Video version: https://youtu.be/W_wu6OFKqDk

 

 

Dependence

 

In comic books, Villains are written to have no remorse. It’s the aspect that separates them from their hero counterparts.

 

I felt remorse, so maybe I wasn't such a bad guy.

.....there I go again, trying to justify myself.

 

What’s worst is that abandon studio, That forgotten room that everyone walks by like it does not exist, was now my constant reminder of the sin I locked inside.

 

And everytime I’d walk by that room....It would excite me.... Damn, I am terrible.

 

I wonder if she felt the same way.

Soon after that night, the Wild1s starting touring in Japan, so, unless it was on screen, I didn't see her at all. And I wouldn't dare text her.

 

So for my own, incomprehensible need for excitement, I’d find myself walking by that room.

 

It startled me when I noticed Taehyung walking out of that room.

I didn't want my anxiety to be known, but I could help but to sprint up to him.

 

Yoongi- “Tae, What are you doing there?

How’d you  get in?”

 

My sudden appearance and hasty demeanor must have startled him. He looked wide eyed at me and even withdraw a little as if he was guilty of doing something.

 

Taehyung- “Yoongi! I borrowed it from the custodian. I was told to store some of the merchandise that came in till it was ready to sell. Figured no one uses this room.”

 

.....except me....

I laughed awkwardly stepping a few steps back from him.

 

Yoongi- “I was just surprise, Didn't even know that door still had a key.”

 

He quickly fell for that as I thought he would and quickly changed his tone with me.

 

Taehyung- “Hey, Aren't you going to compliment my outfit.”

 

Giving me his cheerful boxy grin, he twirled as he modeled a pastel purple sweater that had a fox emblem and “Wild1s” printed in the front.

The back had “99’” printed on the as well as YooRa’s Name.

I rose a brow at him and playfully nodded.

 

Yoongi- “Cute, You wear it well.”

 

Tae- “The merchandise came in for the Wild1s today. I’m officially a fanboy.

 

He went on chanting the Wild1 fanchant.

 

Yoongi- “Is that what you were putting in that room?”

 

He nodded grinning again.

 

Tae- “You should watch their performance. That's what we are all doing before practice.”

 

I shrugged at him being indifferent. It was my normal reaction if I wasn't deciling with the excuse that I was working on song lyrics or tweaking a song. But for some odd reason, typical reaction felt false. I wanted to see their performance. And I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn't know why.

 

Hoseok- “JinYoon is pretty good huh?”

 

Jimin- “Pretty good? I was going to say she better than you.”

 

Hoseok- “Watch it kid.”

He said with a glare.

 

I sat in the back of the room and watch silently. Half listening to their conversation but mainly focusing on

.....the performance.

 

Jungkook- “Yoora is super high energy, I can barely keep up.”

 

Taehyung- “Just like you when you were that age, you’ve gotten old.”

 

Jungkook furrowed his brows then eyed Tae shirt.

Jungkook- “Got a little crush there don't you V.”

 

All of them with the exception of Tae and myself imitated the sound of a cop car siren.

 

Tae- “no, no it not like that. She just reminds me so much of you Kookie.”

He laughed patting his younger on the back.

 

Namjoon- “We’ll I got a crush on Yukina”

 

Jin- “she is really pretty huh?

Is that who you’re looking at so quietly over there Yoongi?”

 

Yoongi- “Huh? No no not at all.”

 

Namjoon- “Nah, I think Minnie is more Yoongi’s type.”

 

Yoongi- “ I don't have a type.”

 

I took a quick glance at Minnie on the screen. She is pretty.

Very pretty.

They all are. Petite, pale, small faces. But then again they weren’t any different from most kpop idols I’ve meant.

Namjoon isn't wrong, Minnie is my type. But I’m now realizing, My “type” seems boring.

 

Hoseok- “I think Y/N is really pretty.”

 

If my head jerked any faster I could have caused my own death.

 

Jungkook- “really Hoseok? I didn't know you went for foreigners”

 

Hoseok- “She is the only one that stands out. It's like she demands attention.”

 

I could see exactly what Hoseok was saying. Not just her looks but on stage, she definitely shined a little brighter. Unlike Hoseok, I know that her confidence is literally drug induced...entirely false.

 

TaeHyung- “They’re coming back tomorrow right?”

Taehyung asked Namjoon.

Namjoon nodded.

 

Namjoon- “Can't wait to see you girlfriend Tae.”

