The coffee shop that we used to go to

Our coffee shop

I’m blankly sitting here,

Where I can smell your scent

I still can’t forget you

Our memories still remain

So without knowing, like a habit

I came here

(B.A.P – Coffee Shop)

Kim Hanbyul POV

May, 2015

B.A.P Cancels South American Concerts, Goes On Hiatus

TS Entertainment Releases Official Statement on BAP Temporary Hiatus and South American Concert Tour Cancellation

All 6 B.A.P Members Allegedly File Lawsuit Against TS Entertainment

[BREAKING] All B.A.P Members Reported Suing TS Entertainment

It’s just like yesterday that I read all those news. The cancellation tour, hiatus status until the lawsuit. It’s been seven months since that time, many things happened and changed. Started from some fans left them because they can’t wait anymore, Daehyun started to do street gigs with his friend in his hometown in Busan, Yongguk and Zelo released mixtape to tell us about what they feel about all this situation. Yeah, many things happened and here I am, sit in the same table like 2.5 years ago, just like the last time I met him and we talked face to face. I still remember that night when I was holding his hand, tried to calm him down, to take away his pain and burden for awhile but everything changes now I never meet him in here anymore. That night was really the last time we met. I still coming to their concert and keep watching their live performance if it was held on weekend, but that time we could not talked face to face like we used to be. Since the lawsuit case, I kept coming to this coffee shop, hoping that he will come so I could hug him and support him, tell him everything will be fine. Just like in the past, but he never comes.

“Where are you Yongguk-ah....” Ting! I looked at my phone seeing a message from my sister.

From: Hyesung-Eonni

“Where are you? It’s already late. You’ve got early morning flight tomorrow.”

I let out a sign when read her message, I didn't want to go. I really didn't want to go, when the situation was still like this. When I still couldn't meet him, I didn't want to leave him but I couldn't do anything. I didn't know where he was, what was he doing, how did he feels, I didn't even know his phone number. Well who am I to be honest? I was only his fans who could only support him from afar, who could only send messages to him via social media and didn't know if he read it or not. Pathetic, right? That’s why I decided to accept the opportunity my company gave me. Even if that means I needed to leave Korea for one year or even more. I needed to move on too for a better life. Not because I didn't care about him anymore, I’m still until now, but I needed to stop it right now. Our wolrds are different even from the start, the gap between us just too big and we couldn't change it. No matter how much I wanted to support him and stood by him, there’s still a big gap between us, between idol and their fans. At that time I was just being realistic, no matter how you love or idolize someone, your life still must go on.

“Haah...this is it. Goodbye Bang Yongguk, it was nice to know and talked with you until now. Hope everything will be better soon for your life and the rest of BAP.” And with the last goodbye, I stared to walk away from our coffee shop. Started a new life, for a better future. I hoped that we could meet again in the future, even if we only could see each other from afar. I told myself that I was not going to forget you. I’ll keep you in my heart as a part from my past, a beautiful past.

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We are Young, Wild, Free

Answer me

Who dares to represent us in this world?

AHH WOO

We made it back

We’ll tell everything as it is, ALWAYS in our own way

This is the monologue of youth

(B.dA.P – Monologue)

Bang Yongguk POV

November, 2015

I stood in front of this coffee shop for 10 minutes. I bet all the workers who saw me think I’m crazy, but I didn't care. I was so afraid at that time. “What if she hates me?” “What if she doesn’t want to see me anymore?” “What if...” Those questions kept playing on my brain especially when I decided to come again to this coffee shop. Of course she will hates me and didn’t want to meet me again. I was the one who said will try to open myself, not to burden myself too much and try to be more open to people who care about me but I was also the one who broke that promise too. Suddenly dissapeared from her life, never came here again. Well it’s not like we ever made any promise to come and meet in here again, but without realized we always meet in here and everytime we met she always came to make me feel better.

“You can do this Yongguk-ah. Just get in the coffee shop, find her and apologize to her" I said to myself that time. When I stepped into the coffee shop, the same aroma hit me just like the last time. I took a look at the coffee shop and tried to find her, but I got nothing. She’s not there. It's looked like she didn’t come there tonight and thought maybe I should try again the next day. “Excuse me,” I looked at the staff of this coffee shop who just stood in front of me. “Are you Bang Yongguk-ssi?” Oh crap! I was shocked, did my disguise was not good enough until he realized who am I?

“Ah I’m sorry, did I scare you? I just want to give this to you.” He handed me a letter. I looked at him and gave him a confused look. He was really a fanboy of mine, I mean he gave me a fan letter. I’ve tried to avoid looking into his eyes. Not because I hate fanboys, all fans are the same to me, whether they are girls or boys. That time was just like really not a good time to meet some fans. “I’m not a fanboy of you, sorry to say that. Besides this letter is not from me, it’s from Hanbyul-ssi.” When I heard her name, I couldn't help but looked at his face. “She’s not in seoul anymore, not even in Korea. She moved away for her work. It’s been 4 months since she moved. She asked me to give this letter to you if you come here again.” I couldn't believe what I heard, that’s why I kept looking at his face and eyes, tried to find something in his face, the truth and what could I see was that he’s telling me the truth.

