AN: Contains an M-ish scene.  Although, it's not the y kind. Sorry, guys. :)

“Well, at least we know they don’t want me dead..” Sandara joked weakly. The yet that everyone knew followed her words left unsaid.

She saw Daesung fidget in discomfort, saw the hard glare enter Youngbae and Seunghyun’s eyes, saw Seungri try to protest her words and saw nothing in Jiyong. His eyes shuttered and his expression blanked.

She sighed and checked out of the conversation after that when Seungyoon started explaining possible clues and what he’s been doing with those clues.

Sandara touched her head again. Feeling the part of her scalp where her hair was shaved off previously. She wondered how she could forget something as monumental as her head being cut open. Or being locked up in a facility for eight months. Or her name.

She closed her eyes as she tried to focus. From what she knows, which is basically next to nothing, she hasn’t actively tried to remember her past until Big Bang found her.

Right now, she tried to think back.. Tried to remember anything. She tried racking her brain for happy memories. She remembered her Jiyeon unnie that way and was hoping for something similar to happen.

She tried bringing up her recent memories of being happy.

Talking with Seungri.

Jiyong promising to show her the stars.

Jiyong giving her his bracelet.

Riding the car with Jiyong.

Going out for ice cream with Big Bang.

Playing at the arcade with Seungri.

Youngbae telling her she was pretty.

Looking at the kittens - No wait. That wasn’t completely happy.

She frowned as her mind showed her disjointed images.

Her hand caressing fur.

“Tamtamie!”, she saw herself calling out to someone.. Something.. In front of her.

Someone laughing at her.

Pulling her hair playfully. “You look like him.”

She saw herself scrunching her nose in disagreement.

She saw herself reaching out-

Into nothingness. She opened her eyes to find everyone staring at her. She had her hand extended in front of her as if she was actually reaching out to whatever it was in her.. Memories? Vision?

She frowned at her hand as she tried to get her bearings. She looked at the men in the room who were waiting for her next move. “I.. I think I had a pet..”

“Really?” Seungri asked her excitedly. “What kind? Was it a kitten? Like the ones we saw?”

“I’m not sure.” She frowned in disappointment. “It had fur..”

“Could be a puppy.” Daesung suggested. “Puppies are cute.”

“Bears have fur.” Seunghyun commented.

Sandara’s eyes widened. “Don’t they bite?”

“Some don’t.” Youngbae answered but seeing Jiyong’s glare, he explained further. “But if you see a bear, don’t approach it, okay?” Sandara nodded fervently. Youngbae leaned back against his seat. “Maybe we should have her attend survivalist training. You know, just in case..”

“Of bears?” Sandara asked, half-excited and half-afraid.

“What else did you remember?” Jiyong cut off the ridiculous conversation. Sandara would never be put in a position where she would be alone with a bear. Like he would allow it. As if.

“Uhmm..” Sandara squinted her eyes as she tried to recall. “I called him Tamtamie.. And someone was teasing me.. He pulled my hair..”

“Like in a fight?” Seunghyun asked.

“No. I don’t think it hurt.” Sandara clarified. “I think he was just playing around.”

“Do you know who he is?” Jiyong asked in a carefully controlled voice.

“I didn’t see..” Sandara shook her head sadly. “Could it be Dongwook?”, she asked hopefully.

“Maybe.” Jiyong responded curtly. Unfamiliar feelings about this unknown Dongwook swirling in him, making his chest ache. He couldn’t help the bite in his tone but he knows that Sandara doesn’t deserve it. “Good job remembering.” He added softly, hoping to ease the sting of his tone.

Sandara gave him a half-smile. “Not enough though.”

“You’ll get there. We’ll get there.” He promised.

_____________________

The meeting soon broke up after that. Jiyong walked Sandara back to her shared room with Seungri, then told her that he needed to finish up some things so she should get some rest.

Sandara nodded tiredly and quietly complied as Jiyong led her to her bed. Seungri was trying unsuccessfully to hide his giggles as seeing his normally stoic hyung so solicitous.

Once Sandara was tucked in, Jiyong tapped her hand lightly. “Rest well. I’ll be back later so we can have dinner together.” Hearing Seungri’s choked giggles, Jiyong hesitated. “If you want.. Er.. if you’re not too tired..”

“I’d like that.” Sandara smiled up at him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t much help.”