 

Taehyung- “Yah! Stop that, That's how rumors start.”

 

My mind started to muffle out their conversation. I wanted to see Y/N again but I wasn't sure what for. It was agreed on that our one night stand would stay exactly that. But staring at the door the abandon studio just wasn't cutting it for me anymore.

 

I guess when Namjoon said “tomorrow” he meant like 3’o clock in the morning tomorrow. So naturally the group spent most of the day resting preparing for whatever was next on their schedule. So I attempted to preoccupy my mind with writing lyrics, but I ended up texting her messages and never pressing send.

 

“Hey, Can we meet up?”

That makes me sound like a jerk only asking for ....which I was, but I didn't want to sound like it.

 

Delete.

 

“Hey, can we talk?”

What? Are we dating now?

 

Delete.

 

“How was the concert?”

I was never known for small talk.

 

Delete.

 

I ruffled my hair in frustration and put away my phone.

This wasn't working. Any alone time cause my idle mind to wonder only about her. I might as well go to the practice room with the other members. If there is one thing they were good for, it’s a little distraction, comfort and annoyance.

 

Jin- “Dang Yoongi, Since when were you  good at dancing?”

 

Yoongi- “having a hard time keeping up?”

I teased.

 

3 hours in the practice room, and yet it felt like an eternity.

Over and over the same dances till it becomes muscle memory. I rather be in the studio preparing the album. On the other hand however, I have the most fun in this room. Whether we gave Jin and Namjoon a hard time for their dancing or watch Taehyung and Jungkook do stupid faces and jokes, I tend to forget how much I appreciate their company.

 

Jimin- “seriously though Yoongi, I never seen you volunteer to come to the practice room. Normally we have to drag you out.”

 

Yoongi- “Writer’s block in the studio. I had to preoccupy my time somehow.”

 

Namjoon came close to my ear at a whisper while the other members conversed.

 

Namjoon- “No more stress?”

Yoongi- “Always stress, I just replaced one with another.”

 

Namjoon laughed, now talking a little more in normal volume.

 

Namjoon- “Whatever works right?”

 

Taehyung- “Hey is that JinYoon at the door?”

 

I didn't notice someone knock at the door but sure enough, through the small window at the door JinYoon cutely waved.

Hoseok quickly opened the door for her and greeted her with a bow.

 

Hoseok- “Ah! I forgot I had to show you the new choreography.”

 

JinYoon- “It's ok Hobie, we weren't waiting long.”

 

I looked at the door, past JinYoon in hopes...but quickly looked away. She wasn't there.

 

Yoongi- “Is it ok if I bail? I think I’m gonna try again with my lyrics.”

 

Hoseok- “Yeah, I have to go to show the girls the new dance.”

 

JinYoon- “Well, all except one.”

 

Hoseok furrowed his eyebrows as the rest gathered their belongings and started to head out.

 

JinYoon- “Y/N isn't feeling well. Hasn't been since the flight back. I think she went back to the dorm.”

 

Of course she did....

I wonder if she was avoiding me.

 

JinYoon- “I’ll show her the dance when she get better though.”

 

JinYoon quickly said to remedy Hoseok very worried look.

I suppose JinYoon thought his concern was because Y/N not learning the dance could back track them a bit. But very little did she know and what I was just noticed is Hoseok had feelings for Y/N.....I don’t know how I feel about this.

 

Hoseok nodded and half smiled

Hoseok- “Go ahead and I’ll meet you in the dance room.”

 

Hoseok and I were the last to leave the room after JinYoon left.

 

I know I should hold my tongue about Hoseok’s feelings.I had no place to give advice or criticism about the matter.

 

However, I teeter totter between guilt having slept with the girl one of my closed friend has a crush on and perhaps fear that might actual pursue her.

 

Yoongi- “You like Y/N huh Hoseok?”

As we walked out of the room. This clearly caught him off guard.

 

Hoseok- “That noticeable?”

 

Yoongi- “A little, Or at least to me it is. And you know if I notice, Namjoon is going to say something.”

 

Hoseok- “He did, like a month ago. Remind me that although dating is not forbidden it's not recommended.”

 

A month ago! Where was I?

Now that I think about it, I wasn't doing much socializing a month ago. I was way too busy being a producer as well as maintaining my position with BTS and.....other stress.

 

Hoseok- “I’m surprise you noticed Yoongi. I didn't think you concern yourself with such things. You being busy and all.

 

Yoongi- “I guess I wasn't particularly the greatest friend huh?”

