Sehun has never liked this part of a party, ever. Being the centre of attention, as he has always been, Sehun likes to shine like a star and not hide from everyone's eyes just because a part of him is pissed off as hell. Without any reason being an understatement.

Sehun likes to think he has full control over himself: his mind, and his heart… but something wrong is happening these past few days, or maybe it's already been a week or two. Not that he's able to pinpoint this exact thing because truth to be told, every time he finds the reason different. So different that he himself isn't able to identify the reason.

Confusing, but that's what Sehun is these days.

Despite the weather forecast, the weather today is warm. It was supposed to rain today, or that's what the woman Sehun has a tiny crush on said. Anyway, it's not like Sehun doesn't appreciate this weather. It's quite the opposite actually.

He sighs, rolls up the sleeves of his suit jacket a little before placing two firm hands on the railing of the balcony. Despite it being Junmyeon’s party, this part is relatively quiet, peaceful.

One of the reasons could be that Junmyeon only invites close friends of his here. Sehun should feel flattered, Junmyeon and he have been friends for as long as he remembers. Have been through many ups and down, but despite all the struggles, they stayed friends. Sehun should feel flattered, if anything, since he remembers the moments Junmyeon had mentioned that much he adores this part of the mansion most, for some reason he hasn't told anyone.

The thing is: Sehun does not feel flattered for some reason even he isn’t sure of.

Seeing Jongin here was initially a surprise for him. He hadn't expected Jongin to be here, especially after what happened. From what he heard from Junmyeon’s PA, Jongin was not feeling well, had a panic attack, broke his ankle, but even then he came to the party.

Sehun can't help but feel a little something that even he isn't sure of himself. Maybe it's jealousy, plain annoyance, maybe he's angry. Why would he be angry anyway?

He sighs to himself, runs a strong hand through his styled hair before sighing once again. The music is still playing down in the hall, Jongin and Junmyeon must be dancing to some love song. Jongin and Junmyeon.

Jongin and Junmyeon.

Jongin and Junmyeon.

He ruffles his hair in frustration, takes a few deep breaths before looking straight and at the decorating lights lighting up the trees in the garden. He wonders why is he even spending his time thinking about them anyway. It's not like that matters to him: Junmyeon and Jongin dancing together, Junmyeon and Jongin spending time together.

It's okay, it's alright, he thinks to himself, fanning his face with his hand when bought of heat hits him all of a sudden. A delicate touch on his hand pulls him back from the reverie he had shoved himself into, he turns around to look back at the other presence, smiling a little when he realizes who it is.

Suzy, his ex-girlfriend, his one of the many high school flings, but still a serious part of his playboy lifestyle. She still looks beautiful, he thinks to himself, suddenly realizing that he hadn't, in fact, seen her after dumping her in High School.

As much as he remembers, he and his other close friends had left her behind, in their distant memories. How come is she here? In Junmyeon’s birthday party.

...but why is she here? Before he could realize what he had done, or what exactly he is doing, he blurts out the question straight on her face.

Suzy laughs. “Don't be so obvious!” She playfully punches him on one arm before sighing. “I don't know why I am here, okay,” she says, and from the confused expression she is wearing, Sehun realizes she herself isn't sure of the reason. “Junmyeon called me, means the last week. We talked and he just asked if I would come to his birthday party.”

“I missed you guys,” she says, “so, of course, I agreed. So here I am.”

Sehun laughs, apologizing for his inconsideration. “He didn't tell you then? The reason, I mean,” he says a few minutes later when they are done talking about their lives.

“Nope,” she answers, shaking her head. “He didn't. He just asked me if I would come or not.”

“Oh,” Sehun says, and his eyes fall on her again. He has a bit of an idea about why Junmyeon called Suzy here, at his birthday party. It's clear; the er wants Sehun to focus on anything but his new desire: dear, little Jongin.

Such a sneaky bastard. Sehun doesn't know where this would lead keeping in mind how Junmyeon is hell bent on making sure that Sehun remain pissed off for as long as they spend time together.

“I have an idea why he's doing this,” he blurts out, not able to hold back at the anger bubbling inside of him.

“Why,” Suzy asks, but Sehun knows she understands the change in his tone and his expression, he knows that she knows where this would eventually lead to. “Something or is it someone?” Girls know, somehow they know.