“I can’t say many things about this situation, she just asked me to give you this letter. So if you want an explanation, just read the letter. Excuse me Yongguk-ssi.” With that he left me alone in the middle of coffee shop, speechless and didn’t know what to do or what to say, before I knew I already walked away from that coffee shop to my studio.

Dear Yongguk,

Hey, it’s been awhile right? How are you? I hope you’re doing fine.

If you read this letter, it means I’m already leaving Korea.

Just please hear my explanation first before you are angry with me.

You know, when you suddenly disappeared I don’t know what I should do.

I’m afraid something bad will happen to you.

I mean, with all those situation and your character, I’m just afraid. All bad scenarios keep playing in my head.

That’s why for 2.5 years I keep coming to that coffee shop, hoping that you will come too. But my hope didn’t come true, right?

You never come and I’m all alone, worried about you like crazy even when we know our relationship is only fan and idol.

I’m trying my best to keep support you from apart like what I promised you, but I can’t do that anymore.

I can’t do that anymore when I know the feeling I have for you is not only from fans to idol but from a woman to man she love and dearly the most.

It hurts too much Yongguk-ah, when you can’t be with the one you love and protect him especially when he’s in the hard situation.

I know I’m being selfish here for leaving you, but I need to live my life too right?

Since I know we can’t be together, either as a couple or even as a friend. We live in the different world, since the first time I know it’s impossible.

Please forgive me for ever dreaming about us being together, live a happily life together and do many things together.

That’s why I decided to move away from Korea, from you. Not because I hate you, I can never hate you! It’s just, I think it’s the best for us.

You will continue your life and the same goes to me. I’ll keep my promise and support you from afar, don’t worry about that.

I always believe in you Yongguk-ah. Everything will be fine. You have the best team in the world you could asked to God.

They will never let you down, so believe in them too.

Let me tell you something that I never said it to you face to face, I believe you can do everything you want for your life Yongguk-ah.

I believe you can bring happiness for other people. You just need to believe in yourself more.

You’ve got many people who will support you because they know you can do it, they believe in you.

So please, please I beg to you to believe in yourself more, ok?

Well, I think this is it. This is the goodbye. I don’t know if in the future we can meet again.

But if we can really meet in the future, I hope the Yongguk I see is the one who is successful even more than before and keep brings happiness to other people.

I’m really happy to know you, to ever talked with you, enjoying our time together. I will keep all those memories in my heart.

Bye, Bang Yongguk. And let me say this to you for the first and the last time, I love you.

I love you Bang Yongguk, not as a fans but as a woman.

Kim Hanbyul

Without me being realized, tears flowed from my eyes and wet my face. She really left. My worst scenario that kept playing on my head was becoming true. She asked me to live my life but she’s my life. To be truth I love her too but I’m afraid since I know she’s not interest with me at first, she was not even interested with idol. But when I knew her true feeling I was feeling stupid. Why I coudn't see it? Why I never realized it? Why couldn't I just be a man and brave enough to tell her my feelings instead of left her all alone and made her left me now. That time, when I decided to disappear from her life it’s the hardest thing I must do. Because I knew she will wait for me and help me no matter how hard it is and how hurt it is for her. I didn't want to see her get hurt because of me, that’s why I was disappear. I didn't want her to see me on my worst stage because I wasn't sure she’s strong enough for that.

That time, I lost everything I believed. I tried to believe again but that’s hard, even until now it’s still hard. The disappoinment, pain and anger really consumed me. I never shout out my anger, because I didn't know how to do that without hurting many people. That’s why I kept everything by myself. I didn't know since when, what I remember is I was growing up like that. Growing up holding my anger, sadness, pain, problems all by myself and solved it by myself too so it wouldn’t bother other people. I knew that’s not healthy for my mental but that’s how I live my life until now, so it doesn’t bother me anymore but because those habit too now I have made the one who I dearly love to left me. I was such a stupid.

“I’m sorry for hurting you Byul-ah. I didn’t mean it. I really am. It’s just.....” I couldn't continue my words, I broke down and cried my heart out for the first time after our lawsuit period. I couldn't breathe properly and my vision became blurry because all the tears. It’s really hurt. Too much hurt, I can’t handle it. “Please...please comeback...please.....I beg to you....Byul-ah...”

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Notes:

I only want to make this clear, this story was made by the concept of the main characters tells his/her side story.

If you pay attention to the opening paragraph in the first chapter, then you will realize it.

However, I am happy that many of you read my story but please give some comments so that I know how you feel about this story /bow/