‘The Magical House’;

That was what the small house stationed at the end of the wood had been called by people. Tons of people had been there once, but those who went never came back. Thus, almost no one ever went there anymore. Only those who were no longer able to hold onto reality would go there; leaving it to be more of a suicidal place rather than a magical place.

And today; Seungri was one of those people…

Seungri came with nothing but his determined heart. He dragged his worn out body all throughout the dark wood, his heavy heart was numb enough not to feel any slightest fear. He had left his phone and car behind; just like he had left his world and work. He wanted nothing but left the world and every little thing connected to it.

As he arrived closer to the abyss, he felt strangely calmer. The deeper the wood, the darker it became, not to look down on; he’d walk a long distance his leg had started to scream in pain. The cold air surrounding him tempted him to give in as drowsiness was getting into him. His eyelids voluntarily curtained down itself. Without him knowing, slept had taken over him.

Seungri was unconscious.

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The light was blinding.

Seungri put a hand over his eyes, the sun ray struck against his face. He looked away and blinked in response. His body felt light as if it was floating. Had he really died? Seungri wondered. His back was being pricked. His brows creased as his eyes slowly adjusted to the light and able to part.

He jerked up in surprise. Where was he?! What had just passed him?! Seungri looked around only to find different sea creatures swam above him; sharks, fishes, turtles, starfishes, etc. Mist filled the air and grass covered with dew was underneath him. Seungri got his eyes bulged in confusion. Was this how heaven look like; sea life on land?

He started to inspect around, adoring the many beautiful creatures. Unique shapes creatures and rainbow colors filled the sky that the fact a shark was floating through the wood didn’t bother him. His black hair flowed as the wind blew and a group of orange clown fishes dove above him. He stared in awe at the magnificent sea life.

He stretched his arms and took in the salt-scented air, filling his lungs with the fresh air he’d missed. When was the last time he notice the nature’s beauty? He exhaled contently. His eyes sparkled at the amazing sight.

Just as he did so, he was thrown from the ground up to sky; as if a slingshot had pushed him from behind. He was thrown with such a great force he had no time to be surprised. Strong wind hit him. The moment he was about to scream, another force pulled him higher; this time stronger. He checked on his back, his face distorted in horrify as he found a wing had been attached to his back. The clouds were unusually below him. Seungri promptly screamed to the top of his lungs. The world beneath him shook.

An unknown hand out of the blue grabbed him, covering his mouth. He grew even more hysterical. The hand knocked him on the head before the owner of the hand revealed himself. “Yah, why are you so noisy this early in the morning?” He scratched his ear.

Seungri got even more bewildered. He pulled the hand off him and shrieked, “Wh—who are you?!”

“I’ve told you stop shouting!” The little boy put his finger on Seungri’s lips. His dark brown hair was swept to a side, he had some pierces though he was barely a teen. He wore all white with a huge wing on his back. Seungri looked at him in puzzle. “It should be me who ask you the question. This is my land!”

As the boy yelled, an air balloon ascended behind the boy, a couple was kissing there. Seungri blushed before failing to hold himself not to check his surroundings. His face lit up again at the dreamlike set. He was hanging on a blue sky with stars spreading on it, rainbows hanging on it and cloud underneath his feet.  He could saw Venus and colorful balloons were roaming all over it. His heart was full just by seeing it. His smile stretched from ear to ear, he could even feel the warmth in his cheeks.

The boy only sigh, “Gosh, you’re truly a burden.” He shook his head in disapproval. Right that moment he slammed Seungri hard. Loud shout came in response as Seungri twirled madly and cut through clouds, plummeted in a light speed he cried in pain.  He felt fire. His entire body was on fire and scratched, his wings were burnt into nothing but ashes. He hit the ground hard.

“Oh my god!!” a hoarse voice was the first thing that greeted him. Seungri fluttered his eyes open as he met a beautiful boy. This boy here had a blonde hair. He was then pulled up to sit down. “I’m so sorry, it must have been a harsh welcome,” he uttered. “My name is D’lite.” He flashed a smile, offering Seungri his hand.

Seungri reciprocated the warm action, “Seungri.” They shook hand. It was at that moment, Seungri noticed his short fingers. He blinked in rapid speed as he curled his hands and repeatedly fold-unfolded them. “Wh—what the?!” H-he was back to his child form!! Seungri stared at D’lite who terrifyingly still maintained the same smiley face. He glanced back at his now short body. His face turned pale.

What was this land he’s in?