Sehun sighs but doesn't answer her. He looks ahead again, thinks a little before slowly trailing his fingers up her arm. Testing the waters, he thinks to himself, he doesn't know if she would even respond as she used to.

“Sehun,” she says, barely above a whisper. “Do you feel something for someone?”

Sehun thinks, and then wonders to himself if he does. He remembers feeling something soft, remembers feeling vulnerable when he had been dating a boy he had met during his college years a few long years back. He remembers smiling genuinely, remembers feeling happy that he was able to pull a smile on a handsome face.

He also remembers crying his heart out, he remembers the pain, the misery, and the heartache that his ex-boyfriend's affair had bought to him.

He, unfortunately, remembers everything. The good things, and the bad ones too. Sehun hates those memories with a passion, hates how they remain by his side no matter how much he tries to push them away.

He does not want to feel like that again, does not want to go through that torture again. So, certainly he doesn't feel anything for anyone. He has made a wall around himself, and they are as strong as they had been eight years ago.

A part of him, he knows, is standing against his own decision. He remembers the conversation with his parents, remembers how the mere thought of falling in love with someone had suddenly lighted his heart. Remembers the soft, soft dream he had dreamt that night: of falling in love with someone. He remembers how he had felt at the first sight of Jongin that evening—

He shakes his head. Completely dumbfounded and confused at even thinking of the younger.

Suzy pokes him on his hand some time later. “Are you okay?” She asks, genuine concern lacing her delicate features. “You are looking a little—Sehun, are you okay?”

No, Sehun thinks to himself, I am not. I don't understand what's happening to me. I don't want to feel this ty thing, but I am feeling the same and I hate it. I-I am...scared. “I am fine,” he answers instead. Sweat rolls down his back but he shrugs it off, huffing a little before taking a deep breath.

He looks at her again, and thinks he wants it. He needs that right now. He will go insane otherwise. He needs to use someone, let it be Suzy this time. “Do you want to…” he stops and points to the hallway that lead to guest rooms in Junmyeon’s mansion.

One room is especially for Sehun and his night rendezvous. Junmyeon had made one having in mind that Sehun always ended up finding someone for the night at his parties.

Suzy looks shocked for a second, but then she smiles and it's shy. Sehun wonders how long it would take him to part those lips, wonders if she would sound as she used to sound when they were dating and hence were always at it.

“Are you sure,” she still asks. Sehun sighs internally, before taking her hand and pulling her inside the mansion.

“The appropriate question is: are you sure?” Consent is always needed; especially when the encounters involve a girl.

“I am,” Suzy answers just before they step inside the hallway. “I was getting bored anyway.” That's the exact confirmation Sehun needed.

So with a smirk on his face, he tells Suzy that it will be wild for them for a few hours. Junmyeon (and Jongin) could do without them.

“I can't believe you did that!” Jongin exclaimed, getting pouty at the mere reminder of what had happened earlier. “I am not your family member,” he says then, in a soft voice. “Your parents probably thought it was weird. Every family member of yours, honestly, all the guests around us.”

“Can you read their mind?” Junmyeon asks with a chuckle. “Look Jongin, it wasn't anything big. It was just a cake.”

“I am your guest,” Jongin insists, hoping it isn't some sort of rich people thing. Jongin doesn't even understand most of rich people thing, if he were to be honest. Rich people are kind of weird, Jongin doesn't get most of the things they do. “Guests shouldn't be given as much as a privilege a family member would get.”

Junmyeon sighs beside him before coming to a final stop in front of a garden Jongin hadn't seen earlier. Junmyeon had said it was close to his heart since his sister, who died in a car accident just a few months back, had worked on it.

She was the one who made this part alive, he'd said, she was a life in herself.

From the date Junmyeon told Jongin (the day he lost his sister), Jongin realized that the man had lost her even before he had arrived in Korea. Jongin could understand Junmyeon. He had lost his husband too, an important part of his young life.

“What if it were your birthday instead,” the man says, all of a sudden being an understatement. “Wouldn't you have done the same?”

The thing is: Jongin does not know a lot of people here. So the number of guests would be few. Junmyeon would be one of them, but still, he thinks to himself, doing that would be awkward. “I think yes,” he answers instead.

