Life is funny. That’s the best way to describe my life until now. You really don’t know what will happen in your life, eventhough you can choose the path, but still, you will never know what is waiting for you in the end of the path you choose because everything is not always be like your plan for your life.

My name is Kim Hanbyul, and let me tell you some story about my life. The story about a girl (or should i said woman? Since I was already 20 years old at the time I start to know him) whom her life changes after met this man. The man with name Bang Yongguk.

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“Get lost

Just back off

I really can’t breathe

Wherever I go, Wherever I am

It’s frightening, The you who follows me”

(Song Jieun ft. Bang Yongguk – Going Crazy)

Kim Hanbyul POV

March, 2011

“This song is really good, you need to listen too byul-ah.” I looked at someone in front of me who was busy watching some music video I don’t know who and what, while keep saying that I needed to watch it with her.

“I’m not interested with that Eonnie, you knew it already.” After said that, I looked back into my laptop and continued to write my essay. She snorted when hear me talk like that. I mean seriously, she already knew it yet she kept asking me to watch all Idols she likes and asked me to join her fangirling world. Let me get this straight I don't hate Idols, it’s just I’m not interested with them. Just that! Yet many people judge me and said that I hate Idols. Like come on people is that really bad if you are not interested with them? If you’re not interested with them, will you die? No right? So why do you keep judging me badly about that? Different people, different taste ok.

“But still, at least watch this one ok. You won’t regret it! He’s different.” Lately I know she was already moved from her seat and sat beside me, put one of her earphone into my ear and pulled me closer so I won’t move away from her.

“Alright alright just so you know if you make me regret from watch this, I’ll kill you.” After I said that and she smiled to me while said I promise, she pressed the play button. The video started with some old car entering the scene and the girl who drove that car came out and walked toward the trunk of the car. Then some name come who I believe is the singer's name. Wait isn’t she said ‘He’ before, but the name who come out is ‘She’. The scene continued with the girl who kept driving her car with watery eyes and finally the singer who had a blue tosca hair came out while singing and playing piano. Must I say she has a great voice.

The scene kept continue like that move from the actress to the singer, when suddenly the beat change from soft mellow melody to heavy hiphop beat. There is the ‘He’ my sister talked about before, when he came she start to tap my hand as if she tried to tell me “He’s here!!!”. I tried to ignore her, keep focusing with this video and the song of course but must I say as the video kept playing my focus is changed from the story of this video to the song only. The ‘He’ my sister talked about, whom I believe is her favorite now really caught my attention. His figure has so much dark aura, the lyric in his rap and his deep dark voice. Yes, his deep dark husky raw voice.

“You like it right?” I looked at her after she said that to me. I didn’t realize that the video already finished but my eyes still locked at her tablet.

“No, I’m not.” I’ve tried to answer her with monotone voice but she didn’t believe it as she smirked at me while said this word, “His name is Bang Yongguk, if you’re curious. He was a member of underground hiphop group called ‘Soul Connection’ with stage name ‘Jepp Blackman’. But now he is a trainee under TS Entertaiment. Still not debut yet though.” I just hummed when she told me those information. I’m still not interested with him though, it’s just his voice really caught me. She knew I love a man with husky voice, that’s why she made me watch this video.

“Oh come on Byul-ah I know you like it. His type of voice is your favorite!” Yes, it is. But I didn’t want to admit it to her. Because I knew, when I admit it to her she will feed me with everything she knew about him non-stop. “Just stop it already Eonnie. I already watched the video like what you want, so let’s stop it now. I need to finish this essay for tomorrow morning ok.” I took off her earphone from my ear and put my own earphone to shut her out.

“Cih! You’re not fun!” With that she moved back to her own seat. Haah finally peace came back to me.

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“I wanted to be greater

Than anyone so you could regret

Yeah, my music that you looked down on

Is playing on the streets of Seoul (Rock on)”

(Bang Yongguk ft. Yang Yoseob – I Remember)

August, 2011

I kept tapping my feet to the street, crossed my hand while looking at the street to find someone who I have been waiting for or who made me wait for her. Like seriously, she always comes late! She told me she was already on her way and will be here around 10 minutes, but now it’s 45 minutes already and she’s still not here!

“Aish! Where is she honestly?! She even didn’t pick her phone!” Don’t asked me how many times I already tried to call her. I’m an on time person so of course I will call the person who have an appointment with me to make sure, asking is they are going to be late or just to make sure if they will come or not. So here I am, waited for her in front of some music store with crazy summer heat who kept attacking me. I started to get dizzy with the heat. “Haah better wait for her inside then.”

When entered the store, the cool air from their air conditioner welcoming me which is good and not many people in this store which made it more good. I hate crowd, just for your information. While waiting in the store I decided to look at some CDs and made myself busy.

I wanted to be greater

Than anyone so you could regret

Yeah, my music that you looked down on

Is playing on the streets of Seoul (Rock on)

“This voice....” I kept listening to the song played from the speaker at this music store and yeah there’s no mistake that this voice is his. The voice that I listened 6 months ago. The same deep dark husky raw voice. The voice of Bang....wait, what is his name again?

“Excuse me.” The store worker who stood not so far looked at me with his smile and walked toward me. “Yeah? What can I help you?” He stood in front of me and suddenly I felt embarrassed to ask him this question. I kept quiet for a long time and I believed he got confused with me. “Umm miss?”

