Unacquainted Love. 

There’s a difference between just loving someone and being in love. Do people realize this?  

As for me, I’m not exactly sure what state I’m in- no. I’m lying to myself. 

I’m definitely, 100% sure, am in love, with Jung Yerin.  

It actually took me awhile to come to terms with the fact that I’m in love, mainly because I’ve never experienced.. love, before.  

Love makes you do crazy things  

I’ve read that before somewhere on Twitter but never in a million years would I think it’d happen to me. You know, it’s funny. I used to think those type of quotes were ridiculous, but look at me now. I’m so in love with her.  

Jung Yerin. A beautiful name, like the person herself. Everything about her is perfect, flawless, unequaled. Maybe I’m being biased here, but you get the point, do you? Let me elaborate.  

I’ve never been the one to be interested in people’s business, for the most part I’m pretty much anti-social. I’ve been told that I barely smile and most of the time people think I hate them when really I just don’t bother. Don’t get me wrong, people . But I don’t hate everyone.  

But Yerin, she radiates this.. happiness? Energy? Positive energy, more like. She’s always smiling, laughing her way through the day. That caught me off guard, how can someone be this happy?  

That made me took interest, so I often observed from afar. The first time I saw her was during lunch hours at our cafeteria, and yes, she was smiling, shining her 24 carat smile to everyone, with a book in hand. She made her way through the crowd to meet her friends at a table.  

Ah, her friends. They were often loud, but I never bothered to take another glance because everyone’s weird at this university. But I’m pretty sure a few of her friends are taking the same subjects as I am because I’ve seen them before. 

I only sat there in my seat, observing from afar. I tried to not look like a creep but with the gray hoodie I was wearing, it probably didn’t help. Either way, all of them seemed happy, they’ve probably been friends for years. I envied that, but it can’t be helped. I chose to not socialize, so this is what I get, right?  

And then all of a sudden, our eyes meet.  

Obviously it startled me, I was taken aback but didn’t break our gaze. 

Then she flashed her 24 carat smile, and my heart beat faster.  

You see, feelings are confusing. Or maybe I’m just confusing myself. At that time I just thought I was startled, because I got caught staring. But later on when she averted her attention back to her friends and when I went on with my business, somehow she pops up in my mind out of nowhere.  

Then I’m reminded of her smile, smiles. Did I mention that she smiles through her eyes too?  

I started to sweat, I felt a rush of blood come through my cheeks. My heart thumped harder at every beat. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions that I’ve never felt before.  

Love at first sight.  

I guess that’s when I started to catch feelings for her. I went back to my dorm that evening with a heavy heart, thoughts of her swarming my mind. It was difficult. It was confusing. But I loved every second of it,  

I loved the thought of her.  

It’s painful, now, though. It’s difficult, seeing her everyday but not being able to be with her.  

It’s also stupid, these feelings I have for her, it’s ridiculous. I’ve never had one conversation with her but I’m so so crazy about her. I’m so crazy about Jung Yerin. 

But- it’s still difficult. Being so crazily in love with her is so difficult. Alright, I know what you’re thinking, why don’t I just strike up a conversation? 

That’s easier said than done. She’s always surrounded by people, being the friendly person she is, the only time I’ve seen her alone is when she’s waiting for her friends. Wouldn’t it be weird if we were talking and then her friends came?  

I at socializing, sure, but one of the reasons why I distance myself from people is because I very much dislike the idea of embarrassing myself. And I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of her either.  

So what’s there left for me? You probably have guessed it by now, yes, observing from afar. What else can I do? It’s creepy, I know. But like I said, what else can I do? 

And somehow, every time she smiles, or every time she laughs, I find myself doing the same. Even though she doesn’t see it nor does she know it, she makes me happy just by being herself. Just by flashing that 24 carat smile, just by forming half crescent moons with her eyes, she makes me happy. She makes me smile too.  

Sometimes I wish she knows, I want her to know. I want her to know that I’ve never been this happy in my entire life, I want her to know that she’s the reason behind my rare smiles. She seems like the type of person who would love to hear that, don’t you think?  

But then again, I don’t actually know her. We both don’t know each other, in fact. Does she even know I exist other than that time we made eye contact? Nobody knows for sure. And I think that’s the saddest part of it all.  

Unacquainted Love.  

So this love I have, it’s one sided, I know. My heart aches at the thought of it, but do you know what’s the scariest thing of it all? What I fear the most?  

If one day, just this one day, I can’t take any of it anymore. So I decide to tell her, or maybe be friends with her first- that’s a bad idea, I’ll fall for her more, I’m sure. But, afterwards, I finally confess my feelings for her.  

Rejection.  

That’s what I fear the most. 

People say to face your fears, but what if facing my fears would end up ruining my life.  

I’m being over dramatic, but that’s the truth. Look at me now, she’s swarming my thoughts and I can’t get her out of my head. She’s in my mind every second and it’s driving me insane. 

But she’s also the reason why I continue to live, why I wake up everyday. 

Contradiction, she actually keeps me sane.