This was all so new to me. I couldn't stop thinking about what I had just figured out. I looked over at CAP, who smiled at some fans. I realized I was staring at him, when he looked at me, I blushed caught in the act. I had to be more sneaky, I didn't want him to find out what I just did at least not yet anyways. I decided that maybe the first person I should tell is Changjo and Ricky. It was kind of obvious since they always demaned to be standing next to eachother and that right now they were "fanservising" since they had their arms around eachother. When we finally got back to the dorm I went to my room to put my stuff away, but when I stepped inside CAP was there and he looked like he had something to say. Uh-oh I was screwed.

"What was up with you today?" CAP asked while changing. I tried not to stare, but it was so hard not to. His muscles are so tone and he was very tan still from summer.

"Nothing was up with me." I replied still avoiding eye contact. I really just wanted to scream "What was up with me was I realized I'm gay and I'm in love with you!" but that wasn't something I needed to share with the world right now.

"Okay if you say so, but just know I don't believe you and I will find out." CAP said grabbing a shirt and brushing past me. I let out a sigh I realized I had been holding my breath. I got changed into some jeans and a plain t-shirt. I made my way to Changjo's room to talk to Ricky. I knocked once and Ricky opened the door.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked. I really needed to get this out of my system before I blew up like a missle being fired at a plane.

"Umm sure come in." Ricky said and moved aside. He looked a little bit scared. Did he really think I was going to harm him? I mean me? Come on! out of all the people, me? Wow.

"Are you gay?" The question slipped pasted my lips and I mentally slapped myself for asking such a personal question. Ricky choked on his air coughing until his face was dark red.

"I'll take that as a yes." I said continuing on.

"How did you know?!" Ricky weased still trying to recover his breath from coughing.

"By the way you were talking in your sleep I think I always have known by the way you would always stand by Changjo all the time." I replied. "Anyways, that's not what I came here to ask you, well actually it was. I needed to tell you something before I explode! I need to tell someone." I said remembering I had to breath between speaches. I took a deep breath and just said it. "I'm gay too." I said not really believing I had just done that. Ricky stared at me with wide eyes.

"Why are you telling me this?" Ricky said backing up away from me. Suddenly I realized he thought I liked him. Eww no! I mean he is cute but he is Changjo's and I couldn't ever imagine dating someone who I treated like a brother, he practically was my brother!

"I don't like you like that, you idiot!" I snapped at him. "First off I like CAP and second off you're like my little brother so that'd be weird." I said feeling better now that I had told someone. The only (well, there were many problems) problem was that CAP was straight, he would never see me the way I see him. I could feel my tears coming to my eyes. My hear was breaking already even before I had reason for it to,

"Don't cry, Neil. You never know. When I told Changjo how I felt I didn't think he'd respond the way he did. It's hard to hide our relationship and only showing it when people think it's fake. We were going to tell you guys, but we didn't know how to." Ricky said moving closer to me. I felt awful. I was scared to tell CAP about my feelings. I hated admiting Ricky was right, I should tell CAP, but Ricky should tell the whole band too.

"Thanks for listening to me, Ricky." I said trying to smile. I walked out of his room tears still streaming down my face. These new feelings were about to turn my world upside down.