Jeno felt a small chunk was taken away from the huge lump which was weighing down his chest when he received Jaemin’s approval; this will surely take a long time explaining, but at least he’s already cleared level 1, now he’s onto steps 2 to 7, and to achieve that, he must stop getting into his nonsensical thoughts and start explaining.

“Renjun and I never came to be,” Jeno began, testing the waters and trying to find the best way to explain his side to Jaemin, when he noticed that the latter is still calm- probably due to the drug given to him earlier- he continued speaking, “we got closer due to him having unfinished feelings with Yukhei-hyung, and although he might behead me for ousting his secret, I never liked him and he never liked me, like Nana, it’s practically ; that airhead is like a brother.”

Jaemin nodded along to Jeno’s explanation, he made no move to respond in fear of letting out another mistake which will take another lifetime to fix. As Jeno noticed that Jaemin made no move to interrupt nor does the younger look displeased and doubtful, he continued explaining himself.

“I was already acquainted with Injun due to your friendship, but our intimacy was rooted due to Yukhei-hyung’s disgusting attempts at reclaiming him, it was actually frustrating to watch the two of them. Everyone knows they still have a chance if only Renjun let Yukhei-hyung.” Jeno scrunched his face as he described Renjun and Yukhei’s hopeless situation.

Jaemin gaped at the discovery, it was surprising how firm Renjun was despite looking like an airhead. To think that the redhead still has feelings for Yukhei all this time, imagine the frustration and amusement. Renjun still stands by his choice of leaving Yukhei for his feud against Jaemin years earlier. Jaemin smiles.

“I want to exclaim at how oblivious I am towards Injunnie and Yukhei’s – that - situation when I am his friend and how I should know that much, but I will not comment, so continue.” Jaemin remarked before motioning for the other male to continue.

Jeno closed his eyes as he took a deep breath in order to calm himself down. This is it, he’s going to admit his feelings, and this is far from romantic, please kick him in the shins-

“Uhm, the thing is, you are the one I like. I like you Na Jaemin, even before puberty hit you, even before everybody started noticing you, I like you. And for the record, I never stopped liking you even for a second.” Jeno looked down as he played with the plastic bread knife Hansol was itching to stab him with earlier. He knows that this is far from romantic, nor is it near from the confession date he’s been planning for weeks (he’s going to get that goddamn refund from Johnny), but he thinks that the unprecedented nature of this must have add some romance. Hopefully.

Jaemin, on the other hand, cannot believe what he just heard. If you told him that the Earth is flat, he would have pondered and give it some thought, because in his case, it is actually plausible, but if you told the Na Jaemin from a week ago that Lee Jeno will be confessing to him that the latter have liked him from the longest of time, even longer than he did, then he would have punched you and called you insane (but if you told him that he would be hospitalized because of his overly dramatic nature, then he would have pondered over it before agreeing). “I-” he began but got cut off when Jeno raised his hand to shush him, “Let me finish first.” And Jaemin, being the obedient child that he is, kept mum despite the countless questions filling his brain currently.

From his current position which is the window, he moved closer to the bed before carefully sitting beside Jaemin. “I only gained confidence when Sanha ousted me, being the loudmouth that he is. I started my advances towards you even with the fear and anxiety of getting rejected, because I thought that I may at least have a chance?” Jeno scratched his head due to the embarrassment caused by his earlier self.

Jaemin chuckled at this, inquiring, “And what made you think that you had a chance back then?” His question is full of curiosity, merely inquiring instead of being the usual sarcastic he is. Upon the question, Jeno reddened but mumbled nonetheless, “Well… I heard you agree that I was handsome… so…” Hearing the adorable answer, Jaemin burst out laughing, laughing in mirth, not his usual malicious cackle, because seriously, Lee Jeno cannot get any more adorable as he struggled to make out his words. Jeno blushed even more in embarrassment but bear no grudge, just plain shame at his idiot previous self. He’s silently ecstatic that Jaemin’s laughing though, even at the expense of his pride. Totally a love fool.

After Jaemin gained back his senses, Jeno looked at his lap once more and continued on his failure of a confession. “After Sanha ousted me, I got bolder and asked Chani to find out whenever you head out in order for me to catch even a short glimpse of you. It was hard at first, considering how you always bring your own lunch and eat at the speed of light, so we had to go grab our lunch early in order to catch you as you were heading towards the bathrooms to brush your teeth.“ At Jeno’s revelation, Jaemin widened his eyes as he clearly recalled crossing paths with the former almost every day, he first thought that it must be coincidence (even though he started doubting it as it happens very frequently), but learning the lengths Jeno did just to achieve those little things, it caused his stomach to churn which did not bode well to his bruised stomach and intestines. Lee Jeno needs to stop this charade for his stomach can only take so much, but he does not have the heart to stop the other male from continuing; it must have taken so much courage to be the one to confess.