 

Hoseok- “No, no I get it. You work really hard. Sometimes I worry you're gonna burn yourself out.”

 

I made a slight grin to him to show my appreciation for his concern. But internally the guilt was tearing me up.

 

Yoongi- “so are you going to ask her out?”

 

Hoseok- “It might not be a good idea. You know people talk and our fans might not like it.”

 

I nodded but kept silent.

There was nothing I could say to him, or should say. It was best if I left the conversation as that.

Personally, I think Hoseok should ask her out.

What happened between Y/N and I was a one time thing. It would be unfair to think he couldn’t.

 

I didn't bother going home that night. Except for the three hours of dance practice, I got nothing done. Which means another late night.

Despite my internal conflict of Hoseok admitting his feelings for Y/N, I still caught myself texting out unsent messages. One stayed typed out on my phone for hours while I worked at the studio. When I took a mental break, I’d go back to it.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

About what Min YoonGi, what can you possibly have to talk about?

 

Was I worried that she would rat me out? No she wouldn’t. It was the essence of the blackmail.

Did I want to apologize? Maybe. I genuinely felt bad.....but sorry wasn't what I felt. As terrible as it might be I didn't regret what I did.

 

I quickly deleted the message and packed up my stuff. Midnight...and still nothing done.

 

At night, when nobody was around, the office building was, creepy. It wasn't unusual I stayed there this late, at time even spent the night. But I never liked walking the halls at this time...haunting. On my way out, there's a room that always seem to call for my attention. Most days I fight the urge due to exhaustion or being too busy. But this day, I felt it was much needed therapy. I slowly open the door and flicked on the lights to reveal the most beautiful piano I have ever seen. A gift from PDBang after the wings tour a while back. A thin layer of dust coated her beautiful white paint.

 

Yoongi- “I’m sorry baby.”

 

Wiping off some dust with my sweater I was carrying I sat down on the padded bench in front of it and started to play the first song that came to mind.

 

In low key, ‘I need you’ melody echoed the room. Playing as brightly as the light that illuminated the room. For most, these songs are a 3 to 5 minute escape from reality. For me these songs, my songs were my life. My creation, my work that I fathered into this world to make something of myself. The stress and pain of being an idol was worth it if everyone in the world had there 3 to 5 minute escape. I loved my songs.

 

And as my fingers lifted from the keys.

 

Y/N- “that was really pretty”

 

The woman who seem to be eluding me all day appeared from what seem to be nowhere.

 

Y/N- “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

 

Scared? Is that what I look like right now?

 

Yoongi- “I didn't know anyone was still in the building.”

 

I stuttered a bit but maintain a cool front. I’ll pretend like I saw her coming from a mile away.

 

Y/N- “I slept all day today, so I couldn't sleep. I’ve been hanging around here since before it closed practicing the new dance.”

 

Yoongi- “Ah, that's right. Heard you were sick.”

 

Y/N chuckled a little

Y/N- “Yeah, motion sickness. Lift off and landing is hell.”

She slowly came over to the back of the piano.

 

Y/N- “Its soooo pretty, I've never got to hear you play in person before. Jimin said you didn't play often.”

 

Yoongi- “You and Jimin talk about me often?”

 

Y/N- “I like pianos.”

She said awkwardly

 

I slowly slid over on the bench making room for her.

 

Yoongi- “want to try her?”

 

Y/N nodded excitedly and almost ran over to me. If I was from the outside looking in, I wouldn't have thought we have slept together. She truly acts as if nothing happened.

My heart pounded like drums when she sat close to me but it seem like it didn't phase her.

Her odor took me by surprise. It wasn't a bad smell, but a strong one. Like no perfume I have ever smelt. It was starting to make me dizzy.

 

Remember Yoongi, you asked if she wanted to play. You need to act cool.

 

Yoongi- “OK, Now place your hand C and B sharp-”

 

Y/N- “Um Yoongi?”

Her hands didn't move to the keys when I asked so I gave her a sideways look to analyze her face.

 

Yoongi- “You can’t read music can you?”

 

Y/N happily grinned and shook her head.

 

Y/N- “Not at all.”

Yoongi- “How the hell did you make it this far without learning how to read music?”

I said shaking my head.

 

My annoyance made me act without thinking, grabbing her hands and placing the to their starting location. But the feel of her soft hands mix with its warmth made me realizes what was happening. Play it cool....play it.

