== PROLOGUE ==

As I lived for these years that had been passed really quicked, I found that I am so miserable. I’ve living in pain too but no one even care about my pain. I only want to be with the person that I loved, but that person even never takes a look at the heart of mine. I feel really suffocated and dead inside, but I can’t do anything but to bear it as much as I can.

(May 19^th, 2017)

 

== CHAPTER 9 ==

            As the night coming, in the quiet room, a handsome man still sat on his room with his sad face. He is Lee Min Hyuk, the Crown Prince. A lot of thinks come into his mind as the night coming. He orders everyone to not disturb him for tonight. He even didn’t let Eunuch Kim or General Lee to come to his room. He really wants to be alone.

            “Why did you do that to me?” asked the Crown Prince to himself.

            He still can’t accept the reality after he heard everything from Ji Hyeon when they were fighting.

            “Can’t you even see my heart? Can’t you accept me? At least, can’t you accept my feelings? I had this feeling, this love for you for a long time. How can I accept the reality that you are hates me that much? I just want you to be by my side but seem I never get that chance to keep you by my side. But even if you stay by my side, but your heart not here with me, it’s pointless to keep you here. But I don’t want to let you go too. Because only you that can shine my world. You are the only one for me. So what’s the point that I should marry another woman that I didn’t even know, when only you are enough to fill my heart?”

            In the end, he can’t hold it anymore. He let the tears falling down from his beautiful eyes. Only this thing that can make his heart really weak because he can’t stand it anymore, he is tired. But he can’t do anything. He can’t let Ji Hyeon go because only Ji Hyeon the reason for him to still alive until now. Ji Hyeon is the reason that he can still breathe. But the fact that Ji Hyeon hates him makes him more suffocated to death.

            Meanwhile, in another quiet room, Ji Hyeon sits on his couch. She also thought about the fighting with Min Hyuk. She thinks about what Min Hyuk said.

          “Maybe I am selfish too that I never care about your feeling. Even unconsciously I hurt your feeling too, I hurt you. I can’t help it too but to hate you. Because you hurt Ki Hyun, the man that always thought of you as his best friend. Even you hurt our childrens too. I know that I am in guilty too because I never care about you and your feeling, but the harm that you caused to our chilrends was too great to handle. I am so sorry…”

            She felt sorry towards Min Hyuk too. But still, the dark side of her heart told her to hate and blame on him. Also, she acknowledged that Min Hyuk hurts her childrends with Ki Hyun. It’s the thing that she can’t tolerate.

***

 

            Today, the 14^th day of April, the palace looks busy to prepare the big event. The event when the Crown Prince married for the 2^nd time with the daughter of Prime Minister Im, Im Ji Eun. A girl who is not only beautiful, but smart and had a lot of knowledges, such a perfect match for the Crown Prince.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince],” said Eunuch Kim.

            The Crown Prince only sits on his couch after his make up and he got dressed with the wedding gown.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince],” said Eunuch Kim again.

            The Crown Prince still ignores Eunuch Kim. Only when Eunuch Kim touchs his hand, he realized that Eunuch Kim was there.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince],”

            “Why?”

            “All the preparation is ready so you can enter the Royal Hall now,”

            “Oh… yes…”

            The Crown Prince stands but he looked at Eunuch Kim.

            “Where’s the Crown Princess?”

            “She is on her way to the Royal Hall,”

            “Then, let me meet her first,”

            “But---,”

            Before Eunuch Kim finished his words, the Crown Prince already left his room. He tried to search for Ji Hyeon.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince],”

            Eunuch Kim and some maid tried to follow him. They should stop the Crown Prince because the wedding ceremony is about to start.

            “Meomchwora [Stop there],” said the Crown Prince as he saw Ji Hyeon and her maids.

            Ji Hyeon and her maids stop as the Crown Prince said.

            “Leave us alone,” said the Crown Prince.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince], the wedding ceremony is about to start,” said Eunuch Kim.

            “Leave us alone, it’s an order!” said the Crown Prince.

            The maids looked at Ji Hyeon.

            “Gwaenchanhda [It’s fine], leave us alone,” said Ji Hyeon.

            Ji Hyeon’s maid and the Crown Prince’s maid leave them alone.

            “I need to ask you something,” said the Crown Prince.

            “Just ask,”

            Ji Hyeon still treats him coldly.

            “Are you really going to let this happen?”

            “Why?”

            “Are you really going to let this marriage?”

            “Yes,”

            “But you are my wife, shouldn’t you---,”

            “Don’t tried to make the King angry, you should go for your weddng ceremony now,”

            “Ji Hyeon-a…”

            “Everyone and even the bride is waiting for you,”

            Crown Prince can’t hold onto himself anymore and he hugged Ji Hyeon tightly. As he hugged Ji Hyeon, the tears falling down again from his handsome face.

            “Can’t you stop hating me?”

            Ji Hyeon can hear that the Crown Prince is crying while hugging her.

