Again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PapFpp48k1o

It’s been a few days since the last date, and my was back to the bar and my hand was back to holding the empty bottle of liquor.  Even in my hazy state, all I could think of was you.

What should we do next?

Where should I bring you next?

How should I answer you if the name Sunhae were to be mentioned again?

The questions kept swriling inside my mind, torturing me more than the alcohol in my system.  Growling, I slumped forward and bumped my head on top of the counter, startling the few people near me.

“Hey, your phone is ringing,” the man next to me slurred, nudging me weakly with his elbow.

“Just in’ leave it be man,”

“But this is the third time already and my glass is getting afraid of this counterquake,” he mumbled drunkenly, “either you answer the phone, or tell this whoever Yongsun is to stop calling. My glass is not up for another fright man,” he then craddled his glass near his chest, patting it lightly as if he was patting a baby.

Hearing the name, I lifted my head off the couter as fast as I could and did not wait any second longer when the phone vibrated for the fourth time of the night.

“Hey,” her voice travelled from the other side of the line.

“Hey yourself,” I said, a small smile tugging on my lips as I continued to play with the small glass in my right hand.

“Can I come over tonight?” I asked after a long silence between us. 

“Only if you are sober,” hints of teaasing dripping from her voice.

Chuckling lightly, I poured another glass full of the liquor and chugged it all in one shot before I replied, “I’ll sober up on my way,”

Her little giggles were all I heards before the call end.  Paying my bills, I wasted no time to hop off the high stool and walked out of the bar.

“Ding donggggzzzzzz,” I singsong, my right index pressing on her button nose when she stucked her head out through the little opening of her apartment’s door.  Her nose crinkle in annoyance and swatted my finger away.  I laughed.

“You’re stink and clearly not sober,” she nagged as I zig zagged passed her into the house, dropping my back on her lone sofa.

“Shh ... tonight is supposed to be our quiet date, but your voice is too loud for one,”

“Should I whisper then?” she said, crossing her arms over her chest few steps away from me.  Grinning, I reached my hands out for her to take.  With a little huff, she uncrossed her arms and placed her right hand in mine, yelping out when I pulled her close.

“Beautiful,” I sighed out, tucking her wild strands behind her ear with my left hand while my right stayed still around her waist. 

We were so close, her upperbody and her face tight above mine.  Her minty breath was fanning over my face.  My eyes roamed on her pretty little face, noting every details.

Her nicely drawn eyebrows.

Her long lashes and her deep brown eyes that was staring square at me.

Her button nose and her round cheeks that i named ‘mochi’.

Her lips.  Oh god, her lips.  It was so pink and so plump and so sinfully temptating and ... and so close to mine.  Should I raise my head just a few inches, and our lips would surely collide.

My eyes drops lower, to .  Staring at the way it moves everytime she swallowed her saliva before it went back up to her lips.

“Byul,” she called, snapping me out of my drunken reverie.  Pulling my gaze away from her lips, I look into her eyes with a teasing smirk hanging on my lips, “shh ... why are you blushing?”

“Ya!” she shouted, landing a strong slap on my shoulder before pulling her body away from me and stood up, “how could i not when you stare at me like ... like ...” she stuttered, eyes roaming wild.

“Like?”

“Like ...” she dragged.

“Aishh ... whatever.  I’ll just go and make us some hot choco or something. Let’s have ‘em in the balcony,” and she stomped off to the kitchen.

“Yours,” she said as she placed a mug near me.  She then sat next to me, sipping her hot choce from her own mug.

“The night’s a bit chilly,” and she hummed quietly, resting her back against the back rest of the wooden chair.  We let a few moment of comforting silence passed between us as we both stared into the sky, at the moon an the stars.

“Why did you drink tonight?” she asked, out of the blue.  I glanced at her from the corner of my eyes only to notice that she was not looking at me.

“Just because,” I answered curtly.

“Why did you call?”

“Just because,”

It was then my turn to hum to her answer.  Comfortable air lingered around us despite the silence, save for the sounds of the traffic few floors beneath us. 

“Byul-ah,”

Hearing her soft voice calling my name, I turned to her side, “Hmm?”

“Let’s play 21 questions,”

“Suddenly?” she nodded.  She then placed her mug on top of the round table and turned her body slightly to face me.

“I’ll start,” she announced, cracking her fingers, “what is your favourite color?”

Grinning, I flicked her forehead playfully as I answered, “purple, and you know it.  Silly.”

Shrieking, her left hand shot up and rubbed the spot that I flicked.  Aigoo,she was exagerating again.

“I know, I’m starting up lightly to prepare you for heavier questions later,” she smirked, “your turn, quick,”

“Why were you blushing earlier?” I asked, with teasing glint in my eyes and smirk on my lips.

“Pass,” she answered in a heartbeat.  I laughed.

We took turn to ask more questions, some silly, some out of mind and i was getting much sober than when I first step inside her house before we came to last question each.

“Sunhae,” I froze, hearing the name, “who?”

My lips dried. 

Heart skipped a beat. 

Mind in chaos.

“A name, a person, a memory,”  I said, staring at the sky.

“My turn,”  I took a sip of my now cold hot choco before placing it back right where it was, “if you had met me first, would you have chosen me?”

I watched as she fumbed with the promise ring around her finger. 

A second passed.

Then another.

Then another.

I was about to give up when her lips part.  My heart thumped faster inside my ribcage.

“In a heartbeat,” she said and relief flooded me.  Tearing up, I was about to thank her when her phine rang from inside. I knew who was calling just from the ringtone alone.

“Wait up,” she said as she rushed inside. 

Didn’t she know that waiting is what I have been doing all along?

I took another sip of the hot choco, groaning when I realized that it wa sweetness that lingered in my throat instead of the burning bitter taste that I craved for.  Standing up, I stopped and stare at the mugs on the table.

They were right next to each other, but there was noticeable distance in between.  Just like how I and Yongsun was.  So close, yet so far.  Drizzling sounds caught my attention.  Gathering my belongings, I made my way out, pausing for a minute to stare at her talking and laughing over the phone with her now fiance.

It was not until the first few drop of rain hit me that I realize I don’t have any umbrella with me.   Looking up, i gave myself a few second think whether to brave the rain, or to go back up and asked Yongsun for an umbrella. 

Left foot out.

Left foot in.

Maybe Yong would notice that it was drizzling and I am gone without umbrella.  She would come.  She would bring me an umbrella.

Right foot out.

She would come.

Right foot in.

No she would not, I decided when it was drizzling harder.  With a sad smile and lone tear on my face, I stepped my right foot out.

Then my left.

Then my right.

I walked faster, picking up my speed before I started to run in the rain with tears bursting on my face.

a/n This chapter was actually inspired from Yuna – Deeper conversation.  But somehow, I lost idea right in the middle but luckily this Davichi song bring it back .. hehehehe

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