“What song is that? The song that just played before. The one song with so many rap in there.” He stared at me for a while. I bet he was schoked  because suddenly I asked him and start to talk  too much. “Ah that song? It’s ‘I Remember’ Bang Yongguk new song. Do you know him? The one who is do the collaboration with Song Jieun back in March?” I just nodded when he asked me that. “Well yeah that’s his newest song but now he’s into a collaboration with Yang Yoseob from Beast.” I thanked him before ran away from that music store. When I’m sure that I already far enough from that music store, I stopped myself from running and tried to catch my breath. To be honest I didn’t need to run away from there but I didn't know too why am I doing that.

What I wanted to know for sure now is, why I remember his voice perfectly when the last time I heard that voice is 6 months ago. Bang Yongguk...what are you doing to me....

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“I like walking loosely

But why do you only want straight posture

My dream is to hold a mic and rap

But again, I grab a pen and write down math formulas today

Yeah, things that we learn at school

Are losing dreams and always giving up

Do whut u like luv whut you do

Ask yourself, what you wanna do”

(Bang Yongguk & Zelo ft. Heritage – Never Give Up)

December, 2011

A few hours ago

“We are what???!!” I looked at her trying to make sure what I just heard is right. “We are going to watch their performance live!” And yes my horror is really came true. The time my sister knew I have 3 Bang Yongguk songs in my playlist was the time my nightmare started. She really fed me with everything she has about Bang Yongguk. Bang Yongguk this, Bang Yongguk that. Everytime she has chances, she will do that.

So yeah, there we were. Inside the studio for one of TV station, waited for Bang Yongguk and Zelo to perform. I didn't know what to do. I felt intimidated with all the fangirls in here. I was not a fangirl for him, I just loved his voice and his song. That’s it! That’s why I didn't think I was worth enough to be in here and watched his perform live. I really wanted to run away from here, yet I couldn't! Why? How could I run from here if my sister grabbed my arm so tight! “Just so you know I won’t let you go this time. I’ll make sure today you will watch his performance live, no matter it will kills you or not.”

I only can sighed when she said that with a smile on her face and used her innocent look. Sometimes I really don’t understand, is she really my sister? We are so different. While she got all of mom’s gen, which make her so beautiful, long straight hair, fair skin, slim body with a curve, well just said a propotional body. Don’t forget she’s also smart, afterall she’s perfect. While here I am got all my gen from our dad. Wavy hair, not so fair skin, not so curve body and short. Ah don’t forget the sarcasm attitude. The most simple way to describe me and my sister is, she’s the sunshine while I’m the ice.

The screaming from all fangirls and my sister too (sarcasm note) woke me up from my day dreaming. Suddenly so many people entered the stage whom I assumed that they're the Heritage, the vocal group who did collaboration with him for this song. Then their dancers started to come in too, go to their position. Finally the screaming got louder because the main character for this performance entered the stage. There he is. Stood in front of me, greeted all fans who came to watch his performance. Did you know the scene in the movies when everything start to move so fast while the main character of that movie just stand still? Yes! That’s how I felt back then He only talked and greeted his fans for the God sake! And why am I felt like this! My sister nudged me non-stop, since she knew I’m day dreaming again. When I wanted to scold her, the music start.

*****

Don’t asked me anything about their performance, because I can’t answer your question. I didn't know what happened to me but I was sure is, I can only focus on him. His voice, his move, his smile and everything he did on the stage. Why he always have this effect to me? I was not his fans but why he could made me feel like this? Is this mean that I’m his...

“Come one! Let’s go we need to find the great position!” I didn't understand what my sister talked about and without explanation she already dragged me outside the studio. Many fans were already outside, which I didn’t know whose fans they were. I could see many of them were ready with their camera which I could tell those were expensive, with the camera itself and the lens. How could this fans so rich? Where they got their money? Did they already work? If yes, how could they had time to come to here? “Umm Eonnie I need to go to the toilet.” She looked at me with her disapproval face and when she wanted to tell me something I couldn't held it anymore. “I already held it long enough since we are still in the studio ok! I can’t held it anymore!” And with that I ran away from her go to find the nearest toilet.

*****

Ok, so where was I? Where is this? Haah stupid me. I just ran away and tried to find the nearest toilet and then didn’t know where is this. Well at least I already finished my business in toilet. I wanted to call my sister but I couldn't even tell where am I, so what will I told her if she asked me where am I? ! I just tried my luck and found my way back to her. Just see if I went there where it will lead....Brug! Oh great! Now I crashed on someone and fell on my . “I’m sorry I didn’t see you, are you ok?” I saw his hand in front of me, tried to help me stood up but I couldn't move. “This voice....” I said it low enough and I was sure he couldn't hear me.

“Hey, are you ok?” Why....why I could see his face in front of me and why so close like this! I felt he nudging me and kept asking if I’m ok or not, with so much effort I tried to nod my head to asnwer his question. When he finally saw me answered his question, he showed me his gummy smile and pulled me up. “Good then, well I’m leaving now. Once again I’m really sorry I crashed on you.” I noddede again since I couldn't found my voice to answer him. “Ah, what’s your name by the way?” I looked at him, can’t believe he asked my name. He kept waiting for me to answer his question and I could hear there’s someone behind him kinda far away from us called for him to come fast. He started to got panic, he was waiting for my answer but his manager I believe whom called him to come fast. “Kim Hanbyul.” He looked at me when I said that. “My name is Kim Hanbyul.” He showed me his gummy smile again, tousled my hair and said “Well nice to meet you Byul-ah and thanks for watching my performance today.” With that he left me alone who still couldn't believe what just happened a few minute ago. “He....He remember me watching his performance....”

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