The first thing greeting him when he woke up were warm fingers wrapped around his own, bringing a small smile to his face. Ever since that night those fingers haven’t left his hand and Yanan felt reassured, loved and happy. His injury was more bearable as he was waiting for Changgu to come back every day after a hectic schedule and simply hold his hand before going to much needed sleep.

Time has passed and his recovery went smoother than expected, the clock ticking seemingly going faster as both his and his best friend’s mood got brighter. He knew Pentagon family was happy, anticipating him coming back to them, anticipating everything going back to the way it’s supposed to be. Yanan was making sure to keep himself busy, practicing as much as he could when he was left alone, doing his best to come back to Pentagon activities more ready than ever. The progress he was making was making him feel useful again and rare times Jinho and Hui could stop by the studio to check up on him left him proud of the satisfied expression on their faces.

Remaining days of his recovery weren’t only filled with work though. A large part of his mind was occupied by no one other than Changgu. At first Yanan was sure that was normal, considering the relationship they had – their friendship so strong. The older boy has been by his side for such a long time, the easiness with which Changgu became such an important part of his life making him amazed whenever he thought about it. Yanan wasn’t so dependent on others normally, but Changgu was just different. Changgu could do that to people, all he needed to do was to decide. Decisions like that came easily and Yanan had no choice. Then again, he was pretty sure things wouldn’t have been any different even if he had.

Pentagon’s energizer was irresistible and Chinese boy was welcomed with arms opened so wide he just needed to fall into them and suffocate in attention. He enjoyed basking in it, relaxing and letting Changgu make him feel like he was the only thing that mattered. Sometimes it felt like Changgu created this special world in which Yanan took the main role – the world where he was the centre of Universe and it felt too good, a safe haven where he could be a pampered, loving baby. Yanan was anything but selfish though, so taking advantage of his best friend was absolutely out of the question. Changgu was shining even brighter because of it and with time Chinese boy realized that was really all the happiness he needed.

Being forced to stay at home while the rest of Pentagon family went to work was terrible, yes, but not nearly as hard as missing Changgu. Those feelings should’ve frightened him and lowkey they did, but the bond was formed too long ago to even start questioning it. Thoughts about regretting it were out of the question too, especially because not regretting it was one thing he was absolutely sure about. Fear – no matter how small it was – was still there. Yet, he was missing him like crazy and there was nothing he could do about it except cling onto him whenever they were together.

Clinging wasn’t Yanan’s thing, but under Changgu’s protection it became one of the most natural things to him. Another amazing ability the older boy possessed. As it was natural he didn’t put much thought to it and sometimes it almost seemed like his body had a mind of its own, reaching for his best friend before his brain could process what’s going on. He would wrap his long limbs around beaming Changgu and the older boy’s smile would chase the smallest clouds forming in Yanan’s mind and everything would be alright, without question.

Transition in Chinese boy’s feelings sneaked up on him skillfully, the realization catching him off guard one dark night when he woke up from a bad dream, almost frantically searching for a familiar face in the darkness, seconds later feeling reassured by that warm hand firmly holding his own. It was too dark, but he stared at where he thought Changgu’s face must be and pictured every inch of it, vivid image of the older boy staring back at him with such love and admiration in his eyes instantly warming up his whole body and making him feel safe yet again. And then the thought flashed in his mind, the heavy truth – I love him.

Yanan wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with these feelings he was suddenly facing. Loving Changgu was comfortable, it was natural to accept as one of those simple truths that made their relationship their relationship. It was just there, floating in the air of their room, of their dorm, hanging in between the two of them all the time. Chinese boy was trying not to stare at it, hoping he won’t draw attention to it enough to make Changgu look at it as well. Instead he tried searching for its twin – if it had a twin at all. He sure hoped it had even though it was a fear of itself. If there were two of them will they be able to handle them?

He couldn’t tell for sure what Changgu’s feelings were as he was acting normal – or well, what was considered normal for Changgu. It pulled Yanan into another maze of thoughts, involuntarily making him start analyzing their whole relationship and wondering if there ever was something more than friendship on Changgu’s side. It was a dangerous territory to wander to, but Chinese boy couldn’t help himself. It was clouding his judgment, but in some weird way he enjoyed giving into those thoughts, childishly wishing there was some truth in them, coming up with fairy-tale like fantasies that fitted so well with the Changgu’s protective let’s-make-you-a-centre-of-our-world setting Yanan believed he was a part of.

The last days of his recovery passed like that - with playful daydreaming and warm dark nights spent staring at the outline of Changgu’s face more often than not. Everyone’s mood picked up when it was announced he was joining Pentagon regular activities again, huge weight lifting off the family’s shoulders. They celebrated. His best friend was shining even brighter than usual.

“You won’t let go of my hand just because I’m all well now?” Yanan joked, masking the trace of actual fear creeping behind those words.

“I’ll hold even tighter.” Changgu easily replied, that loving gaze just as easily finding his own and Yanan could’ve sworn the blush he was feeling on his own cheeks was reflecting on his best friend’s.

And he did hold tighter, more sure, more needy, as if Yanan would escape now that he was fine. They both knew he wouldn’t, but Changgu held onto him anyway. He held onto him all the way to Japan – and then more.

Their schedules were over and Yanan found himself getting ready to go out with his best friend, Changgu expressing the wish to enjoy some peaceful, romantic place in Tokyo after their daily activities. Chinese boy figured finding a peaceful place in the hectic city would be a task, but the older boy did his research and found a place he wanted to see, so all Yanan had to do was follow.

