It was late Wednesday afternoon. Kibum was at home, spending an evening with his parents. His mother set the table while he and his father finished up the preparations for dinner. He liked evenings like this. Typically, at least more often than not, Minho was the one he ate dinner with, either at his house or Minho’s or together as families. But on nights like this, he liked the quiet and just getting to talk to his parents without any distractions. Honestly, he enjoyed the attention being placed mainly on him. Growing up with Minho often felt like he was growing up with a reckless and wild brother, though they’d both mellowed out over the years. Minho emitted this energy wherever he went that was just so full that Kibum could practically feel his presence whenever he was nearby.

Tonight, however, Minho was out. He’d been oddly specific to Kibum, that this was a meet up with his teammates from school. They were going to play Ultimate Frisbee and get some dinner together. He’d said he’d be home by 9:30. Kibum had been utterly bewildered as to why Minho had been so specific with his plans. It made them seem very fake, but Kibum couldn’t imagine what Minho would try to hide. In the end, Kibum settled on the idea that Minho was worried Kibum was jealous of the time he spent with Jinki, and was trying to make it clear that he wasn’t spending an unequal amount of time with his soulmates. Really, Kibum didn’t care, he just wanted Minho to be happy.

A knock at the door was answered by Kibum’s mother.

“Oh, hello there. Jinki, right?”

Kibum tore his eyes away from the pot he was stirring. There, being ushered inside by Kibum’s mother was Jinki. For the second time that day, Kibum was bewildered. Why was Jinki here?

“Hello, Mrs. Kim. I just wanted to talk to Kibum for… about something… for a minute… I don’t mean to intrude.”

Kibum’s mother waved off his apology. “Nonsense, you’re always welcome here.”

Jinki smiled sheepishly at her. Kibum handed the spoon he’d been using to his dad before rounding the counter to intercept his mother and friend.

“Hey, Jinki. What’s up? Minho’s not home right now, but I can…” What was he going to offer to do? If Jinki needed Minho, he could just as easily call him as Kibum could. Minho was actually more likely to answer Jinki’s call than Kibum’s. So, why…

“I just, uh…” Kibum watched Jinki shifted uncomfortably, his eyes traveling between Kibum and his smiling mother.

The younger boy took hold of Jinki’s arm and turned him towards his bedroom. “We’ll be back in a minute.”

“No rush,” Kibum’s dad called after them as they turned the corner of the hallway and entered Kibum’s room. He shut the door behind him and turned to face the older boy.

Jinki stood uncomfortably in the middle of the room, a backpack holding on by only one strap over his shoulder. He fidgeted, seemingly searching for words.

“You don’t need Minho,” Kibum stated.

“Uh… no, not really…”

“Okay, then, what’s up?”

Jinki stared down at his feet, his fingers fidgeting silently.

“Hey, it’s okay, you don’t hav…”

“I should go!” Jinki burst out, a bit too loudly. He pushed past Kibum and wrenched the door open. Kibum was so startled that it took him a moment to register what had happened and try to stop the older boy. As he reached the living room, he heard his mother’s voice.
“Oh Jinki! Perfect timing. Dinner’s ready, come sit down.”

“Oh, no, Mrs. Kim, thank you, but um..”

“Nonsense, sit down.”

Kibum rounded the corner to see his mother pressing Jinki’s large frame into a chair at the dining room table. In front of him was a heaping plate of food, more so than what was on Kibum’s own plate. Kibum smiled to himself and silently thanked his mother for stopping the older boy before he could leave the house.

During dinner, Jinki didn’t make much conversation, but it really wasn’t necessary anyway. Kibum’s parents could easily make plenty of conversation on their own, and they were excellent at reading a room. Within a few minutes, it was easy to tell that, while Jinki wasn’t keen on sharing personal information about himself, he had no problem telling them about Jonghyun.

“He seems kind of rough from a distance, but really he’s probably one of the most loving guys I’ve ever met. He really helped me out our freshman year at college.”

“What’s he studying?” Kibum’s father asked between mouthfuls of pasta.

“Music. He’s an amazing composer.”

“Well that’s interesting! Tell me, Jinki, in your experience sharing a room with an artist for a year, would you say they are more or less messy than other people?”

Jinki chewed his food slowly as he thought about his answer. “I wouldn’t say I could give a good general answer, but from my experience, Jonghyun is a tidy person. He likes to have his stuff organized.”

Both of Kibum’s parents nodded knowingly, and Kibum stifled a laugh behind his hand.

“What are you laughing at, kid?” Kibum’s father asked. “It’s not like we get any info on your guy from you. How else are we supposed to find out stuff about our son’s soulmate?”

Kibum swallowed thickly and pinched his lips together. He would love to get to gush over his soulmate with his parents, but with the way things were now… He felt a guilty for depriving his parents of that, but he also couldn’t bring himself to give them the full story of what had happened between them.