“Oh? Another new comer?” another boy came up, this one came with a short black hair. “I’m Sol. Was GD the one who brought you here?” he asked. His eyes were crystal clear it seemed so innocent and beautiful. His smile was even more captivating and laced with warmth as he handed a mango to Seungri.

“GD?”

“Him.” Another boy came, this time; taller. “I’m T.O.P.”

Ah, so the boy who’d thrown him was called GD. Seungri unconsciously nodded after the answer. He was about to bite the mango when he remembered one thing, “Where is this? Why am I back to my child form?!” He spread his arms and showed his body. He was then showered by a series of loud laughter. Seungri loathed it.

“Well, this is the ‘magical house’! You’re in we-don’t-know-where-you-are! All of these are just the illusions your brain make.” D’lite proudly supplied. Of course; after he stopped rolling on the floor and wiped his tears. “And your form; the child body you’re in right now is the one who has controlled on this land. That child side of you is the sincerest self of yours which is why it is the one who got to determine this land.”

“You mean this world are made by me?!” Seungri’s brows creased as he asked in utter disbelief. These beauties were his creation? How come?! “Stop joking around.” He shrugged the answer off.

The so called GD casually climbed a tree and rested on its branch as seen from the corner of Seungri’s eyes. “By your childhood imagination to be more precise.” He cracked a branch and munched it. Seungri couldn’t help but let his wry smile formed; the boy was munching branch.

“You can change world as you please.” Sol told him.

Seungri strangely found him at ease when Sol touched him. The boy had such a charming personality that seemed to magnetize other. He felt like he was lulled to sleep, There was something so comforting in the boy’s touch; something like a combination of his mother’s smile and the scent of his favorite freshly baked chocolate cake. Ah, Seungri could already sniff the sweet scent.

This time, as he gave in to the dark his body was swirled slowly as if he was mix into a mixture of rich melted dark chocolate. A satisfied sigh slipped off his tongue before he opened his eyes; he was in a big mug of hot chocolate! A huge pillow of melting marshmallow sailed in front of him. He dipped deeper into the thick liquid. “I imagined this?”

“You did,” T.O.P didn’t waste a second to answer. “You imagined quite a good one.” He commented, surrendering himself to the warmth of the chocolate.

Seungri smiled as he watched the other four boys were also relaxing. He moaned in pleasure as his muscles flexed under his skin. “It must have been good to y’all guys to live in such a world,” he uttered. His eyes captured the sight of a watermill turning and pouring chocolate in a chocolate river, gingerbread men walking and shouting around, cotton candy all over the land. It was definitely the definition of sweets heaven.

“It isn’t really better. In fact, I’m curious of yours,” D’lite confessed. Red tint appeared on his face Seungri almost couldn’t believe what he saw.

“Living in such a world was actually pretty boring.” Sol joined in, staring at the blue sky as he did. “Everything just flows, nothing challenging, nothing really matter and valuable. Whatever we want, we’ll achieve it without troubles; everything sort of turn pale that way, they’re meaningless,” he narrated. He then glanced at Seungri, “I’d like to meet some challenges.”

Seungri moved back a little before quirking his eyebrows to Sol. “They’re so bad though. You just want to meet them because you haven’t known them just yet.”

“It’s you who don’t know.” T.O.P approached them. “You should live here if you really thought here is better.”

Seungri only chuckled, “Of course I’d love to if I could.” He eyed a walking candy cane. “Challenges are bad. They crush your dream.” He recounted, spark of flames could be seen in his eyes. His life played inside his mind.  The endless auditions and monthly evaluations had eaten up most of his youth, the suffocating schedules had been killing him, yells and judging eyes followed him everywhere and kept pushing him onto the edge. Ah, it’s hell on Earth! “They’ll only cause you to question and lose yourself while you’re trying to survive. For example; me.” He shrugged.

“What do you mean by you?” D’lite tilted his head; starting to more clearly showed his curiosity regarding the newcomer’s life.  

Seungri only jumped back in surprise, he just realized they had already been in a different world. They were in a lavish bedroom now. A bedroom which was carpeted, had a king size bed in the middle of the room while a coffee table and an expensive leather couch on the bedroom’s side, a red Lamborghini next to the bed, comics and tons of different game sticks sat tidily in a giant shelf completed with a huge TV across the bed. A wall length window on one side of the room; Seungri could even see the cherry blossoms’ petals falling and got blown by the wind. How could he imagine all these as a kid?!