“You know, I tried to confess to you.” Jeno finally looked up and stared into Jaemin’s eyes, “Really?! How come I am not aware?!” the latter exclaimed in which Jeno nodded as he smiled sadly, turning his eyes back onto his lap. “I did,” melancholy laced in his voice, “I tried, at the school dance. I actually planned it weeks before, and right before, I almost chickened out had Jinyoung did not pull me back and pushed me towards you who were fixing something on your bag. I tried my best to be your first dance of the night, hopefully to remain your only and last dance, but our other batchmates already beat me to it. I also almost gave up when I saw you dance both with Hwall and Renjun, the valedictorian and your almost three-year crush. I suddenly doubt my chance for your affections seeing two strong candidates go before me, not to mention how long you dance with Hwall, for among all of our batchmates whom you danced with, he was the longest, even longer than our barely a minute dance.” Jeno paused bitterly, the memory of the school dance returning to him, but he continued, “I finally mustered up the courage after hours of getting dragged around by various males and females to dance with them, and of course after Jinyoung’s threat of arson against my room. I was walking up to you blindly then, I was so nervous that I did not realized how rude I must have seem seeing that I just ushered you to the dance floor without actually receiving your approval, I was also blinded by my nerves that I did not noticed that you were still wearing your earplugs when I confessed, that’s why when you suddenly exclaimed for me to repeat my confession, I finally lost my and let you go. After that, the pain was so unbearable that I cannot bear to see you without feeling the impulse to run, even when you would look at me with your trademark confusion, so I stayed away, tried to collect my senses back before trying to act normally again.”

Hearing the truth about what Jeno said to him years ago, Jaemin gasped and covered his mouth in shock. He agonized about it for weeks, about what Jeno told him while they were dancing, how he deemed himself such an idiot for wearing earphones on the dance floor, how he blamed Jeno for being brash and it was his fault that Jaemin did not hear what the former said. After finally hearing it from Jeno, after all these years, Jaemin can finally stop agonizing over what ifs, and think of how much of an idiot and he was for removing the light and smile on Jeno’s face. He was such an idiot.

Jaemin grabbed Jeno’s left hand as he tried to fumble his words. “I- I- I did not know. I thought that it was nothing, but it bothered me as well considering how outraged Chani was when I told him that I did not managed to caught what you said, but I brushed it off- Oh my god Jeno, I’m so sorry! All this time I thought you were the jerk between the both of us when it has all been me! I-” Jaemin kept on tripping on his words upon realizing that all of this happened because he was the oblivious fool between the two of them. He was the root cause of all these absurdity, folly, buffoonery, foolishness, idiocy, ludicrousness, Jeno must consider him ridiculous now.

Jeno took Jaemin’s hand which was atop his and squeezed it near his heart, shaking his head, indicating that he’s still got a lot to say, “No, I was the coward, I let you go just because I was disheartened. I really thought that I will be able to forget about you and move on, how terribly wrong I was. I always find myself checking your SNS accounts, wanting to like your selcas, but never gaining the courage to do so. I thought that it will be short-lived, but it never went away; by the end of the day, I still dream about the time we never had due to my cowardice, by the end of the day, I still regret all of the chances I let slip.” Moving closer to the admitted male, Jeno looked into his eyes while tightening his hold on Jaemin’s hand a little bit, “I can’t change the past, but I want to spend tomorrow with you. Please let me in your life Jaemin, just as you have always been in mine.”

The two felt their eyes prickling, tears finally streaming down their faces. They have endured for years, they both struggled to move on when it’s impossible as they like each other to the moon and back, they both struggled with uncertainty, and dude, everybody suffered because of their pining. Had Jaemin tried to be a rational little , then Jeno wouldn’t be too intimidated to get near him, but no, he just had to act like the little tyrant which he is. Had Jeno just used his vocal chords more, then Jaemin wouldn’t be admitted to the hospital due to extreme gastritis and gastric ulcer, he’s got a good voice which he used for nothing just because he’s extremely nervous and afraid of rejection.  

Jaemin cried as he beat himself for thinking that his little dramatics is the cause of this whole misunderstanding whereas Jeno cried as he kept on beating himself up for causing Jaemin pain. This two seriously needs a counselor.

After calming down, Jaemin gulped, his answer is the final nail in order to seal the coffin and bury all of those bad happenings in the grave, and he’s more than delighted to give his answer.

“Yes Jeno, please help me fix this whole ing charade. Let’s end all of this .”

I would like to deeply express both my apologies and gratitude to all of you. 

First, my apologies.
I would like to apologize for taking thiiiisssssss long before updating. I understand if all of you already left this fic. I am deeply sorry. Aside from that, I would also like to apologize for giving you this little .

The thing is, when I wanted to updated this fic of mine, as I have stated on my note of hiatus, my laptop crashed and came back a few weeks later. After that little demise, I faced school troubles which affected me a lot, thus, leaving this hanging. 

When Nana finally came back, I actually wanted to end this after months of leaving it hanging, especially with an angst at that, but just happened. 

Now, I am finally trying to finish this crap that I started. I want to make up for my ult ship.

Second, I would like to express my heartfelt gratitude for anybody who's reading this at this point, and those who read it before that, the fact that this received hits is more than anything which I could ask for. Thank you for giving my creation a chance despite all of my misgivings.

This time, I'll finally end this. The next chapter, which is the Epilogue won't take that long, and although it won't be as long, it will just act as a curtain call for this story. You won't have to worry about waiting for a long time once more as it is already halfway done.

Thank you very much.