            “If you cried on your wedding day, it would bring the bad luck,” said Ji Hyeon.

            “How can’t I cry when my heart is too weak to handle your hating on me?”

            “Geumanhaseyo [Please stop it],”

            “Can’t you open your heart even for a bit for me?”

            “You should go for your wedding ceremony,”

            Crown Prince let Ji Hyeon go from his arm. As she looked at Crown Prince’s eyes, she remembers that the Crown Prince always smiles brightly with his sparkle eyes and it makes her feel so bad for him right now. She realized that the Crown Prince that she knows never be this sad.

            “Ji Hyeon-a…”

            Her hand reachs the Crown Prince’s face and she wipe his tears. As Ji Hyeon’s hand reach his face, the Crown Prince holding Ji Hyeon’s hand tightly as if he doesn’t want to let that hand go again.

            “You should go now,” said Ji Hyeon while let her hands go from the Crown Prince’s hand.

            “Why did you do that?” asked the Crown Prince.

            “Everyone is waiting for you,” said Ji Hyeon

            “Alright, if its you want,”

            The Crown Prince left Ji Hyeon and he heads to the Royal Hall to attend his wedding ceremony with Im Ji Eun.

***

 

            After the past few years, finally the King let Ji Hyeon to go outside the palace. Of course, she can’t miss this chance to see Ki Hyun and her childrens although it’s from far away. With General Im, Lady Song and Lady Son, she went to Yoo Family house. But she stopped her palanquin from far away and only walks to Yoo Family house. But again she stopped her step and finds a hidden place to see her small family for far away.

            “They’re grown up so well,” said Ji Hyeon.

            “Ye, Mama [Yes, Your Highness], even Hwa Young can cook some food now,” said Lady Son.

            “Jeongmarimnikka [Really]?” asked Ji Hyeon.

            “They are also doing well. Even Yoo Ki Hyun worked with Minister of Education Chae,” said General Im.

            Originally, Ji Hyeon tried to hide herself. But Yoon Ah noticed that she was there.

            “Eomma [Mom],”

            Yoon Ah run into her.

            “Eomma [Mom],” said Yoon Ah. “I am Yoon Ah,”

            Ji Hyeon going to left them because if someone from Royal Family saw about this, then Ji Hyeon only puts them in the danger. She doesn’t want them to be hurt because of her mistake.

            “Are you not missing us at all?” asked Hwa Rang who chased Yoon Ah.

            Not only Hwa Rang, but Hwa Young, Yoon Gi and Yoon Jin also come to see their mother. Ji Hyeon cried. She really can’t hold her tears again. She turned around and hugged her childrens. She didn’t expect that her childrens still though of her as their mother. Ki Hyun who also there, in the end comes to Ji Hyeon. But he only can stand near from Ji Hyeon and make a distance.

            “Ji… Ani, Gongju Mama [No, Your Highness],”

            Ki Hyun greets Ji Hyeon. As they saw each other again right now, in the deep of their heart they want to hug each other. But they realized their position.

            “Come back to our home,” said Hwa Young.

            “Majayo, Eomma [Right, Mom], come back to our home,” said Yoon Jin too.

            Ji Hyeon only looked at her childrens face. She can’t answer them with ‘No’ because she really want to come back to here, but she can’t.

            “We know that it was really stupid favor to ask you for come back to our home, but please come back and be with us here,” said Hwa Rang.

            “Hwa Rang-a…”

            Ki Hyun tried to stop Hwa Rang since he knows really well how Hwa Rang’s temper.

            “Gongju Mama [Your Highness] can’t live here with us again,” said Ki Hyun.

            “Why do you kept calling her Gongju Mama [Your Highness]?” asked Hwa Rang. “She is your wife. Don’t you missing her so much too?”

            “Orabeoni [Bother],”

            Hwa Young hold Hwa Rang’s arm to stop him.

            “Indeed, I miss her so much. I miss her to death because I really loved her. But now, the situation is really different. I can’t missed her and I can’t even touch her again because we now living in a different place and different status. She is the Crown Princess of this country now,” said Ki Hyun.

            Although Ki Hyun’s words hurt her heart, but she can’t avoid it because it’s the fact that she can’t help but to accept and realize.

            “What he said is true,” said Ji Hyeon. “I can’t be with you again here because I need to protect the man I loved and our childrens. If I come back here, it’s only put that man and our childrens in danger. I don’t want that man and our childrens to get hurt because of me. I can’t bear if something bad happen to that man and our children,”

            Ji Hyeon addressed Ki Hyun as ‘that man’ now. Even it hurts him so much but he realized it that although Ji Hyeon addressed Ki Hyun as ‘that man’ or even as the stranger now, he knows that her heart must be really hurt too to said that word. He really wants to hug her right now, tightly, but he can’t.

            “Then, if you can’t come back here, would you visit us often?” asked Yoon Gi.

