I showed Amelia to a place near the beach. We sat on the balcony sharing her food. The rancid feeling that repulsed me from her faded away. We laughed, and we enjoyed each other's presence. She has a very childish character. Her laugh was childish, however at times they absolutely so enticing; they were low and almost inviting. Being near the body of water, there was slight wind blowing through. I learned that she came from Rochester University at New York, she was majoring in the science area for biomedical studies. However, she wanted to spend her time away abroad to experience some life because she believed that if she did not take that opportunity, there would be no more. Now, she's taking some humanity classes at Pusan National University. 

Now, she expected me to tell her about myself. What am I to tell her? I felt so ashamed to be even in front of her. I am a failure, I couldn't even keep my career alive. I failed my parents' dream. 

When she asked me about myself, my tongue tied itself into a knot. She picked up on the tension. However, what she did next was outrageous. 

"Tell me about your time as Nu'est member." 

She knew? Of course she knew, I was a celebrity once. It's not uncommon for people to ask. However, it wasn't people, this was her. Amelia Kan asking me about my life once as a singer. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so intrusive." she apologized. 

I shook my head and looked into her eyes, past the intensity-I saw sincerity and true kindness. Sounds stupid. Yet truly, once in a life time, there will be a person who enters your life, and might just save you. That was what I felt when I looked at her at that moment. I could feel my rough and calloused heart softening under her watchful eyes. 

"No, you're fine. Infact, it can't be hidden away forever." however, my senses came back to me. My defensive barriers were back on guard. My eyes hardened at her. 

"Let that wait." my voice was hard.

Her eyes changed. Not hard, not softening, but calculating. She was taking in all of me as I was to her. There was a moment of silence between us.

She broke the silence apologizing again, "I am truly sorry. I shouldn't have gone so deep like that. It was unfair on your part, I asked a very personal question expecting you to open up when I haven't even opened up my mine. I'm sorry. And you're right, somethings can wait. I would respond the same way too." 

How amusing she was, she apologized so sincerely. I could sense the feeling of guilt and shame coming from her. 

I sighed outloud looking towards the sea feeling the wind hit my face. 

"What is love?" I asked out of the blue. It was a strange and sudden topic, but I was interested in her answer. 

She leaned back in her seat, "That is a very simple yet complex, and puzzling question. There is no definite answer." 

Amelia was coming from a more academic stand point. "I mean't to you personally, not what scholars have to say." I faced her.

Now she leaned in propping her chin with her right arm, "I'll have to asses it with my experience first. It's too complex to just simply say that it is about being loyal and faithful. There's more to it than that."

I leaned back in my chair frustrated. 

"I'm not dodging your question MinKi, I am simply stating the problem as to why I cannot provide you with a definite answer." her voice lowered. 

"I wasn't assuming you were dodging." 

"I was only assuring you." 

She leaned back switching her leg crossing. "Tell me what you think it is, and how you feel about it." she instructed. She sounded like a therapist now. I wanted to roll my eyes. 

"Why? If you can't provide me with an answer, how can I give it you?" I shot back. 

"Love is something personal, and based on our experiences. You seemed more concerned with it, not me. It is you who can provide the answer by looking into yourself." 

I once again felt exposed. 

"I-I..." I stammered. Silence was once again in the air. A minute left as she sighed, and reached into her purse pulling out a piece of paper and pen.

While writing she said, "Minki, it does not have to be now. But know that I am willing to be ears for you." she assured, she handed me the piece of paper. It was her number. 

"Call me anytime." she said as she got up grabbing her trash and left.

Did she see through this petty character? Did she see through my barriers? Is she as scarred as I am? Maybe, even more? 

Her calculating gaze did not leave my mind. It haunted my darkest dreams that night. It was a nightmare, she tored through the walls of my world and burned it to the ground. Fire blazing everywhere. Again, those eyes pierced through me. I am afraid of change.