Junmyeon’s smiles and it's bright on his face, lights it up his already handsome features. Junmyeon looks regal, Jongin should expect that, at the least. “I didn't shove it in your mouth though, did I?” He asks, turning around to stare down at the younger. “I mean, I was pretty…nervous, but I hope I put the piece in your mouth with enough grace to not hurt you.”

“You did not,” Jongin quickly denies the elder's worry. Although Junmyeon’s thumb did press over his bottom lip for a beat longer. Jongin believes it was an unconscious move, Junmyeon probably didn't notice. “Trust yourself at least that much, hyung,” He adds with a small laugh.

Junmyeon smiles, but he doesn't say anything, instead stares down at him. Jongin clears his throat after a moment or two. “I-I did not hear from Sehun hyung.” He looks around himself, suddenly realizing that he hasn't, in fact, seen much of Sehun since the man left him at the dance floor with Junmyeon.

“Yeah, even I haven't.” Junmyeon nods along with Jongin. He has a faint idea where his friend could be, but he isn't really sure. Sehun is kind of a lost soul, he could be anywhere at anytime. “I haven't seen someone else too.”

“Who?” Jongin asks, turning to look back at him.

Junmyeon shrugs, but his features give away that he's glad about something that he isn't telling Jongin. Jongin shrugs it off himself, he doesn't think Junmyeon would appreciate badgering of a twenty-six-year-old.

“Do you want to…” Junmyeon stops and points to the garden. “Would you like to, I mean even though it's dark and almost nothing is visible, but still—” The garden is lit with the decorating lights, giving the nature in it a beautiful glow. “You will love how serene this part will feel like, despite the noises on the other sides.”

“Can I?” Jongin didn't think that Junmyeon would even like someone going in the garden keeping in mind how precious this is to the elder.

“Of course, please.” Junmyeon stretches a hand, guiding Jongin in the garden with a firm hand pressed against the small of the younger’s back.

This part is a little cooler than the other open spaces, Jongin believes it's because of the gentle breeze around them, the fruit trees at the far end of the garden could be one of the reasons. Flowers are around them, everywhere; Roses, Amaryllis, Carnations among others that Jongin isn't sure of. He has never seen this variety of flowers before, not even with Kyungsoo.

“This is so pretty,” he says. A barely noticeable squeak escapes his lips when he notices the close proximity between Junmyeon and him.

“It is,” Junmyeon hums, but he isn't looking where Jongin is pointing. He is looking straight into Jongin’s head when the younger avoids his gaze.

Jongin feels the awkwardness permeating the air even before Junmyeon steps a little more ahead. He clears his throat and resolutely stares ahead. “I-I don't know that one, what's that flower?”

“Roses,” Junmyeon answers without looking at where Jongin is pointing. It's almost like his sixth sense is working.

Jongin squints his eyes. “Rose? How come I didn't know that—should we go and check—” Jongin stops at the first tug on his wrist. He looks up when his chest collides with the elder's, Junmyeon’s eyes speaking a lot to him at this moment. Heat spreads his body and before he knows an indiscernible fire has already enveloped his lithe frame.

Jongin gulps the rising bile in his throat, a part of him desperately hoping that this isn't what he thinks it is.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon says, barely above a whisper. From the trembling of the elder's lips, and the sudden dark swirling in his black orbs, Jongin mentally decides this is exactly what he thinking just now. Then Junmyeon cups his cheek, almost in a coddling way, steps a little ahead more and hovers above Jongin’s shorter frame.

Oh no, Jongin thinks to himself, I don't want repeat of all those things. Jongin has always been a beautiful being, and people around him accept that. It's also a trouble for him; his beauty. Since an early age, since he hit puberty, he started gathering attention of everyone around him without an ounce of effort out from his side.

Even after dating Kyungsoo and being in relationship with the man, people used to hit on him. Kyungsoo had accepted, when they were done celebrating their first night of marriage with rounds and rounds of , that one of the reasons of him proposing Jongin for marriage had been the annoyance and anger he felt at people for hitting on his lover.

Kyungsoo wanted everyone to know that Jongin had been taken, was off limits to everyone except, of course, Kyungsoo.