 

We press the keys together, playing a small part of the song. My touch did nothing to her, but it wrecked me. I was noticing, however that my nervousness was slowly being replaced with...heat, excitement, lust.

 

Y/N- “that wasn't so hard.”

 

Her voice broke the spell I was temporary under.

 

Yoongi- “Only cause I helped you.”

 

But I wanted so desperately to go back under.

 

Yoongi- “Want to try it on your own?”

 

Again, with a cute grin she nod and incorrectly placed her hands on the key making me grab them and place them correctly.

 

As she played, I gently rose my hands up her arms, but she didn't seem to notice. She seem too concentrated on pressing the right keys. I left one hand on her shoulder but the other seem to have wander off to her thigh. It became obvious that she notice because though her hands remained at the keys, she stopped playing.

 

I have no idea what my intention was, or why I was acting like this.

 

Yoongi- “keep playing.”

 

My excitement in my breathing was contagious. Y/N breathing was starting to match my own. But she didn't look at me or even made a verbal response. Her cute personality became something a little more submissive.

She quietly starting playing again. And again I continue where I left off. My hand at her shoulder lower itself down to her side and to her chest cupping one off her not wanting to go farther than a light touch. The other hand at her thigh started inward and slowly, so slowly progress upward. She became fully distracted when I nuzzled my lips behind her ear, taking in this strange yet sort of addicting scent. Her finger accidently pressed the wrong key loudly and halted her playing. Her hands still didn't move from the piano but mines retreated to her hips still keeping my lips to her ear. This is when I notice something hidden in her pocket. A small bluge patroding out of her jeans near her hips. Then it dawned on me.

 

Y/N- “Yoongi, didn't you say just that one time?”

 

I evaded the question

 

Yoongi- “Hey Y/N?”

I remind in my position, whispering in her ear, my hands slowly going back down her thigh.

 

Yoongi- “why did you come here at night?”

 

Y/N- “Practicing.”

Yoongi- “What with this odor?”

I could visibly see her swallow hard. I was making her nervous.

 

Y/N- “that's rude Yoongi.”

She whispered back.

 

I felt her starting to move away from me, I figured this would be the best time to pull out whatever it was that was in her pocket. I had a gut feeling that I already knew what it was. Although I was shockingly confuse when I pulled out a small glass vial with a yellow tinted liquid inside.

 

She quickly turned back to me after failing to stop me from looting her pocket. She her arms toward the vial so I raised it high, forcing her to move forward towards me in attempts to reach it.

 

Yoongi- “What is this?”

 

Y/N eyes started to water as she kept attempting to reach for it.

 

Y/N- “Yoongi please! I just made that!”

I looked back at the vial and an angry scowl at her.

 

Yoongi- “Made what?”

Y/N struggled started to slow down but her hands still reach at mine. Her eyes started to weld up in tears.

 

Y/N- “It's the same drug. I just make it into a oil so I don't have to smoke it.

 

Yoongi- “In this building?!”

I startled her with my yell in combination with the echo of the room.

 

Yoongi- “You spent the night here to make this?”

 

Y/N- “I can’t do it in my dorm!”

She yelled back this time but started to descend in volume

Y/N- “And you said no one come here at night.”

 

Yoongi- “So, You're going to keep doing this?”

I clutched at the vial, so hard I believe that Y/N thought I was going to break it. She threw her hand back at mine, Struggling hard to reach it. Both of us at still at the bench, I roughly wrapped my free arm around her waist bringing her close. My action stunned her with a sharp inhale.

 

Y/N- “Yoongi,”

She finally said after recovering from my rough action towards her.

 

Y/N- “I told you before, Taking that away from me is basically like kicking me out. I need it Yoongi. It's the only way I can perform.”

 

All day, I wanted to talk to her but I wasn't sure what I wanted to say.

 

I really had nothing say. I realize that now. I only wanted one thing from her. Because that what bad guys do, We are selfish, we take to suit our own needs. And if that means taking advantage of people vulnerabilities, so be it.

 

Without moving my arm, I pressed my hand on to hers giving her the vial. Her facial expression didn't change, like she knew how this was going to play out.

 

Yoongi- “You need it you say, I suppose that's something we have in common.”

 

She didn't pull away when I pressed my forehead on hers.

 

Yoongi- “That’s how I feel about you.”

 

Our hands, still together with the vial in between, started to lace together as I pulled her closer to tickle her lips with my own. Her other hand clutch at my shirt. Neither pulling me away it pulling me close. It was just there.

Yoongi- “Do you understand?”