She turned her tear-streaked face towards them, “There were a lot of rules..” She raised her right hand towards her head and she started tapping forcefully. “So many rules.. It’s not my fault I can’t remember! Why do you hate me?” Her voice turned melancholy. “Why do you hurt me? It’s not my fault..”

The five men in the room watched in worry at her outburst. It was obvious that they wanted to snap her out of whatever trance she’s in but all of them realized that it seems like that’s the only way she’s able to walk them through her memories. 

“I’m not lying.” Her voice turned petulant. Shaking her head, she repeated her words, “I’m not lying. I just don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t remember anything..” she stressed. “How would I remember a stupid code?”

Jiyong’s head shot upwards at the word code. He looked around and saw that all s had a glint in their eyes. 

Sandara crossed her arms in front of her chest and pouted. “This is stupid. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Okay.” Youngbae smiled at Sandara as he motioned for Seungri, who was sitting beside her to move. Knowing that Youngbae has his reasons, Seungri tamped down the urge to argue. Not many people know that behind his brawn and deadly skills, Youngbae is almost as good as Hyesun when it comes to psychology. He’s had no official training but he has so much empathy that people feel naturally drawn to him. He used to joke that it’s because of his smiling eyes but none of them can deny that he is as effective talking to people and getting them to open up to him as he is at disarming or incapacitating someone.

Youngbae sat down next to Sandara and nodded at Jiyong who was watching him carefully from Sandara’s other side. “What would you like to talk about?”

“Tamtamie.” She answered him with a fond smile.

“Tamtamie?” Youngbae questioned.

“My rabbit.” Sandara answered, excitement clear on her face. “He’s adorable.”

“Yeah? How did you get him? Did you buy him from a pet store?”

“He was a gift.” Sandara frowned and looked around the room. “Do you know where he is? I should feed him. I’ll get scolded if I don’t take care of him properly.” Her lower lip jutted out in a pout which had Big Bang mesmerized.

“What does he look like? Maybe I can help you find him.” Youngbae continued, doing his best to draw out her memories.

On the other side of the table, Seunghyun leaned closer to Daesung and asked, “Is it just me or does it seem like she’s regressing?”

“She does sound younger and her mannerisms seem to point that way.” Daesung agreed. “Could it be when she felt safest? That’s why this is the memory that’s surfacing?”

Sandara was regaling Youngbae with stories about her pet, when she suddenly stopped. She bit her lip as she tried to process her thoughts. Youngbae could see that she was shutting down again. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Okay.” Youngbae agreed, working to keep the easy tone of the conversation going. “Do you want to talk about what you did earlier this week?”

Sandara frowned. “Why? It’s just the usual. Sleep. Wake up. Eat. Meds. Eat. Sleep. Wake up again.”

“Oh? So nothing special happened?” Youngbae pressed.

“Nope.” She answered.

“Do you remember when you met Seungri?”

“Yeah.” She smiled. “I like Seungri.” She rocked on her chair and gave a little giggle. “He’s really cute, even if he lost his key.”

Seungri’s chest puffed out at her words but he tried to hide it because Jiyong scoffed quite loudly.

Sandara tilted her head towards Jiyong. “He forgot his key so Jiyong had to come in and help. He’s really cute too.”

“Who?” Youngbae couldn’t resist teasing his best friend. “Jiyong?”

“Yeah.”

“What happened before Seungri came to you without the key? Do you remember?” Youngbae continued.

Sandara closed her eyes as she tried to remember. 

Sandara stared at her ceiling as she lay in her bed. She wondered why the day seemed extra long. She tensed as she considered what it meant for her.

They don’t usually leave her alone for long periods of time. They like checking up on her and reminding her that her every move is monitored.

Unless they were planning something big.

She shivered at the thought. Recalling the last time they didn’t come see her. She frowned when she couldn’t picture the events. Just her feelings at that time. It clouded her mind in one hazy chaotic picture. 

Pain. 

Hurt. 

Euphoria.

Power.

Pain.

So much pain.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts as she heard the tell-tale sounds of the door locks being opened. She waited for the swishing sound that came with the doors being unlocked.

She watched as the new nurse came in. He was young and she wondered what happened to her Jiyeon unnie.

Jiyeon took care of her even when she had to hurt her. Sandara knows Jiyeon hated what she had to do to Sandara. She kept telling Sandara so, kept apologizing for hurting her.

Sandara wonders at that. Jiyeon only hurts her when she gives her medicine. Sandara understands that. The needles are really big but she doesn’t blame Jiyeon.

She remembers telling Jiyeon that and her unnie cried. She cried so much, she screamed at the doctor who came to check on Sandara. She called him names too.

Sandara cried too. She knows Jiyeon would get into trouble for shouting at the doctor. She knows because she saw how the guards came to get Jiyeon.