However, after Kyungsoo’s death the things kept repeating itself. Jongin was a safe, soft target in the eyes of manipulators and erts seeing he was a widow, and probably needed some sort of support for his son and himself. How long would his family support him anyway? Things had to change, for the better or for the worse. So people started hitting on him, started passing him innuendos more often, started promising him of a better night with better pay than anything else could give.

Jongin was basically a in their eyes, no matter the fact he hadn’t done anything to get such a derogatory title. Such pejorative views of the same society he has been living in ever since his birth in California just because his husband died in an accident, and left Jongin alone to fend for himself and their only child. As if it was Jongin who had wished for Kyungsoo’s death.

Needless to say, Jongin has always loathed those types of people who like to think of Jongin as nothing but an easy target, as someone who could warm their bed for a night or two. Jongin has always hated those types of people, and he desperately hopes that Junmyeon isn’t one of them. He doesn’t know what he would do if Junmyeon turned out to be one.

It’s the first press of soft lips pressed against his own that Jongin realizes that he had lost himself in his thoughts so much that he didn’t notice the elder speaking and moving close to him every second. A breathless gasp leaves his lips when Junmyeon steps back to gauge his reaction then seconds later, Junmyeon leans in again to kiss him better. Just when Junmyeon is about to press their lips again, he turns his head and feels a press on the corner of his mouth.

It’s enough sign for Junmyeon to back off.

The man, fortunately, does. “Jongin,” Junmyeon says, sounding as if he’s alert and slight ashamed of himself. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to cross my limits.”

You did anyway. Jongin feels tears gathering in his eyes, and bile getting stuck somewhere in his throat when he moves his own fingers over his plush lips. They are still tingling, heat has still enveloped his body in a tight grasp, but Jongin decides they are nothing but signs of anger, and hurt. Junmyeon speaks something; Jongin barely hears him above the demons suddenly screeching in his head.

“Jongin,” Junmyeon calls in what Jongin assumes is in apprehension.

Jongin shakes his head when Junmyeon asks him if he’s alright, then he steps back and speaks in a hushed voice that he needs to use washroom or maybe see his son. He runs away from there even before Junmyeon could call him or stop him from leaving.

“What are you doing here, Junmyeon, on your own birthday party?” Someone asks, and it’s undeniably Sehun. Junmyeon turns around to see a smug looking Sehun standing just a few feet away from him. His friend’s smugness, however, disappears when he notices the expression on the elder’s face. “What happened, dude? I left you for a few hours and—are you crying?”

“I am not crying,” Junmyeon lies, obviously through the tears in his eyes. “I just—” he stops with a heavy sigh.

“Did someone say something to you?” Sehun asks, standing next to his friend. Junmyeon has always been close to him, so even though he has a few ‘disputes’ with Junmyeon, he can’t help but worry for his friend. More than a friend, Junmyeon is his brother and the tension bleeding out of his body is reasonable. “Tell me and I am going to punch them.”

“It’s my mistake, Sehun,” Junmyeon says. Then his tone turns guilty, and expression apologetic with slight hint of fear and worry swirling in his black orbs. “I kissed someone without their consent.”

“Who—when, how come did you do something like that?” Before settling with a firm decision that he wouldn’t go for any booty calls again, since Junmyeon had been a playboy himself, Sehun didn’t expect the elder to make a move on someone. From what he remembers, Junmyeon hadn’t told anyone about someone that he wants to settle with. “When did you—why did you?”

“I-I just don’t know, okay,” Junmyeon says, almost screeching. “Just fifteen or twenty minutes ago, I-I did that. I thought the feeling is mutual, we have been friends for a long time, and I thought this would lead to somewhere.”

Sehun sighs, of course, he understands what Junmyeon just said. Before turning into what he is today, Sehun had been one of those unsure kids; the ones who gets crush on everyone beautiful, and dreams about a blissful life with them… but that Sehun is left behind, he is lost somewhere between what he has been for the last few years, and the number of different faces he has seen on his bed.

“Who was it?”

Junmyeon sighs, and the gulp he takes is loud between the strained silence between them. “Jongin,” Junmyeon answers and it's so low, almost as if he doesn't want Sehun to hear him.

Sehun clenches his jaw; he wants to strangle Junmyeon, and then himself, too, for thinking like that in the first place.

