You know that I can’t

Show you me

Give you me

I can’t show you the ruined part of me

The ride back was no different, save for the thicker, almost suffocating air between us.  Maybe this trip to memory lane was a bad decision after all.

I was so out of it after the talk with Heeyeon that I almost left Yongsun there, if only she did not trail behind me so closely and get into the car on time.  So I kept my mouth shut the entire drive, deciding to not utter any words until she lashes out like she should,

“Byul, Hee …”

“I’m sorry,” I cut her off, apologizing as I had expected my much deserve nag.  She looked at me, brows knitted closely in confusion.

“Should I hand you this later?” she asked, showing the small folded piece of paper in her palm, “it’s from Heeyeon,”

Frowning, my right hand let go of the steering wheel and took the piece of paper from her. A few seconds passed in hesitation, pondering if I should read or ignore whatever written.  Curiosity, however, got the best of me.

Unfolding the paper carefully, I stare at it for a few seconds.  There was a few digits, must be Heeyeon’s contact number and a ‘keep in touch’ note, clearly jotted in rush judging from the almost incoherent cursive writing.

“What did she write?”

 “You should have known, don’t you?”

A sheepish grin spread on her lips, knowing that I had caught her sneaky act of  peeking at the paper earlier.  Another moment of silence engulfed us, though not for long.

“Who is Sunhae?”

And that was the moment I knew, taking her here, down this memory lane was not a good decision.

Flashback

“Byulyi the moon!” a loud voice boomed over the four walls, interrupting our moment.

“Ahn Heeyeon!” I called, when a familiar face from the past entered the room.  Yongsun must have sensed my excitement, for her fingers left the piano keys and intertwined with mine instead.

“Just stay here,” she said, keeping a straight face, “I’m nervous around strangers,”

“Ahn Heeyeon is no stranger, just give me a moment,” I said, in a rush of joy.  Pulling my hand out of her hold, I stood up and was about to move to meet Heeyeon at the middle of the room when she tugged me back to her side.

“Baiting for attention?” she asked, which I answered with a confuse look.  Sighing, both her hands came up to redo the button that I undone earlier. 

“There, done,” she said, fixing my collar.  Amused chuckles escaped my lips when I realized that she had left not even a button undone.

“Still whipped as ever,” Heeyeon remarked from across the room.  I turned my head to meet her gaze.  God knows how much I was willing to pay to wipe that mocking smirk off her lips.

Scowling, I raised my hands and wrapped my fingers around Yongsun’s wrist, gently removing her hands from my chest.  I shoot her a small, assuring smile before making my way across the room, to where Heeyeon was standing.

“Hello old friend,” I said, showing her my palms for a high five.  However, I was caught off guard when she lunged herself forward and wrapped her arms around my waist, catching me in a bone breaking hug. 

I glanced sideways in panic, only to see Yongsun’s face darkened.  Her lips thinly pressed and her eyebrows almost met in the middle.  When our gazes met, it was my sign to push Heeyeon off me.

“Aigoo goo goo,” I chanted as I untangled myself from her hug.

“I was just about to grace your office with my presence,” I said stepping back to put more distance between us. And a knowing smirk was back on her lips.

“You’re a step too late,” she said, smirk turned into a sorrowful smile as she added, “as always,”

And that hits home.  I felt a pang of hurt in the crack of my hurt.  Flashes of memories came rushing into my mind, tugging regrets along.

“Auch,” my right palm came up naturally, clutching my chest. She giggled.

“Hits home, huh?”

I smiled, shrugging lightly.

“But really, how are you?”

“Great, I supposed,”

She smiled, “Sunhae?”

My breath hitched, and my heart skipped its beat hearing the familiar name. 

“The same,” I answered curtly, opening no space for more questions relate to the name.  Thankfully, she got the message and asked no further questions.  We talked and laughed about the past before she left to attend to the task in her schedule.’

End of Flashback

“Byul,” she called.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I gripped the wheels harder, knuckles turning white.

“Why?”

“I just don’t,”

“Okay,” she said dejectedly.  A sighed slipped past my lips when I saw her pouting as I glanced her way from the corner of my eyes.  Both her arms were crossed over her chest in frustration.

“She … was my first love,” I said.  She turned her head to face me, so fast that I could hear the sound of her bone cracking.  I knew she was to ask question so I quickly cute her off bu saying, “but I am not ready to tell you anything now.  Maybe some other time,”

“Here is your coffee maam,” the stewardess said, as she politely set the cup on top of the small table in the plane.  

“Thank you,” said the woman wearing a plain white tee paired with a faded blue jeans,  Tucking her jet black hair behind her ears, she eyed the name tag pinned over the stewardess’s uniform, “Chungha-ssi,”

A small smile graced upon the stewardess’s lips and pinkish hues appeared on her cheeks before she walked away to tend to other passenger.  Smiling slyly, she raised her cup to her lips and was about to sip on the drinks when the partition in between her seat slid aside, startling her.

“Damn it,” she cursed when the hot drinks burnt her upper lips.  Turning to her left, she was about to spit fire when a phone was suddenly to her face.

“Can you please snap a picture of me?”  

Leaning backwards, the face of the person behind the phone was clearer to her.  It was a woman, wearing an oversized black hoodie, her brown hair styled with a bob cut.

“You want me to what?”

“Snap a picture of me,” she said a matter of factly before her lips spread into a smile, showing the little dimple on her right cheek.

“There’s a reason why selfie is invented young miss,” she answered sassily, flipping her hair as she did so.

“Which I apparently at,”

“Do I look like I care?”

The woman pulled her arm back, pouting, “okay, fine,” she said in a sing-song manner.

“Give me your phone,”

“Huh?”

“I said give me your phone,” she grumbled. The other woman’s face lit up, she quickly handed her phone before striking a pose.

“!,2,3,” and the camera flashed, “there done!”

She took her phone and was about to thank the stranger sitting next to her when the partition was rudely being slid up, cutting her phrase half way through, “thank –“

Super late super delayed update. I am really sorry, but I was too caught up with my life.  Study took so much of my time.  Good news is, my final exam is finally over and I’m done with my diploma.  Finally !!!

Very much thank you to those who still come back to this piece. I’m touched