(Actually this Chapter is named "Even when you wish me Good Luck I cannot stay" but I couldn't take this one because it was too long *lol*)

“What if I feel this way for the rest of my life?“

19th of April 2014

The first thing that Hyunseung did when he arrived at his appartment, was as usual to look at the time. It was 12:30.

„So I‘m going to hate this time from now on?“ he said to himself, trying to laugh but failed badly.

He sighed during his uncomfortable fall at the carpet that was infront of his couch. HS held his face with both hands, trying to make the voice inside his head to become silent and dissapear. As always it didn‘t worked .

The Voice won‘t just go away that easily, he already noticed that a long time ago.

But he still had the hope that when he one day woke up in the morning the voice wouldn‘t be there

anymore.

Anyway that voice was a part of Hyunseung, who has had depression since a long time, which caused the voice to be there who always dragged him down and told him how much he wasn‘t worth to exist.

Hyunseung decided to write down what he was feeling and thinking.

„My dearest Jun,

Me after you is just the same as I was before you -empty.

I‘m not okay at all and the reason that weighs the most is that I made you kinda sick too.

I am deeply sorry for that.

I did hurt you because I didnt‘t wanted to let you go, `cause I loved you and I still do.

I knew all the time that it would be better for you if I would just dissapear out of your life,

so that you can finally be happy again.

That you are happy is the most important thing to me, because you mean everything to me.

I‘m so sorry that it took me so long to accept the fact that I don‘t deserve someone like you.

I feel how my old self, the happy one, is slowly fading away a little bit more, day by day.

Ofcourse I didn‘t fall in love with someone new, I just wanted that you start to hate me.

You can be over me more easily if you just hate me from the bottom of your heart, even when it hurts me. You are so much more important than i could ever be, I just want the best for you and you could never have the best when we are together.

I don‘t even know why I am writing this, because you will never read this letter anyway, but I wanted to let you know how I feel and that you were the only good thing that ever happened to me.

Seungie"

19th of April 2014

Junhyung was very sure that he has catched a cold. He stood in the shower for nearly 30 minutes and his whole body still felt like an block of ice.

He turned off the water and walked out of the shower, then he looked in the mirror and was shocked about his eyes.

JH‘s eyes were swollen and red from too much crying. He sighed and got dressed up. As he walked out of the Bathroom and started to think about Hyunseung, he got an idea for a new song.

Good Luck♫♫♪ I hate you, love you several times a day. It feels like an elevator. Heal me I‘m heartsick. There ain‘t no cure for my disease. I‘m worn because of you. ♪♫♪

„I am really heart sick. Man that and hurt so much“ said Junhyung while looking for something to drink. The Rapper found a bottle of Soju that Gikwang once gave to him. He still wonders why because Gikwang actually hates Alcohol and doesn‘t drink it for health reason ofcourse.

Just thinking about sport and working out always brought a bad mood to the Rapper. „Man that dude really loves the healthy way of life and working out ofcourse too.“

While walking through the living room he kicked something that was lying on the floor. It was his Smartphone. He decided to call Gikwang because he was thinking of him anyway.

„Dude are you dumb? Why are you calling me at this time?“

„Woah calm down. I just felt like talking too you because….I don‘t … feel good at all“Junhyung started to cry while saying this because he had to think about his life without Hyunseung.

Would he even be able to go on without him? Even when he dragged him down too. It wasn‘t his fault, the depression itself was the reason. Maybe they still have got a chance.

„Tell me what happened“ Gikwang said with deep worry in his voice.

„Hyunseung and I… we …“ he couldn‘t continue speaking.

„You guys broke up?“ Gikwang sounded really shocked.

Junhyung nod but realized his Band member couldn‘t see it and then answered with a weak „Yes.“

„Shall I come over?“

„… Please.“

Good Luck ♫♫♪ I can‘t uphold the immense pain that you‘ve left me with. In this situation I find myself putting my hands together for you. I pray for you. Good luck to you.♫♫♪♪

Junhyung who was sitting crying on the floor continued singing his new Idea of a song that was inside his head, while he was waiting for Gikwang to knock at his door.

Good Luck ♫♫♪♫ I wanna hold you tight. Make you mine. Never leave me alone. I only want you that‘s all I need. Eventually everything fell apart. Why are you leaving me like this.♫♫♪♪♪

„I swear if this won‘t be a number one, then I don‘t know anything anymore.“

A knocking at the door took Junhyung back from his mind in his apartment. He walked slowly to the hallway and opened the door, then he looked in Gikwangs rare serious face, and was very thankful that he came over to be with him.

„Thanks for coming over. I‘m sorry to bother you with those things at a daytime like that“JH was now looking at the floor to look at least a little less heartbroken. "No need to be sorry. I will always be there for you. I stay with you as long as you want me to“ The word “stay“ reminded Junhyung hurtful at his EX-Boyfriend and was also the reason for another song.

Stay♫♫♪♫ Meet other guys and see how good I was to you. Just like embracing thorns, even with scars I pulled you in Fine. Do whatever you want without me, I‘ll go pick you up but not too late.♫♫♪♪