“I don’t know what’s going on.” Hui was sitting on his bed, resting his head on his palm and looking up at the older boy as if asking him for an answer.

“You should’ve talked to him a long time ago. Or well, done something.” Jinho reasoned, leaning against his closet with his arms crossed.

“I did something though.”

“You gave him a lame kiss and then acted like nothing happened.” The shorter vocalist narrowed his eyes at him. If this issue hadn’t disturbed their team’s dynamics he would’ve been amused.

“That wasn’t a lame kiss… it was romantic.” Hui huffed, looking away as if feigning innocence. Hui was not shy. Nor innocent. Jinho raised eyebrows.

“Sure. And then you d the whole family but him the next day.”

“I don’t people.” The older of the two almost choked as he laughed.

“I’m sorry, you just do your best to stretch the holes of our tight pants, because we’re just so uncomfortable if you don’t do that.” He smirked.

“You love that.” Hui scoffed.

“That’s beside the point.”

Alright, maybe Hui acted like a coward after that night. Maybe he didn’t think it through and missed the moment. After that night they just went back to being the way they’ve always been. Nothing has changed and that was slowly eating up the older boy. Hyojong was being quiet and obviously played along and they were definitely less touchy than normal. Hui didn’t like it one bit and he knew it was his fault. His best friend probably thought he was being rejected – if that song was some kind of confession anyway. The truth was Pentagon leader wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Keeping distance was easier solution at the moment, especially with the comeback and life getting even more hectic than usual.

Even though they tried to act as usual it was clear something has changed and their whole team felt it. But all the boys had worries of their own and they were all so busy, so the issue was being pushed to wait for another time. And time has passed, not doing anything good for Huidawn relationship. Hyojong only got more quiet, focusing on work entirely, spending a lot of time with other members – practicing, monitoring, helping. Hui busied himself with making sure the family was doing good while making more music. Yanan got injured, the issue adding more pressure onto the already busy leader, leaving him absolutely no time to think. His situation with Hyojong was pushed to the far back of his mind, waking up late at night when he was crawling into his bed, exhausted after a long day – only to torture him more in his vulnerable state.

Having Huidawn apart wasn’t something Pentagon family was used to. The change was noticeable even though the two of them did nothing to explicitly show they were avoiding each other. The other boys weren’t sure if they were indeed avoiding each other, but their leader’s skinship habit was definitely toned down and their rapper friend acted like he was giving him space, trying to get out of his way on all occasions except when they were working. Younger members didn’t know what to do about it or if they should do anything at all and they could only hope the two older boys closest to Huidawn will take the initiative and do something instead.

It didn’t take long for Jinho and Hongseok to step up and start talking. In Jinho’s case it was enough to show up on the door of Hui’s room for the leader to start talking. Hongseok, on the other hand, had to work a bit harder to break a seemingly endless silence filling the room he shared with Hyojong.

“I know the situation is annoying to all of you. I’m sorry about that.” Hyojong simply said. He didn’t know how they came to this and even though he was trying to rationalize Hui’s behavior he couldn’t help but feel hurt.

“So you’re waiting for him to come to you?” His roommate watched him, his voice showing how uncertain he felt about the rapper’s decision.

“What else can I do? He’s acting like nothing happened.” Hyojong shrugged, but felt slightly angry. “No, actually, he’s acting worse than that.” He looked at Hongseok. “Don’t you dare say that I should talk to him. I have nothing left to say. He knows how I feel and he just left me confused.”

“Come on, Jong, you know he loves you.”

“How? How do I know? He’s not even acting like himself, like… you know we were close, closer than anyone else in our team. Right now I don’t really know what to think anymore.” He sighed.

“You are still close. This… crisis is not changing that. The kind of relationship you two have can’t disappear over night, Hyojong.” Hongseok reasoned. “You’re talking like you don’t know what Huidawn means – what we all know you two are.”

“I have no idea what is happening in his head. Was I rejected? Did I scare him?” The rapper moved to lay down, feeling tired. “So yeah, I’m waiting to see what he’s gonna do.”

Hui was restless. He knew he had to do something, but as time passed he just kept postponing it. It only got worse with more time passing, he felt like the gap between them was only getting wider and wider and he hated it, hated how he was getting more scared with it becoming so big, ready to eat him up. He had his eyes on Hyojong, but the younger one wasn’t looking at him – that was new, that was something Hui wasn’t used to and it was so scary. One thing that was constant in his life up until now, he was stupid for taking it for granted when it was so easy to lose it. The easiness of it disappearing was scary too, he thought the bond they shared could withstand this situation. He was actually sure of it, but he was still scared. When they were working, going on broadcasts Hui made sure to act as usual, putting up a show when inside he felt like dying. He would slide his hand along Hyojong’s thigh or take his hand, but it was a well rehearsed gesture everyone expected him to do. The rapper felt so cold against his nervous fingertips, making his whole body ache, deep regret filling his whole being.

Why was it so hard to gather up courage and approach the closest person he had in his life? It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. With his Dawnie everything was so easy, everything up until now. Hui was beating himself up for being so stupid and creating a problem without a reason. He should’ve done it a long time ago, there was nothing doubtful about his own feelings and even if he was scared and still not sure about Hyojong’s he should’ve just thrown himself in fire and let it consume him – one way or another. He knew this was his lesson, he needed to go through this to realize a lot of things obviously. And he knew this finally had to stop – he had to end this stupid situation, for both their sake and sake of their team.

