Kaminari also known as Park Sanghyun to a very limited number of people ran from that clearing as if his life depended on it. And to be honest, it felt like it did.

The air was oppressive. His chest felt heavy. His body feels numb.

It’s the guilt. He thinks. The guilt is killing me. The world is telling me I made an unforgivable mistake and is trying to correct that.

He sped past trees, familiar childhood haunts, places he spent with Rijun and Miru. Idling away, laughing, having fun. All the while not knowing that his sister has been alone.

His sister is alive.

His sister has been looking for him despite losing her memories.

His sister, who used to carry him on her back as a toddler when he was too lazy to walk.

His sister who loved him and cared for him since their mother was dead and their father was.. Absent..

His sister who has been missing for eight years.

His sister who he gave up on three years ago when he left Park Sanghyun behind and embraced Kaminari.

He gave up on her.

He gave up and moved on when she was out there. Probably alone and suffering because she couldn’t remember who she is.

He hated her for leaving. For leaving him behind when she promised it would be the two of them together in the end.

More than anything, he hates himself for giving up on her. For believing the lies the people around him fed him.

But could they all be lies?

His grandfather was heartbroken for years. Until now, there’s a melancholy air surrounding the old man that gets worse when the cherry blossoms bloom. His sister loved running around the cherry trees, often forcing him to keep her company when all he wanted was the freedom to run wild with Rijun and Miru. She’d make him climb a tree when the blossoms are in full bloom and shake the branches so that she’d be showered in blossoms. He always complained but secretly he loved it. His sister was spoiled, used to getting what she wanted and hates hearing the word ‘no’. However underneath all that is a girl who was forced to grow up way too fast and much too early. She cared for all the men in her family - their grandfather, their father and him. She ruled their household with an iron fist coated in sweet smiles and gentle love. It was only when she stood underneath the cherry trees surrounded by falling blooms that he could see the girl she really was - laughing magically, sometimes dancing to music only she can hear, sometimes silent pensively watching the blooms fluttering in the wind with a soft smile.

Sometimes she’d ask him to sit with her in the bed of blooms and force him to tell her about his day, his dreams - he’d resist but he always treasured these moments because afterwards she’s back to being the Big Sister. It was like a heavy mantle would fall on her shoulders, hiding the pure joy she’d show him in these precious hidden moments. She’s still her bubbly charming self but as someone who has seen her bask in happiness surrounded by the cherry trees, he could see the difference.

Then she was gone.

Just gone.

One day here, the next gone.

What wouldn’t he have given to just be able to sit with her under the shade of those blasted trees. He’d tell her everything- pour out his heart and soul without pretending reluctance. He’d shake the branches of every cherry tree in that treasured space, make the blossoms dance and swirl around her as much she wanted.

He raged when the adults gave up. He was just a kid. How was he supposed to find her? But he couldn’t just not do anything.

So he joined kendo competitions in hopes of seeing her there. She’s always loved the kendo. Proclaimed herself the princess of kendo; the future queen of their little kingdom.

He kept joining these competitions even if their village didn’t really encourage it. He participated under pseudonyms practicing under fake dojos.

Until he just couldn’t.

He gave up.

He gave up on her because it hurts him so much.

And now..

He stopped running, his breath ragged as the tears blurred his vision. He could feel his body shaking with the force of his emotions.

Could he allow himself to hope?

Too late, he thought to himself. Hope was already blooming in his heart.

What if it isn't her?

He looked around him helplessly, wanting someone to reassure him that things will be fine. Wanting his sister to promise him that things will be alright just like they used to when they were kids. Back then, he looked at her as sister, mother, protector all in one.

Could he handle it either way?

He sobbed harder, unsure of the reason. Just knowing that he had to release all these emotions otherwise he would combust.

And he did just that, in one heart wrenching wail that shook all those who heard it to their cores.

______________________________________

“Noona!”

“Dara-ya..”

“Hime, come to grandpa.. You have to promise me, darling. Promise you won’t leave the village.”

“Mama! Mama wake up! Dara is sorry. Dara will be good!”

“Sandara! What is wrong with my daughter?? Sandara! It’s appa! It’s your Papa.”

“You lied! You lied!”

“You can’t keep us here!”

“The moment you step one foot outside this mountain. You’re signing her death warrant!”

“Pretty girls shouldn’t be out here all alone..”

“Leave me alone -”

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..”

Wake up. She willed herself, somehow knowing that she’s dreaming.

Wake up! She urged. Knowing that it is important that she open her eyes. Not really sure why.

It’s safe here. In the darkness. There’s peace.

No one is out to hurt her.

Just quiet.

Even though she is plagued by dreams.

Sometimes they’re good dreams. Happy times where she felt whole.

A part of her knows that when she wakes up that won’t be the case.

It’s so easy to just give in to the darkness.

So easy to just fall back into nothingness.

So easy -

“Sandara!”

She felt herself jerk

That voice.

She knows that voice.

She felt her whole body shaking hard.

After what feels like forever, it stopped.

Slowly, she felt awareness creep into her limbs, sensation returning to her body.

With great effort, she slowly opened her eyes. Blinking a few times as she adjusted to the light.

There seemed to be people around her.

She blinked again and focused on the face nearest hers.

“Sandara..”

She nodded, silently telling him he heard her.

“So glad to see you..”

She opened to respond but no sound came out. hurt for some reason and she looked around in confusion, wanting someone to help. She tried to clear but it felt so dry.

One more time, she told herself.

“Who you?” It wasn’t clear but they were words! She congratulated herself for that feat when she saw the man’s face crumble. She wanted to know why.

She opened to ask just that when another voice broke through the din.

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