How should I put this? It’s like my heart was gonna explode, it’s like I’m gonna throw up, it’s like my eyes are gonna pop out of my face and it’s like my face is gonna be torn apart. That’s how it felt, and I do not know why.

Questions are running around my head and I can’t seem to listen to all since its like everything collided at once. I just feel like jumping off the building to shut my brain off and even keep my heart down, but I know that would also kill me.

I fumbled with my phone and read the message countless times before letting the reality sink in. Letting the fact that Jessica sent me a message out of the blue.

‘Where did you get my number?’ I typed as fast as I could before letting my brain catch on.

‘Somewhere..’

And again the questions in my head started asking speaking themselves out but I had to push them off for now since I don’t want to look desperate and excited.

‘Weird..’ I typed but before I could even hit send she beat me to it

‘Don’t mind me, I just want to wish you a good night. I’ll be off’

I’ll be honest when I said the pumping of my heart slowed down, slower than it normally is and the atmosphere kinda turned down when I read her last text.

Letting my pride win against me, I let deleted the character I have written before setting my phone down. The questions whispered from the back of my head but still I refused to listen. I listened to them before and all I got was false hope and a broke heart.

“Things happen for a reason” I murmured before draping my heavy comforter over my body. A familiar scent cradled me to sleep, that familiar scent from the sheets, a scent that reminds me of home.

Weird indeed, other than the home I’ve had with my family, I’ve never had a different home but this.. this is too familiar yet to blurry to remember.

Like the questions, I pushed everything back and let the creeping sleepiness engulf me. I kept my eyes shut, I know I am still awake but as I lie there, eyes closed and sleepiness creeping up, I decided to think of all the have beens and might have beens from today.

Her smile, her eyes and her laugh. They chased me until I get to the other side of sleep, but from there, I did not run, I went head on with them. Sleep is always better than reality sometimes because you see what you want to see and still it feels right.

..

Short update.

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