“It’s not like we expected you to remember everything just because we called a meeting.” Jiyong scoffed. “We’ll figure things out.” He paused as he tried to string his words together, hoping he can convey the importance without making her feel like he was ambushing her. “I hope you’ll consider speaking with Hyesun noona, or another psychologist if you feel uncomfortable with her. You seemed to be reacting well to Youngbae’s questions, what more with someone who’s actually trained.”

“Youngbae did help.” Sandara conceded. “Do you want me to speak with.. Hyesun?”

“I want you to be as comfortable as possible.” Jiyong answered her firmly. He knows the process would be damn uncomfortable and quite possibly painful. He doesn’t want to add to her discomfort by forcing her to speak with Hyesun. “I just think it will help.”

Sandara didn’t say anything but she nodded.

Jiyong waited for a few seconds before tapping her hand again in a silent goodbye.

Just as Jiyong reached the door, a very cheerful “Hyung, please bring me dinner, too!” came from the maknae on the other side of the room. Jiyong rolled his eyes and just walked out the door. He needed to speak with his team about what they know so far. He also needed to brief Jiwon.

He sighed as he pressed the up button for the elevator. The meeting and the decrypted files proved to provide more questions rather than answers. They barely had leads and Jiyong’s gut was telling them that the clock was ticking.

He’s really scared of what could happen if their time runs out.

‘There’s no help for it then.’ he thought grimly. ‘I just need to make sure we crack this case before it all explodes in our faces.’

_____________________

Back in Sandara and Seungri’s hospital room, the two were quietly discussing the earlier revelations with Seungri gently but not-so-subtly probing.

Finally, Sandara sighed. “I don’t really know, Seungri. I mean when I really think about it, I remember meeting you and Jiyong and Big Bang but when I try to picture the day before that, I draw up a blank.. I’m -”

She stopped speaking when a knock on their door sounded and Hyesun peeked inside the room. “Hi. I hope I’m not interrupting.” She smiled at both invalids.

“Noona!” Seungri greeted cheerfully. “Did you come to visit me?”

“Not really.” Hyesun teased and she laughed as Seungri pouted. “I actually wanted to give Sandara something.”

“A present?” Seungri asked eagerly as Sandara looked at the other girl quietly.

“Sort of..” Hyesun answered. She approached Sandara carefully, highly aware that Sandara was still a bit skittish around them. She stopped when she reached her bedside and handed Sandara a small package.

“For me?” Sandara asked in wonderment.

Hyesun smiled gently and urged her to open it. She watched as Sandara opened the box and pulled out a beautiful leather-bound journal and some pens. “It’s a journal. I have to admit it’s not a present-present. I thought it could help you with your memories.” She watched as Sandara flipped through the blank pages. “You could write what you remember and maybe that will help you remember more. Or it could help you hold on to the memories you actually remember.”

“That’s a really good idea, noona.” Seungri commented. “I wonder why I didn’t think of it.”

Sandara glided her fingers across the empty pages and considered her words. Could I actually fill these pages with memories? My memories?

“You know, I would recommend you speak with someone. It doesn’t have to be me.” She added quickly, when Sandara looked up at her sharply. “My professional opinion is that, your memories are blocked and, I’m not saying this is a sure thing, but a trained specialist could help you through it. He or she can also guide you when things get confusing. And believe me, things will get confusing once you start remembering.” She cautioned. “You don’t always remember things chronologically. Or there might be snippets that are actually dreams and not memories. Sometimes dreams are just dreams but sometimes they are memories..”

“I have been seeing flashes..” Sandara admitted. “Images I don’t understand. Hearing voices I don’t recognize..”

Happy that Sandara was talking, Hyesun smiled at her. “The journal could help. Write them down and then you could go through your entries with a specialist.”

“Jiyong did say that I should..”

“I would recommend that too.” Hyesun told her. “It’s an uncomfortable process and you are vulnerable and would most likely be vulnerable as you try to get your memories back, that’s why I don’t want to force you into my office.”

“Jiyong said that too..”

“I always knew there was a brain in that pretty little head of his.” Hyesun smiled at how telling her short answers are. “I’m glad he cares for you enough to realize that. I can see that you care about him too. If you don’t want to talk to me as a specialist, I have a whole team of highly skilled professionals at your disposal. You can talk with them and find someone that you’re