Evanesce
ev·a·nesce
ˌevəˈnes/
pass out of sight, memory, or existence.

A story about moving on. Past!SoonSol and JiSol. The third part of SoonSolSoo Miniseries, in Jisoo's POV..
This one is about Jisoo always stayed by Hansol's side, helping Hansol to deal with his break up with Soonyoung, and how he dealt with his own feeling during it.

Song #11

Evanesce - Super Junior

"A short daydream.” He told Hansol.

Jisoo found Hansol adorable when he first met him. He was about to start working in that new place and Hansol was the youngest there. They might not be in the same team, but Hansol, being the previous maknae along with Seungkwan- willingly helped him around during his first day.

He liked how bright the younger was and how the world seemed to sparkle with him when he laughed. He liked the shy smile and cheerful grin Hansol gave out. Hansol was very kind and caring toward other, not limited to his team but everyone in the division.

‘He's very observant.’ He remembered what Wonwoo, Hansol's teammate, ever said while eating the kimchi Hansol had got for him before he even asked or voiced it, during the welcoming party for Jisoo.

Jisoo was still able to see how that simple word of compliment, made Hansol blushing red and saying that he wasn't as observant as the elder who had said that word. At that time, Jisoo thought that Hansol was the embodiment of beautiful flower which shone with pure innocence.

That was what Jisoo had always thought until that event at the end of November, when Hansol got himself too drunk that he started letting out what he had been hiding behind all the facade of bright smile.

Silence, is there nothing more to say?

It’s been long since

the white flowers of laughter have withered

Waking up that dawn, Jisoo moved his body according to his routine. He went to his washroom and did his daily morning routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face.

After changing his clothes, he grabbed his phone and checked the time. It was still early for his morning run, but that meant that he could get more time after his run. Nodding to himself, he swiped up the lock screen and started going through notification.

He found that he got message from his boyfriend last night. Smiling at that, he chose to read it later because he already knew what Hansol sent him. Ignoring the other messages he got overnight, he walked to the front door and put on his running shoes.

It had been a habit since he was younger and still lived in America, waking up early and did some laps around the park to start the day. It made him feeling free with so little amount of people around him at dawn compared to the bustling crowd from morning till night.

Just like the lack of people at dawn, Jisoo found his mind relaxed with the lack of thought. He let his mind wandered freely as his feet left nothing but invisible traces around the park.

He thought about stopping for a while to capture the change of color in the sky with his phone. He thought about how the chirping singing of the bird sounded so beautiful right then. He thought about dragging Hansol from his bed to run with him when he saw a couple running together while laughing happily. Thinking about his boyfriend, Jisoo glanced toward the direction of Hansol's apartment.

The image of crying Hansol in the washroom from several months ago carved so deep on Jisoo’s mind that he couldn't not remember it. Some part of his heart hurt when he saw the cheerful young man dissolved into mess of tears and sadness under the prompt of too much soju, making him want to stop the tears and erase the sadness from Hansol's face.

“It's really sad that Hansol not able to put himself first.” Mingyu had said that after Seungkwan took Hansol home with taxi, and Jisoo couldn't help but agreed with it. He had witnessed it himself when he found Hansol crying. It was really sad how someone so beautiful withered into this crying mess of broken heart because he couldn't put himself to be his own priority because he loved other people so much. That time, Jisoo thought that he wanted to help Hansol and there was no backing out.

The flower petals fell (more and more)

and became dirt

The burning passion became ash

Why does everything good always become like this?

It was hard, for either Jisoo and Hansol. Hansol, despite the acceptance, still held Soonyoung so close to his heart, loving every memories of the man he loved dearly as if he was his lifeline. And Hansol hated that part of himself. His mind had acknowledged that he wouldn't be with Soonyoung anymore, yet his heart still continued to wish otherwise.

Jisoo stayed. He might not be an expert in dealing with people's emotions, he might not know how to help Hansol out of his own misery, he might not give the best advice; but he stayed. He listened to Hansol retelling him the same words over and over, but never once he let Hansol to dwell with that scathing feeling too long. He spoke with Hansol softly, treating him the same as before he learnt about the other's break up and still Jisoo gave him a chance to be different.

Jisoo invited Hansol to run with him in the morning when he found out that they actually lived quite close to each other, with their apartment building actually standing in the same area. He let Hansol to feel the fresh air and introducing the comfortable silence of early morning.

He might not help much directly, but from the sideline where he stood in Hansol's life, he could see that Hansol slowly changed. And when Seungkwan pointed that out, Jisoo felt some sort of accomplishments.