Sandara begged them not to hurt her but one of the guards swatted her away. She fell on her bed, disoriented. She tried to run to Jiyeon but the chain on her foot  reminded her of her reality.

The new nurse, Jihoon, looked at her warily. Sandara wonders why it seems like Jihoon is afraid of her.

‘Hello?! She’s chained up and locked up. What’s there to be scared about?’ Sandara fumed. “Watchagot for me?” She asked him, anger and frustration making her brave. “Will my unnie come back?”

The young man shrugged as he prepared Sandara’s medicine. Knowing the drill, Sandara just sighed and let her arm fall to the side. He’ll be looking for a vein soon and it’s best if she just cooperates.

When she used to fight it, sometimes the guards come in and hurt her.

She hates the way her medicine makes her feel. Sad. Happy. Sad. Sad. Hurt. Happy. Sad. But she also knows that if she doesn’t take her medicine, she gets sick.

Then everything disappears in a haze of pain.

She felt Jihoon touching her arm, followed by the expected prick of the needle. She held her breath as she felt her body react to the medicine.

She smiled loopily at Jihoon as he cleaned up. 

“Dr. Yoo will see you later.” Jihoon told her, still avoiding her eyes.

“Are you mad at me?” Sandara finally asked. Jihoon startled and forgot that he didn’t want to look at her. “Don’t you like me?”

“I.. Uh..” Jihoon blushed as he tried to answer her question.

“I miss unnie but I don’t really hate you.” Sandara continued. She briefly wondered if his face turning that red is normal. “I’d really be okay if you wanted to talk . Maybe you can teach me a game. Then we can play.”

“Uhmm.. Not allowed..” Jihoon mumbled as he turned away from her abruptly. He opened the door so that he could exit the room when a loud booming sound was heard.

Sandara stared wide-eyed at the door. She knows that she’s in a pretty isolated area of the lab. The fact that they were able to hear that sound meant that something big was happening. She saw Jihoon look around in panic and rush to the phone on the other side of the room. 

He picked up the phone and spoke urgently. Sandara couldn’t hear his words because her ears were still ringing due to unexpected noise. She saw Jihoon put the phone down and rush towards the outer door, leaving her behind and her door not fully closed.

Sandara could hear so much noise and she couldn’t figure out which were real and which were figments of her mind. Seeing the opened door, she rushed towards it. Only to be stopped by the chain around her ankle.

She tried to pull even though she knew it was useless. She collapsed on her knees as she struggled to tamp down the fear.

She was scared. And alone. Again.

She bit back a sob as she crawled back to her bed. She huddled in the corner and waited.

She knew someone would come for her eventually.

Someone always did.

The only question is, would he be friend or foe?

Sandara’s eyes snapped open. “I remember.” She whispered, unable to hide the wonder and disbelief in her voice. She turned towards Jiyong, eyes wide and continued.  She wanted to tell him everything. “There.. There were guards.. And doctors.. And nurses. The nurses don’t really hurt me. Some of them even try to protect me when the guards get rough. “ She squinted as she tried to recall names and faces. “There was a nurse. She was kind to me. She would cry with me and when I wasn’t allowed to cry, she cried for me.” She closed her eyes as her tears continued falling. “She said I reminded her of her little sister.”

“Do you remember her name?” Youngbae asked, making sure to keep his voice soft and soothing so that his question wouldn’t break her concentration.

“Yes.” Sandara smiled. “She asked me to call her unnie. Jiy-” Her words were cut off as she started coughing. Her hands went to as she started choking on air.

Jiyong jumped off his chair in panic and bent over her. “Goddamnit! Get me a doctor!” He shouted at no one particularly, knowing his team didn’t need further instructions. “Sandara.. Relax.. Breathe. Come on.” He tried to pry her hands away from since he needed to make sure her airways are unobstructed but panic and adrenaline was giving Sandara an unknown reserve of strength and she was fighting him. “Seungri.” He finally called out for help.

In an instant, Seungri was beside them and he held Sandara’s hands away from as Jiyong worked on loosening the top buttons of her shirt. Jiyong gripped her neck gently in an effort to keep her from choking on her own saliva. 

Then as suddenly as it started, it stopped. She became limp in Seungri and Jiyong’s hold. Her eyes fluttered close as her breathing evened out.

 Big Bang stared at each other in shock, unable to comprehend what just happened.

“What the ?!” Seunghyun asked the room at large just as the door slammed open and Bom came rushing in, with Jinwoo hot on her heels.

“What’s going on?” She asked as she made a beeline for Sandara. Not waiting for an answer, she checked the other girl’s vitals, dictating the results to Jinwoo who was recording it on Sandara’s charts. On