A while later they were approaching Meguro river, even though the place was romantic destination during cherry blossom season and they were a couple of months late for it – Changgu still wanted to see it. Maybe the decision to visit it now was good after all, since it was much less crowded than it probably would’ve been if they were there in the end of March. Now it felt cozy and strangely peaceful, even if they weren’t completely alone.

The older boy stopped as they reached it and Yanan stood next to him, enjoying the scenery. A moment later Changgu reached out and gently took a hold of his hand – a touch that usually wasn’t initiated in public. Chinese boy looked over at him, his heart picking up speed at closeness in unfamiliar setting – it was bold of Changgu, it was new and exciting. It felt like Changgu was trying to catch his attention, as if he was doing something out of character, something he should anticipate.

For some reason Yanan was waiting for him to start talking. He could feel his own feelings’ presence in the air, suffocating him simply because they were making him feel nervous and that was heavily clashing with the atmosphere surrounding them. Changgu was still and quiet, letting the younger boy’s fingers nervously fidget against his own, acting like he wasn’t noticing it. Yanan was a mess, soon falling into his own thoughts, desperately trying to compose himself and stop overthinking his best friend’s behavior. Silence was only making him more nervous, heavily aware of the boy’s warm presence beside him.

“You don’t have to be so nervous, it’s just me and you here.” Changgu finally spoke, lifting his head to look at him, offering a small smile. “I doubt anyone will recognize us here.” That wasn’t the problem, hence the words did nothing to calm the taller boy. The older one paused for a moment again, thinking.

“Yanan-ah… I’m gonna say something to the river. You can choose to forget about it, act like it didn’t happen once we’re back. Okay.” It wasn’t a question. Yanan felt like he couldn’t breathe, the emotions in the air must have suffocated him, he was waiting, bracing himself even.

“Um… I’ve brought the person that’s most important to me.” Changgu spoke to the river in front of him unsurely. He felt clumsy for starting like that or for doing this anyway, but he felt like it’s not entirely a bad decision because he actually felt the need to do it. “I’ve built this whole little precious world for the two of us. We built it together, but since I’m a pushy, stubborn person I believe I was the one who persisted in making it. I have a lot of fears that I believe I’m hiding pretty well, but most of all I’m afraid of that world falling apart.” He heard himself whisper and paused, biting his lip hard. Yanan listened, still barely breathing, but waiting for more.

“I really really hope I will never do anything stupid for it to fall apart… even though I might be doing just that right now.” He felt the younger boy squeeze his hand lightly, so he squeezed back comfortingly, strongly hoping he’s wrong.

“I’ll protect our world.”

Yanan didn’t plan saying those words, but it felt right saying them, it felt like Changgu needed to hear them. He was right, that was exactly what his best friend needed to continue.

The older boy took a breath, closing his eyes before gaining courage to look up at Yanan. “I tried not to do this, I didn’t think I’ll be saying this, but… he’s different.” Chinese boy froze, staring back at him. He was sure he stopped breathing altogether. Changgu has noticed. “I’m perceptive, remember?” The older one smiled slightly. “I might be still wrong for doing this… but…” He just had to. “I’m in love with my best friend.”

The taller boy couldn’t look away from that adoring gaze he loved so much. Changgu was brave, so so brave and that was something to admire, among so many other things. Yanan couldn’t ignore any of them. It felt like the world around them went mute as his emotions recognized their twin and let him slowly start breathing.

“You didn’t make it fall apart. Our world is still intact.” He chose to say first, his hold on Changgu’s hand tightening again. He won’t escape, he’s not going anywhere. The older boy nodded slightly, relieved, but needing more answers.

“And… and if I do this?” he tried, stepping closer and leaning up, pressing their lips together timidly, suddenly not so sure about his actions. It was too late to stop now, he might just go with it until the end. It was a small peck, but Yanan didn’t pull away, acting as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Only it wasn’t and Changgu was almost frowning at the lack of response from the taller boy.

“It’s still there.” Yanan nodded, feeling stupid for being so awkward, for not knowing how to act in this situation when this was what he wanted. Changgu was expecting him to be more than this, he was a disappointment to both of them right now and he just hated it. “Oh god, I’m an idiot…” He muttered to himself before he wrapped his other arm around his best friend and pulled him close.

“I’ll remember it.” Yanan stared into Changgu’s eyes, wanting to reassure him. “River is not taking it, I’ll remember it all.” He felt like he’s being overdramatic with his words and it was embarrassing, but there was no other person he would’ve allowed himself to be embarrassing with and river can just take that instead. “I’m in love with my best friend too.” He smiled, hugging Changgu tightly before kissing him properly, trying to do it right for once.

“You’re a dork…” Changgu’s laugh rang through the buzzing world around them again, their world settling back into their surroundings. “I was so scared, you didn’t help.”

“You’re dumb… why were you scared? I should be offended, you thought our world was weak.” Yanan pouted in return.

“Really now? Why didn’t you confess first then?” The older one challenged.

“You can’t be serious? Me? The awkward one?”

“You’re not awkward, you can’t fool me.” Changgu laughed again, lacing their fingers again more comfortably now that the burden was lifted.

“No one can fool you, you know everything.”

“Not true, not everything.” He paused. “Only the important things.”

“Like?”

“Like you loving me.” Yanan chuckled at the response, letting go of the older boy’s hand so he could hug him properly instead.

“Yah… you let go.” Changgu protested, but Chinese boy kissed him again, so much more lovingly than before and he couldn’t complain.

“I’ll hold it tonight and tomorrow and as long as our world is standing. And you know how long is that.”