Don’t know why (Don’t know why)

Tell me why (Tell me why)

Why does love end?

Why are things that will disappear, So beautiful?

It’s just a daydream,

love is like a

“A short daydream.” He told Hansol when he asked him what he thought about love. “Love is like a beautiful short daydream. You're half conscious when it happened, you don't always realize when you start falling into it. But even though sometimes it doesn't last forever, it still gives you beautiful memories. You can still feel the happiness when you were in it.”

Glancing toward Hansol who sat next to him, Jisoo wondered what had prompted Hansol to ask it. They had just had lunch on that snowy Sunday, enjoying the warmth of his apartment while watching the television.

“So, love is only temporary thing? Something that won't last?”

“You can say that.” Jisoo admitted. “But we never know how long it will last, it's all according to you, actually. It depends on how you act on it. If you let it last long, it will. It will stay with you.”

“Then what about the bad memories? When breaking up?” Hansol asked with a murmur, his eyes clutched onto the mug in his hand which held hot chocolate in it.

“It's the end of that short daydream. You're back to your reality.” Jisoo said shortly as he leaned back on his couch, humming softly as he thought about his answer. Sipping his own hot chocolate, Jisoo altered his attention for a bit toward what beyond the window of his apartment. He saw snow.

“I'll let it fall.” He started, still looking at the fluttering dance of the snow, that prompted Hansol to do the same. “I’ll let it accumulate on the ground, I'll go around it, gathering some pieces, shaping it into anything I want. Then letting it to melt into the ground as I wait for spring to come until the flowers bloom again on my ground.”

It wasn't expected, but also kind of expected. Jisoo didn't plan for it but his heart never once followed his plan. Few weeks after that Sunday, Jisoo found himself nodding to Hansol's request and saying that he would wait for Hansol.

He fell in love with Hansol.

Darkness, why are you

erasing everything black?

I can’t see anything,

about the eternal future by myself,

making me dream however I want

“Have you talked with Soonyoung again?” Jisoo asked that when Hansol came over to his apartment for their dinner date.

Hansol stilled for a moment in front of the TV when he heard the question, but Jisoo didn't let the silence to hang around too long. He knew it was safe for him to talk about it, when he knew that sooner or later, they would talk about it anyway. He chose to talk about it now, not because he was in hurry to make Hansol to fully look at him, but to save Hansol from drowning too long in his memories. But maybe, it was just him reasoning to himself.

“You never mentioned him outside our talk. But, I heard from Seungkwan that you never once talked to him nor meet again after that .”

“Do I have to?” Hansol asked, and from his tone Jisoo could easily pointed out that the other was being defensive about it.

Walking toward him, Jisoo took the seat next to Hansol. He sat close to him but not too close that he was pressing him, just close enough to brush lightly. “Don't you want to?”

From his side, Jisoo could see Hansol's eyes fell close and he slumped back onto the couch as if wanting the furniture to swallow him.

Hansol asked, his hands intertwining together fiddling with each other, showing Jisoo how troubled he was feeling. “What should I talk about with him? I mean, after that...”

“Well.” Knowing how hard it would be for both Hansol and Soonyoung, Jisoo started with a smile, his voice was soft and gentle as usual, not showing any emotion beside loving and caring. He was glad that Hansol was considering his question instead of avoiding it.

The sun has set and grew black

The waves will crash some day

Why does everything good always become like this?

Waiting in his apartment, Jisoo watched from inside how the clear blue sky seemed to mellow with the presence of dark cloud, portraying what he had been feeling since he got the message from Hansol.

‘I'm going to Soonyoung's apartment’ the message from Hansol said.

And ‘ Good luck’ , his reply. He was being genuine about it. From the months of him had been staying beside Hansol, Jisoo noticed how much Hansol had changed yet also still the same with Hansol he saw in the past when he first worked in the company.

The younger opened up to him about his broken relationship and with Jisoo’s -and also other's- helps, Hansol had let go of it, but not completely. He still held onto the remaining little pieces of Soonyoung and their awful breakup was still haunting him.

Jisoo wasn't sure if it would help but he wanted Hansol to talk his feeling out toward Soonyoung.

A ring from his phone made Jisoo’s attention turned to the device, a new message had just came in. Finding Hansol’s best friend’s name on his screen, the American wondered what the message was about.

‘Hansol told me that he is meeting Soonyoung.’

‘Is it true?’

‘Yes.’

‘What for?’

‘He's already happy, why he w