“It’s not his fault,” Jinki sidled in. “Kibum and Jonghyun haven’t had the chance to really get to know each other yet. I’ve been living with Jonghyun for over a year, so it makes sense that I’d know more than Kibum would right now.”

Kibum’s mother patted Jinki on the hand, lightly. “It’s sweet of you to defend him like that, Jinki. You’re a good friend.”

“Kibum is stubborn.” Kibum’s dad took a swig of water before continuing. “When he thinks he’s in the right, it can be hard for him to…”

“Get down off my high horse?” Kibum grumbled quietly.

“I was trying to think of a nicer way to put it, but yeah. You’re honestly a great kid, Kibum, and I’m not just saying that because I’m your dad. But you’ve gotta learn to open up a little more easily than you do. Step away from Minho and show yourself to… someone else for a change.”

The dishes were done and Kibum’s parents had retired to their room to watch tv before bed. Kibum had given Jinki a new toothbrush to use, and he sat on his bed waiting for the older boy to return. He stared at his own tv, not really seeing the images nor hearing the sounds. He was thinking about what his dad had said.

He knew he was too comfortable with Minho. He’d been accused many times of being “too close” with his best friend. People had said mean things before, about how they were going to end up like those non-mates, the people who tried to be together despite the fact that they weren’t soulmates. While he loved Minho, he knew he could never plan on spending his life with him like that. Kibum craved affection, deep affection. He wanted all of those things he’d seen in movies, or read about in books. He wanted to wake up next to his soulmate every day. He wanted to have his anger kissed away, and when he was sad he wanted to melt into the arms of the one he was destined to be with. He wanted so badly to feel like one with another person.

As a child, he’d studied so much about how soulmates should be and how they should feel. He’d even hoped for a while that it would be Minho. He wondered if soulmates could know before they even got their countdowns. But when he tried to hug Minho for too long, or snuggle him unexpectedly, it didn’t feel right. Minho felt warm and comfortable, but he also felt clumsy and almost unfamiliar. Kibum couldn’t imagine how anyone could feel safer or more like his other half than Minho, so he simply chalked all that talk up to people exaggerating.

The sound of his door clicking shut brought him back to reality. Jinki sat next to him on the bed, also looking at the tv. The hair around his face was wet from having washed it, and he used the back of his wrist to dab at a couple of drops that settled near his chin. Kibum leaned back on his palms to get a better view of the older boy, and smiled.

Jinki glanced at Kibum and dropped his eyes nervously when he realized the younger was staring. “What?”

“Nothing. I was just wondering why Minho doesn’t brag about how handsome you are more often.”

Jinki turned to Kibum, his eyes confused. “He talks about me being handsome?” Kibum smiled cheekily, making Jinki furrow his brow with worry.

Kibum reached out and nudged the older boy’s shoulder playfully. “I’m just kidding. Minho doesn’t gush about you that much, really.” When Jinki didn’t respond, but also didn’t relax, Kibum continued. “Look, you don’t need to worry about it. I’m the person Minho tells the most stuff to. And I think he’s worried that I feel like he’s leaving me behind, because… well, anyway, I think he’s been watching what he says around me recently.”

Jinki was silent for a moment and both of them stared at the tv without paying much attention to it. Then, he spoke in a hushed tone.

“Do you want to talk about that? About… what your dad said earlier?”

“I… I probably need to. And really you’re probably the best person for me to talk to about it.”

Jinki shifted so he was leaning back against the headboard with one foot still on the floor. It didn’t look particularly comfortable, but he made it work. “Are you worried you depend too much on Minho?”

It didn’t really sound like much of a question from Jinki’s tone. It was the first time that Jinki had spoken to Kibum like that, like he was trying to get Kibum to see how own stupidity… or whatever it was. If it had been almost anyone else, he probably would have been irritated. Instead, Kibum thought carefully before answering honestly.

“I think that for me,” Kibum spoke slowly, “Minho has always been someone I can depend on. When I was scared or worried or even happy as a kid, Minho was always the first person I turned to.”

“And now?”

“Now,” Kibum sighed. “Now, you’re here. Honestly, I’m so glad you are. Him having you is forcing me to step back and create distance between us. Because I know that he needs to depend on you. I can’t get in the way of your relationship. But, for me, that means…”

“… it means you have to put that dependence on someone else…”

“Yeah… I know.”

“You can trust him, Kibum.” Jinki scooted closer to Kibum and put his hand on the younger’s knee. Kibum noticed that it felt normal, almost cool to the touch. Nothing like how it felt when Jonghyun touched him.

“I know you and he have had a lot of difficulties. Believe me, it made me question my friendship with him for a while.” Kibum gave him a questioning look and he continued. “After the day you saw him… well, after that day, I didn’t speak to him again. I went to the dorm, got my things and went home. I moved back in with Taemin’s family. I couldn’t believe he would do that to you. Because to me… well, let’s just say, to me a soulmate bond is the most important thing there is.”

“And then what? You obviously forgave him.”