“Yah, he’s asking you!” GD yelled at Seungri from his place at the couch. It pulled Seungri out of his thought.

“Oh? I was an idol.” He went through the comic collection. “It was though. I was truly passionate in my job I can swear to you. I love the stage, the fans, singing, acting, and interacting with my fans, not to mention knowing that I can reach out and inspire other too. But, the challenges were just too much.” He looked at D’lite who had been staring at him. He sat on the floor beside him. “I couldn’t handle them.”

At this point, GD approached them. He quietly sat next to Seungri; his face remained cold. Seungri only smiled. It didn’t take long for Sol and T.O.P to join them. They sat in circle as the set changed yet again; now next to a waterfall with many fireflies flying above them. Full moon illuminated their faces, lighting up the dark sky which was filled by stars. The sound of grasshoppers and water falling made a great duo as they served as the background song. All eyes were aimed on Seungri.

“For short; there were too many expectations, yet too little time. It frustrated me. I lost so many; time, freedom, privacy. My own life and identity seemed to all be vanished. It was like I’d built a new self; a complete stranger just to fulfill everyone’s standard. Yet, it felt like no one was appreciating me. Everything I did was wrong and everyone was competing to snatch my throne; I couldn’t sleep knowing I didn’t have any certainty about tomorrow. Instead, I kept on racing with I-didn’t-know-who-and-what; I just kept on racing. It’s killing me; it made me tired!”  His tears started to well. He held them in. “I’m tired.” He murmured.

The sentence left a silence hanging on the air.  D’lite and the other three looked at Seungri with deep sympathy. The man had a really deep scar they barely able to relate.

“I got to be on the state I was, not without any effort. I’ve put a lot; I’ve poured my all to it. I’ve trained hard, climbed from the bottom, I bet my all to the point I got nothing else to lose. I’ve gone through hell wishing to take just a little glimpse of heaven.” Seungri couldn’t hold back his tear any longer. He broke down as he covered his face, trying so hard to stifle his cry. His child form didn’t help as it made him seemed even smaller than he really was.

The heart wrenching cry slashed the seer hearts. The helpless cry that wrapped up all bottled up emotion and frustration burst just like that. It moved whoever heard. Sol couldn’t help but to leap forward and took the man into his arms. He embraced him after what his basic instinct told him to. The newcomer jolted before melting into his arms; turning into a crying mess as the dam broke. Sol only patiently patted the latter’s back; silently swearing to protect him at all costs.

“You’ve done well, Seungri-ah. You’ve done well.” He drew circles there. He then grabbed D’lite who’d been hesitating whether or not should he hugged the man to hug the man altogether. It was so warming against the cold wind that was brushing their skins. The fireflies flew around them like a flying glitters, it lit up the night. The cry became louder.

“Those challenges; they improved you,” GD out of the blue spoke up. “They got you to know where to correct yourself, where you should work on.  It gave you a life.”

“A LIFE; HOW?! THEY’RE TAKING AWAY MY LIFE FROM ME!!”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHOUT!” GD bit back. “Anyway, you just don’t know how we live in here. A flat life and perfect life; it!” He spat. “Those challenges; expectations, yells, they made a reason for you to struggle, to wait for tomorrow. It gave you reason to move a limb, to live, to think, to breathe, and to everything that indicated you’re alive! With everything so perfect, it left us no reason to wait for tomorrow. It gave us no reason to struggle; it almost felt like we lived in an animated world! We don’t even feel humanized! We all want to live; to have reasons to fight for! We don’t want to follow just the stream, don’t you understand that?!”

GD finished off his preaches shouting, his face red and his breath irregular. Seungri was pulled back a little at the uncalled-for-explosion. GD was panting and shaking like he’d just put out all his unsaid sorrow; fists clenched. The words kind of hitting Seungri right on his chest, it knocked on Seungri’s cold heart. It was like it tried to break open his stoned heart, trying to bring the diamond in it out under the limelight. He gawked at the boy; the boy he thought was cold actually held such a deep scar within him too. It attracted him a little.

“What GD said was true,” T.O.P agreed, moving closer to comfort the shaking boy. “Sometimes, the flat life here also gets us lonely.” His eyes were on GD; it was so gentle yet sad. Seungri wondered what played in his mind for him to show that kind of expression. “We played, we laughed, we got bored and drifted apart just like that. Though we’re together, more often than not we don’t feel like being together. We’re just too consumed in our boredom it distanced us apart and got us feeling lonely.” He pulled GD closer and squeezed him.