The latest Show Champion episode was playing on the screen in front of them, but the leader’s mind was elsewhere. Pentagon family conveniently squished Hyojong and him together on the couch, securely pinning them to their spots and stuffing them with food and drinks. He wasn’t sure they wouldn’t stop them from going to toilet either. Even in their current ridiculous situation the thought of it was amusing. He looked around at s, from Hongseok and Shinwon bringing in more food, Wooseok and Hyunggu whispering something to each other, seconds later laughing together to Changgu and Yanan cuddling on the other side, eyes glued to the screen and finally to Yuto and Jinho, the latter almost instantly giving him a pointed look back, urging him to do something.

Swallowing a nervous sigh he reached to the side, searching for Hyojong’s hand and finding it. Fraction of a second when the rapper tensed didn’t go unnoticed by Hui and he inwardly cursed himself once again, but then his best friend relaxed again, accepting it and linking their fingers together. It almost felt normal again. But Hui knew better. This was nothing, they needed to talk. So he stood up suddenly, feeling Hyojong’s eyes shifting to look up at him and forcefully tugged him to follow.

The leader closed the door as soon as they were in his room and turned to face his best friend, doing his best to appear strong and firm when he really had no idea how to start talking.

“We can’t do this anymore.” He said, the words sounding so awkward he cringed.

“You mean you can’t do it.” Hyojong replied coldly, instantly letting go of his hand.

“And you can?” The shorter vocalist raised his eyebrow a bit, trying not to feel hurt by the rapper’s gesture.

“You put us in this situation, Hui.” Hyojong started. “I didn’t know you’d be so scared of us.”

That hurt. So, so much. A new wave of guilt washed over the older boy as he looked into Hyojong’s eyes. The rapper looked tired as all of them did, but even more – tortured might be a better word. And again, Hui didn’t know what to say to that.

“I’m a coward. Yeah, okay, I am.” He admitted. “I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to do anything. I mean, we… we just are… Huidawn.”

“What is that?” The taller one raised his voice a little bit, surprising both of them. “What the is Huidawn? I have no idea what you’re doing or what I’m doing or what Huidawn is anymore. Actually, I’m not even sure what it ever has been.”

“You can’t be serious…”

“Why? What have we been all this time? I’m pretty sure I have been infatuated with you from day one.” Words were flying out of Hyojong’s mouth so fast, so unlike him and he couldn’t care less anymore. “If you say Huidawn are best friends it’s a lie, if you say we’re lovers that’s a lie too. What does that make us? Members of Pentagon?”

“You really need to label it?”

“Weren’t you avoiding me because you’ve been trying to label it as well?”

Another blow. Hui clenched his jaw, taking it. Hyojong shook his head when the leader didn’t say anything and just continued.

“That song was a confession, you know that, don’t you?”

“I… I wasn’t sure.” Hyojong looked at him, anger clear in his eyes.

“Are you crazy? Do you even remember what that song was about?”

“I know. I know, alright, I listen to that song every day. I can’t run away from it.” Hui replied, annoyed with himself, with his incapability to say what truly mattered.

“You want to run away from it?” It was Hyojong’s time to be hurt, the disappointment dripping from his voice, suddenly going back to being quiet.

“No, that’s not what I meant…” The older one almost groaned in frustration, talking to Hyojong was never this hard. “I wasn’t sure, I couldn’t deal with it and then it all spiraled down from there on… and you left me.”

“You’re the one who left, Hui.” The rapper sighed. “I just followed, like I always do.”

Hui couldn’t say anything to that. That was it, he was supposed to lead Huidawn, just like he was leading Pentagon and he somehow thought the role was reversed in Hyojong’s case. It was surreal – has he been delusional all this time?

He looked down, sighing deeply and letting himself think about it all for a moment. Hyojong waited, trying to understand the silence.

“This is new.” He slowly said. “I feel the need to talk. You’re never this quiet.” Was he talking just for the sake of talking? Hui knew they both desperately wanted to solve this and it was still so stupid, maybe even more now than before. They weren’t supposed to be like this. Not them, anyone but them.

“Hyojong… you’re my strength. I need you so much, I had no idea how much I’ve actually needed you all this time.” He admitted. “Maybe that’s why I thought that… you’re the one I should lean on.”

“It doesn’t work like that. It’s supposed to go both ways – whatever we are it should go both ways. It goes both ways, you know.” The rapper’s voice was softer now.

“We’re everything.” Hui suddenly said, looking up. “Since you were asking – I’m labeling it. Finally.”

Okay, maybe they weren’t always functioning perfectly well and maybe their timing this time was a complete mess, but they were still Huidawn and Huidawn were supposed to always stand strong, together. All the thoughts of his own stupidity and wrong decisions disappeared from Hui’s mind the moment he started drowning in Hyojong’s eyes.

The younger one’s gaze softened and the leader stepped closer, closing the distance between them. It was as easy as it was supposed to be, as it always was. And the kiss was so much different – not anything close to the lame one Hyojong got after his confession, even if the younger one would never call it lame. Their lips molded together perfectly as soon as they made contact and Hyojong pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him after what seemed like forever. It has been so long since the last time they held each other and the moment the touch was initiated it was painfully clear how much they both needed it.

The kiss felt right, but that wasn’t surprising, they were Huidawn and they were everything to each other and as a couple – a couple of best friends and a couple of lovers, but most of all two people who needed each other, craved each other, guided each other and loved each other more than they thought would be possible.

When the kiss finally came to an end there was only one thing left for Hui to say.

“I’ll never leave you.”