Ten-fifteen minutes later, Junmyeon and Sehun leave the garden for the party. Junmyeon says how it would be inappropriate for him to be missing from his own party; he is the host, after all. It's past ten in the night, and it's only when they arrive at the party that Baekhyun comes to them and tells them Jongin had left along with Jin almost half an hour before Junmyeon and Sehun arrived in the hall.

“He was looking scared, maybe confused or angry—I don't know, I've no idea. He just spoke something and then left with his son,” Baekhyun says, looking as if he's confused himself.

Sehun and Junmyeon stay silent until Junmyeon leaves the place to attend the guests arrived at his party.

“What exactly happened?” Baekhyun asks as soon as Junmyeon is out of sight. “Jongin was acting weird and, uh, I don't exactly know what happened.” The man gives a shrug.

“Junmyeon,” Sehun begins, his eyebrows furrowed. “Junmyeon kissed Jongin.”

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, looking as dumbfounded as Sehun had looked not more than half an hour ago. “Oh, wow,” he adds next.

Sehun hums, and then looks around himself as if trying to find a trace of his PA who according to Baekhyun has already left.

“Junmyeon shouldn't have done that,” Baskhyun says, following Sehun out of the mansion. “I mean, Jongin is a poor little thing. He probably has trust issues—”

“How would you know if he has trust issues or not?”

“I mean, it's pretty obvious. Jongin lost his husband, people would definitely try to make a move on him, so he probably has tough time trusting everyone around him—don’t show me that face. We all know how widows are looked down upon, Jongin, you told me once, is a widow. He has a son; people probably think of him as someone who could, you know,” Baekhyun stops, and then steps along with his best friend.

“I think you are right,” Sehun says. “When he first told me he's widow, I showed him this face.”

“What face?”

“This face,” Sehun says and points to his face. “I showed him this face; he probably noticed it.” He sighs with a small shake of his head.

“Poor him,” Baekhyun says an hour later when they are drowning their fifth glass of alcohol. “Caught between untrustable people.”

“He has a son too,” Baekhyun adds then, slurring over his words now that alcohol has started taking over his conscious mind. “I don't even want to think what he would be going through everyday.”

Sehun hums from where he is sitting on the chair kept in the balcony. He is still watching Junmyeon; he has been watching Junmyeon ever since they started drinking here.

“Do you ever wonder if he needs someone beside him or not?”

“Someone beside him?” Sehun frowns, turning around to look at his best friend. “What does that even mean?”

“I don't know,” Baekhyun answers. “Find for yourself.” Before Sehun could ask anything else, Baekhyun starts a whole new conversation between them. “Did you sleep with someone?”

“I did,” Sehun answers. “Suzy,” he adds with a small smirk.

“Dude, she is here? Junmyeon told me about her, why is she her—why did you sleep with her in the first place when you know you feel something for someone else—” Here Baekhyun stops to settle back on the sofa he was sitting on earlier. He realizes standing up at this moment wouldn't be a great option. “Uh, I want to sleep.”

“What do you mean? Baekhyun, what is it—” Much to Sehun’s annoyance, his best friend only waves him off with a careless flick of his hand before snuggling into the sofa.

Sehun frowns at his best friend's state; he will need to bring his idiot best friend to some guest room of Junmyeon’s mansion sooner than later. Since it's almost midnight, the temperature around them is getting cooler.

He sighs to himself, stares lovingly at his glass of alcohol before sacrificing whatever is left in it in favour of helping Baekhyun to get up from the sofa, and hence bring him to one of the many guest bedrooms here. After dropping Baekhyun in one of the rooms (he basically throws his best friend on the bed; tucks him under the comforter with whatever energy he has left), walks out of the hallway to where Junmyeon is.

The party is almost over, only the nearest and dearest of Junmyeon would be left to celebrate if they wish to celebrate more, Sehun is one of the many guests who would retire for the night. He meets Junmyeon, wishes him a birthday wish again before informing him of Baekhyun. Junmyeon promises him that he would send a maid before checking himself for their friend, before walking Sehun out of the mansion.

Junmyeon sends a driver with him, despite Sehun arguing that he would be able to drive by himself (which is a complete lie), to take the young businessman to his own place. And really, how could someone hate Junmyeon when he's nothing short of a caring friend, gentleman to everyone around him, and not just to ladies and his object of desire?