“Well, I remember us often stared at nothing in the midst of playing together.” Sol completed, a light chuckle escaped his lips. His eyes were casted onto Seungri’s, “You’ve trained and all; don’t you have anyone with you? Someone you can share your burden?” His eyes showed his sincerity and curiosity.

The question struck Seungri on the right chord. He was paralyzed for a second, the question echoed in his mind; doesn’t he have anyone?

A picture of his mom smiling was the very first thing that flashed through his mind. He could have talked to her, but he worried too much of worrying her. The image of her baking his favorite chocolate cake invaded his mind; of how her cake had once been what he called ‘unmatched to other’, of how it was the first thing they shared after he brought her the good news of his audition result. He remembered she smiled so widely that day, he could even still feel how gentle she was caressing his hair that day; as if she was afraid to break even one strand of his precious black hair that he would ruin in less than five years. 

If only he had told her, she would have pulled him into her embrace like she did that day he failed his university test. She would have smiled that beautiful smile Seungri loved as she served him his favorite spicy chicken. Why hadn’t he called her more often? Why hadn’t he ever come home to her?

His fellow trainee friends; where were them now? What were they doing? Why hadn’t he ever attempted on getting in touch with them? Maybe asked them out for a drink? They used to be where his world revolved around. They used to be the one who understood him, the one who pushed him all along his harsh journey, and the one who shared the same burden and dream as him. Yet as sad as it sounded, they were also the stepping stone he trampled on while climbing up the tall wall called ‘debut’. Once he succeeded, he just fled by himself; forgetting his promise of pulling them up from the top. Instead, he let them be drowned after the countless huge waves rolled over him.   

 How had they been? Seungri didn’t have a clue. Pictures from the countless nights they spent together, the wide smile they shared on their sweat covered faces after countless bone-crushing practices, the hugs and tears they shared together, the best feeling they had whenever the president noticed them, and the small portions of grilled beef they shared after their hard works; there were so many memories he shared with them. Yet, he forgot them all.

If only he had still gotten in touch with them, talked to them and reached for them, they would have been the first person to understand him. They would have gone out in a heartbeat to comfort him and stayed one call away from his invitation of sharing a drink. They would have been the first person to pat his back and helped him with his songs. Why hadn’t he tried reaching for them?

Oh, what was he currently doing? He had just irresponsibly left. His fans must have felt so bad. Where had his self who loved the fans and stage sincerely gone to? He used to devote himself to them and them only. They had always been the one who supported and defended him; a mother, noona, dongsaeng, and girlfriends to him. They’d once been someone so important to him, the one that reminded him of his existence and reasons. They were what he had cherished and what had pushed him to be someone better and even better every single day. Yet, at one point his eyes became blinded; he was swallowed by the industry dynamism. That pure feeling and connection he had with his fans were replaced with despair. He focused too much on the criticism that he made them his enemy. His fear of them turning their back on him overpowered his trust and love for them. Seungri brought hell to himself.

If only he had talked to them, would they have comforted him and toned down the reminder and evaluation? Why hadn’t he ever tried telling them what he felt?!

He had so many people, yet he forgot them all.

His mother must be crying hysterically now; alone in their old apartment.

His friends must be in a state of shock.

His fans must be making a big chaos, being in denial and be put in confusion without any enlightenment.

He worried to worry yet he ended up not just worrying; he had broken them all.   

How could he?!

His tears rolled down his cheeks. How could he?! His cry roared up as it cut the night’s silence, he fell down crying. The four other boys were lost in words, they just let him be; they watched him as their hearts broke for him.

“You should have reached out.” D’lite couldn’t help but say. “Every single person is too precious not to be worried by the other. You shouldn’t have worried you’ll worry. It was natural for them who love you to worry about you.”

“Nothing else should have been the answer but the person you call home; offering yourself to ‘this magical house’ is not an answer.” T.O.P shook his head.

“You’ve fought a tough battle nonetheless,” GD remarked. He crouched beside him, “Thank you.” He whispered before burying his head, feeling the heat in his ears and face. His face flushed.

“We can’t turn back time, but there’s always second chance. Would you like to be reborn, Seungri-ah?” Sol tried to take a peek of his face, brushing hair off it.  “Would you?”

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“Seunghyun-ah, Youngbae-ah, Jiyong-ah, Daesung-ah! Come here fast!!”

“Yea, Appa!! Whoa--”

“Boys, meet your new brother; Seungri.”

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