Crushes.  

Hwang Eunbi.  

We all have the one person that we admire, for me it's her. Sometimes I think I admire her too much to the point where it's unhealthy, but isn't that what happens when you fall in love?  

Opposites attract, I suppose.  

I've always seen her alone, away from people. Away from any sort of socializing, in fact. Head often down scrolling through her phone. Myself on the other hand, I personally like being with people, I like sharing my thoughts and speaking my mind. You can say that I smile through pretty much 90% through my day.  

There's this one time where I was talking to my friends, like always. I don't know why, but I felt a pair of eyes on me. So I subconsciously averted my eyes to my left, and there she was. Looking right at me.  

I felt my heart drop, but then rose back up along with its heartbeat.  

It felt a little like a staring contest because she didn't really break the stare. Usually what I would do in this situation is, well, being the person I am, I smile. And so I did, I flashed her a smile. Then her eyes went back to her phone, and I went back to my friends. I've always told myself to never let my feelings take over me but look where I am now.  

Since that day, my thoughts about her have become more frequent, from a small little crush to now a literal love story. 

Every time I see her at our school's cafeteria my cheeks can't help but get flushed, my insides twist and turn and all of a sudden, I start to breath heavier with my heart thumping harder than it should. 

Just her presence, even from meters away has affected me in more ways than one.  

I have yet to have a conversation with her and that's an absolute shame, why do I feel like she's the type to mask herself from others only because she chose to do so. I will never know I suppose. 

But let me tell you some things that I've noticed about Hwang Eunbi from all the times that I've been creepily staring at her. Yes, that's what I do and somehow (also fortunately) she hasn't noticed. 

First things first, she her lips... a lot.  

Remember when I said that my insides twist and turn? Her existing with me whenever I'm in the same room with her is when that happens, sometimes even when she's not in the damn room. But when her tongue slips out of and slowly wets those luscious red lips of hers, that's when my mind goes into another whole abyss of naughty thoughts that can't be stopped.  

At that point I don't think my insides were twisting and turning, a tsunami fits the whole narrative more.  

Another thing that I notice about her is that she's always on that phone of hers. To be quite honest I have a feeling like she's a tech geek of some sort, an opposite from myself, I at technology. Maybe I can try and ask her something about my phone. 

Yuju and Eunha, my dearest friends, has said that she's in some of their classes and said that a lot of people go to her for technical support. That's literally one of the cutest things I've heard, and it's not even remotely cute!  

Despite her cold manner, she's never really turned down anyone's call for help. Which leads me to strongly believe that her cold façade is only an involuntary thing. Cold, but she's actually really hot.  

She also only wears hoodies.  

I've never seen her wear anything else, the only thing that changes is the color and size of those hoodies. A personal favorite of mine is when she wears her oversized light teal hoodie. 

The first time I saw her wear that, I literally could not stop thinking about how soft she looked, the way the sleeves cover her whole hand, making it look like she has a pair of paws. How the oversized size is a little too big for her, covering her whole body up until the middle of her exposed thighs.  

Hwang Eunbi just looked really soft that day, soft enough to mask over her cold façade. Soft enough to make me fall for her more.  

I've never actually seen her smile either, but I'm going to take a bet that it'll be one of the most beautiful things I'll ever see. If I'll ever be able to see it, that is. 

There are a lot of things that I notice about her, but those are only just a few. I hope that one day I'll finally be able to gather my guts and talk to her, have a small conversation, have some drinks together? Introduce her to my friends? Introduce her to my parents and siblings? Maybe I'm going too far with my thoughts here.  

But that's what I like the most, having her on my mind. Occupying my thoughts like nobody else ever has. Thinking about a possible though non- existent future, oh how I wish this all could happen. 

For now, I can only continue to observe her from a far, yes, only observe. Nothing more. 

Even though I wish for more.