            “Geureomyo [Of course],” said Ji Hyeon. “I can visit you guys everyday if I can because I can’t bear to hold the longing to you guys again,”

            “Eomma [Mom],”

            Yoon Ah hugged her mother again as she doesn’t want to let her go again.

            “Mianhae, jeongmal mianhae [Sorry, I am so sorry],” said Ji Hyeon while hugged her too. ‘’I’m so sorry because I can’t be here as your mother,”

            “Although you’re now the Crown Princess or even the Queen, you will always be our mother. Forever,” said Hwa Rang.

            “Gomawo [Thanks],” said Ji Hyeon.

            Ji Hyeon still missing Ki Hyun and their chilrens so much, but she needs to back to the palace.

            “Gongju Mama [Your Highness], it’s your time to back to the palace,” said Lady Song.

            “I’ll visits here often,” said Ji Hyeon.

            “Yaksok [Promise]?” asked Hwa Young.

            “Yaksok [Promise],” said Ji Hyeon.

            Although they still missing to their mother so much but they should let Ji Hyeon go. Lady Song and Lady Son take Ji Hyeon back to her palanquin. But Ki Hyun stopped General Im.

            “General Im…”

            “Ye [Yes]?”

            “Thank you for awalys protecting the Crown Princess and thank you for always protecting us here too,”

            “No problem, because it’s my duty,”

            “But still, thank you so much,”

            General Im smile and excuse himself.

            “Geureom [Then]…”

            After talking with Ki Hyun, General Im goes to Ji Hyeon’s palanquin to her to the palace with Lady Song and Lady Son.

***

 

            At the palace, Ji Hyeon looked really down and always thought about her small family. She really wants to be with Ki Hyun and their children again. But she can’t do anything. Although the Crown Prince already married to another woman and takes her as his royal concubine, but still the Crown Princess is Ji Hyeon. Her position that makes her difficult to go outside the palace only to meet with her small family and her position that makes her really should protect her small family outside. Because if everything goes wrong, then she only puts her small family in danger and she can’t do that. So she choose to get that much hurt alone than to see her small family in danger. She’d rather die than to let that happen.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince] is here,” said Lady Song.

            Lady Song informed her that the Crown Prince is there to meet her.

            “Let him in,” said Ji Hyeon.

            She can’t refuse to meet the Crown Prince since he’s already there.

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince], the Crown Princess let you in,” said Lady Song.

            Lady Song escorts the Crown Prince to Ji Hyeon’s room. But as he reachs Ji Hyeon’s room, he told everyone to let him alone with Ji Hyeon for some private talk.

            “You may dismiss,” said the Crown Prince.

            Lady Song left Ji Hyeon’s room and the maid close the door.

            “What brings you here?” asked Ji Hyeon.

            “I heard that a few days ago, you visited Yoo Family,” answer the Crown Prince.

            Ji Hyeon startled because the Crown Prince found out about that already.

            “Yes,”

            “Why did you visit them?”

            “Can’t I?”

            “You know that well that you’re banned to see them again,”

            “I tried to hide myself too but my youngest daughter found out my place,”

            “Your youngest daughter? Did you still thoughts of them as your family?”

            “They would be my family forever,”

            “What if the King finds about that? You only put them in danger,”

            “The King would never finds out unless you are the one who told him everything,”

            “Ji Hyeon-a…”

            This time, the Crown Prince really wants to protect Ji Hyeon.

            “Can’t I go back to them?” asked Ji Hyeon.

            “Mwo [What]?!”

            “You know that well that I---,”

            “No, never,”

            “Seja Joha [Crown Prince],”

            “Look at you, your position right now is my wife, the Crown Princess. Why would you go back there as the mere citizen?”

            “But---,”

            “Cut off this talk,”

            The Crown Prince doesn’t want to hear anything again from Ji Hyeon.

            “Did you really still love him?” asked the Crown Prince.

            It’s not the first time for Ji Hyeon to hear that question from the Crown Prince.

            “Alright, no need to answer that, since I already know what the answer,”

            “If you already know the answer, why did you always ask me again and again?”

           “Because I hope that everytime I asked you this question, your heart would change. Although it’s impossible,”

            The Crown Prince smiles with the bitter slight smile.

            “But I’ll keep asking you that question until you tired of that and change your heart,”

            “It’s impossible,”

            “If it’s impossible, then why did you wipe my tears back then? Doesn’t it mean that your heart already changed?”

            “No,”

            “Then, why?”

            “Because I feel so bad to see you crying right before my eyes,”

            “You feel bad? Did you just take a pity on me?”

            “I feel bad because you’re not Min Hyuk that I know,”

            “Ji Hyeon-a…”

            “You’ve changed too much. Your selfishness in your heart already be a poison that doesn’t have antidote,”

            “So that’s why you hate me that much? I can be the Min Hyuk that you know, so can you change your mind when I can be myself again? Or should I dispose my position as the Crown Prince so that I can be your Min Hyuk again?”

“No, never do that kind of useless things like that,”

“So, what should I do so that I can be in your heart?”

 

To be continued…