Jinki turned and settled next to Kibum, his legs dangling off the side of the bed again. “Minho told me that you started talking to him again. Minho said that if you were willing to talk to him, then it wasn’t a lost cause, that it would probably be alright in the end. Even if that was a long time away…”

“You broke up with your best friend because of something he did to someone you barely knew?”

Jinki shrugged. “Like I said, to me, the soulmate bond is the most important thing there is.”

They both fell silent again. Jinki watched tv, but Kibum stared down at his hands in his lap. Jinki was right, it was time to move forward.

“I think…” Kibum began, slowly, again. “I think that I’ll… try… harder.” He swallowed thickly. “If you trust him, then I know that the stuff I’ve been feeling isn’t just some weird… hormonal crush, or whatever.” He felt Jinki stiffen slightly beside him and looked up to catch Jinki biting his lip like he was holding back a smile. Kibum pursed his lips and used his shoulder to jokingly shove the older boy. “Shut up,” he mumbled.

“It’s cute,” Jinki chuckled. He scooted back to lean against the wall behind them, his knees pulled up to rest his chin on. Kibum followed suit, though he crossed his legs, grabbing one of the extra pillows he kept along the side and tucking it into his lap.

“So, Jinki, you wanna tell me why you came by tonight?”

Jinki didn’t answer.

“Did you want to talk about Minho?”

Jinki shook his head slightly, keeping his eyes fixed on the tv.

Kibum nodded his head slowly. “I guess you’re just having a day, huh?”

Jinki’s brow furrowed again and he shifted his eyes toward Kibum questioningly.

“You’re having a day. It’s something I say to Minho sometimes, when I don’t want to talk about it.”

The confusion melted off Jinki’s face and was replaced by almost an anxious hopeful look. He still didn’t speak, so Kibum continued.

“I read a story once about someone who was depressed, and rather than their mother telling them to ‘have a good day’, she would say ‘have a day’. It means that rather than trying and failing to have a good day, you just have a day. It doesn't matter if it’s good or bad, it only matters that it happened. You continued to exist because you chose to. I had a lot of those days after Jonghyun kissed that girl…” he trailed off.

Jinki was looking at him now. His face was calm, but he looked almost sad. He must have never had someone say something like that to him before. Kibum hoped he’d helped, but he couldn't quite tell. Rather than asking, he scooted a couple feet away from Jinki and patted the pillow in his lap. Jinki was hesitant, but soon he laid down with his head in the younger man’s lap, letting Kibum pet his hair.

“Does Minho know you’re here?” Kibum asked quietly. Jinki shook his head no. “I’m gonna text him, just to let him know. But I’ll tell him not to worry, that you were invited over for dinner by my parents. It’s not totally inaccurate.” Jinki slowly nodded his head.

After the message sent and Kibum had received a thumbs up in response, he set down his phone and went back to the older man’s hair. An old black and white movie was now playing on the screen at low volume, just loud enough to hear but not so loud that Jinki couldn’t hear what Kibum said next.

“If I were to give you any advice about Minho, it’s that he wants to know. That’s the biggest difference between us. When I’m sad or upset, he can’t let it go easily. He wants to know what’s wrong, so he can fix it. That’s my own fault really. I normally don’t have a problem talking about what’s wrong. But the problem is, he can’t always fix it. He’s getting better about it, really. Setting up the ‘having a day’ phrase really helped. It lets him know that even if he asks, I’m not going to tell him, and that he needs to let it go.”

“And how do you react? When someone’s having a bad day but doesn't want to talk about it?” Jinki’s voice was quiet and calm and peaceful.

“I… I let it be. When I’m upset, usually I’ll want to talk about it. Minho usually doesn’t. So I’ve always been the one to just be there for comfort. Sometimes the best thing you can do for a person is to just be there with them, reminding them that they are loved and that everything will be okay, even without words.”

Kibum glanced down to see a single tear traveling over the bridge of Jinki’s nose and down onto the pillow. He gently wiped it away. Jinki sniffed harshly and took a deep breath.

“I just love this movie,” the older boy whispered half-heartedly.

“Yeah,” Kibum agreed. “Me too.”

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An hour and a half later, the credits had rolled on the previous film and a new one was starting up. Jinki had dozed off in Kibum’s lap as the younger man his hair. Kibum stayed awake, thinking about the conversations had that evening. Once, his mother had quietly poked her head into his room to check on them. Kibum had waved and she’d smiled and left.

The door opened again, fully this time. Minho stood in the doorway. He didn’t enter the room. He leaned against the doorframe and smiled contentedly. Kibum smirked back at him. Minho held his hands up in front of him, making a box with his index fingers and thumbs, again, and made a click sound. Then he placed his palms over his heart snuggly. Kibum chuckled quietly.

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A/N: Heyyyyy sorry it's been so long since an update. This whole pandemic is really messing with me, as is the election stuff. If you're able, make sure you vote!