Something clicks in Sehun’s head after ten minutes pass in the car, and before he knows he has already asked the driver to take him to Jongin’s address. He just want to make sure that the younger has reached safely and nothing else. The driver does, and within twenty minutes he's already standing in front of Jongin’s apartment, silently wondering if it would be alright to ring the bell or not.

He decides against it when he realizes it's half past twelve in the night. They are probably asleep by now, he thinks to himself before walking back to the car waiting for him on the road.

Much to his obliviousness, Jongin isn't, in fact, sleeping.

Jongin rubs the tears off his chubby cheeks with the back of his hand, eyes swollen and red with the hours of crying he did. Jin is still sleeping soundly where he had left his son a few hours ago, despite wanting to leave this bedroom and lock himself in somewhere where his cries wouldn't wake up his son, he knows he couldn't leave Jin.

He shouldn't have come here. He should call Jongdae and ask his older brother to bring them back to California. That would be much better, at least, he wouldn't have to go through all the trouble he has been going through. Or maybe he could ask his brother-in-law, Luhan, to give him job in one of his company branches in Seoul. That would be much better, too.

Just when he's about to pick up his phone, he stops with a shake of head to himself. He has troubled them enough, no matter how good and kind they are, it just doesn't feel right to bother them so much. They have their own families to take care of, after all, Jongin would only add another responsibility on them.

Although he knows they wouldn't even think twice before bringing him back, they were two of the many people who had insisted that Jongin's presence wasn't a nuisance to them, instead it was welcomed and they promised to take care of Jongin and his son till their last breath.

That's family, he thinks to himself, he hopes they are doing fine. He had last talked to them a week ago.

His phone goes off, he takes the device in his hand before looking through it. It's Junmyeon; the man has been calling him since ten thirty, and he hasn't stopped since. His finger hovers over the green button before he sighs and throws his phone on his bed.

He doesn't know what to think of what had happened a few hours ago; what to think of what Junmyeon did.

A few minutes pass in his silence before he decides to sleep; tomorrow's Monday, Jin's school and his own job. He can't delay more otherwise, he would be dead the next whole day. After falling back on his bed, and placing the phone on the bedside table (the phone still going on and off with all the calls a particular man is doing), he tucks himself under the blanket and hugs his son's small frame to himself.

Even at the verge of falling into a slumber, and his eyes feeling heavy, he knows he wouldn't be able to sleep anytime soon.

(Junmyeon doesn't stop calling him until three in the morning of the next day; Jongin finds that out the next morning he checks his phone.)

Monday morning is a little mess for him; after dropping off Jin and dozing off in the cab he had taken after that, he had realized that he hadn't, in fact, combed his hair.

His hair looked askew, his shirt was untucked, his socks didn't match each other. Jongin almost hated himself for being so careless, almost, because truth be told, he didn't really care.

“I know I shouldn't say this,” he says when he sees his boss typing furiously over his keyboard, a frown etched on the elder's face. It's been five hours since he arrived at the company, and Sehun’s been a little pissy and distracted. His boss had almost ed up the meeting he had one hour ago.

“What?” Sehun asks, not looking up from the laptop.

“You left Junmyeon hyung’s party in the middle, you were missing for almost two hours. That's not right.”

“I was a little…busy.”

“Busy, as in you were sleeping with someone.”

Sehun looks up, completely surprised.

“Baekhyun hyung told me,” Jongin says sounding calm but his facial expressions give away how annoyed and irritated he is. “Is that really needed? Do you really want to prove whatever I've heard about you until now true? Are you really…that?”

“That's none of your business.” Sehun looks down, only now realizing how disgusting everything is; him sleeping with someone on his friend's birthday party; him being something as disgusting as a playboy... and he himself. “That’s none of your business—besides, I heard what happened at the party between Junmyeon and you. Didn’t know something was going on between you two—” He stops, realizing that he shouldn’t have said what he just said, Jongin’s features contort into shock and hurt give away how much Jongin probably hates him at this second.

“That’s none of your business, sir,” Jongin replies, sharp as if he wants to start a war between them; a war of tears.

everything i s unedited. i didn’t even give this one glance before posting; i am sick, dear pups, so i will do this whenever i get some free time. until then, tata.

thank you! for all the support you’ve given this story and hence me. I super appreciate everything.